Ptsd - Blog Posts

This is so true!!

We don't believe we have DID or OSDD, but we are plural, and it does seem like our trauma affected our plurality.

We won't argue with anyone trying to say that we actually have DID/OSDD. It doesn't even really matter to us that much whether we do or do not. All that really matters is that we are plural.

We have had our moments of thinking that our trauma wasn't "bad enough" and shit like that. So, this post definitely helps a bit.

Remember, comparing trauma is not good for anyone.

- Shay 🐾

"my trauma wasn't bad enough i can't be a system"

whenever I hear people say this I always wonder, what metric are you using? your tolerance for how things affect you now as a teenager, or adult?

something that you experienced as a child is going to use a completely different metric! a child's brain is much less developed than an adult's and what they're able to handle is much less. for instance maybe you like horror movies? you probably can watch them without even getting scared! but if you watched the same film at 7 years old it would likely be a lot different!!

you don't need extreme trauma in order to have DID. it just needed to be extreme enough to YOU as a child, that's all. You got bullied at school? that's enough to develop DID! you had a disorder from an early age that made life hard? that's enough to develop DID! your parents were neglectful? that's enough to develop DID!

there's no such thing as gold star DID you don't need to have gone through the worst of the worst. there's no need for trauma olympics, if you have DID you have DID and that's all!

New intro post, you can see our old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on our blog.

Hello, this is our blog for alterhuman/nonhuman and plural things mainly. This was originally made for my fictionkin/ockin; Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. Who is a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature.

Here's a bit more info on my canon for Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. It was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.

In this life, the body is currently 19, so keep that in mind. We don't mind minors interacting. Just know we (the host subpack) are more hesitant to interact with minors ourselves.

We try and make sure our posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of ours that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let us know and we'll fix it.

We will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts we made about it by using the tag "no donation asks."

We will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.

This is an endo safe space. We will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.

We are also disabled, both in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be on our blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. We are autistic and ADHD for sure. We have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. We believe we might have OCD and PTSD but are not sure yet. We know we have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed. We all (packmates) experience these disabilities so yeah.

Because of our disabilities, we need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. We will likely post more about the service dog when we finally get our stuff together and do more about it.

- Shay (They/it/xe/ze/hx/he) | Host of The Wildlife Pack, typically just referred to as the Wild Pack

Some userboxes. 3 were made by us, and 4 were made by

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K’s Kin Help!

READ PINNED BYI/BYF PLEASE! side blog of @elliott-the-creature

Edit Dec 1st 2024: Added some new tag things and moved some around.

Edit Dec 3 2024: Changed some tag things around.

Edit Dec 22 2024: Changed alter to packmate.

Edit Jan 25 2025: Added new kin

Edit Mar 23 2025: Changed some things

Edit Mar 30 2025: Added new tag

Edit Apr 4 2025: Changed some tags (we aren't going back through old posts to change them, so we'll put what the tags used to be)

Edit Apr 5 2025: Changed a few things around, probably gonna make the changes bold. Changed Shay, Zuki, & Akay tags for "fronting"/posting (not gonna change old posts so we will put the old versions)

Edit Apr 2025: Changed some fronting/posting tags, will have the old versions

Tags that are for specific things;

# howling barking and meowing - talking about stuff tag

# disabled pup - disability things

# the wildpack posting - plural [pack/packmate is used for our plurality] things (this replaced the "multi noises" tag)

# tri beta noises sfw - sfw misceverse stuff

# tri beta noises nsfw - nsfw misceverse stuff

# howling and barking at the moon - poems/poetry

# howling into the past - past life/kin memories good

# barking into the past - past life/kin memories bad

# meowing in confusion - this is just for when we are confused about something

# confused howling - questioning system/plural stuff, including origin and alters

# little pup - sfw age regression things when pup is used to refer to me/us

# little kitten - sfw age regression things when kitten/kit is used to refer to me/us

# woof woof reblog - rebloging alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or adding alterhuman/nonhuman stuff in our reblog

