Jschlatt - Blog Posts

Underchuckle sandwichtale

underchuckle sandwichtale

also heres them talking

guys… wtf did i just make

scratt

hay guys! sorry i’ve been SUPER inactive, my mental health has been in the dumps and i started therapy again so my priorities have been elsewhere lately. BUT! im gonna start going through my ask box soon and try my best to start getting things out. love yall!

THIS BUT SCHLATT

🫠🥵🥹☠️😈

omg this has been sitting in my inbox for so fucking long i’m so sorry i don’t deserve yall! but anywho

i feel like this would have to be him after getting home from like recording a chuckle sandwich episode at ted’s or something. like he’s been gone for more than an hour so OF COURSE he misses you so much and being in you.

and as soon as he gets home he runs to the bedroom and like swan dives into the bed- and you end up sitting there like that for an hour silently enjoying each other company while you scroll on your phone <3

until he inevitably gets too horny and bored and rails the shit out of you

OKAY i was scrolling through some old posts of mine, and i saw the one where anon requested i continue midnight babysitting AND i think im gonna. (ps if you have any last minute requests PLEASE tell me and i’ll try to work them in <3)

also tagging other kai bcuz i thought they’d be excited <3 @bvnnyblood

AFEISGSJ I SAW YOU IN MY IN OX TODAY ADN I FREAKED OUT OMG I’VE MISSED YOIUUUU

IVE MISSED YOU TOO KAIIII <3

jumping back in the schlatt fandom ass first with this post because i’ve been binging his vods in the background while i work

Schlatt when a dono came in calling you hot

Working on requests today! (or at least trying to…)

Is there gonna be anymore Midnight Babysitting with Jschlatt? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻. Been thinking about it real bad lately

Sadly, no i don’t think so. i’m not sure where i would continue the series and where it would go from there. if people wanna give recommendations and ideas for the plot they want, i’ll totally reconsider picking it back up. until then, Midnight Babysitting will stay a two-part series

100 posts!

Goddamn already? Weow

Thinking aboutbworking on a request soon... I got sick the day after I got home from Alaska and have been sick since 😭

I missed the exact mark, but it doesn't matter. We hit 200 followers! I love you guys and I am very glad you enjoy my work as much as you do.

i keep re-reading “midnight babysitting” and it just gets better 👏EVERY👏SINGLE👏TIME👏

Just doing my job ;)

I am so sorry about that long hiatus, I was in Alaska all week and didn't have any internet. But I'm back and ready to answer asks!

Midnight Babysitting Part 2

Part 1

Summary: You drive over in the middle of the night to help Schlatt with his daughter, Lily, and things quickly turn....for the better?

Warnings: Cursing, Smut, implied divorce, my old ass talking about 90s cartoons, schlatt hating his ex wife (calls her a bitch), rough sex, Dom/sub dynamics, Shitty foreplay?, Pet names (Sir, Bunny)

You pulled in to the familiar driveway after what felt like barely a second, you must have zoned out. You sigh as you close the car door and walk up to his house. You rap quietly on the door, on the off chance that Lily had actually gone to sleep.

"Hey, thanks for coming so late. Uh, Lily's in the living room." He opened the door in just a pair of sweatpants, looking exhausted. You turned the corner into the living room and there she was, watching late night cartoons, happy as a clam. You strode over and her face immediately lit up.

"Y/N! Watch Rocko wi me!" She said, tugging on your arm gently. You sigh, she really wasn't going to be easy tonight.

"Lily, you've got to go to sleep. You have school in the morning." You felt your heart sink as she stuck out her bottom lip in the most adorable pout you've ever seen.

"But, I o wanna..." She sniffled, trying to guilt trip you. You smiled as you sat down next to her.

"How about this, if I spend the night and promise to be here and make you breakfast when you wake up, will you go to bed?" A sense of relief washed over you as she smiled and nodded happily.

"Read to me first! Pwease?" She wasn't the best with L's. You nod and flash a small smile at Schlatt as she tugs you upstairs and into her room. You grab an edition of Cinderella and she hopped in bed almost immediately.

Almost 25 minutes and three story books later, she was finally asleep. You closed the last book and put it back on the shelf, placing a small kiss on her forehead and brushing the blonde hair off her head before closing the door. You almost jumped out of your skin when you turned around to see Schlatt right behind you. He wrapped you into a warm hug, which you quickly reciprocated after you got over the initial shock.

"Thank you... You have no idea how long I've been trying to put her to sleep." He sighed happily into your ear, causing butterflies to make a home in your stomach. He smelled amazing, a mix of the fresh scent of rain and some expensive, intoxicating cologne.

