YEARNING - Blog Posts

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You were like the sea

The delicate intimacy of you visiting my dreams. Only then I get to see you.

The sea, with all its hurricanes, all its storms. It reminds me of you.

Watching you fall in love and out of love. But never with me.

You were like the sea, with all its stillness. And all its peace.

My intense longing for you to stay. So hopeless yet so ardent.

Because just like the sea you were. Always changing yet so persistent.

JUMPIN' OVER

OH MY GOD IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED MITSUAYA HAVE FINALLY KISSED AFTER 116 CHAPTERS LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GOOOOO

yves & chuu 💘🍏

I love her so much, I don't know what to do with myself.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I need to be the most beautiful girl someone's ever seen I need to be brought flowers on dates I need to cry into someone's arms and I need to be held through the storm until the tears blow over I need to be seen and heard and treasured I need to be touched I need to be cradled I need to be kissed and worshipped and romanced and sexualized I need someone to kill for me and set the world on fire to keep me warm and offer to do the dishes for me despite my insistence I need someone to bring me tea and ibuprofen when I'm on my period I need someone to mourn and rage and weep and be weak with me I need to be ineffably valued I need someone to listen and understand or try to understand even if they can't I need to be someone's one and only even through the worst of the worst and the lowest of lows I need someone to tell me stories to take me away from the horrors I need someone to love me and love me and love me and love me even though they don't have to. SOMEONE PLEASE JUST FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

You at 16

I couldn’t count it on my fingers and toes how much you were to me.

A never-ending waterfall fell from my mouth even at the slightest pin drop of you being around,

And suddenly,

I’m left to wonder where you are in the world.

I don’t know what you’re doing,

Who you’re with

Or what you like anymore.

Truly,

I don’t even know who you are.

If they asked me to tell them who you were I would recount a version from a two months ago.

Sixty days and a new world has passed by and replaced you with a stranger.

Goodbye to the two girls, inseparable, always hip to hip.

We took on each new adventure together.

Rolling ankles on netball courts, silly little passes and snickers.

Needles sewn through fingers, hot glue burns and endless loose threads.

Dancing in living rooms, laughing at the table that broke my toe.

And suddenly,

I can’t breathe.

It’s an onslaught I don’t expect.

I see you once,

Your hair is a new colour.

I see you twice,

And you look just like the little girl I met fourteen years ago.

Your tiny fists have winded me,

Keeled me over and told me to remember.

I scream at her, you, she, you,

“Who do I remember?”

Do I remember two chests heavy with dread,

Illusive freedom at our fingertips

And bitter words on our tongues?

Do I remember soft gentle hands,

Pushing my hair back,

Saying ‘it’s okay’,

Beckoning me to safety,

Calling for hours on end,

The fuzzy yells about expensive phone calls?

Do I remember

You at 6

You at 10

You at 13

You at 16

And then again

You two months ago,

Twenty almost touching your lips.

No more will we see the world from the same lense,

But I’ll always hold two little girls’ hands as I walk across the street.

can you post something i keep on repeatedly seeing jean grey and wolverine making out and it makes me fear

cough cough its supposed to be me and Jean 💔 wolverine is like whatever just dont look at him

i feel like that "forever alone" meme from the 2000s ☠️

bro im partially going insane in real time. im about to become one of those stupidass alpha males that get overly protective of their lovers and shit (except i dont have a lover but thats besides the point)

like highkey i am in desperate need to be possessive over somebody. i wanna latch onto someone like a damn leech and never let them go. i want to make sure that a person never needs anything else except for me. just me, me, me, me, me. pay attention to me

idk where these feelings really came from, but i guess after being abandoned (again) in my last relationship, a switch kinda went off in my brain and now i want to ensure im never left alone ever again

now i just want to make sure that a person doesnt love anyone else romantically except for me

i want to make sure my partner loves me and is as head over heels for me as i am for them

i want them to love me just as much as the day they fell for me

i want their love for me to be just as intense

like bro im already picturing myself physically grabbing my lover and holding them close to me so they cant get up to leave

i mean obviously he would have to get up eventually but bruh for the time being i need you With Me and i never want you going Anywhere Else except for right here . with me

me me me me me

me

these feelings are so intense im tearing up

even though im not upset or sad

fuck this is weird

lowkey ive never given two shits about tumblr but my main motivation for posting like i have no common sense is so maybe one day some guy will show up and talk to me and then we become friends to lovers and then i get to have that person for the rest of my life until i am Dead

hi guys

how nice itd be to be loved for who you are

to not be abandoned

to actually be cared about

to be cherished despite your flaws

i need that so bad bruh

Fragmented I strain to hold myself together.

I try to reach and parts of me fall to the floor. No matter how I try to hold it in, the only way to keep myself together is to hold myself tight.

It hurts to reach, to watch the vulnerable pieces of yourself, the ones you've picked up, dusted off, cut your fingers to hold, slip away, fall to the dark for another.

