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Latest Posts by khaasi - Page 4
If batkids had a podcast XVI
Red hood: Just us today?
Nightwing: Just us today.
Red hood (laughing) I wonder why–
Nighwing: Dude– (laughing as well)
Red hood: I–
Nightwing: Dude don't do it–
(just both of them chuckling)
Red Hood (close to the mic): They're grounded.
Nightwing: (CACKLES)
Nightwing (crying): This is not funny
Red Hood: This is hilarious.
Red Hood: Were last survivors of our kind. . .
Red Hood: Adults.
Nightwing: Adults.
Red Hood: He can't ground us anymore.
Nighwing, chuckling: He can't ground us anymore
Red Hood:
Red Hood: Fuck.
Nightwing:
Red Hood: We're b– (pause) We're both the oldest now.
Nightwing: Yeah– You, me and–
Red Hood, at the same time: Yeah– (pause) This is so surreal
Nightwing: You think?
Red Hood: Yeah. Dude – I was. . . I was the youngest.
Nightwing: Oh your sweet summer– I was a only child.
Red Hood: (Cackles)
Nightwing: It really isn't that weird to me.
Red Hood: Really?
Nightwing: Yeah– I was always the oldest man.
Nightwing: I was the oldest of my team
Red Hood: What?!
Nightwing: Yeah!
Red Hood: You're fucking with me.
Nightwing: Nah man– I was the oldest. I am the oldest, I'm not dead.
Red Hood:
Red Hood: You're older than Arsenal?
Nightwing: I'm older than everybody man.
Nightwing: People look at me and assign me to take care of children.
Red Hood (imitating Damian voice): "Father genes"
Nightwing: HA– "father genes" (pause) Why are you looking at me like that?
Red Hood:
Red Hood: You're ancient.
Nightwing: IM NOT ANCIENT.
Red Hood: You're older than the Teen Titans, fucking older than Young Justice.
Nightwing: You're older than Young Justice
Red Hood: I was dead man it doesn't count.
Nightwing: Of course it does– How old are you?
Red Hood: How old are you?
Nightwing:
Nighwing: I– I am an adult.
Red Hood: Uh-huh.
Nightwing: In a reasonable age.
Red Hood: You're in your thirties aren't you?
Nightwing: NO
Nightwing:
Red Hood: You look like you're in your thirties– The bag under your eyes
Nightwing: Because I'm tired????
Red Hood: The hunched posture.
Nightwing: Hey I do not have hunched posture– Fuck you.
Nightwing: You try to take care of an entire team of teenagers just to end up taking care of more two and a grown ass depressed middle aged man.
Red Hood: That was Red–
Nightwing: That was Red. (pause) I would have fucking killed him.
Red Hood: Oh Definitely.
Nightwing: Point still stand man I'm tired.
Red Hood: Both of us.
Nightwing: Both of us– (chuckles) Robins if you're hearing this I love both of you and I would do it all over again. Titans– (closer to the mic) You know what you did.
Red Hood: (Cackles)
Red Hood (closer to his mic): You know your sins.
Nightwing (laughing): Flash owe me 30 dollars.
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i've said before that i love the english teacher jason todd headcanon but a similar one i think is very much overlooked is art teacher damian. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen it before. but i think it would be AWESOME hahaha
Damian: *carrying a large box* occasionally, my own sophisticated vernacular does not do justice to a situation . . . so to paraphrase one of my students . . . this sucks ass Jon: *grabs box, then raises brows* i was going to tease you for that . . . but yeah. this thing is freakin' heavy. what is this??? damian: *looking EXTREMELY tired* clay. for my students to make . . . sculputes out of. jon: *weary* why the hesitation? damian: more often than not their sculptures are more bomb than sculpture. jon: . . . ah. how does that work exactly? damian: *staring into the distance* now why would i trust you with the knowledge of how to make a bomb, jonathan.
