Latest Posts by decrepitasylum - Page 3

want to commit but I got a thing going on tomorrow, so suicide debate is postponed. (I'm upset for no reason and hating on everyone)

Fucking hate when others look at me.

Do not perceive me. I wasn’t made to be noticed. Im nothing to look at.

best 30-40 ish minutes of this week

i just spent exploring the third floor of my old 4-5k building with my friend cause she needed props for a film class and I wanted to be useful

it genuinely looks like a abandoned school/warehouse on that floor and I love it

photos undercut because why not

(after they shut the floor down, it was used as a haunted house for a short time, now it's just storage)

do they not get body language? no, I guess fucking not. stop touching me.

“I love you.”

No you don't.

the fact that I sit in the auditorium, in the dark, until the bus. it's a perfect place to cut (because I hate and refuse to go into the bathrooms here)

i just gotta hope the cameras (if there's any in here) don't have night vision.

but I think I may start bringing my blades officially now.

I should've brought my blades with me to school today. i was so close to putting them in my bag yesterday and I should've.

i really really fucking need to right now and I can't go home for another 2 hours.

gonna fucking die or something

why's my dog being a weirdo an licking the blood from my carpet

being pissed while suicidal is leading up to a great idea later tonight

he's more worried about his friend after they said "I gtg" and like. okay.

i like to think i make it obvious how im generally doing.

guess I really don't mean shit. :)

wonder why I don't have the energy or motivation to finish my school work. tired of teachers getting upset.

my teachers wouldn't understand or go easy even if I told them anything.

sorry I can't get the will to finish and turn things in. sorry I'm falling behind. sorry my grades just get worse each year. sorry I don't give a shit about anything.

me, putting my pants back on and realizing, oh, I did gain. again.

slight regret for how deep I cut on my wrist is now setting in

I need to stop going deep on my arm, its gonna bite me back in summer

it's fine, i cant just expect people's attention 24/7. (I expect attention 24/7 while not having the energy to give it back)

i wonder, does my friend actually think I have npd?

what an unlovable thing i’ve become.

i love how I tell him how I'm more suicidal again recently (I hate the 20th/19th of January) and what does that fuck do? "oh..."

and proceeds to forget about it.

man I just don't fucking matter and everyone continually proves it.

my thoughts when someone says "I love you" is just

ha ha. no, you don't. you just love the idea and perception of me that I have given you. you don't love me.

i have an itch at the back of my throat only a shotgun can scratch

One day everyone will think I’m just offline for awhile but I’ll be gone

feeling like blocking everyone but that just feels like too much of a hassle and questions to answer so I'm just going to go off the grid again without telling anyone

is it bad I want someone to do bad things with. to cut with. get high or drunk with. go around at night with. do teenage things with. but no, cant and couldn't have that.

i don't know why I just have the urge to avoid and ignore everyone and shut down.

nvm I'm feeling like shit right now.

why are we okay recently. well, not okay, but neutral. I'm not overly suicidal or depressed or anything like normal, but just rather nothing, numb, if anything. and I kinda hate it. makes the invalid feeling feel stronger.

i only hope that you never find me.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GODDAMN COMPLICATED AND CONFUSING

starting off the morning with extreme anxiety because I don't wanna go to school, woke up absolutely way too early so that's even less sleep, woke up to messages from A, who I haven't heard in 4 months and I don't want to open them

increased anxiety and suicidal ideations this morning, such fun