I reach for your glow.

Not worthy.

Not entitled.

Not out of despair.

I reach because I must, because the first time seeing you was all it took, to invade my head, to spin my thoughts, kicking up parts of me long since dormant.

I reach out of sheer need.

I don't care what happens to me.

She can give and I'll be so blessed. She can choose not to shine upon me and I'll stand, waiting for you.

I know I'm not the best. I know I'm not the kindest. I know I'm not much of anything in this life, but for long as I breathe, keeping my beating heart going in this temporary husk I'm in...... I'll be all I can be for her.

Even in doubt, even when I feel like I'm farther away. Even scared..... I will not give up reaching... I will reach until my arms start to spasm, until my body aches from wait, long since weary...... I will reach.

I gave you the key, you need to unlock it.

work song by hozier / mahmoud darwish

I would rather die in your arms than live a thousand years alone.

You’ve waited far too long

for someone to color your heart with tenderness,

to hang love like art on the bare walls of your soul.

But time slipped through like candlelight,

and in the quiet,

dust gathered where laughter should’ve lived,

cobwebs clung to dreams left untouched.

Still, you wait—

romantic, patient, aching—

a heart dressed in longing,

hoping love will one day come

and call this place home.

You who never arrived

Rainer Maria Rilke

Translated by Stephen Mitchell

You who never arrived in my arms, Beloved, who were lost

from the start, I don’t even know what songs

would please you. I have given up trying

to recognize you in the surging wave of the next

moment. All the immense

images in me—the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,

cities, towers, and bridges, and un- suspected turns in the path,

and those powerful lands that were once

pulsing with the life of the gods— all rise within me to mean

you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all

the gardens I have ever gazed at,

longing. An open window in a country house—, and you almost

stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I chanced upon,— you had just walked down them and vanished.

And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors were still dizzy with your presence and, startled, gave back

my too-sudden image. Who knows? perhaps the same

bird echoed through both of us yesterday, separate, in the evening…

Du im Voraus

Du im Voraus

verlorne Geliebte, Nimmergekommene,

nicht weiß ich, welche Töne dir lieb sind.

Nicht mehr versuch ich, dich, wenn das Kommende wogt,

zu erkennen. Alle die großen

Bildern in mir, im Fernen erfahrene Landschaft,

Städte und Türme und Brücken und un-

vermutete Wendung der Wege

und das Gewaltige jener von Göttern

einst durchwachsenen Länder:

steigt zur Bedeutung in mir

deiner, Entgehende, an.

Ach, die Gärten bist du,

ach, ich sah sie mit solcher

Hoffnung. Ein offenes Fenster

im Landhaus—, und du tratest beinahe

mir nachdenklich heran. Gassen fand ich,—

du warst sie gerade gegangen,

und die spiegel manchmal der Läden der Händler

waren noch schwindlich von dir und gaben erschrocken

mein zu plötzliches Bild.—Wer weiß, ob derselbe

Vogel nicht hinklang durch uns

gestern, einzeln, im Abend?

I long for her

Poetry Log nº1

D'you even like m-

I want to literally reside in your goddamn bones

I want us to melt into each other like angelfishes

I want us to have each other's scent

I want to lock you up in my basement and feed you with my hands

I want to rip open your chest and lock myself in your ribcage

I want to whisper I love yous to you literally existing

How are people able to love each other romantically so much? How are they able to fall in love since they are in kindergarten? How are they able to find humans that they want to hold and touch and kiss on a regular basis and how they don't think about being somewhere else while doing so... How? How? How...

Is everyone just pretending? Is it that... at some point, you just stop looking? Is it that you settle? Is it that you stop hoping for a great love and you let it go? Do you love the people that you fall asleep next to? How does it look like? How does it feel like?

Is it just luck...

Are some people conditioned to want, to yearn, to wish with no place to release theyre heart? Is wanting really everything there is for some?

longing for a touch, longing to be held in someone's arms, without a rush, without time and space between you two

what is it if not the greatest pleasure and the most vicious curse of the human kind

Why do you like pirates so much? WHY DO I LIKE PIRATES SO MUCH?! I'm genuinely curious and also a little scared of my new enthusiasm that came out of nowhere. I thought my pirate phase was finished ten years ago... well, apperently not and I'm a fool. And also, does it link to me uncovering my sexuality or do straight people fantasize about pirates all the fffff- time too? Is it a universal thing that we are all into piratee-stuff?

Do you sometimes have this urge to go on an epic adventure that will completely change you as a person? Do you dream about pirate ships, highest mountains and deepest woods full of secrets, brave people seemingly not from this world? I want to discover the world so much that it almost hurts. Not just the world, but the magic in it. God, sometimes I just want to see the magic. I hope there is some of it left.

inside of me r 2 (two) wolves

one is cravibg intimacy

and one fears the vulnerability that comes w that

im gay, yes.