"No uh... no problem. I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this." You smiled warmly at him. He walked downstairs and towards his office, motioning for you to follow.

"I know, I just.... I wish I could show you how thankful I am." He spoke in an almost accidentally seductive way. You felt your breath hitch as his lips ghosted over your jugular.

"What- what about your wife?" You whimpered pathetically in an attempt to ground yourself.

"Please, Julie's been out of the picture since Lily was born. That bitch... It's just you and me~" His lips trailed gentle kisses down your jaw and up to yours.

"It's so cute how much Lily loves you..." His lips were barely inches from yours as he spoke. Fuck it. You slammed your lips against his and he grunted in surprise. You were quick to tangle your fingers into his hair, tugging and earning a moan into your mouth. You would have to use that later.

He pushed you on top of his desk and shoved his hard cock up against your groin. He groaned out and started grinding against you. The way his hips moved with precision, you wondered why his wife would leave in the first place.

"Please!"

"Please what, bunny?" He leaned down to your ear, "You're gonna have to speak up~" he whispered beautifully.

"Fuck me, please?" You glanced up at him with puppy dog eyes that you knew he just couldn't ignore. He groaned and nodded, pulling down his and your trousers and knickers with succession.

"You feel how hard I am? Hmm? Up against that pretty hole of yours..." He looked up at you as he slowly pushed in, stretching you deliciously. You both groaned in unison as he bottomed out, tip already brushing up against that spot.

"Fuck, Sir!" You yelled out before Schlatt could clap his hand over your mouth, but he quickly shushed you as he started thrusting.

"Lily's asleep upstairs, bunny. You've gotta be quiet for me." You whined against his hand in response, looking up at him, "I know it feels good, I know, but we can't wake her up." He continued his harsh pace, opening your top with his free hand and rubbing your nipples, earning a shuddering moan against his palm.

His brows furrowed and he groaned and grunted perfectly with each timed thrust. You pulled his hand off for a second to squeak out one word, not trusting your voice to speak normally.

"Close!" You moved his and your hand back over your mouth, quickly covering up the moan that slipped out as you clenched around him.

"Fuck yeah, I'm close too bunny, go ahead and cum on my cock." He kissed your swollen lips, covering up your shared moans. He groaned into your mouth as your walls fluttered around him once more, cumming with you. He pulled out once he was done and looked at you, smiling happily.

He placed a kiss on your forehead and held you tight, carrying you up to his room, letting you get some well deserved rest.

@bvnnyblood

Tis in the making. Mwahahahaha >:)

@bvnnyblood

dilf!schlatt with young adult!reader who babysits his daughter every weekend while he’s out on business trips. dilf!schlatt who starts to notice how good of a parent you would be to his sweet little girl. dilf!schlatt making up excuses for you to come over his house and spend the night. dilf!schlatt railing the shit out of you after you put his daughter to bed and him covering your mouth with his hand in order to keep you quiet.

sorry i’m very tired and very horny and i haven’t stopped thinking about this :)

YES OH MY GOD IMMEDIATELY! I am 100 percent doing this right now. This is only part one ;)

Warnings: Basically just one use of "fucking"

Part 2 coming soon...

Midnight Babysitting

You were startled awake by a phone ringing. Schlatt. He was the only one who could be calling you at 11 pm. Whether it was to tell him what to read to her, or coming over because he just couldn't get her to eat her dinner, it had to be him.

Of course, he was the only one whose house you would visit at 11 pm as well.

"Hello?" You didn't realize just how groggy you sounded until you spoke.

"Hey, I'm really sorry to be calling you this late, but Lily won't go to bed. I've tried everything and she just won't stop talking about you so I had to call you." The fake guilt just pouring from his lips as he continued.

"Yeah, no problem, I can come help."

"Are you sure? Because I can keep trying if you wa-"

"J, you called me at eleven, woke me up, and arent expecting me to come? You must be out of your fucking mind. I'll be there in ten."

Where.

Where did you get the image.

Of Schlatt with his hand in his trousers.

What stream. What video. What timestamp.

Please and thank you.

-☾🔆

I'm going to be honest with you, I don't remember. I was going through my gallery and found it. (Probs Pinterest or smth tho :/)

Edit: a lovely human sent me the link for it so here it is: https://youtu.be/XxNsi0UVbCg

Look at around 2:10 ;)

okay but like hear me out-

dilf!schlatt.

