Tokophobia - Blog Posts

Hi, I love your work! I was wondering if you could please do a kind of part 2 to the Crosshair breeding kink where he comes back to find her pregnant, if you’re comfortable with that? Thanks!

Part 1 (not a must read, but I reference a few things)

Author's Note: I actually had some random ideas floating around in my mind palace for this sort of thing, so you came by at the perfect time. Time to expand on this idea! I really struggled at the end and I'm not totally pleased with it but I hope you enjoy none the less.

Relationships: Crosshair/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Actual pregnancy, Morning sickness, Tokophobia warning (trying to get hit by people's blacklist just in case they don't like this sort of thing), Feels, Fluff, Too fluffy for crosshair? maybe but eh lets have fun

It's been over a month now, since he broke into your apartment. You've gotten a few days here and there together in-between since, but now has been the longest gap.

It must be a rough one, as you've barely heard a word from him since he was sent off this time.

A lack of communication from him while he's deployed isn't unusual, nor unexpected. Sometimes he's too far away, sometimes they have strict orders for all comm equipment to stay off; Sometimes he just isn't in the mood. But either way, you know things are hectic out there.

Though sometimes you'll get one single message, just enough to know he's ok. It helps soothe your nerves, and Crosshair is a creature of habit; He hates breaking the system you've had for awhile now.

But even if you knew what you signed up for with this, you still wish he was here.

Especially right now as you standing staring in the bathroom mirror, glossing over that you look so much more tired than usual before looking down at the countertop.

Seven different tests lay out on your bathroom counter, all telling you the exact same thing. Your calendar tells you the same answer, but in a more subtle way. No matter how many more ways you try to frame it, the picture is always going to come out looking the same.

You're pregnant.

You hold a fruit in your hand, still cold to the touch and take a bite. It's crisp and tart, frigid against your teeth. It's been the only thing you've been able to eat all day, without throwing it up a short while later.

Every single thing you do points to the exact same conclusion, no matter how much it twists your gut. Or maybe it's your condition twisting your gut; Perhaps both. You take another bite of the fruit in your hand, and leave the refresher to go sit down on your bed. It's an overbearing silence, staring at the ground about a meter ahead of your feet as your lips purse tight.

You're not nearly as shocked by the revelation as you thought you might've been. Or as off put. The idea has never been out of the question, and it wasn't as if you and Crosshair had exactly been playing it safe.

Speaking of him... You wonder what he's going to think about all of this.

You know he likes you, said that he loves you in almost every meaning of the word; But does it include this? It's never been off the table for you, whenever you thought about your future.

You know it wouldn't be easy. The throws of the fury from Separatist aligned planets are still taxing on the clones, and it likely will be for a long while. This war won't end instantly, at least not traditionally.

You left all that garbage on the counter, and with a soft sigh you slide off the bed and go to throw it all away. Gathering them up, you throw them in the trash; They fulfilled their purpose, gave you the answer you needed.

You hope Crosshair comes back to you soon.

Crosshair's eyes glance towards a shockingly bright neon sign he passes on the way to your apartment, and sees the current time towards the bottom.

04:45.

Even if it's the technically the dead of night, Coruscant is always bustling, just a little less than usual. He isn't a stranger to taking respite in ungodly hours, though now more often with you than being completely alone.

You'd given him the code to your place because of it, so he could enter no matter what time of night he managed to steal for himself. You'll surely be asleep, so he'll have to be quiet. Not too much so, he'd rather you not think he's breaking in again. It was amusing in hindsight, but he isn't eager to have you pointing a blaster at him again.

No one is around in the hall to see him punch the code in and hear the soft hiss of your door slide open, before he slips inside and closes it behind him.

It seems he won't need to be quiet this time around however, as he sees you still awake curled up on your couch with a few different snacks and an array of other things, tight in a blanket. Almost all the lights are off, but there's still a soft glow to the room.

"Sick?" He says, as you've already turned towards him when the door opened.

"Cross!"

You stumble and fight the blanket to escape and rush over to him, it still around your shoulders as you hug him. He stiffens; A habit that he's yet to break. But when his body finally relaxes just a bit, you look up at him as his hand shifts around the handle of his rifle case. He'll never let it leave his sight. His face is largely the same neutral expression, but you can see by the way that his eyes are darting across your face that he seems almost confused. At your actions, more than likely.

"You spammed my datapad." You nod.

"And Tech's." Guilty.

"I, had something to tell you." You've been waiting for days now since you'd found it, sitting in limbo overthinking. You feel nauseous, and it's hard to tell if it's nerves or the morning sickness. It's more than likely both, which doesn't help matters in the slightest.

"That important?" He says walking towards your bedroom, following you past the door. Sitting down on the edge of the bed you look up and over at him, giving a good look over.

