My Poerty - Blog Posts

Urban Concrete

Picnic in a Dystopia

. . .

Step into the light

And onto my eyes.

Admire these cloudy, ugly skies.

AJ says we're gonna have a picnic

"It'll be good for your lungs since you've last

been sick."

Step into the light

Step into my smile.

Cars and people

The only advertisements for a mile.

I've been so tired from all of this work lately,

But we're gonna have chicken

And talk about having a baby.

Step into my heart

Step into the light

We just passed the 'Museum of Really Old Art'

And this time we didn't fight.

My phone says we're close now

Only 15 minutes away

Its gonna be so nice

Enjoying this ugly, yellow day.

Step into the light

Step onto my eyes

And I wonder

"Back then, fish never flew in the skies...

Right?"

First chapter of my book

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.Beep. Beep. SLAM!

Alice Veroux slammed her fist down on her alarm. She glared at the clock.

     5:15. She groaned.

    "Why does morning come so soon!?!?!?"

     She put her pillow over her face and exhaled. Its the first day of school. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. She grabbed her school uniform and towel off her dresser and went to the bathroom.

     She breathed in the familiar smell of her  vanilla and rose soap. I don't want to go. I want to crawl back to bed. Maybe have a blueberry Poptart and watch some anime. She turned off the water and dried off. Her long lavender hair fell like waterfalls of satin behind her back, curling at the ends flirtatiously. Her uniform fit loosely around her petite body. She frowned as she looked down at her chest. This uniform definitely isn't flattering. She gazed in the mirror and sighed at the pale reflection. She pinned her hair up in two panda buns like Sailor Moon. She put on purple eye shadow, winged eyeliner, mascara, blush, and pink lip gloss.

       Bang. Bang. Bang.

     "Get out of the bathroom I need to finish getting ready for work!" Anthony pounded harder on the door.

      "Okay!" Alice pulled up her white knee high socks and then slipped into her blue and white shoes. She checked the time.

      6:15. Shit. No time for breakfast.

      She opened the door after grabbing her crescent moon shaped backpack and wand. "Give me $10." She reached for his wallet in his pocket.

      Anthony grabbed his wallet before she could steal it. "What? Why?" He held it above her reach.

      "No time for breakfast." She flicked her wand and $10 came out of the wallet into Alice's hand. "Thanks." She muttered sarcastically.

      Anthony rolled his eyes. She heard him yelling your welcome as she slammed the door.

      She glanced down at her clock. 6:20. I'm going to have to run. She glanced down at her backpack that had 3 textbooks. This is going to be fun. She sighed and started running. Alice got to the train station and looked at her clock. 6:28. Two minutes early. Alice exhaled sharply trying to catch her breath.

       "Need this?" A dark husky voice was low in her ear. Followed by the scent of mint and cologne.

       Alice tensed up and looked up. An 18 year old boy looked at her smiling holding a water bottle. Alice's aqua blue eyes darkened into a stormy blue gray and she glared at him.

      The boy was caught in her glare, like a bug trapped in a spiders web. It's as if she's staring into my very soul, condemning me to a hellish death of fire and misery.

     "No". Alice backhanded the bottle.

      He watched, as if in slow motion, as the bottle hit the tracks below being hit by the nearby train. He looked up only to see the ends of her hair waving goodbye in the wind as she entered her train.

      Pfft. What a creep. Alice sat in a vacant seat. She pulled out her iphone and headphones and listened to music. She sighed blissfully as she stared out the window, her favorite part of the day had always been the train rides to and from school.

     Her stop came up and she got off. She was surprised by the size of the college. It looked like it never ended. Alice's brother had taken her stuff the night before insisting her to stay for breakfast. So much for that. Her stomach growled and she looked at the school map for the cafe.

     She found it with ease and ordered a vanilla bean Frappuccino with coconut milk and a blueberry bagel. Her first class started at 8:05 so she had 30 minutes to kill.

     She walked around until she found her class, healing magic. All she had to do now was wait.

My random Poetry

How quaint the thought of your touch,

Like the north wind's tender embrace to the eastern sea.

I live among the fish,

Deep down in the shallowest of waters.

A little drop in a pond of an endless sea.

Tumbling to and fro through the unwavering current.

