okay, but imagine that you are, for example, a transmigrator and all that, and you accidentally find yourself in the world of the dark problematic book that you read, but as one of the parents of the future female mc (where, you know, she only has a very controlling and caring father who went crazy after the death of her husband, but then she finds herself in a world without support and all sorts of horror begins), while her second parent [you] died shortly after her birth (not as a result of childbirth, but let's imagine that there is no "childbirth" in this world as such, but that's another topic) partly because of their homesickness and soul pain, since "father abducted his spouse [you] and forcibly married them and held them just like he holds daughter."
and imagine that you are now this very spouse, even before meeting your "husband", but after a chance acquaintance with him you realize that you like him and he is actually very respectful and careful and so loving, even if still clearly "love sick", and you have a good marriage (despite the fact that you have to run away anyway, because your new "family" is very against it), and you live well together and love each other — and you still die, but you don't disappear.
instead, staying until the next "circle of reincarnation", which will come in a couple of decades, and all this time you are watching how your husband, who was supposed to be overprotective of your daughter and make her stay at home, actually gradually turns your gentle princess into a very combative, smart and cunning girl who grows up on his stories about you and your love and this "cruel world", and you even begin to suspect that your daughter may be a transmigrator too,,,,,, at the same time, your vision of what is happening is limited, but you also cannot completely leave, because it turns out that you need to complete a mission, to break the cycle of rebirth that you are currently experiencing, as the plot of the book is cyclical until it is broken from the inside or repaired, and you are reborn into someone like an NPC maid,,,,,,,,
"Tonight honey, I'm gonna break your heart, mine was broken from the start" sings Jon Foreman. I've always been wondering what it really means. The most obvious and seemingly most at-hand answer was something about love and break-ups. I thought I had nothing to do with it because I live in a very merry relationship and I have no reason to actbroken.
This simple line, however, uncovers something I am born into. But not only me, I'm convinced it's the same with almost all of us. What I'm talking about here is a mere detection of a common state of life. In fact I've heard of this so much, that I've even grown accustomed to it. It's the cycle. The cycle of what my heritage is...
Recently I created a huge deficit to my family, unconsciously and unintended. To be able to pay for this, my father had to give up few of his plans for the summer. I understood, that he was mad at me, this is alright after the monetary loss. But you know, what he kept saying was somewhat misled and unjust. He said I'm not grown-up, I'm a child, I can't make good decisions and I need supervision. Well, I am an adult in every aspect, though I moved back in with my parents because they live close to the university I'm in... Anyway, I tried to reason with him and be generous, so I offered to pay it all back and then came thebest: he said I cannot give him money I didn't get from him and I won't have a salary at least in the coming five years. (Momentarily I don't have a paying job, that's true, but I put up my pricey bow for sale, for which I worked very ardently a couple of years ago) I told my dad (with the hint of sarcasm, I admit), that it's improbable, that I wouldn't get a job soon. Then he started shouting and I lost interest...
First thought: this man's a fool, it was a wrong decision to move in with them, when I get paid for my book, I'll leave. But you know, this is it. I know my father had a very narcistic and controlling father. I know he tries very hard to be a good parent, though he never had a grown-up son. He might've simply reacted so strangely because of his anger and pain, I don't know. And really, this whole thing, this fighting and hurting penetrates through my family-line. I am predestined to be broken. I am predestined by my father, and his father and his father and so on. I heard countless family stories, how the fathers hurt and betrayed their sons. All differently. My father tries to do good but it comes out all wrong because he was broken from the start, and he didn't even know it... But I do. I now know and understand it. The question is, whether I break the cycle, or simply try hard, like my dad does...
And then, isn't it somewhat universal? Aren't we all coming up with secret burdens? Why do we see faulted and wounded people everywhere? And ultimately: what does it mean to break this cycle? I'm not giving you answers because this is not an open argument, it's just a pile of questions...
Randomness rules!
So I’m listening to my friend play online games while on call and like your usually gamer he’s insulting the people he’s playing against. It started off as your usual insults of ‘suck a dick’ or ‘you motherfucking bitch’ but he has evolved to the funniest fucking insults I have ever heard; ✨Parental Disappointment✨ insults like for example ‘this is why your mother left us’ or ‘you could’ve been the favourite child but you had to go to college and get a degree’ don’t where that one came from or what it means but this man now has 17 children and 5 partners