Even if he's a good and hiding his emotions, you can tell that he is beat; The dark circles under his eyes are more intense and you can see the exhaustion in his eyes. He sits his rifle case on the ground at the end of your bed but still in sight.

Crosshair prides himself on his patience when it comes to his ability to stake out a target; But it's still gnawing at him seeing you trying to figure out what to say or how to say it.

"I," You stop for a moment, adjusting the blanket around your body. It's so cold tonight, though it's partly caused by you opening the windows for some fresh air.

"I'm pregnant, Cross."

You've seen a lot of emotions subtly cross his face over all the time you've known him, but his genuine surprise is a new one. It's still subtle, but the way his lips just barely pull apart and his eyes widen cue you in. But he doesn't say anything. You can tell he's thinking, and you want to know what it is.

"Say something?" You purse your lips, feeling your tight throat. "I know it's, probably not what you wanted to hear after coming back but-" Crosshair lets out a soft 'tch'.

"What; You think I'd just bail?" You look up at Crosshair, tensing. Part of you almost wants to get a bit angry at his tone, but you're too tired for it.

"I didn't know. You're... Not exactly an open book, Cross." You make a vague gesture towards the side of your head.

“And there’s a lot going on up here. I've barely eaten anything in days, and when I dropped my hair tie this morning I cried for almost half an hour.” You notice his eyebrows raise, and he seems displeased at what you've said.

"Days?" You nod.

"Just some fruit I had lying around. Everything else is just disgusting." That explains the compete mess of food across your beside table; Trying to find something to eat. When he asks if there's something you want, you look up at him and shake your head.

You can tell he's thinking, but is keeping it all locked inside his head. You hate that he does it, but you'll pry it all out of him in the morning. There's still so much more that needs answering but five in the morning isn't the time for it.

And more than anything, you just want to hold onto him now that you have him back in arms reach again.

"Nah. I can't eat anymore today. Don't feel like it." He jerks his head forward, in the direction of the bed you're sitting on.

"Get in. It's too fucking late to be awake." He puts his helmet down, before taking off his armor piece by piece going upward. Every part gets laid out meticulously in front of his rifle case, and it's all in sight no matter where in the room he goes. When he's finished and only in his body glove, you're under the blankets and quietly watching him. he changes from it and into a few casual clothes he has stored in your closet; That are far more comfortable than his GAR approved blacks.

Afterwards he slip in beside you, and assumes the same way you always sleep together; With him pulling your back against his chest, his chin on the top of your head. If you don't start in this position, you'll always end up this way by the morning. It feels particularly nice right now, to be able to touch him; Have him right here. You missed him, and Crosshair is far too clingy to not feel at least marginally the same.

But he's more quiet than usual, and you can only equate it with him still thinking. Tomorrow you'll have an actual conversation about this. No one should be talking this emotionally when they haven't slept and the sun is about to rise.

The gentle sounds of air taxis speeding through the skyway outside make a gentle hum, along with the sound of the climate controls you'd cranked down to almost freezing thanks to the nausea making you feel so hot. Crosshair is a massive heat leech, so he's surely not enjoying how cold you've made the room. At least he has your heated body to keep him comfortable.

But as time passes and the sky is just starting to brighten, you feel him adjust a bit, and it wakes you up from that foggy space between awake and asleep. Your eyes stay closed, but you can feel his chest against your back move, before the arm that was wrapped around your ribs gently pulls away and moves to your belly instead. He's at least somewhat awake, despite being so tired.

He must think you're asleep. You can feel the way his hand drifts all the way down from your ribs, down to right below your belly button, then up again. It's a conscious motion, one that he keeps silently doing.

You're only guess is that he's feeling for something that can't be felt quite yet, or imaging what it will be like when it is.

The soft motion makes your gut churn a little bit less about his thoughts, deciding to get some more well needed sleep as your legs tangle with his own.

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Tokophobia

I hate to say this but am i the only one that finds pregnancy a mix of terrifying and disgusting? like it just reminds me way too much of Alien or some kind of parasite. especially when the baby moves and you can see it inside it’s mothers huge belly. i just don’t see the appeal behind getting pregnant 😭 side rant: why are some pregnant women so self absorbed? a while ago i was queuing up for the toilets at the beach and i was waiting about half an hour, i finally get to the front of the queue and some pregnant lady pushes i front of me and the other six or seven people waiting behind me (some super young children). usually i would let her go first but i felt bad for all the other people behind me and i had pretty bad bladder problems at the time so i genuinely would have risked pissing myself. i said to her “excuse me? the queue starts back there” trying not to be rude although i’m not great with tone. she turns her nose up at me, scoffs and then god to the back of the line whining about how i was “mistreating her?”. genuine AITA moment