Damian: welcome to class, students. today we will be participating in one of my personal favorite mediums, painting student: what do we paint? damian: anything but batman. i know you enjoy memorializing vigilantes in your art, but he angered me last night and as such the sight of him would sicken me students: one brave soul: what did he do? daminan: *straight-faced* he ate the last of the peanut butter in the pantry and failed to buy a new jar. now, for the paintings--
jason: *groaning, head resting on the papers strewn over his table* god, my students are so dumb damian: *framing and hanging up art pieces gifted to him by his students* i cannot say i relate, todd jason: *under his breath* fuck you too
damian: *peering over jason's shoudler at grading jason is doing* what is all this? the red marker? jason: *chugging coffee like its a shot* mistakes i have to correct for them damian: *frowns* that is a lot of mistakes. jason: how 'bout you? how'd your students do on their assignment? damian: well, jenn forgot that we'd moved on from abstracts, so her landscape appears as if it has stepped foot out of a picasso rather than the monet it should have been, but i have graded her with the abstract scale rather than the realism given that it was a simple mistake. her usage of tones and textures impressed me, and while the expressionism and irrealism is slightly off-putting in a landscape, i have found it quite pleasing to the eye. jason: i have no fucking clue what you just said but okay
Headcanon that when extremely sleep deprived Dick tells Jason wayyy too much traumatizing lore about his life.
Bc he kinda forgets that Jay wasn’t there for it
Since he was hallucinating the bastard (yeah I know in canon it was obviously a hallucination idk)
So Dick will accidentally just lore dump about the most insane shit bc well Jason was there (no he wasn’t)
And when he’s offensively sleep deprived it goes the other direction and he forgets that Jason ever came back.
So he’s just in the corner watching what he believes to be a hallucination of his baby brother except for some reason his mind decided he needed to see what Jay would look like grown up.
Dick on day 7 without sleep watching Jason beat up a gang member: maybe my therapist was right
Jason: the fuck are you-?
Dick: Maybe I DO need to go back on anti-psychotics
————————————————————
Dick alone in his apartment with a bag of shredded cheese and a plain cereal box in one hand ready to have what is probably the Most depressing depression meal: hmmm hmmmm hmmm
Jason who climbed through a window while dick was distracted: Sup
Dick: ah look a wild hallucinajason appears
Jason: what the fuck did you the call me
Dick patting Jason’s cheek: oh they’re somatosensory now too! That’s new! Anyway bye bye baby bird
Jason watching his brother leave the kitchen: ….okay what the fuck?
——————————————
Dick only on 3 days without sleep: this reminds of the time I was about the sign my marriage license!
Jason: two things 1) why does a shootout remind you of being at the courthouse 2) WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET MARRIED
Dick: I didn’t get married?
Jason: then what the hell are you talking about
Dick: idk the last time I tried too get married way more guns than necessary were involved and you know when I tired to get married Jay you were there!
Jason “was dead at the time” Todd: what the fuck are you talking about?
Dick: yeah! I mean you really hated her so you told me I’d be a disappointment if I married her and then disappeared. Which like granted I also didn’t wanna marry her but that was harsh
Jason: ….. I? I don’t even know what the appropriate response is? Here
Dick: an apology would be nice?
Jason who is now 50% sure his ghost haunted his brother 25% sure his brother was hallucinating and like 25% sure Bruce used his image as a tool to get dick to do what he wanted: ……. You know what… nah she was a bitch and I’m glad you didn’t marry her
Dick: I mean.. same
—————————————
Dick has a caffeine IV Grayson : this brings me back to the good old days
Jason dodging an alien: ??? When you were Robin ? How?
Dick: no! When Donna died and I didn’t have to worry about saying alive so I could do insane shit like infiltrating an alien spaceship with no protective gear
Jason:??????????????? Dick what the fuck
Dick: OH come on??? You were there! Very quippy 10/10 would be haunted by again
Jason:…. I- yeah you know what I’m not touching this one

I have a head cannon that Dick isn’t as phased by things in Gotham as the rest of the batfam. Per my post about Dick getting to do whatever he wanted as Robin, I feel like Bruce learned what he should censor for the other Robins but he only learned that by having Dick experience it first. So now Dick will just walk into the most cult like violent scenes and he’ll just be walking around like he’s in a Home Depot. Like one of my favorite panels of Dick is when he is with the titans and he tastes the “blood” on the floor to see if it’s blood or not. I just feel like he does stuff like this all the time and Jason and Tim stare at him like he’s insane.
it’s a batkid tradition to memorise Bruce’s credit card number. when you join the family you get kidnapped and held hostage by the kids while the existing siblings drill you repeatedly until you can quote all the numbers like a soldier mindlessly responding to their drill sergeant. Bruce doesn’t find out this is a thing until theres a big case that requires some of the kids back up the JLA in a mission, but Duke hasnt slept for like three days so when Bruce barks at him to pay attention he snaps upwards like a sleeper agent to rattle off the entire card number by default. the table falls silent. Bruce furrows his brow.
