Latest Posts by hospitaiforbrokensouls-blog - Page 4

“last weekend, i cried. alone, and in the dark i cried. with one hand holding my stomach, and another covering my mouth, i cried. i cried for who i used to be, for who i am now, and for who i hope to be. i cried for the hundreds of scars decorating my body, and for the urges so unbearable and relentless that i thought i wouldn’t make it. i cried for all the sleep i lost trying to destroy myself, and for the weight i dropped trying to achieve the impossible”

— i cried for me

“I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”

— (via flame)

I’m Sorry

On nights you lay beside me Can you hear two hearts? One that loves you fully, The other breaking in the dark.

You put your arms around me, I feel the warmth of your soul. Even that cannot give safety To a body that has gone cold.

Honey spills from your sweet mouth I can never get enough If words could save my every doubt, I only need you with me, love.

The heat of your slow, deep breaths The taste of your lips on mine Although I’ve died a hundred slow, deep deaths, I’ve loved you a thousand times.

Each time you take my hand in yours, The times I took a blade in mine, You remind me why I am here for, I love you in this lonely life.

I’m sorry if it hurts to stay, I’m sorry that I feel this way, I’m sorry for the blood and pain, I’m sorry because sorry is all I can ever say.

Why are you still beside me? All I have is a damaged heart. “I love you and I love you fully, I will be with you in the dark.”

“For herself she was humbled, but she was proud of him. Proud that in a cause of compassion and honour, he had been able to get the better of himself.”

— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (via antigonick)

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

—

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby.

(via theunrequitedlover)

Does anyone else feel like they’re faking it? Not faking but like… not doing enough? I look at myself and how miserable I feel, and I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum. I’m not restricting low enough to feel as hungry as I do. I’m not working out intensely enough to feel as tired as I do. I’m not fasting long enough to feel as dizzy and lightheaded as I do. No wonder I’m still a fatass because without even acting all that out of the ordinary I manage to feel horrid and sick. 🌱

Someone once said to me, “I hope the pain eases soon.” It struck me as the purest blessing that had ever been offered over my head - I hope the pain eases soon. It’s so gentle, so kind, so hopeful. So to everyone who’s hurting: I see how hard you’re trying, and I hope your pain will ease soon.

I’ve not been officially diagnosed and im so scared that it’s all just my imagination

i can’t even begin to explain how much i hate when someone just interrupts me when i’m in the middle of saying something. like it probably took me a while to get over my social anxiety and actually formulate my thoughts so they come out at least halfway coherent and you just interrupt me and start talking about whatever? that’s fucking rude. i already don’t feel like anything i say is valid enough to be voiced outloud. so thank you for reassuring my shit brain by interrupting me. you just made me feel even more invalidated. thank you so much for that jackass

please love me regardless of the darkness i have inside

please don’t leave me once you see how dark it gets

and please still think i’m worthy of that love

Food for thought: If I isolate myself and push everyone away then I can kill myself in peace

sleep is great because it’s like being dead without hurting your family

you can still radiate light if you’re sad. you can still be kind and soft-hearted if you’re a bit cynical. you don’t need to be the happiest person to make someone else’s day better.

“I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.””

— Ned Vizzini

gay culture is. 

I think i might be borderline. Im so sensitive but sometimes i feel so cold. I feel like i know what i want and deserve but then i feel like i dont deserve it and im such a horrible being. Sometimes its like nothing is never enough and i domt understand why. I feel empathetic but then i feel narcissistic, then i feel like i can percieve very well but then i am being one sided without even realizing. I make things bigger when they shouldn’t because im so insecure and stupid. I self loathe to the core no matter how many people boost me up and even if i try i then revert to not deserving and feeling bad and becominh self destructive and impulsive, indecisive i dont understand. I just want to be perfect for people and im so different around certain friends or people that if i were in a room with everyone of them who all dont know eachother i would freak out and feel like i don’t know who i am. I struggle hard with my identity. I feel like i know who i am but then im scared to be me, i am afraid of change but then sometimes i do and dont notice or get stuck or steal from others little habits like they are a part of me and feel lost when they are gone or i just can never let go. Im selfish yet considerate, it makes no sense, i am distraught. Dont know if i am diagnosed properly. Dont even know my ownself sometimes.

“For these past months and years, you’ve let yourself die. you’ve been dying, love. Deep down, you’d hoped for someone to save you. You also knew no one would come in shining armor and deathless spirit to rescue you from this pit you’ve fallen into because only you are able to get yourself out of there. So, you chose to blossom. Water yourself with life, with the life you’ve been denying yourself for so long. And now you are blooming like the most stunning of flowers. You’ll have learnt that you can be reborn, even after the deadliest of times. You can blossom again, even after the worst of winters.”

—

you are blooming.

this one is for @thecoldheartlesscloud.

you hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl. at the same time though, you hate how nobody noticed how broken you are.

“I am unable to describe exactly what is the matter with me, now and then there are horrible fits of anxiety, apparently without cause, or otherwise a feeling of emptiness and fatigue in the head.”

— Vincent van Gogh, in a letter to his sister, Wil. (via apocryphalstories)

“My problem is, I don’t see a future for myself, and when you see no future it becomes easier to see the end.”

- It becomes closer everyday.

“I’m numb and alone. What I want more than anything is to feel something and have someone. But I can’t, I’ve pushed every single person who ever cared away, to protect them from myself . I’ve isolated myself with the loneliness and with no contact to other people my feelings are none existent .”

-Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (excerptsfromstories)

“Sometimes I contemplate, am I in love with the darkness or perhaps, the darkness is in love with me cause I never asked for all this still this burden came to me…”

— Demon

I am creating. I am pouring my soul into this collection. It’s driving me crazy. The stars say I need more time to feel the right words. So I’ve decided that I will release this collection on June 30, 2018. (For those viewing this post on my blog click the images to see the full pictures) Support me with this okay? I wish you all hope, love, and healing. ✿ 

i hate that i’m so absent as a person. i don’t start conversations. i can barely maintain them. i’m so weary and spaced out all the time to the point where i can’t even keep up small talk and i’m just so disappointed in myself

When will I stop pretending that I’m okay?

“i am depressed i am sad saying i have depression out loud for the world to hear is like baring my soul something i simply cannot do i don’t want people to see the thoughts in my head i wish i could hear silence for just one day”

— t.m.

DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME