I Hate My Body - Blog Posts

I act out in hopes that I won't be left alone. I speak loudly in hopes that people will listen. I take fast in hopes that I don't bore people. I say everything I can in hopes that people won't forget. I do so much to try and have friends but at the end of the day I'm just the weird girl who says unhinged stuff. I just want to not feel alone for once. I want to be able to do the things I dream about with someone else. I sacrifice what I want so that someone will stick with me, but I never get that in return. I let them treat me like shit because at least they acknowledge me. I'm alone even when I'm surrounded by my friends because I know they would choose each other over me.

I'm gonna actually chuck myself off the side of a building. I can't do this anymore. Life actually hates me. Everything keeps going wrong, but then it dangles something nice right in front of my face, just to snap it in half. I'm just so tired. I can't do this anymore. I am one more bad event away from ending it all. Stop pushing me to my breaking point, PLEASE!!!!

Help

okay guys i need some serious help i thought i was trans like i thought long and hard about that i've been debating it since i was 14. but then i remembered the first time i ever came out to someone i was agender/non-binary(when i was 12-13). and so i thought what if i am agender and just want to be in a normalized gender(male/female). like honestly i feel like that would make sense because like sometimes yeah i feel okayish in my body but then not? ohmygod help im having a serious crisis💀😭😰😔😥😬😧

I can't even look at myself right now, I'm disgusted by my body

I hate cramps

Ugly crying in the bathroom of the gym rt if you agree

🎀Why🎀 can't🎀 I🎀 just🎀 be🎀 those 🎀 anorexic🎀 girls🎀 with 🎀my 🎀knees🎀 to🎀 my🎀 chest🎀 next 🎀to🎀 my 🎀bath🎀 tub 🎀making🎀 sad🎀 depressed🎀 tiktoks?? 🎀

HUH TELL ME FUCKING WHY

i hate being recorded or having photos taken so having a 5 minute long video of me trying to dance to legally blonde out there for everyone to see is making me want to kms

Y’all… I wanna do GVM ship art 😭 but I need ideas…

I’m currently sick, so I’m going to imagine if the frat pack realized my character was sick.

Alea was usally the one to wake before everyone else. SIt was always a bad habit of herself to be awake first and before everyone else. It’s why she was so caught off gaurd to see Kaidan and Willow Springs, her shield siblings, awake first within the camp.

Kaidan seemed to not have gotten that much sleep, while Willow looked like she got a wink of sleep. She was much to be busy looking like hell. Her scarlet hair seemed to be in disarray, and almost everywhere. Her emerald eyes seemed to be looking almost blood shot, and exhausted. Her nose seemed to have tinted of red, showing signs of buffyness. Along with her Wood Elf ears, were with tinted red tip.

Kaidan didn’t seem all that better, he seemed to have been awake almost all night for Willow’s sake. He kept close, but keeping his distance in order to stop himself from keep sick. Although, Alea could tell he wanted to be there for her.

“Hey, Alea.” Willow waved at her, while under Kaidan’s cloak that seemed to be handed to her. She kept her distance away from the group, and sat against the wooden post near the den of pillows and blankets. Her voice seemed to be raw, and dry.

“Hello, shield sister.” Alea waved back, her voice filled with concern. She was about to step closer, but seeemed to be stopped when Willow held up her hand and shook her head. “Are you alright?” She asked, keeping her distance like Willow asked.

“She would’ve been if she asked earlier for help.” Kaidan explained blatantly, while stirring the cook pot. Which Alea assumed would be filled with food for Willow. Speaking of which, the wood Elf rolled their eyes at the comment and puffed their lips.

“Oh, please Kai. You know I didn’t realize that it was bad until last night.” Willow groaned, while leaning back against her shoulders. She sighed, and coughed violently. It sounded crisp and loud. No matter how much Willow tried to cover it up with her hands. As she felt embarrassed with coughing so loudly.

Alea felt her eyes soften as she looked at Willow’s vulnerable state. She looked over at Kaidan’s, and saw how much worry and concern that was in her shield brother. He looked like he was so close to just crushing Willow in his embrace, wanting her sickness just to end so he can hold her. She walked over to the man who was silently stirring, and grabbed the spoon.

“I’ll take over, you watch over Willow.” Alea had explained, letting herself tske over the crock pot. Kaidan seemed hesitant, but it all it took was Willow’s state as she soon enough coughed again, this time more violently.

He nodded, and knelt beside her. Alea didn’t even realize that he had a wooden bucket near him with a steaming rag inside. He dipped his hands in it, and grabbed it and pushed it against Willow’s forehead. Her already flushed face seemed to be redden at the action, and looked away flustery. Kaidan seemed to soften at that, but kept focused on her health.

“You’re dumb, love. you know that?” Kaidan scolded softly, as he continued to press the wash cloth over her forehead.

“Yeah, that’s what you love about me.” Willow Smiled at him, with a laugh. She seemed unbothered by her sickness, dispite it taking a toll on her.