Bruce: …wait. was that my credit card number?
Duke, instantly: im so sorry it was Dick’s fault i promise
Dick: HEY-
Barry: wait that was his credit card-? hey can you say it again-
Oliver: -also the pin,
Bruce: Barry, you know if you need help i am happy to-
Bruce, abruptly changing tune the second Oliver opened his mouth: -YOU can shut the fuck up i know exactly how much is in your bank right now-
Oliver: HEY I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS-
hc that jason todd has an instagram/youtube/tiktok account called gatsbyreviews (named after jay gatsby) where he posts reviews of various fictional media (mostly books). thing is, he always gives the reviews in the tone of a pissed-off drill sergeant explaining something for the third time to a particularly bone-headed group of rookies. so even when the review is positive, he sounds like he's passionately defending it in court. he does all his videos in a hoodie and sunglasses, so his identity isn't clear (especially since any viewers who could have recognized him somehow would know he's, y'know, dead) but the visible scars on the lower half of his face are an endless source of intrigue to people in the comments. someone once asked how tall he was, and he responded with a video of him silently stacking up books until the pile matched his height, then standing next to the pile for several seconds before playing jenga with it and eventually knocking it over, as jenga usually ends up going. another youtuber uses the books to find jason's height (the guy in question is real, his name is shane fanx and he's known as the asian height guy) and when it's revealed that he's fucking 6'3 all his viewers start losing their minds. they talk more than ever about this massive, scarred man with the biteable thighs and passion for literature. he gains thousands of followers overnight, people are thirsting in his comments, and jason's just like "hey wtf have i gotten myself into"
on the bright side, he stops thinking he's the ugliest member of the family. after all, when hundreds or thousands of random people on the internet are thirsting over you without seeing your full face, it's hard to keep thinking you're hideous.
DP x DC Prompt.
Deadserious
.
>Danny had a problem. He thought he handled it well. He couldn't tell his civillian boyfriend of his half-dead status.
He definitely couldn't let him find out by being summoned by some culty wannabes who wanted to rule the world.
Easy solution: Volunteer to be the sacrifice, turn his eyes green, and act like a Royal prick and powerful being. Get rescued by one of Gothams 50 vigilantes. And claim no memory.
Boom, secret identity underwraps.
He didn't expect everyone to treat him so fragile after.
>
Damian also had a problem. That problem, being his civilian boyfriend, was obviously possessed by a spirit of the ghastly ghost king and was utterly clueless about it.
And it was all his fault.
Danny Fenton was the next June Moore/ Enchantress. Except he was hosting one of the most powerful beings in the universe.
And that lovable idiot had no damn idea about it.
DCXDP crossover where Danny ends up adopted by the bats for one reason or another, and they all know about his ghost powers/vigilantism but not the extent of it.
So one day they're all out patrolling Gotham, and one of Danny's rogues comes out, specifically one that's screaming about wearing his pelt on his wall. The bats go into protect mode obvs and scoop up Danny to try and shield him from this evil green glowy guy, only for Danny to flail around like a feral cat.
He's in Batman's arms like; "put me down, PUt mE dOwn, PUT ME DOWN, PUT ME DOWN!!"
and he bolts out of his arms to go and fight this guy and they are both absolutely feral! Biting and scratching and wailing, and just a whole bunch of freaky paranormal shit. To the bats this is the most desperate and destructive looking fight they've ever seen and they have no clue how to help. To Danny? The complete opposite.
In Danny's POV the whole interaction was completely friendly!
Skulker: Come out here, Phantom ! Come fight me so I can use your organs to build my throne !
Danny's vision: hey ghost boy 🥺🩷 let's go play outside 🥺🥺 plleeaaaseeee my mom said I can be out till the streetlights go off 🥺🥺
Danny: B you need to put me down !! Now !! I gotta go please ! Please !! You don't- you have to-- stop!! You don't understand, put me down!!"
Danny's vision: dad I wanna play too 🥺🥺 I'll be good I promise 🥺
The bats are obviously freaking out. They can't touch this guy and Danny is fighting for his afterlife ! Why can't they do anything ! Why are they so useless ??
After the fight Danny soups Skulker and descends back down to the bats. To them he looks beat. He looks scared. He's shaking now that he's back in B's arms, his eyes are droopy with exhaustion, but his pupils are still blown wide. They're all practically sick over him.