# the wildpack reblog - system/plural reblogs (this used to be "multi reblog")

# other reblog - rebloging without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or plural stuff

# bark bark ask - answering asks to do with alterhuman/nonhuman stuff

# the wildpack ask - answering asks to do with plural stuff (this used to be "multi ask")

# tri beta ask sfw - answering asks to do with sfw misceverse

# tri beta ask nsfw - answering asks to do with nsfw misceverse

# meow ask - answering asks without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or plural stuff

# 🐾🪶🩵🖌 - Shay | host (used to be "💚🩵🐾🪶")

# 🪶🐾🦴🪽 - Zuki Shay Lupo | MHA/BNHA kin (used to be "🐾🪶🦴🪽")

# 🩵🦴🐾🪽 - Cyan Lupo | RWBY kin

#🖌🐾🪶🖊 - Akay Lupo | DDLC kin (used to be "🖌💌🪶🖊")

# 🌊🔷️🌟🎨 - Lakey | packmate

# 😺🤎🍓🥓 - Declan (The cat face changes based on mood of post) | packmate

# 🐈🐈‍⬛🍗🥛 - Lynix | packmate

# 🦮💚🐕‍🦺🟢 - Shirley | packmate (used to be "🗣💚🦮🥦")

# 🐲🐉🔥💛 - Den | packmate | was originally known as Dragon

# ❓️⁉️❔️🤔 - Mystery | packmate

# 🐺🦾🦿🤖 - Oynx Afton (the middle two are supposed to just represent animatronic shit) | packmate

# 🟤🐺🐾🌕 - Phalen Lupe (supposed to represent werecanine/werewolf) | packmate

# 🐺🌠😇😈 - Vesper Lucian (supposed to represent fallen angel) | packmate

# 🌙🔥🐲📛 - Moonfire | packmate

New intro post, you can see our old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on our blog.

Hello, this is mainly my fictionkin account for my ockin, Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. I am a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature. You can call me Zuki, Shay, or Lupo, whatever you prefer!

My canon was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.

In this life, the body is currently 19, so keep that in mind. We don't mind minors interacting. Just know I (the host) am more hesitant to interact with minors myself.

We try and make sure our posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of ours that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let us know and we'll fix it.

We are alterhuman/nonhuman in more ways in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be brought up on our account.

We will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts we made about it by using the tag "no donation asks." [Had to make this bigger and bold, so hopefully, people will listen]

We will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.

This is an endo safe space. We will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.

We are also disabled, both in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be on our blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. We are autistic and ADHD for sure. We have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. We believe we might have OCD and PTSD but are not sure yet. I know we have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed. We all (alters) experience these disabilities so yeah.

Because of our disabilities, we need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. We will likely post more about the service dog when we finally get our stuff together and do more about it.

We are plural. The terms that seem to fit our origin right now are; quoigenic, unknown, and cryptogenic.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx/xe/ze/he + more neos/xenos) | currently a they/it time for my pronouns

Mostly try to bold edits

Edits from Oct 22 to Nov 7: Added tag things, changed words on some tag things, changed parts of the post, added parts to the post, and edited the sign off on the post.

Edit from Nov 8: Edited signoff tag things.

Edit Nov 11: Edited signoff tag things

Tags that are for specific things;

# howling and barking at the moon - poems/poetry

# howling into the past - past life/kin memories good

# barking into the past - past life/kin memories bad

# woof woof reblog - rebloging alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or adding alterhuman/nonhuman stuff in my reblog

# other reblog - rebloging without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff

# confused howling - questioning system/plural stuff, including origin and alters

# disabled pup - disability things

# meowing in confusion - idk this is just for when I am confused about something

# little pup - sfw age regression things when pup is used to refer to me

# little kitten - sfw age regression things when kitten/kit is used to refer to me

# howling barking and meowing - talking about stuff tag, idk lol

# tri beta noises sfw - sfw misceverse stuff

# tri beta noises nsfw - nsfw misceverse stuff

# multi noises - system/plural things

# multi reblog - system/plural reblogs

# 💚🩵🐾🪶 - Shay/Zuki Shay Lupo | host and MHA/BNHA kin put together, lol

# 🌊🔷️🌟🎨 - Lakey | alter

# 😺🤎🍓🥓 - Declan (The cat face changes based on mood of post) | alter

# 🐈🐈‍⬛🍗🥛 - Lynix | alter

# 🐺🦾🦿🤖 - Oynx Afton (the middle two are supposed to just represent animatronic shit) | no idea whether this is a kin or an alter, lol

