Logan, on phone: I heard you guys are at the emergency room. What happened? Are you okay?
Virgil: Oh, so Patton tried to pet a dingo—
Logan: Oh my god! Is he okay??
Virgil: Yeah he's fine, Roman got mauled by the dingo for trying to get him to stop petting it.
Logan: Oh my god, how did you handle that?
Virgil: Easy. Took Pat to a dog shelter so he can pet puppies safely, told Roman some stories about knights that got hurt while protecting their friends.
Logan: Wow. I'm impressed.
Virgil: How've you and Janus and Remus been?
Logan: *looks at kitchen that is in shambles from the two of them microwaving a microwave (for science) as Remus frantically tries to clean it up before Janus sees*
Logan: ...Equally good, I'd say.
Virgil, laughing: What, have one of you been mauled too?
Logan: Not yet.
Virgil: Wait, what?
Logan, hearing Janus's footsteps: Gotta go bye!
Virgil: LOGAN WHAT—
Virgil: Figures out where the exits/entrances are (just in case)
Logan: Figures out where the bathrooms are (practical)
Janus: Figures out where the outlets in commonly-access rooms are (practical)
Patton: Figures out if there are pets/where the pets are (a necessity)
Roman: Figures out which common-accessed window has the best view (harmless?)
Remus: Figures out where all the doors lead to (why)
Logan: Just... Explain to me how you do this.
Remus: Simple. Cinnamon? Delicious flavor. Not super strong like cloves. In my life I have never made anything too cinnamon-y. A lot of recipes fear spices, so you gotta use your own judgement.
Remus: 'That's close enough?' I measure with my heart is my answer, but in reality I'm a lazy bitch and don't want to measure out all those tablespoons and teaspoons and then wash all the extra dishes.
Remus: Salt? Salt doesn't make things salty until you add too much. When you add the right amount, it just makes things taste. It enhances the natural flavor. Almost always add salt.
Remus: Almond flour? Almond flour is literally finely ground almonds. As long as you don't accidentally make almond butter, you can totally make it yourself.
Remus: Adding cinnamon and chili powder to hot chocolate is how they do it sometimes in some places in Mexico, and frankly, it's delicious. I just add it to taste.
Logan: But how do you know?
Remus: Uh... Experience? Intuition?
Logan: I CAN'T LEARN THOSE!
Logan, in front of camera: Yeah, I'm good at baking because it's a science, I follow instructions exactly and get the desired outcome.
- (Flashback) -
Remus: A fourth teaspoon of cinnamon? You're fucking with me. What do you think this is, radioactive?
Remus: 1/6 cup? Eh, this'll be close enough
Remus: This frosting doesn't have salt? Seriously, the recipe's fucking with me. You can't have frosting without salt.
Remus: I'm out of almond flour for macarons? Eh, I'll grind my own
-
Interviewer: And how do you feel about Remus's baking always turning out better than yours?
Remus: *in background, putting cinnamon and chili powder in his hot chocolate*
Logan: *eye twitches* It's fine.
Logan, in front of camera: Yeah, I'm good at baking because it's a science, I follow instructions exactly and get the desired outcome.
- (Flashback) -
Remus: A fourth teaspoon of cinnamon? You're fucking with me. What do you think this is, radioactive?
Remus: 1/6 cup? Eh, this'll be close enough
Remus: This frosting doesn't have salt? Seriously, the recipe's fucking with me. You can't have frosting without salt.
Remus: I'm out of almond flour for macarons? Eh, I'll grind my own
-
Interviewer: And how do you feel about Remus's baking always turning out better than yours?
Remus: *in background, putting cinnamon and chili powder in his hot chocolate*
Logan: *eye twitches* It's fine.
I had a dream there was a new halloween-themed Sander Sides and it was revealed that Janus kept Remus on a golden chain attached to a black o-ring collar around his neck
He held it loosely in his hand but if Remus starting giving intrusive thoughts he'd tug on it and like make him behave and everyone was like 'oh thank god he's under control'
It was weird but that'd be hilarious so here's hoping I have the gift of prophecy
"We— wait, when did it get so dark outside?”
"I fucked up here, didn’t I?”
“This is it. This tells us if we get to play at the festival, in front of people, or not. ...I can't open it.”
Roman competed at a few games, whined about how they were rigged, and then was immediately shown up by Virgil as he nailed them. He pouted until the next game, and then the cycle continued.
“I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I’m pretty obvious about my sexuality."
“Are they in a cult?”
“Okay, I’m asking now: What else can you do? What other special powers do you have? What else are you incredibly good at?”
"Mine’s not as deep or anything, but I’ve never actually dated anyone. I have this reputation for being loved by everyone and having had a bunch of relationship experience, but I’ve never even kissed anyone before."
(What are you going to do, threaten them?) “No, I’ll have Remus threaten them, because he’s much more intimidating than me. I’m about as scary as a sprig of rosemary.”
"I’m scared that when anyone gets close, they'll realize they don't love me and just leave."
(When nobody else could open the envelope) Janus rolled their eyes, picking up the letter and opening it. "Dear..."
“I feel like Batman. I must go, Gaythem needs me. But Remus you’re coming with me.”
“Oh, I feel the love. I was singing too, where's my hug?”
“I’m not judging you. I’m just, well, judging you."
“If you want to talk, we’re here to listen."
“I’m polyamorous. That's not my thing, I’m still thinking, I just wanted to help move the attention off of you, um, ‘cuz Remus already knows that, um…"
“Put that on your resume. 'You’re good at that,’ Roman Prince."
“Who are these kids? I just wanna talk," Janus said, cracking their knuckles.
“For the record, you're perfectly valid."