Meanwhile Danny is coming down from the equivalent of a sugar high or ghost zoomies. All that adrenaline is still coursing through his body making him shake, and the ghost fight after not facing a formidable opponent in a while, plus not having access to pure ecto like he had in Amity has left him sleepy.
He falls asleep in Batman's arms, making the bats think he passed out. When he detransforms in his sleep ? Oh, he must practically be dying again rn.
He wakes up in medbay confused. He just had the most fun he had in months. Why the fuck is he here ???
Tim: So Duke, you officially been at the manor a year, how are you liking it?
Duke: I’m finally settling in. I’m no longer worried Bruce is going to send me away.
Jason: I get that. I thought I was just some charity case. I was terrified that I would mess up and end up back on the streets. I stole a bunch of expensive looking things and kept them in a go bag. I was prepared.
Damien: I too feared being sent away. My grandfather would have been disappointed. I was prepared to fight to the death to prove my place in the family.
Dick: I was sleeping with a knife in my sock in case he sent me back juvie.
Cass: (signing) I feared disappointing him. I felt like I needed to earn my place here.
Steph: He couldn’t get rid of me if he tried. I am like glitter.
Tim: Same. I think he tried to kick me out like 6 times. I just laughed and walked past him.
Duke: Are we just going to ignore Dick’s knife comment?
FAMILIAR FAMILIAR MASTERPOST
If you want to see my general info (and also which tags to look at my other art, click here)
FAMILIAR FAMILIAR is a self indulgent TOTK AU where Link and Zelda traverse the wild lands of Hyrule together. There are ruins to be discovered and monsters to be eaten.
This project is a linktober challenge that will extend past the month of october. Please be patient with me as this is entirely being funded by a hyperfixation and the support of beloved patreon backers (ty patreon backers). Pls note fanart, fanfics, and spinoffs are perfectly fine as long as credit is due!
Chronological Order (updating as we go!)
1. Blood Moons and Headaches
2. Basement Adventures
3. Basement’s Adventures Haunted
4. Basement’s Extra Haunted
5. Lost (and found)
6. World’s Endin, Purah’s Stressin
7. Concern about Death Mountain
8. Goron City and Yunobo
9. Death Mountain vs Oversized Railgun
10. The Sage of Fire
11. Interlude
12. Goodbye Eldin!
13. Rained In
14. Skyview Towers
15. Close Call
16. Welcome To The Swamp
17. A Guide Named Yona
18. Sidon’s No Good Very Bad Two Months
19. Authority Issues
20. Lab in the Sky
21. The Water Sage
22. Reprise
23. Century Idol
24. Safe Travels
25. It’s Free Transportation
26. Song of Perseverance
27. Crack in the Maze
28. Looking for Lunch
29. Pirates, in MY Hyrule?
30. Ghost Ships
31. Great Fairy Cotera
32. Arm Collection
33. Mushrooms and Cheese
34. Three Headed Public Menace
35. Back into the Basement
36. Spider Jumpscare
37. It’s Free Spine Residue
38. Song of War
39. Wet Sand
40. Fight or Flight
41. Flooded Desert
42. Gut Conductor
43. Riju’s Bug Zapper 9000
44. The Shroud Bringer
45. Weight of Responsibility
46. Ghost Nap
47. Restless Dead
48. Lightning Sage
49. Surcease
50. Kept Promise
EXTRAS:
- Link and Zelda Reference
- Spotify
- Oneshot ficlets
Day 33– Hatteno Village
Welcome to Hatteno Village! They like to insist Link and Zelda are their local cryptids.
(Wanna see more of this totk au? It’s called familiar familiar and it’s a what-if-zelda-doesn’t-go-back-in-time and then spiralled into crit-rewrites-totk-into-a-self-indulgent-botw-continuation)
((Wanna support me? Check out my patreon for sketches and early access! Remember to use web or android folks, apple charges 30 percent tax.))
Tim: You don't want Dick to die
Tim: And I don't want Dick to die
Tim: So now we gotta make sure Dick doesn't want Dick to die.