# 🟤🐺🐾🌕 - Phalen Lupe (supposed to represent werecanine/werewolf) | either kin or alter

# 🗣💚🦮🥦 - Shirley | alter

# 🐺🌠😇😈 - Vesper Lucian (supposed to represent fallen angel) | now we are kinda thinking this is an alter

# 🩵🦴🐾🪽 - Cyan Lupo | RWBY kin

# ❓️⁉️❔️🤔 - ? (don't know who the fuck this person is, think they are an alter though?)

# 💬🗣❓️❔️- When confused who is fronting

More bad memories from my life as Zuki. Cause of course my brain hates me.

Tw: abuse, school abuse[? Idk what to call it], muzzles, quirk discrimination, shock collars, bullying, I think that's it for this one?

When I was younger, my bio mother was told to use a muzzle and shock collar that "neutralized" quirks on me. Cause my quirk was "dangerous" and "needed to be controlled." These were supposed to be illegal to use on anyone, even the most dangerous villain. But of course, people didn't listen and used them on those with "evil" or "villain" quirks (especially certain mutant related quirks).

It kinda makes sense that a hero like my bio mother could get one, but what's 'interesting' is that once I got into middle school, some of the teachers also had them. I don't know where they got them, but whatever. My middle school and high school both used the muzzles and shock collars on me.

When I was in middle school, I was still very cautious and shit. I never fought back, I never started a fight, I never did any of that. But yet anytime someone attacked me, I got punished. They would put the muzzle on me saying something about how I was bad and deserved it and the same thing with the shock collar. But 'luckily' the shock collar was less often used.

In high school is when I started fighting back sometimes. It was still usually only if someone else was being hurt [whether physically or verbally]. When it was just me, I would usually not fight back. Sometimes, I did fight back when it was just against me fully, though.

This is all I'm gonna talk about rn.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/he)

I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.

Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.

Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.

My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".

But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).

At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.

He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.

When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].

My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).

My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.

I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.

When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.

That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.

My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.

Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].

Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.

I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.

His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].

He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.

His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.

Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

When I actually get my shit together and work on getting a service dog in this life, I am probably gonna try and get a german shepherd and name them Remo or something similar cause yeah.

When I get my shit together, I will probably be asking for donations, but I want to know more before asking for money. I am unsure of what program I am going to use exactly, I have an idea, but idk yet.

I should probably try and get diagnosed anxiety [cause I haven't been diagnosed, but it's definitely obvious] and maybe look into OCD and PTSD more? I know I have trauma and shit, I just don't know if it's PTSD levels or whatever. And the OCD I am unsure if it's just the AuDHD combo or OCD as well.

If anyone has any advice about any of this that relates to America, please feel free to give the advice.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it)

I'm bored and can't sleep [it's a little after 4 am where I am lol], so here's a thing about me that I'm kinda surprised I haven't talked about yet, lol.

When I was Zuki, I had a service dog [in this life, I also need an SD, I'm gonna probably post a separate thing about that at some point], he was a german shepherd named Remo (meaning strong one or something like that lol). I miss him as much as I miss anyone else from my canon, maybe a bit more than certain people, but I feel like that should be understandable, he helped me actually live life, yeah I still had problems but they would've been way worse without Remo. He helped me actually be able to do more than I would've without him, as service dogs do lol, but still.

I'm really bad with words and shit and it's late/early, so that's likely not helping. But just yeah, thought I'd share this, not sure if anyone even really cares, but whatever, lol.

- Zuki Shay Lup! :3c

It's actually so comforting to have classmates with mental illnesses or issues. Like, yeah, I'm not alone in this shit!

"Are you okay? I noticed that you lost weight..."

The late effects of stress: New insights into how the brain responds to trauma

Mrs. M would never forget that day. She was walking along a busy road next to the vegetable market when two goons zipped past on a bike. One man’s hand shot out and grabbed the chain around her neck. The next instant, she had stumbled to her knees, and was dragged along in the wake of the bike. Thankfully, the chain snapped, and she got away with a mildly bruised neck. Though dazed by the incident, Mrs. M was fine until a week after the incident.

Then, the nightmares began.

She would struggle and yell and fight in her sleep every night with phantom chain snatchers. Every bout left her charged with anger and often left her depressed. The episodes continued for several months until they finally stopped. How could a single stressful event have such extended consequences?

A new study by Indian scientists has gained insights into how a single instance of severe stress can lead to delayed and long-term psychological trauma. The work pinpoints key molecular and physiological processes that could be driving changes in brain architecture.

The team, led by Sumantra Chattarji from the National Centre for Biological Sciences (NCBS) and the Institute for Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine (inStem), Bangalore, have shown that a single stressful incident can lead to increased electrical activity in a brain region known as the amygdala. This activity sets in late, occurring ten days after a single stressful episode, and is dependent on a molecule known as the N-Methyl-D-Aspartate Receptor (NMDA-R), an ion channel protein on nerve cells known to be crucial for memory functions.

The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped groups of nerve cells that is located deep within the temporal lobe of the brain. This region of the brain is known to play key roles in emotional reactions, memory and making decisions. Changes in the amygdala are linked to the development of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a mental condition that develops in a delayed fashion after a harrowing experience.

Previously, Chattarji’s group had shown that a single instance of acute stress had no immediate effects on the amygdala of rats. But ten days later, these animals began to show increased anxiety, and delayed changes in the architecture of their brains, especially the amygdala.

“We showed that our study system is applicable to PTSD. This delayed effect after a single episode of stress was reminiscent of what happens in PTSD patients,” says Chattarji. “We know that the amygdala is hyperactive in PTSD patients. But no one knows as of now, what is going on in there,” he adds.

Investigations revealed major changes in the microscopic structure of the nerve cells in the amygdala. Stress seems to have caused the formation of new nerve connections called synapses in this region of the brain. However, until now, the physiological effects of these new connections were unknown.

In their recent study, Chattarji’s team has established that the new nerve connections in the amygdala lead to heightened electrical activity in this region of the brain.

“Most studies on stress are done on a chronic stress paradigm with repeated stress, or with a single stress episode where changes are looked at immediately afterwards – like a day after the stress,” says Farhana Yasmin, one of the Chattarji’s students. “So, our work is unique in that we show a reaction to a single instance of stress, but at a delayed time point,” she adds.

Furthermore, a well-known protein involved in memory and learning, called NMDA-R has been recognised as one of the agents that bring about these changes. Blocking the NMDA-R during the stressful period not only stopped the formation of new synapses, it also blocked the increase in electrical activity at these synapses.

“So we have for the first time, a molecular mechanism that shows what is required for the culmination of events ten days after a single stress,” says Chattarji. “In this study, we have blocked the NMDA Receptor during stress. But we would like to know if blocking the molecule after stress can also block the delayed effects of the stress. And if so, how long after the stress can we block the receptor to define a window for therapy,” he adds.

Chattarji’s group first began their investigations into how stress affects the amygdala and other regions of the brain around ten years ago. The work has required the team to employ an array of highly specialised and diverse procedures that range from observing behaviour to recording electrical signals from single brain cells and using an assortment of microscopy techniques. “To do this, we have needed to use a variety of techniques, for which we required collaborations with people who have expertise in such techniques,” says Chattarji. “And the glue for such collaborations especially in terms of training is vital. We are very grateful to the Wadhwani Foundation that supports our collaborative efforts and to the DBT and DAE for funding this work,” he adds.

