Growing Up - Blog Posts

THE END OF THE DECADE.

THE END OF THE DECADE.

The 2010’s are ending in six hours… the thing is that I have been contemplating about writing this article for like 10 hours, or ten days, a month. End of the decade it is and we can do nothing about it. The funny thing is that past ten years have been life changing for everyone because we all grew up, some of us started the decade as 18 year olds , some stared the decade as 10 year olds, some of…

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the time when art was enough

but it doesn't satiate anymore, this "writerly" fate I once had

This piece by my high school prom date gets at why I decided to compartmentalize my childhood dreams of becoming a published writer into Vocal Media (link here: https://vocal.media/authors/james-bao-1)

On not feeling your age

I wake up and there is a teenage magpie

Sitting on the windowsill in my parents bedroom

It still wears it’s baby feathers

When the mother comes to find it they are the same size but she is sleek and sharp-beaked

high heels and pencil skirt to the unicorn-print jumper of it’s downy fluff

It sits on the windowsill, opening and closing its wings

It won’t look down, and it squawks at us when we come close, but it won’t fly away either

This summer I feel like that teenage magpie

I love this house but it’s starting to feel like something I am too old to keep

It feels like playing with your little sister just so you can have a turn with the dollhouse

Even though you’re already thirteen and you know (you know!) you’re too old

There is something in my bones that tells me I should be getting a mortgage right about now

I don’t dream about romance. I’ve no clue how people my age go about procuring that kind of thing

but sometimes I feel like I should be thinking about where to go for my wedding anniversary, or whether the babysitter will be available that night

Then I sit in the back seat of a car with my parents in the front and I feel like I should be setting my alarm for six thirty

Polishing my black lace up shoes and looking under my bed for the tie I carelessly discarded the night before

I was born middle aged and yet I’m still a child at twenty

How did everyone else learn to act their age when I wasn’t looking?

Maybe I have arrested my own development

Because I don’t want to outgrow this yet

This bedroom, this seat at the dinner table, this spot next to my mother on the couch at night

This life tastes sweet like orange juice

But I wonder where everyone else is getting the vodka I’m watching them add

I always thought that I was just naturally terrible at communicating thoughts. Then I was talking with my mom and I noticed that she never let me finish a thought or say all my reasoning.

I'm bad because I never had someone who would let me finish growing up. So when people do I stumble expecting to be interrupted or think I am talking far to long.

it’s so scary to think that in a few months i’ll be over 500km away from my family. From my mom. Being completely responsible for myself.

Even though I’ve always been in love with the idea of being independent, lately I just wish I could stay a kid forever. I believe what hurts me the most about growing up is leaving old me behind. I miss my six year old soul, I don’t wanna miss seventeen.

The Triangle

Growing up is realizing that Riley, Maya, and Lucas should have been a throuple.

The most unrealistic thing about those senior mirror of the triangle (Thor, Nikki, and Francesca) is that they didn’t come in and say. “Triangle? Ya, we’ve been there, but then we realized that we (Nikki and Francesca) like each other too. It all just kinda fell into place after that.”

Considering that they both tried to give the other their happiness (“he’s like my brother” both times) and the fact that the triangle has lasted so long, mostly without major jealousy, (they talk in out like a functional poly relationship) they should’ve. And they didn’t. Because it’s Disney.

*basking aggressively*

mid march mantra

Just. Look.

i hate it when i cant even write a poem about something because its too obvious. like in the airbnb i was at i guess it used to be a kids room cause you could see the imprint of one little glow in the dark star that had been missed and painted over in landlord white. like that's a poem already what's the point

Your bones carry the past and the future. Your soul is beyond time. Knowledge and love exist beyond time. If you feel heavy it is because you are carrying generations of memories and endless possibilities.

Someday your hands will be old and wrinkled, the skin spotted and bunching over your knuckles. And a child will watch you make something. It's a simple task, you'll have done it a thousand times before. But to that child, the smooth, confident way your hands move will seem like impossible magic. You have to keep living.

I remember Anne Shirley said something like 'Why does everyone have to grow up, and get married, and change?!'

But I say, let them. Let the caterpillars become butterflies. Let the owlets spread their wings.

I was so scared of that feeling growing up. I was literally terrified of change.

But now the sky opens up before me and says "fly!"

And who am I to disobey her?

why didnt anybody tell me

that growing up

got so hard

Growing Pains

I’ve been looking at my body lately

Seeing how it grows

How it’s shaped

How it moves

At first it was fun

Feeling myself being all attractive and cute

Stretch marks on my butt meaning it’s getting bigger is a real confidence booster

But yet

I don’t stop growing

My face is changing

My legs are changing

My skin is taking different textures

It’s a little bit terrifying

And what about senior year?

So close to college

What do I do then?

With a major that is fueled purely by a dream

By a life long passion

I may enjoy it

But for how long?

Will it grow old?

I’m getting older

And I’m scared for what the world has in store for me.

It’s really just now hitting me

That I’m not going to be a child soon

What’s sad is that I don’t feel too much different

I feel more self reliant

Confident in myself

But the part where I understand the cruelty of people and the world has stayed the same

I already knew it too well.

I feel humble

At ease

But also, I feel like a kid that’s not ready

I feel like my body is growing out of my soul

Maybe not that…

Maybe my soul is trying it’s hardest to stretch

So it can fit the shape of my body

I wanna stay a kid

But still have freedom

Is this an option?

For years

And years

I’ve had a mirror in front of my bed

And my gaze would always go to it

I looked at myself

At my reflection

Thinking back to how I was

What I used to see in that reflection

Is so jarring

Growing up may be scary

But it’s also so beautiful

I feel grown

But still young enough to enjoy my life

This is the part

Where I leave my worries behind

Where I enjoy myself

Where I am confident but humble

Where I stop caring about others

And just let me be me

Because this may be the last time that I’m able to do that.

This year

Senior year.

I'm old? But I've been young for so many years how can you just take that away from me?

i miss being a kid

The truth is none of us want to be adults..

I have held that title for a very long time!!

"When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people."

- Abraham Joshua Heschel

Preach🙌

- Embeccy

He grows up

My Baby ;_;

Sora: The Evolution

Finally his feet are somewhat in proportion with the rest of his body.

Would anyone want a video on how I went from dressing in decora kei to, this?

Lol idk what to call my current style. I just do what I want

Can you believe I used to NEVER wear black? I only dressed in rainbows for 6 years. Then on day I decided to dress like this:

Growing up is crazy

Just a reminder to all the people self sabotaging themselves

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

Mate, I am not writing or creating or arting any shit. Mate, I am screaming, like some have screamed while smiling, and others have screamed in circles of friends who never heard them.

3:19 AM What’s around me is sleep. What’s within me are thoughts dancing on songs I hate to hear.

3:20 AM now And I’m done with this prose— or to put it right, I’m done with this observation.

How I love the beer company ads of non drinkers. They fully mirror the kind of world we are in, how it fucks us up and then advertises itself as a better place to live in.