Jason: Fantastic plan but have you fucking met Dick
okay contrary to a previous post i made: what if jason wrote fanfiction but it became a MC Daredevil situation where literally everyone knew his identity but he just waves them off
Jason: *writing A/N* here you go guys, sorry, something came up with my job comments: we all know it was the warehouse penguin blew up. its all over the news jason: *responding* idk what you're even talking about dude, i don't own a tv. how could a flightless avian blow up a warehouse
jason: this chapter's gonna be a little dark cuz that's my mood this week comments: is it because they took you off the earth's greatest threats list? jason: they wh---no of course not
jason: *posts* comments: we missed you red hood! jason: idk who that guy is but he sounds cool
jason: ugh, have you guys seen the new episode? shit's horrible. here's a fix-it. comments: do you . . . perhaps . . . think its horrible because they misused the gun props . . . jason: no i was talking about x character dying but YES OH MY GOD THAT PART HURT ME TO WATCH comments: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
comments: so when r u going to change your ao3 name to redhood? jason: i fucking swear if one more of you moterfuckers insinuates that i am the gotham vigilante known as the red hood i will withhold five of my most recently written chapters from the entire fucking lot of you comments: . . . you'd never jason: fuck
comments: you have an interestinly in-depth and expanisve kowledge of firearms jason: well, we all have hobbies jason: mine was born out of fear of the ao3 author curse. ima fuckin shoot the thing the moment i see it comin comments:
jason todd as my experience getting glasses:
Jason: *leans over to tim* what does that billboard say? tim: tim: damn, you blind as fuck jason: DID I ASK FOR THE SASS OR THE FUCKING BILLBOARD
jason: i can't find the paprika- alfred: it's right there, master jason stephanie: do you need your eyes checked? jason: i made an appointment seven months ago and it's still gonna be like five weeks from now stephL: i guess you're . . . . jason: don't you fucking say it, blondie steph: *whispers* blind as a bat jason: *running at her* im going to kill you
jason: what does that say? bruce: *frowns* you can't read that? jason: no i can im just asking---OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT
bruce: hey can you read that menu for damian, he's too short to see it jason: no i can't bruce: why not? tim: he's a blind old man jason: and people wonder why i tried to blow all y'all up
jason: i knew my years of obsessively reading no matter the light source or proximity to my face would simeday bite me in the ass. but i really thought it would be like, me walking off a building with my nose in a book or some shit. not having my eyeballs rebel against me. bruce: this is concerning on very many levels
jason: *goes to eye appointment* doctor: so when was your last visit to the eye doctor? jason: jason: um. never. doctor: . . . and, uh, regular doctor? do you have any paperwork from that at least? jason: *laughs* no. doctor: . . . birth certificate? jason: what do i look like, an adult? doctor: *staring up at the brick powerhouse in front of him* . . . yes? jason: *slaps knee* that's a good one. hang on, lemme call my brother. he can probably help seeing as when i was recently dead he was the one that filed all my paperwork and kept my birth certificate and all that shit. doctor: *having an aneurysm* recently dead-
jason: *reading letters off as doctor puts them on the screen* z . . . h . . . . p . . . q? . . . r . . . doctor: *winces* jason: you know i can still see your face right doctor: jason: why are we even doing this. im 100% sure i need the fucking glasses.
jason: *texting roy later* guess who's eyes worked just enough to see the supresssed winces on the doctors faces as they read off every other letter incorrectly roy: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH jason: your lack of sympathy is appalling
jason: *sends photo of himself in new glasses* roy: you're giving off . . . librarian in small town who knows everyone and their grandmother's grandmother but when asked not a single person in the town could tell your name jason: that was better than literally any other compliment anyone could have given me and i love you forever
jason: *walsk in wearing glasses* tim: ooooooooooo nerd jason: i hate this family
I love the headcanon that Jason writes fanfiction and the funniest part of it to me is how his author notes would take the ao3 curse to a whole new level
A/N: here you go guys. Sorry it’s a couple days late, I spent the entirety of yesterday forcing soup and fever-reducers down my brothers throat while he actively told me he wasn’t sick
comments: omg is your brother okay?? Jason, responding: yeah he’s fine now. I took my eyes off him for a second, he downed a coffee and it fucking healed him?? Idefk. comments: wtf
Jason: yo sorry this was a little rushed, my sister’s ballet recital was crashed by the joker and I spent the night helping with the relief efforts comments: damn your siblings are living crazy lives Jason: you don’t know the half of it
Jason: this chapter was a week late, yeah. Sorry about that. I died again.
DPxDC Danny the Guy Who Won't Die
He lives in Gotham, and he is just A Guy. Nothing weird about him, he's just there to study/work/help Lady Gotham to lift her curse/on vacation with Sam. Point is, he is not there to cause trouble and there's no GIW on his tail. Just a dude living his (after)life.