This user appreciates inclusion in our community ^_^

Unassorted robotkin userboxes

I made these for myself, but anyone with robot adjacent identities may use. Please credit me if you use, likes and reblogs are appreciated but not necessary.

give love to people with traumatic brain injury, acquired brain injury, stroke, neurological condition, worsening mental health, trauma, PTSD and all other brain based conditions that make you feel conflicted about your identity. About whether or not you’re the ‘same person’ you were before your injury or illness. People constant evolve and change but can be more difficult when changes more sudden, pronounced, and noticed by others. I hope you are doing well and are able to find some peace, support and love.

shoutout to people who cant/wont turn in their abusers because

they dont have proof of abuse

abusers were upstanding members of society

their abuse was legal

no one believes them

their abusers are old, dead, disabled, ill, or on their deathbed

their abusers are family members

they cant remember details of abuse

they didnt uncover abuse until later in life

they were abused by organizations

they dont know the names of thier abusers

theyve been threatened into staying quiet

they arent mentally stable enough to endure the investigation

and whatever other reason. people dont have to turn in their abusers for their abuse to be legitimate. so many of us cant prove what happened to us and are only left with the disorders that came with the horror we dealt with growing up.

it makes me sad that im seeing so many trauma survivors feel that they have to justify not taking abusers to court. some of us cant, some of us shouldnt, and some of us wont. please respect all survivors regardless of how they approach legal justice over abuse.

free space is “if i tell anyone they’ll just pity me”

Terrified Texan

I'm honestly terrified of being out in public now. I look Arab, even though I'm not. I'm born and raised in Texas. I'm gay. Maybe it's my paranoid schizophrenia, but I truly believe I will have to be careful when I'm out alone. I believe my looks were part of an assault by a police officer when I was travelling through west Texas. White people tell me I'll be fine. They say we'll get through this. But this isn't another Bush administration. This is this the xenophobic, homophobic, "disenfranchised", evangelical, white supremacist majority that incorrectly sees me as the enemy. With both Bush elections I was disappointed, but I wasn't terrified. I didn't joke about moving, I took democracy in stride and kept living my life. I jokingly get called terrorist, when I'm a native Texan. I get weird stares on the train and bus because I'm brown, and I was born in the US. I get searched every plane ride, even though I'm half white. In fact, I'm half Irish descent and half Indian descent. But I'm too brown for whites and too American for browns. I don't fit in, so I tend to stand out. And in doing so, I draw the ire and looks of others. There's too much hate and uncertainty in the world. This has always bred fascism, nationalism, and totalitarianism. And that's why I'm afraid. These ideals just won majority in the most powerful nation state in the world. And here I am, just wondering why people rationalize hate. Why has my country betrayed me? I'm truly worried for my safety in public. This wasn't the America I was promised under Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama. My first political memory was watching the Berlin Wall fall. And now, my home will be building one. Winter is coming.

boys with personality disorders are valid and important boys with eating disorders are valid and important boys with psychotic disorders are valid and important boys with mood disorders are valid and important boys with processing disorders and autism spectrum disorders are valid and important the media often tries to push the idea that boys can’t cry or be sensitive. in spite of that idea, boys are allowed to cry and be sensitive. neurodivergent boys matter.

So this happens. Particularly zoning out, and it seems more intense now that I've been on medication. Sustaining concentration on anything is difficult.

I tend to crochet to keep myself grounded. But even then, I'll become enamored with the texture or my progress and I'll stop and dissociate. Even writing this reblog was more difficult than it should have been.

Are You Dissociating?

Dissociating is one of the most common responses to abuse and trauma. It involves feeling numb, detached or unreal and (while it happens to everyone once in a while) is experienced more frequently and severely in survivors. Dissociating people vary widely in symptoms and may experience any or all of the things from the following list.

You may be dissociating if you:

find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything

feel completely numb

feel like you’re not really in your body, like you’re watching yourself in a movie.

feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy

lose the plot of the show or conversation you were focused on

feel as if you’re not quite real, like you’re in a dream

feel like you’re floating 

suddenly feel like you’re not a part of the world around you

feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you

are very startled when someone/something gets your attention

completely forget what you were thinking just a moment ago

suddenly cover your face or react as if you’re about to be hurt for no reason

can’t remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live

find yourself rocking back and forth

become very focused on a small or trivial object or event

find that voices, sounds or writing seem far away and you sometimes have trouble understanding them.

feel as if you’ve just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can’t remember anything about it.

perceive your body as foreign or not belonging to you

(likes and reblogs always taken as support)

Lights are cameras. Smoke detectors are cameras. Everyone’s watching. Fuck fuck fuck. My computer is a camera.

Just got off the phone with legal aid and rehashing the trauma again. That was a very long conversation. Attempting to keep my head high and not get overwhelmed by everything. I am lucky enough to finish this day out with a dental appointment and moving things out of my storage unit. Lawyers, and dentists, and moving, oh my!

The outer critic 

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

r u capable of freeing yourself from intergenerational trauma?

r u capable of changing your mental DNA?

Today, 44 years ago, my grandfather died. He was killed in his car by explosives he had for construction project. I was born two month before. First granDchild to Motke Bargida, who lost all his family in the Hollocost and survived the worst in Auschowitz by the age of 15. He came to Israel and created a family and a business (earthworks construction). His sudden death change completely my family’s narrative. He never spoke about the Hollocost but i was curious about it and i love history so i returned again and again to this subject through my life and its part of my life since i was a child. I am 44 now and the memories still flashing, memories that are not mine but i have to feel them over and over again, they r part of my mental DNA.

I came to the studio today instead to my grandfather’s grave (due to corona restrictions) and i wanted to express my longings to him, whom I never met.

It came to be a bit dark, but i’m sure he will understand.

I called it: P.T.SS.D Generation 3.0

Everyone cares so much about abused kids until they grow up to be broken adults.

How to Survive Fourth of July With Hypervigilance:

Independence Day can be rough for Americans living with hypervigilance related issues. The loud noises can make your heart race and your head spin. It may even feel hard to breathe. You’re gonna have to be strong. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help.

Put in your earbuds. Listening to music will not only drown out the sound, it may also help you calm down. Music has been shown to help reduce anxiety and stress levels by up to 65 percent.

Use noise reduction headphones. If you want, you may even be able to see the fireworks! Just make sure you slip on a pair of noise reduction headphones. They can reduce the noise by more than 70 percent!

Spend the day with someone you love. Just being around someone we love can help steady our heart rates and calm our breathing. While it may still be rough, spending the time with a loved one is likely to make it a little less torturous.

Take a shower. It’s gonna be a long shower, but the noise of the water will drown out the fireworks.

Cuddle with a furry friend. Pets can be hugely therapeutic to people struggling with any sort of mental health issue, and even more so for those struggling with anxiety and ptsd. (Note: this may not work if your pet is just as panicked about fireworks as you are.)

But most importantly, especially for anyone struggling with any past trauma, remind yourself that you are safe. Do something that requires you to interact with your environment to help yourself stay in the here and now. It can be hard to stay in the present when faced with certain triggers, especially if you are alone.

You are strong and you will make it through this. Everything will be okay. I promise.

A couple of other things from my experience:

Unless you know for a fact that they are comfortable with it, always ask before touching them in any way. I’ve had a couple friends trigger panic attacks that way.

If you’re in a relationship try to have some sort of code for when it is and isn’t okay to be super intimate. My ex and I had a color code for what level of intimacy I was comfortable with and he would always ask what color I was.

I often flinch and put my hands up at any sudden hand movement. Don’t get offended if someone does that. It’s just an instinctive response.

Don’t slam doors, stomp around, or make unnecessary excessive noise when possible. It can often cause anxiety attacks.

Never, and I mean NEVER, refer to someone’s anxiety/panic attacks or PTSD episodes as a “tantrum” or “fit” EVER

If I say, “can you not do that? It reminds me of my abuser.” It isn’t me comparing you to them. It’s simply me trying to let you know that whatever you’re doing/saying triggers traumatic memories.

You are not alone and it is NEVER your fault if you are a victim of abuse.

THINGS TO BE AWARE OF WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED: 💬

we all experience it differently, but these are the most common ones to me.

Since I grew up in a abusive household,

• I could tell the mood to the person who abused me by their steps, and I remember not being able to breathe when the person was mad because the footsteps were fast and heavy. I still get scared when people walk like that.

• I get scared when a person comes home without saying anything to me because it was what the person who used to abuse me did when they were angry at me.