To feel the roughness of your hands,

Like the rough edges of the shores.

Carved through the ever flowing waters,

Much like my every flowing love for you.

desperation

A word we borrowed from Latin.

de (without) + sperare (to hope)

forming a word that I'm getting more familiar

with each passing day.

Desperation: to lose hope.

Losing you would be to lose hope,

Because that is what you brought into my life.

That is what you are.

A hope.

A hope that, in your eyes, I'm worthy of love.

A hope that loving someone could feel so easy.

A hope that loving you is a feeling of warm yellow light.

My days pass without being next to you

And each day, that warm yellow light dims a little.

The flowers that slowly bloom in my lungs

when your hands touch me

slowly start to wither without their light.

I feel my heart gradually freeze

into a block of ice

that doesn't melt without your warmth.

Desperation

starts to creep into me with every breath I take.

So my dearest,

I urge you to come,

to hold me until the winter in my heart thaws,

touch me and bring back the spring.

My Turn

It's so confusing

Today was my day of refusing

But that person took my turn

It feels like burn

I always used to think

Why me getting angry or depressed used to bring my mother to brink

Now it seems so obvious

She must have been holding a lot of stuff that's serious

Because that's what is happening with me each day

I am going through a lot but keeping my emotions at bay

It's easier to tackle things around

If only the people near you are not pulling you to ground

I wake up and try to smile

But even a single person being sad and angry makes me think a mile

It feels like cheating to me

I have so much to feel, how are they even beating me

Someone said your coping mechanisms' great

But I need to express is what I felt

Faking my emotions so others don't feel depressed

Is too much of a burden as I read

Sometimes I am on the verge of breakdown

But someone else grabs the sad crown

I feel so betrayed

I even dread

I know it's attention seeking clearly

But it was my time to show my problems dearly

You took that away

Now I have no idea how to get my way

I don't know if it's wrong

But when one person is sad I think I don't have the right to sing my sad song

So I keep on storing

And it's easy enduring

But again one day someone is at dismay

I start feeling the angst because even though I wasn't planning to say

That person seems to have taken my turn

And I have got the burn

So I get angry and depressed

I don't try to show it but it gets expressed

No I am not copying anyone

It just me feeling that I didn't get a chance to express to someone

Winners don't have such remorse

Do you ever wake up with the feeling that a lot is lost

It's summer but you still feel the frost

Everything and everyone is around

But you still can't listen a sound

It's not your life but a trap

You are actually a piece of crap

Your to do list is overflowing

Your courage to start something is slowly going

It's not like you have to start afresh

But where you are standing now, seems nothing more than a mess

Your ambitions are enthusiastically parading

Even though all your motivation is fading

You are somehow willing to leave

But just too scared to believe

Supporting hands seems to tease

Ah! hope you knew, who you want to please

Feel like you have an empty soul

You are too tired to feel not only this but all

You want to speak

Although you are scared that your secret of being a coward might leak

You are not a loser, ofcourse

But you also know that a winner doesn't have such remorse

Not loneliness but a peaceful abode

It's so lovely to walk on an empty road

It's not loneliness but a peaceful abode

The winds going slowly

Making your hairs a messy fun

You make the map to walk on

Nothing specific for your attention to lock on

You take your favourite turns

You can open yourself and run

The grass even on your side seems greener

You are not you but someone with a different demeanor

You might go back to the memory lane

But it's so nice that it doesn't give you pain

You can remember your favourite song

You might realise you haven't listened it for so long

You might sigh but it's a sigh of relief

There is no one to give you social anxiety

You can think the things you never think about

You can feel the emotions you were unaware about

It's not tragic

But just magic

What it feels like to

What it feels like to break a bond that was never there

What it feels like to wake up from a dream and realise reality is here

What it feels like to know that you are not the one

What it feels like to think someone unknown has left you abandoned

What it feels like to know you were never good enough

What it feels like to live in a bluff

What it feels like to expect too much

What it feels like to have a wrong hunch

What it feels like to consider love would come by

What it feels like when the one you like breaks all ties

What it feels like to have a void

What it feels like to not being able to avoid

It definitely feels too much

It's so much that you eventually give up

It's so elaborate that you get numb

But you still think what it feels like to...

