Hallucination That Turned Into A Draft, Possibly

I'm sad and angry i'm gonna eat 10 chips ahoy

If I'm happy i don't wanna take my meds because "i feel normal again", if I'm sad I don't wanna take them because "what's the point". Then i get even crazier and think "I'm not ill, why should i!!!!"

Well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions, wassup?

Got anatomy and mental healthcare exams today. I domt know why everything has feel so difficult lately, so tiring, so stressful.

I miss first year, it was difficult but it was NOT like this. I feel so bad and so incapable of doing my work. I am letting people i love down.

God knows if i wasn't depressed i would be sosososo powerful, i would be in total capacity. But my brain feels like it need something to work properly. Idk.

I just want exam season to be over right away

whoops, i've been told that "it is not abuse 'cause is for your own good", the harm my parents did to me for my own good turned me in a traumatized child, with fear. Nobody who was physically abused as a child turned out okay.

being spanked is abuse

being slapped is abuse

being physically harmed or hit in any way by a person in power over you is abuse

being intimidated and terrified into thinking that they’ll hit you is abuse

being forced into state where you flinch when their tone of voice changes is abuse

being sure that you’re dead when they lift their hand is heavy psychological abuse

being hit with your own hand is abuse (abuser forcing your hand to strike your body)

feeling like you have to keep a happy face and pretend that everything is okay is abuse

feeling like you haven’t been hit enough and like you deserve more is abuse

having a person with power want to cause physical harm to when you have no way to defend yourself is abuse

controlling your reactions is abuse

demanding a different reaction after physical harm is abuse

demanding no fear, no anger, no bitterness, no symptoms after being hit is abuse

forbidding expression of pain and fear and anger is abuse

subtly letting you know that you can’t tell anyone about what they did is abuse and silencing technique

shaming you for hitting you is abuse

demanding that it’s your fault if you get traumatized by physical harm is abuse

claiming that it’s you who is violent if you resist or try to escape or fight back is abuse

if any of this was done to you: you have been abused

if this was done to you and you don’t think it was harmful: you are wrong

if you dare to comment “i was hit and i turned out okay”: nobody who thinks any of this is alright to do to a child has turned out okay

G-d blessed me after so much time feeling unworthy of love. And how did he make everything perfect, as if it was meant to be.

Me: -do nothing after binging for 3 days-

My ed: sTARVE YOURSELF

My brain: Don't yoU DARE

Me: -starves-

My brain:

Waiting for my gf to have lunch because of our first anniversary:)

if my "grade 6" writing is too complex, maybe u should've paid attention instead of wasting brain cells online

Girl is your language, not mine, go do some grammar practicing skills or get to fanfiction

I wish i knew how to comfort people. I'm so bad at it, i get so stressed because i want to make her feel better and feel okay. But i never know what to say.