• I still tip toe around the house at night on my way to the bathroom, scared that the smallest sound I make will get me in trouble.

• I jump at the slightest movement because I’m afraid it’s aimed at me after all the years of being threatened and hit.

• I never refuse to help with anything even if I can’t, because I remember what happened when I refused or didn’t answer right away.

• I am very observant because it’s how I got away from being abused for days, I see one thing outta place at home and I know that day will not be a great one. Is everything at place? a day without abuse.

• If a person gets a bit angry, starts rising their voice or looks at me with a sharp look, I feel like running away and never coming back because it’s how the person who abused me would intimidate me.

please, take these things into consideration and be aware of them, it would mean a lot to me and others who also went through the same things. don’t make fun of anyone who acts like this, you have no idea what they have gone through.

if you have other things to add, please do. it’s important to be aware of the things that might trigger people who have been or are still being physically abused. and if you know someone who’s being abused, please help them. it could do so much good for them.

and if anyone ever needs to speak with anyone, just know that you can message me and I’ll do my best to help as much as possible. I’m also here if you need a friend as well :)

I'm really fucking tired of watching my husband suffer so much because I'm so sick. I feel like people don't talk enough about the trauma spouses go through, watching the person they love most in the world continue to deteriorate constantly.

Had a doctor appointment today where I found out officially (I suspected this would happen for a while so it's not exactly new information) that I'm going to most likely need a proctocolectomy and an ileostomy. Which basically means they're going to chop out my colon, sew by butthole shut, and give me a stoma on my abdomen where I shit into a little bag. Cheers.

Obviously I'm having feelings about it but that's not what this particular post is about.

He has PTSD from watching me almost die from a bowel obstruction and having two emergency surgeries, a bowel resection, end up tube fed, and then on TPN. Obviously I survived all of that, but he's still really, really impacted by it. Then I got a brain tumor and had brain surgery, which was a whole ordeal. He struggles so much every time I'm in the hospital.

So for me to be having serious GI surgery, arguably the most extreme surgery I've ever had besides my brain surgery, is so triggering for him. And what can he do, just grin and bear it? It's fucking awful, and I know that I'd rather be the sick one instead of the one feeling powerless and alone in the face of all biology can do to wreck a human.

so here we are again. fuck it, sincerely.

So I'm reblogging this from a fandom person I follow but it's on brand for the shit I post so, hello! I have OSDD and CPTSD (both of those disorders have a HUGE amount of symptom overlap and are caused by severe, prolonged trauma). I have different types of flashbacks, triggered by different things, so I'll try to organize my answer below but please be aware that my answers might be triggering especially for anyone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse and/or child trafficking. These terms are just what I use to discuss them with my therapist, so idk if they are official terms or not.

• Tactile flashbacks, also called tactile hallucinations

In these, I am entirely aware of where and when I am, but I feel sensations that were occurring during my trauma. It's usually triggered by experiencing pain from old injuries. For specifically (TW!!!!), I occasionally get nerve pain in my vulva from an injury where I was penetrated with an object and it damaged my cervix severely. Sometimes that nerve pain triggers a tactile flashbacks, where I can feel hands and the object touching me exactly the way it felt when it was really happening. It is so realistic that the first few times it happened, part of me was shocked that I wasn't bleeding or hadn't sat on a knife or some weird shit. It makes it feel like I don't even have pants on. It's fucking disorienting and PAINFUL and scary.

I've spent years training myself to show it as little as possible if it happens in public, because it's not the kind of thing that's easily explainable. But the added stress of hiding it triggers me even more- because hiding was an important job I did to cover up for my abusers, so hiding pain is both instinctual and triggering now- that it kind of just makes it worse. So if I'm around someone, they might see me grimace or shift on my chair a bit, I've also heard that I get pretty pale, but I almost always lie and make up an excuse like cramps, which people tend to believe.

But in reality it's horrific and once I'm in privacy, I am pretty useless for the rest of the day unless I have a close friend or my husband around to help me stay grounded and get back on track.