She is my constant

To my dear crush

I miss all the adrenaline rush

Each moment spent beside you was special

For you I was ready to wrestle

You were a friend first

And thankfully not a boy who always used to walk by

I always loved how you used to sit beside me when my friend was not around

I remember the look you gave to those gossipers on the ground

I felt special when you told me those secrets

I felt safe when you waited for me on the way

There was a time when I used to think about you all day

From hiding my feelings

To behaving indifferently I did it all

I was crazy over you for sure

Nothing between us was official

But you were a secret I was ready to tell none

Choosing the same subjects

And making study plans was somehow the future I was looking for

I liked you even after your ego

I was so happy when you used to say sorry and was ready to let things go

But I also remember that truth and dare game

I remember how you took my name

I was elated for sure

But something at that time needed a cure

I remember her crying

And that was the time I was trying

To not think

Because thinking meant choosing something

She was my best friend

And she had a lot unsaid

I had guessed before

But I was so over you that I decided to keep a close door

I liked you

And she liked you too was the case somehow

But now I had a choice to make anyhow

It was time to wake

And let the dream break

So I thought for long

It was not easy and I was definitely not strong

She had seen me cry more times

Than you had seen me smile

You were special

But what we had didn't promise me miles

The idea of losing her was unimaginable

Reading my mind was a skill in which you weren't able

She had seen my ups and downs

She was the one who never let me hit the ground

She was true to say we were telepaths

We were always the best pair of psychopaths

I had thought about all the possible scenarios

And unfortunately in neither of them

You were there till the end

But she was always around

So I decided to choose her over you

And I definitely miss you

But never have I ever regretted my decision

Although I would love to have an accidental collision

Because I want to tell you

That you were my crush indeed

But she was the friend of my need

I am happy to have her beside me

Even though she doesn't make me feel the same glee

It's been years I know

But she is still my constant tho

I don't want to be perfect

You want to be perfect my psychologist said

It was the problem usually left unsaid

It's been years

But I still remember her saying it again and again

I dismissed all thoughts

Because she was actually my teacher and teachers never know it all

But today I sit and am ready to contemplate

I don't think it's late

The problem is still that I don't believe her

Although from I don't want to be perfect

To do I really want to be perfect I have grown some thoughts

But still I am clear as a crystal ball

And I internally never wanted to be perfect is the feeling that stands tall

I realised by now

That I was just wired like that somehow

No one ever told me that being imperfect is good

I was just growing up under their hood

I always thought that's how you get love

I never wanted to join the unwanted club

There were only two statements I usually heard

I am proud of you always sounded warmer than that person is better than you, bud

Each mark lost in exam made me shattered

Because I knew it was deciding how much I mattered

Maybe that is how everyone is wired

And it's funny that nobody is getting tired

I guess the tireds join the unwanted club

And we are not taught to talk about them in this hub

I don't blame anyone

Because choosing this life was already done

But I might not have the pace

That is required to win this rat race

Although standing behind and alone

Means your chances of affection are blown

The problem is that we are not pushed towards self love

We are just pulling ourselves with self bluff

I was never behind perfection

I can say it loud and clear

I was always running behind affection

I mumbled with a tear

The world is burning with passion

People are burning with emotions

You are burning with love

But here I stand

With my flickering soul

I have a flickering soul...

Sitting alone

Sitting alone I always miss the time I didn't need company

The time when I felt secure even when no one offered security

The time when without taking the effort to make friends I had a lot of them

I miss the comfort I got in my mother's arms

The time when she was just a room away and not, a call away

I miss the childhood mistakes

The time when irrespective of the kind of my mistake I was always forgiven

I miss when love was always around

The time when I didn't have to find someone who loves me

I miss when adulting seemed fun

The time when I didn't realize that independence can be a burden too

I miss when fulfilling our dreams was the biggest dream

The time when I didn't know how difficult it is in reality

I miss and I miss

But the most i miss is when i didn't have to sit alone

The time when even being alone i knew that I am not alone

Jim and Pam

I hate marriages I say

Because not everyone is lucky in Pam's way

It's hard to find love which never looks away

It's hard to get Jim who always stays

A person who knows that he is best for you

But steps away to let you choose

A person who always wants you to grow

No matter how many days you are away in a row

A person who accepts you all

The fierce you, the timid you, the clumsy you the beautiful you, the failed you, the successful you, and the complete haul

