Left Alone - Blog Posts

" SEE ‼️I TOLD YOU !! He does anything I SAY !! "

" .... oh .... my .... ANYTHING YOU SAY? "

" ... ANYTHING ANY FEMALE SAYS. Have a go... "

😈💭 hmmm...

Silence

You don't know what battles I am fighting

You don't know the ones I am winning and losing

You don't know if my breakfast is sweet or bitter

You don't know if I am returning to a bed of flowers or nails

You don't know if I am having nightmares

You don't know if my mornings are even fair

You just know I speak less

You don't know that each of my actions are shouting ahead

You don't know enough because I am not willing to tell

You don't know enough because you are not the risk I am willing to take

I am an introvert, you think I like playing safe

But you don't know even privacy is like a fire play

Sitting alone

Sitting alone I always miss the time I didn't need company

The time when I felt secure even when no one offered security

The time when without taking the effort to make friends I had a lot of them

I miss the comfort I got in my mother's arms

The time when she was just a room away and not, a call away

I miss the childhood mistakes

The time when irrespective of the kind of my mistake I was always forgiven

I miss when love was always around

The time when I didn't have to find someone who loves me

I miss when adulting seemed fun

The time when I didn't realize that independence can be a burden too

I miss when fulfilling our dreams was the biggest dream

The time when I didn't know how difficult it is in reality

I miss and I miss

But the most i miss is when i didn't have to sit alone

The time when even being alone i knew that I am not alone

i spend my time telling my 'friends' that i have a lot of free time and i'd love to spend time with them and hang out and all

and then i spend my time seeing new posts on my feed where they're all together having parties or even just hanging out at one of their houses and they're all happy, saying how cool it is to be all together

and no one told me about it, no one thought about inviting me, no one remembers my very existence, and they won't mind talking about it while i'm here, it's just completely normal for them to cut me off their lives whenever they want to and pretend they don't mean it

my life’s literally falling apart

i’m giving up on everything and everyone, i’m isolating myself and barely answering the few dms i get, i spend my time avoiding my ‘friends’, my crush still ignores me in the hallways, my coping mechanisms stopped working and my autodestructive behaviors are back

the only kind thing i received in days is a text from my crush cheering me up

idk how to describe the life i’m ‘living’ but i definitely didn’t sign up for this

i keep having nightmares where he comes back and finds me and hurts me and no one tries to help me

just logged out of instagram and i told people i was feeling out of place, i'm always left behind

and i know i'm gonna receive a lot of dms like 'hey you know i'm here for you' and all and i know they mean it but i don't need fake people that show up when i tell them i'm giving up, i need real people that can see i'm just falling apart and all i need is some real and honest company, a word, a smile, a look, anything

sooo my friends have been making plans right in front of me and not including me for a while and they keep talking about it all the time when i’m around and the whole crew is invited except me

so far they planned holidays and movie nights, some in a few days, some in a few weeks

and i know i sound kinda angry or jealous or anything but honestly i just feel worthless and it hurts to see i’m not wanted and it’s just proving me right, i’m not important and they’re better without me

“I wanted to feel loved without feeling like I was begging for it.”

-unknown

doesn’t the daisy calm your nerves, dear?

I can't be with someone who is unsure about me. I need to know that I am not walking down this path alone. I need to know that you will stick around no matter what

Honey

Honey, you want to heal? forget the ugly words and the things he did how he blew out the candle  and you found yourself lost as the light faded away

Honey, you want to move on? Let go of the past  and the “I love you”s you shared Take back the person you gifted the time you shared Take back everything you don’t want him to keep

Honey, you want to live again? Leave the sadness you found after love and start all over again Find love in yourself and the things you enjoyed  Make room in your mind by throwing him out Find comfort in being alone

Honey, is that what you want? Healing, moving on and living? Because the truth is, it’s all in your hands but you rather remain in your situation Do you fear that the pain it takes to let it go would be more hurting than the pain you are currently in?

Honey, you won’t heal by  rereading and relistening old text messages and voice mails You won’t move on by  asking the universe for a call from him You won’t live again by reliving the memories you saved in your mind

You won’t find yourself by searching him

Honey, stop it,  Stop procrastinating on the future  Stop hurting yourself with the past  Don’t throw yourself away  It’s your love where you will find yourself again Not his

It’s you where you will gain the power from to heal move on  and live again

I'm tired of being paranormal to you.

-s's.