•Emotional flashbacks

This happens a lot when I'm triggered by an everyday normal occurrence that in normal life, is totally fine, but in my past was something I used to know whether or not I was in danger. Probably the most annoying one is the sound of dishes clanging as someone puts them away. If that happened in my childhood, it meant I hadn't put away the dishes in time, and would be punished (but not grounded because my parents were fucking monsters- punishment for me was things like being locked in very small spaces, being forced to braid my hair in high pigtails and hairspray it and go to school looking stupid, not getting food for a few days, having things thrown at me, sometimes the dishes themselves being physically broken on me).

So imagine what a child's emotions might be, knowing they're about to undergo a severe punishment- fear, regret, remorse, defence, desperation- and then transplant all of those emotions into my 32 year old body. It makes me have some wacky ass responses to my husband putting away the clean dishes. I've spent YEARS working on it but we've been together since I was 19, and just last year I got to the point where I could let him put dishes away without me actually yelling at him, or apologizing, or crying. Thank god for therapy.

Emotional flashbacks can really have drastic, immediate control over my behavior, which makes them pretty dangerous when it's not a situation as innocuous as putting away dishes. It's very hard for me to control what I say and do during these episodes, and it's one of the reasons I was diagnosed with OSDD, because my therapist thinks that when I have emotional flashbacks, I dissociate and another part of my personality kind of takes over. And it really is a dramatic personality shift. Still a part of me, but a much younger version. I used to have total amnesia of these episodes and only knew they were happening because my husband would explain them to me. Now I manage to stay conscious (sometimes called co-conscious by people in the OSDD/DID communities) but still have partial amnesia. It makes it very difficult for me to understand what someone is saying to me long enough to formulate a response that makes sense. It's horrible and really challenging to hide or control.

•Visual/dissociated flashbacks

These have only ever been triggered by sex, and they're very similar to the way flashbacks are portrayed in the media, like in movies. Either all or most of my visual field changes from the current situation to a traumatic sexual abuse memory. I completely dissociate, have no idea where I am or what's happening, but the difference from this and movies is that even within the memory, I don't understand what's happening. I don't go into it with my knowledge of what's happening and 15 years of therapy, I'm right back in the exact mindset I was when it was happening, just with the added idea that something is very wrong. Sometimes it feels like I'm asleep in a nightmare, sometimes it feels like I'm literally living it. They don't last more than maybe 30 seconds or so, and my husband tells me that he knows it's happening because my eyes get really wide, I go totally limp, and don't respond except in a way that's similar to how people might talk in their sleep. Once I come out of it, it's straight to having a panic attack, which as you can imagine is kind of awkward when you're in the middle of trying to fuck your partner. My husband is amazing about it all, but when we first got together it scared the shit out of both of us.

•Some other notes: I often try to ground myself so that I don't dissociate during or after a flashback, but for years the only way I knew to ground myself involved pain. I eventually tried to switch to methods that would hurt but not injure me (pinching the skin between my fingers, punching my thighs). But now I do grounding in a way that doesn't hurt myself- or at least I try to. I talk to myself, out loud, to remind myself where I am, what year it is, what's happening, etc. I do breathing exercises, sing loudly, try to hold a conversation. All of those things can help me stay in the present moment. Unfortunately they don't always work, but hey ya can't win 'em all.

@z-mizcellaneous-z I know that's a LOT but lemme know if you have questions or want any more details/info! I'm happy to share!

Call for People who Have First Hand Experience with PTSD

(Part of The Research Game, question by @z-mizcellaneous-z)

We are wondering if anyone who has first-hand experience can share with us what PTSD flashbacks look or feel like to you, as well as what it might look like from the outside perspective (such as witnessed by friends/strangers).

(please only share if you're comfortable. You can also send me an anonymous ask instead!)

Everyone else, reblog this around until we can find someone who has the answer!

(Otherwise, there's a Youtube channel I know of that aims to spread awareness of PTSD and may help you here: https://youtu.be/vdLfrJSzMY8, though it's important to note she has Complex PTSD, which is slightly different and is characterized by prolonged trauma rather than a single event)

My experience with MDD

This is a really personal post but I hope it makes others feel more hopeful.

CW: Mentions of Abuse, light discussion of mental health, nothing too heavy is mentioned.