Lonelihood - Blog Posts
I am that friend who walks behind everyone when the path becomes too narrow for four people.
Girls when they have big empathy and feel bad for people that hate them for no reason even thought nobody would do the same for them
I'm always so alone when I'm with people
I try to friendly, kind and not exclude anyone but, at the of the day, I'm the excluded and lonely girl, it's sometimes so hard to be there and not to be there
i picked up "watch over me" by nina lacour today after having it on my desk for almost a month now because i was afraid it wouldn't make me feel as much as "we are okay" did. and oh boy was i wrong. i don't know how she does it, but she just gets the loneliness i experience so often
i hate going to bed cuz it reminds me of how lonely i am and how much i wish to have someone to talk to, not just someone to talk to
"Weird one out"
— Forgetting one's true self to find friendship.
There's something so sad about being alone, for the sole reason that you were different. You just can't seem to fit in, you try to blend in, compete in competitions to be seen, butt into group discussions, and replacing your humor and true self to be seen, heard, and most importantly; to avoid being left out.
"You're weird."
They laugh at you, of course as a joke. They think you're quirky, a bit out of place, and awkward. You're funny to them, you're finally seen, but as a joke. It's a bitter moment for you but that's okay, it really is. It's okay because they're friendly now, right? You're their friend now, you're a part of them, all you have to do is to be funny because that's what they want from you. You need to act on this comedic persona so you'll finally have friends, don't worry they'll eventually see who you truly are once they're comfortable with you.
But they don't.
Who the hell are you kidding? You're just a casual friend to them— no, you're just an acquaintance. Oh well, you'll find other groups to try and fit in, and then you did! The kids behind class are just as quirky as you so that means they'll understand, right? With the first few you weren't so lucky but this time is different. They're different, just like you.
But they don't like you.
You don't exactly fit their archetype of what is "quirky". Unfortunately you don't fit the aesthetic they were hoping for. Even to the smaller groups you don't fit in, because they've made up their minds on who and what they are as a person. They don't know the true you since you put up too many faces to hide what's beneath, you're weird not because you're you, but because you don't even know who you are anymore.
Everyone knows you differently, in the pursuit to find companionship you've created too many faces for only one body. Which one is your true face? Do you even know yourself anymore?
It's so lonely out here.
Compiling Mirthday feels like walking through a forest of thoughts, deciding which trees to let grow and which to prune. This book is my heart in prose and poetry—a map of solitude’s hidden trails. SOLITUDE AND LONELINESS, TIME AND CHANGE, INDETITY AND EXPECTATIONS, THE ABSURDITY OF LIFE, MENTAL HEALTH AND SOCIETY EXPECTATIONS all loom in atleast all the pieces i have so far collected .
feel free to be a part of this experience here and its free mate.
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I have not much to give but I'll tear out my heart if you ask to hold it.
I find time moves more glacially in this vacuum of being alone
-s's.
the realisation that you have no actual friends is… freeing