“That, I do know.” Kaidan whispered, looking at her with melted eyes. He dipped in the cloth in water, and squeezed imthe water out of it.

“As much as I appreciate the looks and the moment, but what in the fuck Is happening?” All three almost jumped at the voice, and looked over to see who it was. And saw it was one of the twins. farkas to be exact. He seemed to be holding a cold gesture, but his eyes seemed to hold such concern over Willow.

“Well, brother, Willow is sick, and Kaidan being a love struck lad about it.” Kaidan flushed a bit at Alea’s comment, as Willow smiled and waved brightly at Farkas. As the brother walked over near Alea to help her cook.

“Maybe add healing herbs, we want her to get better. Not feed her.” Farkas explained, grabbbing some of the healing herb that Willow usually gathered on her adventures in one of the chests near the Alchemy station. Kaidan seemed to grumble about “it of course itsn’t enough for the over protective brother.” Which Willow seemed to pat Kaidan’s head at the comment.

“Here,” he explained, giving Alea some herbs that he remembered reading up about it. Usually not one to read, although he remembered seeing it on the pages that Willow ranted about in her alchemy interest.

“Thank you brother,” Alea muttered taking the herb and placing it in the cooking pot. She quickly stirred it in, mixing it with the other ingredients. She hoped it would leave an effect on Willow’s Body. Usally Willow wouldn’t be one to catch diseases due to her Bosmer blood, if anything she would be the last one to be sick.

Farkas quickly sat beside the campfire warming himself up, while keeping intense eye on Willow. Who slumped forward in their knees, while seemed to show a bothered expression. More likely getting frustrated with being sick.

“I’m assuming that our wolfling is sick?” Vilkas had stated, stepping out of the shadows. Willow seemed to be the only one startled, seeing as their state they were keen on their sense like the rest of the pack was.

“Aye. And it seemed like she decided to wait the very last second for it.” Farkas had stated, furrowing his brows towards Willow. Who in turn gave him a rude hand gesture while not even looking at him. Which in turn gave the stronger twin a roll of the eyes.

“Oh for the love of Mara. I didn’t know it would turn out this-“ Willow was soon interrupted with their violent cough, which seemed frustrated once more. “Curse my bosmer blood not doing jack shit about this disease.” Willow cursed, while Kaidan chuckled a bit at her theatrical performance.

“It might hurt be the fact that you haven’t given a chance of your body letting you heal.” Vilkas had stated, going over near Alea to help her a bit. “You have been traveling for a while.” He explained, looking at Willow.

She seemed to be taking in the piece of knowledge, and groaned. Realizing that Vilkas was indeed right. It’s been a while since their last rest, the last one she could remember was when they made a stop to an inn after getting an artifact for the museum. Which was about a week ago. They didn’t really stop due to Willow’s need to collect more for Auryen.

“I’m so fucking stupid.” Willow muttered, it wasn’t until she felt a bowl of soup in her lap. She looked over to handed to her, and realized it was her husband. He had a big and caring smile at her. And Willow flushed under his face, and took it. She took the spoon that was in the bowl and slurped up the soup.

“It’s alright, love.” Kaidan had comforted her, rubbing the back of Willow. “Just focus on getting better.” Willow nodded, while chewing on the chunky meat that Kaidan added. Which Willow had seemed to like very much, she could feel the meat getting crushed with her sharp bosmer teeth.

“How about you slow down on the soup a bit, puppy. don’t want your heart to be on fire. Much like Kaidan’s.” Vilkas had joked, sitting next to his brother. Willow looked up from the bowl in confusion, while Kaidan blushed intently at the comment.

Alea knocked the back of Vilkas’s head softly, which Farkas had laughed about it, and looked back at the drangobborn and the Akaviri. “Why don’t you rest a bit, and Kaidan chop up more wood for us.” She had requested out of the two. Willow drooped a bit from the request to sleeping, but sighed and nodded in agreement. Kaidan nodded in agreement, and got up.

Kaidan brushed his soften hand against Willow’s redden hair, and kissed her forehead. Which she looked away flusteredly, and continued to eat the soup. “Get some sleep, Willow, you know I’ll be here when you wake up.” She nodded and clasped her hand onto Kaidan’s. Kaidan walked outside the tent, grabbed the axe, and went to the chopping block.

After Willow finished the rest of the soup form her bowl, she handed over to Alea. “I’ll give you some more after your rest.” Her sister had muttered to her, and continued to stire. Willow nodded in understanding, and crawled over to the den.

She leaned back, feeling the warmth of the furs. She grabbed the blanket, and nuzzled into it. She looked over at the chest near her feet, and saw it looked like it was recently opened. It seemed like Kaidan made a letter for her last time she was in the tent. She sighed, and would remind herself for later to read it.

She closed her eyes for a moment, to hear her husband chopping the wood, to hear Alea stirring the pot, to hear the wolf twins’ banter, and the leaves brushing against the winds. She smile, feeling herself at home in the tent. And before she knew she slept.