Kai, i love you so much, you make my day so much better <3 but yes, ABSOLUTELY! (Quick after thought, I got kinda carried away so this went from an ask answer to a "I will be writing a multi-chapter fic of this v soon")

The Best Neighbor

I always imagine dilf!schlatt with a daughter so I can imagine that when you first move into the neighborhood and this sexy single father sees you, he is IMMEDIATELY asking his daughter to help him make cupcakes-

And he walks up with that fucking black button up on, feeling like a million bucks until he rings your doorbell. And he gets all flustered but he hides it well, and him and his daughter welcome you with the cupcakes. You find yourself slowly but surely getting closer to this man.

And as time goes by, you go from acquaintances to friends. And friends to besties. And besties to him fucking you over his desk while his daughter's at her friends house.

i have some king!schlatt brainrot rn and i’m just thinking of being his queen and him spoiling me with the best that riches can buy and every little thing he does is out of pure adoration and love and cockwarming at council meetings and jousting matches 😇

OHOHOHOHO YESSSS. Don't mind the fact that I'm writing this on my walk home from the bus, BUT

The way he would sit you on his cock as he signs documents and sings softly to you and the slight whispers of how good you're being when he finishes the song before moving to the next. I love this man with all my heart- HWJDBDJS

The best answer ever

Haha, ignore the fact that I'm hiding in the bathroom from my prof, but hear me out. The way Schlatt would be so soft and hide all his kinks the first time you two have sex and then you bring up how nice his hands look and he's like "...😐...😏"

And the way he would choke you is just- jdjebfkdndhfksbd

i’d hide from my professor too i can’t blame you 😭

as soon as you’d say that he’d ask to “c’mere” and when you turn to face him his hand wraps around your throat and just starts full on making out with you and jsnssssisuebwbeegdusksjehrydjhhsdh

This FUCKING picture of schlatt made me WEAK IM DROPPING OUT. I GOTTA GO I GOTTA GO I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

SCREAMING WITHOUT THE S ON GOD!

Edit: https://youtu.be/XxNsi0UVbCg (2:10 ;))

Ask box is CLOSED, but feel free to say hi or talk!

PSA: I don’t control wtf you do on the internet, i’m not your mommy. But, if you see one of my fics and one of the warnings will make you uncomfortable, don’t read it. Also, minors, please don’t interact for your own sake

Anons: 🌙☀️, Roman

Masterlist

Audio Masterlist

I write for all pronouns, specify in your ask which you want! If not specified or your pronouns aren't listed in your account, it will be gender neutral

If i’m not comfortable writing what you’ve asked, it will be ignored. If you want to know if you’ve been ignored, check my masterlist the next day, i add every ask there asap

Who I write for:

Chuckle Sandwich

Certain Slashers (Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, the Sinclair brothers, Herbert West, Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Billy Lenz, Thomas Hewitt, Bubba Sawyer, Brahms Heelshire, Charlie Walker, Patrick Bateman)

Some stranger things (Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, robin Buckley, Nancy wheeler, Johnathan byers, Billy Hargrove)

Certain band members (Kurt Cobain, Saul “Slash” Hudson, Axl Rose, Jonathan Davis, Brian “Head” Welch)

Some AHS (Tate Langdon, Violet Harmon, Kit Walker, Kai Anderson, Jimmy Darling, Kyle Spencer[both before and after resurrection], James Patrick March)

Loki Laufeyson

Joseph Quinn

Some dbd killers (Danny, Michael, joey)

Tangerine (Bullet Train)

The Walking Dead (Daryl Dixon, Negan Smith, Rick Grimes, Carol Peletier)

The Lost Boys (Paul, Marko, Dwayne, David)

Jack Thurlow (Jack Goes Home)

Gabriel (Gabriel 2014)

Clyde (Electrick Children)

Danny Cooper (Intruders 2015)

Ollie Sway (Song of Sway Lake)

Good Omens (Crowley, Aziraphale)

ViewAskewnverse (Jay, Silent Bob, Randall, Dante, Alyssa)

Motley Crue (Nikki, Tommy, Mick, Vince)

Metallica (James, Lars, Kirk, Cliff)

(Thats all I can think of for now. Please feel free to ask questions!)

What I won't write:

Child x adult smut

Zoophile

Furries (idk how it works)

Piss and shit kinks, foot fetishes, etc.

Suicide (it brings up some shitty memories)

This blog is a safe place. Racists, homophobes, etc, Get lost!