A person who can comfort you

A person who can love you

A person for whom your smile is a lucky charm

A person who is willing to let you sleep on his arm

A person with whom valentine's day fight also seems a plan

A person whose leaving is more painful than he being an angry man

Yes I want my children to know we are soulmates and it is no less than fairytales

I want to tell them stories of our dates

I don't know what else to say

But finding a person for whom you are not enough but everything seems like an impossible way

One sided friendship

I have heard a lot of people explain one sided love

But never heard anyone even talk about one sided friendship

Did you?

Honestly speaking I have been on both ends

I remember ignoring people even when they were ready to loose all for me

I remember being ignored even when I was ready to loose all of me

Did you?

Still think about going back and joining those chords

But what are the odds

Those I ignored have moved on tired of wasting their time

And those on whom I wasted my time never seemed mine

But still I wish for their call

Do you?

I find it weird how we just connect to some

I find it sad when those connections don't care and for them you are not the one

I thought love asked for a lot

but now I think even friendship's demands are not a dot

Do you?

Maybe they asked for so much that I just stayed aloof

Maybe my demands were so much that they considered me fool

Being nice and being friends are different I realised late

Not everyone you like is ready to be a part of your fate

Were you also a one sided friend at one time?

Do you also think that it was worth the time?

What if the efforts were not equal,

It was a friendship you initiated and it will never have a sequel...

I care

Sorry but I care

I know the anger on my face kills you

I know my rude ways make you sad

But do I have a choice

Every word I speak out of love you take for granted

Every thing I ask as a well-wisher you consider nagging

Yes the world exist and you need to bother about it

But how to explain that in front of that world I see you

Your pain and problems are my concerns

The worldly affairs don't worry me

I thought our relation was different and we shared a special bond

But every time you hide your pains you just break another chord

I know I am not the best nor I stand for you without rest

But yes I feel and your moods make a great lot of deal

Seeing people bother you, grieves me equally as it does to you

But just because I don't say doesn't mean I cannot feel you

You always think I don't care or understand

While in reality I am just confused how to take a stance

I don't know what to do because you never express your expectations

And when I share my expectations you just consider it insecurities

I know I am not what you want and I know I cannot be what you want

This is what aches me brings the anger to my face, the rudeness in my ways

Sorry for all of that

But I care is all I have

It makes me, me

I was waiting for my feelings to go numb

I was waiting for that day but I was dumb

I thought that with each day the wound would grow old

I expected that each day would make me cold

But little I realised

And very little I was surprised

With each passing day

My feelings started spreading like a ray

It reached ever nook and corner of my existence

But I was still hoping with persistence

It was so difficult to feel

The reason I thought time would heal

Soon I had a lot of opinions

Surprisingly they made me cry more than onions

Soon the tree of feeling got a strong hold

Now I knew nothing was going to get old

All experiences and incidents

Were giving my wounds new dents

Crying became a constant part of my lifestyle

Funny enough that it was just a more defined form of my old style

I didn't know what to do with so much going on inside

Never realised it would be so much more than what was going outside

Checking and rechecking all emotions

Hide and seek with everything was in motion

Defining the ideas I had was important

Knowing I was right was like a reinforcement

I knew the wounds are not going now

But still adapting raised the question how

Connecting dots was a daily routine

Adulting is much more difficult than being a teen

Sensations, feelings and emotions are always going to be difficult for me

But when I introspect I realise it makes me, me.

My notes app is angrier than me.

I cast my sweet whispers into the wind,

Will they reach you?

Or will the wind answer me with a cold howl….?

My love, I am yours to keep.

From every part of my body all the way up to the thoughts wandering around my mind, I am yours.

I am yours; everything about me is owned by you and only you, nobody else.

Every glance and breath is meant for you.

Darling, I want to be familiar with every part of you.

The way you like your coffee, but also your goals and fears.

I want to become accustomed to the way you pucker your lips and then letting them part.

The way you speak, Indulging everything being said.

Your alluring eyes, addictive.

I love looking at you.

For you are mine and nobody else’s.

Most importantly, I am yours, honey.

—tilwemeetdarling