“This is very disconcerting. Patton, you sweet little puffball, come back." (When Patton's acting punk)
“Look, guy. I’m not in the mood to fight. But if you don't leave, I will fight you, and music’s not the only thing I’m trained in.” (What, karate?) “No, common sense. I have two knives on my body, want to find out where?”
(Do you really have two knives) “Nope. I have four. If he gets the two, he thinks it’s done, I pull out the third. He’s like, okay, that's pretty smart, he gets the third, and then I stab with the fourth.”
“I’m just making sure I don't get the wrong idea here! It's good to know the status of your friends’ relationships! Shut up.” (They haven't said anything) “They’re mocking me with their eyes.”
“Not to stereotype, but I’m kind of flaming."
(Glare) "You know you're going to win this because I’m not allowed to explain the situation.”
"How do you want to celebrate? Don't tell me you don't do something to celebrate after winning against the entire state."
“I like having smooth legs."
"Get on my back, I’ll carry you.” (Really?) “Yeah. We have to preserve your perfect marshmallow body, don't we?”
“Tell me if he bothers you again. I will make him regret it.”
"I crack jokes when I'm uncomfortable as a coping mechanism, so I can't have a serious conversation about it, so yeah, worm.”
“I’m afraid of going out unarmed at night or evening. I mean, it's a pretty simple fix, though; I arm myself.”
“I feel stupid arming myself just to go for a walk at night. I’m working on it.”
“Patton two-point-oh-my-god.” (When Patton gets a punk makeover)
In his corner of the garage, Virgil started snapping. His hands were up by his ears as he did, and he was grinning, seemingly in his own little world.
(I just realized— we’re all in the community, aren't we? Well, I don't know about Virgil.) Virgil’s snapping had stopped, but now he was rocking back and forth on his heels. “I’m gay. And trans, actually.”
“Looks like you gotta rap now, man. I don't make the rules.”
“Yikes, man. Er— sorry, is it alright if I call you that?”
"At school, to defend my hiding behind layers and black clothing, I pretended to be goth or emo ..."
”Do you want to kiss?” (Who?) "Me."
“I’m scared of someone finding out my deadname and using it. Any time I hear it, I just freeze up ..."
"I’m not really accepted in a lot of trans spaces, because I don't want surgery or HRT. I just… Identify as a guy. That's not enough, apparently."
“I am a little marshmallow boy, I am not made for physical activity.”
“I’ve kind of always wanted an excuse to give myself a makeover. Make me punk.”
"Now I am happy and healthy and medicated.”
“Let's stick together, though. ‘Cuz two of us can't really talk right now and I get lost super easily.”
(About being obvious about their sexualities) “I don't try to talk about it, but just… Boys!”
If there was a Sander Side Themed The Road To El Dorado, these are the best pairings I can think of (ignoring the ships it implies)—
Roman as Miguel, Logan as Tulio, Janus as Chel
Remus as Miguel, Janus as Tulio, Virgil/Dark!Logan as Chel
And if I had to put them all as characters—
Janus: Chel (master of deception, the entire reason Miguel and Tulio get away with their lives, the only one in the trio with a braincell count in the double digits)
Logan: Speaker For The Gods dude (was adhering to the rules/lore that had been written, tried to bring down the liars who dared to impersonate gods by going batshit evil, 'being feared is the only way you can get them to respect you')
Remus: The King (sharp enough to notice Miguel and Tulio are only human, goofy enough to let them pretend to be gods because it's really raising his people's spirits and they got rid of The Speaker For The Gods, his rival)
Roman: The Horse (he's just along for the drama, baby)
Patton: Miguel (nice, friendly, hates that the villagers are scared of him, doesn't have a voice in his head, no braincells just a himbo)
Virgil: Tulio (wants to finish the plan and get out, much more anxious than Miguel, comes up with all the excuses to get them out of trouble, has like seven braincells but not all of them work at the same time)
Logan: I saw online today, someone freaking out about how you bake cookies and cook bacon.
Janus: Yeah, I never got that whole thing. I mean, you bake bacon.
Logan: ...Pardon?
Janus:
Janus: Do
Janus: Do you
Janus: Do you not bake bacon in the oven on a cookie sheet
Logan: No?? You fry it??
Janus: But it gets so crispy and nice ?? Why would you fry it???
Logan: *looks to Remus*
Remus: Don't look at me, I've had Janus's bacon. It's superior.
Logan: But that's not how it's done??? No bacon recipe says to bake it?
Janus: Oh I don't follow recipes exactly
Logan: But thEY'RE RULES
Janus: I mean recipes are really just suggestions when you have enough experience
Logan: (head explodes because oh my god everything Janus makes tastes so good and he's not even using recipes—)
Remus: Is doing pretty well, has continued to stab needles and sewing scissors into his eyes so his workspace is a bit bloody, you can tell he is making an octopus though
Virgil: Refuses to use a sewing machine because it scares him (a very reasonable fear), uses thimbles, it's slow and clumsy but he makes a pretty cool stuffed stormcloud in the end
Patton: Is doing surprisingly well! He keeps stabbing his fingers with needles on accident and drawing blood (not much though), he ends up with a cute little blob frog that's definitely friend-shaped
Logan: He watched Janus sew once and immediately got the hang of it. He made a stuffed cube. It is a perfect cube. None of them know how he did this. He can't thread a needle to save his life though, he has to keep asking Janus to do it for him
Roman: Was crying because he tried something much too complicated and failed and Janus had to gently coax him back to the workspace and help him make a simpler design and assure him he wasn't a failure and the second design turned out and he was really happy with it and thanked Janus for not giving up on him and Janus just gave him a little smile