-Kai <3

Omg j slat was sitting next to me at school (this wasn’t in my main classroom so I just added the small h)

hey guys! let’s talk about something called narrative distance. 

you’ve probably heard of it before! narrative distance is the degree of separation between the reader and the narrator or character in the story. first person vs. third person is a good way to show narrative distance: consider how “I stomped inside, the pavement burning the soles of my feet, my wet hair sticking to the back of my sweaty neck, so hot my skin felt like it was melting” feels compared to the more impersonal “Jack stormed in, his face flushed with heat”. 

now let’s be incredibly pretentious and translate narrative distance to minecraft roleplay. in this sense, a regular ranboo semi-lore stream where we watch c!ranboo spill all his deepest fears while recounting his thought process would be the equivalent of first person. there is very little distance between c!ranboo and the viewer. we get to see and hear and know everything c!ranboo sees and hears and knows, and if he doesn’t know something, we don’t know it either. 

a tftsmp stream would be the equivalent of third person: we see c!karl in brief segments where he doesn’t reveal any inner thoughts or conflict, and the more edited and produced format means we’re separated from the character himself and the normally first-person minecraft experience. we aren’t seeing the world through his eyes, we’re watching his life from a bird’s eye view. 

narrative distance can affect how we view characters and how sympathetic we are towards them. for example, during the exile arc, the viewers are firmly in c!tommy’s shoes, seeing everything that happens to him, hearing all his thoughts, living his life in the first person perspective nonstop for two weeks. we’re so incredibly close to c!tommy that c!dream’s arrival feels like a jumpscare. for contrast, when c!quackity’s torture of c!dream is mentioned or shown, it’s sanitized by production value, editing, montages, discretion cuts, and music overlaid on top. when the viewers get to see the characters interacting, they cut in after the gruesome bits are over, and it’s at most a ten minute snippet that’s not from the perspective of the victim. 

although c!dream is the victim in this situation, it’s harder to see him as such and feel sympathetic, because it’s so very impersonal. the torture is more a word-of-god concept than an actual scene, because we never see it. we get very little idea of its effects, and on top of that, c!dream doesn’t even have a perspective to watch. compare to c!tommy, whose abuse was laid out in gritty detail, and whose cc has painstakingly acted out the lingering trauma in every stream since– which happen to be mainly in an unedited slice-of-life style. and we can connect that to the difficulty in viewing c!dream sympathetically as well: we as viewers were very close to a storyline where c!dream was a villain, and very separate from the storyline where he’s a victim. which impression of the character do you think would be stronger?

narrative distance contributes to how we view villains. c!schlatt is gleefully hated, a static but well-rounded character that we don’t feel any sympathy for. the viewers are distanced from him because he doesn’t have a perspective and only shows up for plot-related events on others’ streams or for comedy bits. nobody tries to look into his motivations and nobody’s sad when he dies. we’re not close to him, we don’t understand him, and we don’t need to.  

then there’s c!quackity, who we watch go from a regular funnyman to an idealistic politician to a ruthless but caring advisor to a manipulative asshole focused on power. we walk in his shoes for every step of the way, we see his motivations and fears and inner thoughts, and we feel sympathy. and then he starts to distance himself, starts to edit and produce his streams and only show certain scenes without any emotional vulnerability, and starts acting as a villain. it’s kind of genius because he’s adding narrative distance while his character becomes harder to sympathize for. but we can still understand the character and feel pity for him, because we as viewers have lived his life and we know who he is and what he ultimately wants and needs. 

narrative distance. it’s pretty cool. 

so tired of seeing people argue that schlatt and dream aren't villains. like im not even going to make an essay about the bad things they've done because nothing gets through yall's thick skulls. them not being villains literally just does not make any narrative sense. why the fuck would they be good guys and the rest of the server be bad. what the fuck. that doesnt even make sense.

they doN'T EVEN STREAM. the whole point of using streaming as a medium is to make characters worth sympathizing with!! that's why people like c!techno! that's why people like c!wilbur! that's why people like c!jack!! and c!tommy! and c!bbh!!! they are sympathetic characters because they have povs which we can access, because they have struggles and strifes which lead to their actions and allow us to better understand them

dream! and schlatt! don't stream dsmp! ON PURPOSE. because we aren't SUPPOSED to completely know what goes on in their head, we only know how they affect others! and that's not FUCKING PROPAGANDA from the povs we do watch, THATS JUST STORYTELLING

*starts knocking shit over* sometimes! i need to pull out the meta card! people make me tired!

did anyone else spot the parallel btw in the green festival where Tommy pulled himself out of a spiral and decided not to partake in the destruction of l'manburg (thus, refusing to follow in Wilbur's footsteps), and Tubbo refusing the execute Ranboo after he was outed as a traitor (thus, refusing to follow in Schlatt's footsteps). the fact that it was on the same day as well? has anyone pointed that out?

I'm pretty late to the party but I drew with Wilbur's drawing thing on his store

Your city gave me asthma

It’s tough to be a god, especially if godhood is beaten out of you