Im Alone - Blog Posts

I act out in hopes that I won't be left alone. I speak loudly in hopes that people will listen. I take fast in hopes that I don't bore people. I say everything I can in hopes that people won't forget. I do so much to try and have friends but at the end of the day I'm just the weird girl who says unhinged stuff. I just want to not feel alone for once. I want to be able to do the things I dream about with someone else. I sacrifice what I want so that someone will stick with me, but I never get that in return. I let them treat me like shit because at least they acknowledge me. I'm alone even when I'm surrounded by my friends because I know they would choose each other over me.

Ty for the tag!! Idfk who to tag since you've tagged literally all of my friends

Last song: RISK, RISK, RISK! By Jharia

Favorite color: Red, specifically a burghundy kind of red

Last fanfic: Dr Zomboss x reader lemon

Last movie: Rataoullie(Ive watched it 78 times)

Last tv show: Digital Cirus

Sweet Spicy or Savoury: Savoury, comfort food kinda vibe

Last thing Ive googeled: dont trust your thoughts after 9PM meme

Relationship status: Aroace the only romance I want is friendship

Looking forward to: little nightmares 3

Ten People I'd Like to Know Tag: tagged by @retradwife ᓚ₍⑅^..^₎♡

Last song: bambi by aziya...

Favorite color: refused to have one since i watched ex machina

Last book: Backup and Recovery: Inexpensive Backup Solutions for Open Systems

Last movie: ...fight club for the millionth time

Last TV show: the first few episodes of how to get away with murder a month or so ago

Sweet/spicy/savory: savory

Relationship status: forever alone

Last thing I Googled: norway prison food (i'm so fucking jealous)

Current obsession(s): true crime and tumblr girls and being normal

Looking forward to: being an aunt :p

Tagging: @irkutskmmaniacs @bbbbasenji @rh1nest0neluvvsu @eloras-account @dread-and-despair-dyke @rivetsiege @bethelgirl @au-hemeanssomething @anthraxoddity @harvonite and anyone else i've ever interacted with ever

“Do what you can, but nothing will take your pain away when you realize you're not truly loved by anyone.”

I hope someday someone cares enough to look at my art and ask abt it's meaning

one of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night - margaret mead

light means nothing when your mind is dark

dizzyingly alone, me and the metal chamber.

👽🛸🪐

February 8, 2021

~Loneliness~

Last night had to of been another horrifying thing I went through and experience. Dealing with someone who has deep dark depression and energy is draining. It can effect you. It hurt my spirit to have gone through someone who were using inhuman activity and words towards me. What have I done? I’ve done nothing but to try to be an example of a better person and someone who is healing. My spiritual warfare I’ve been dealing with has not been easy. It’s been to break me down. Only thing I’m still standing is because of God. As much as I want to surrender. At the same time I can’t. I know things in life won’t get easier. But it’s never right to put the blame on others. Own up to your own mistakes and lessons and learn from them. She never wanted to. But uses me as a punching bag to put anger on me. As if I don’t feel alone in this world. I am lonely. I’ve been feeling like this for years. But I know spiritually I’m not alone because I have Jesus by my side. But oh my how my physical self feels like it’s just shattered in pieces. Toxic people who have no hope or faith will be the ones to way you down. But why is it a parent of mine. So many skeletons in my closet I’ve been hiding for years and why add more on to them? I don’t have any friends. No one. It’s just me. I just want to be with the Lord. I can’t handle the emptiness that’s in my chest. Save me! I say to God. Why am I always alone. Then a voice in my head tells me. “You’re not alone I’ve always been with you by side.” Just notice me.

Simply why I don’t speak on a person too soon, because I know in the end their colors will truly show.

You're lonely?

You mean you write down all your feelings in a journal or as a note in your phone because you have no one to pour them out to who can truly understand you.

Prodigy of 7

I am a broken burnt out child prodigy I could speak a mile a minute Words were my freedom My liberty

My tongue was cut when I was 7 My heart was burning with the anger and disappointment of a million My mother My father My friends My teachers

Too many people thought me to be "brave" "intelligent" "independent" "strong"

Yet all along I was "Afraid" "Alone" "Fragile"

I was never independent I thought I couldn't rely on anyone I thought I was alone

This must have been why I tried so hard on my grades This must have been why I crashed one too many times

I am a burnt out and broken child prodigy I was...