I'm here with you on this. It's such a scary thing to have to look them in the eyes and see a different glance staring back. It's especially hard to have to rationalize everything that happened in your head, just enough so to make sure your friend has some sort of clue what you're talking about when you explain the situation later on. Cause they're gonna ask. And you'll have to answer. And it's so nerve-wracking. Ugh
Nobody talks about how hard it is to face people again after you've had an episode in front of them
Once they've seen you do full-force into self-destruct, they always look at you with a sense of wariness and like you're not the person they thought you were
The shame makes me want to rip my skin off
I feel really awful when I'm unable to say something more, especially when someone close to me ask how I was doing and I could only say something vague, it makes it seem as if I was trying to keep my distance from them, when I'm not. I don't want them to think that i don't like them and then hurt them unintentionally, when I'm actually really just don't understand how to say .. anything? Though I do understand that I should give more closure and stuff, say something more, but I just don't get it. I. don't. get. it. I don't know how to do that, what is there to talk about? how to let it out???? how do I bring the topic out of my mouth?? I don't get it??????????? and then I'll feel even more awful cause I'd think that they must think that I'm so boring