Changing - Blog Posts

Still the desire of sending you music.

Changing

No one ever said changing for the better would be easy. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to doing the things that I used to but…. When I look back at those times, I realize the same thing over and over again. There’s no point in doing something that will just hurt you more in the end.

If someone asked me what I thought about myself a month ago, I would’ve told them: “I wish I could die but not really.” Being asked the same question now, I answer with: “it’s complicated. It’s hard respecting and fully loving myself while being constantly told what my faults are.” I want more for myself. I want to care. Sure, this is actually a new thing for me. I’ll be honest with you; it’s weird and sometimes I think it’s pointless. I’m not really one for showing those closest to me how I really feel. I’m so used to hiding my feelings that now when I try to express myself it can be misunderstood.

Nowadays I am taking care of myself more and focusing on myself which has caused me to stop doing the things that I used to. I feel bad for the people I used to talk to because I never got to explain anything to them. I just had left them without saying goodbye. Sometimes I wish I could tell them what’s been going on and how I am doing but then I remember one minor detail. They don’t care about me nor will they ever. 

No matter how much I wish this wasn’t true it is…. And inevitably, I’m alone during this self-transformation for the better.

Would anyone want a video on how I went from dressing in decora kei to, this?

Lol idk what to call my current style. I just do what I want

“I am going to change, I promise” I never knew that changing could mean leaving Maybe not even you knew Maybe no one could

I saw that; I saw you How you kept your promise of changing How you and your mind drifted away every day a little bit more a little bit more away from me away from staying

I changed to stop you from leaving No matter how similar we may be Our words may sound the same But changing never meant leaving to me

Like I never meant home to you