And Gotham, being Gotham, still finds a way to be annoying. There are mugging attempts, robbery, Rogues running around. Only Danny really doesn't want to deal with any of it.
Now there's a dilemma. If he uses his powers to fight, it will sooner or later come to Bats' attention. And if he fights as a human, it will also alert some of the Bats since he doesn't really do a great job at keeping his power levels low. Not to mention the fact he is really not enthusiastic about accidentally punching someone hard enough he sends them to a hospital.
What does he do instead? He pulls the 'I guess I'll die' act.
So every time he is attacked, he just plays dead. The mugger shot him in the chest? He falls down and stops breathing. Caught up in the middle of a Poison Ivy attack? Skewers himself on the vine and goes lax. Scarecrow's Fear Gas? Very dramatically chokes himself and plays a corpse. He makes sure to disappear before any ambulances arrive later, and it all goes well for a few months - he is just a casualty, who cares, really - until one day, he runs into that same mugger who shot him in the chest a while ago.
The man does a double take. Danny doesn't notice - he's been mugged so many times, who has the brain capacity to remember all of those fuckers. But the rumor goes out anyway.
A guy-who-won't-die. It's more of a city legend, really, and the Bats don't give it much thought since, well, it sounds stupid and not very important. A rumor of some man who was shot dead and then showed up like nothing happened? Yeah, it's probably because the mugger didn't check if he was actually dead. That happens. Maybe it wasn't even the same man, Gotham is a big city. If anything, hey, at least that was one less casualty? That's a good thing.
That is, until one day, they show up to Joker's hostage situation and witness the clown screaming at one of the hostages. He is so enraged he is shaking, spit flying out of his mouth, and, contrary to the usual Joker's evil sneers and maniacal laughter, he seems just... furious. But, like, the normal-human-level furious. The 'I just lost the last ounce of patience with you' furious.
"Don't you look away from me, you think I don't remember you?! Na-ah, I do. You were the one I drowned in the shark tank last week! And you were the one run through the chainsaw trap two weeks before that! And you were in the guillotine!!! I saw your fucking head get deattached from your body, how the fuck are you here again?!"
And the guy he is screaming at just looks at him, confused and incomprehensive.
"Um, I'm pretty sure I'd remember getting my head cut off, you know? So, err, wrong guy."
"Wrong guy my fucking ass-"
Joker is so distracted by his screaming match that it makes it almost too easy for the Bats to fight him down and drag to Arkham. Yet, a few of them get just a bit suspicious.
Now, imagine all the shenanigans when they try keeping a watch on Danny the Won't Die Guy.
Bruce has to spend a day working an important mission with the league at the watchtower but the kids are bored so he tells them as long as they don’t disrupt the JL’s work they can hang around the watchtower and then get takeout on the way home. they succeed in keeping themselves to themselves but don’t quite manage not being disrupting. this is because Tim convinced them to do a tiktok trend.
*the league, pouring over case files in serene silence*
*heard faintly from three rooms away*
Tim, Damian, and Jason: we listen and we don’t judge,
Jason: my original plan for terrorising B after coming back to Gotham was to start leaving him a bunch of creepy voicemails Taken-style, and the only reason i scrapped it was because i just genuinely couldn’t remember Bruce’s phone number.
*Bruce lifts his head, squinting slightly*
The kids: we listen and we don’t judge,
Tim: when i was nine my camera broke because a rogue that Batman was fighting threw the car i left it in off a bridge and i was so mad at Batman that i sold photos i’d taken of Bruce Wayne wearing a thong on his private beach to the Gotham Gazette to buy a new one
*the rest of the league also lift their heads, staring at Bruce uncomfortably. Bruce shifts in his seat*
Jason: THAT WAS YOU?
Tim: YOU’RE JUDGING WE SAID NO JUDGING-
Damian: i feel like we should be able to judge OCCASIONALLY.
*the league, eyeing each other*
Clark: they wont… post that video online, right?
Bruce, sighing: to the family groupchat, probably.
*heard again from across the watchtower*
The kids: we listen and we don’t judge,
Jason: back in the league Damian’s hamster died and we told him it was natural causes but it’s actually because i set it loose during a meeting and Ra’s freaked out and stepped on it.
Jason: OK DRAWING A SWORD MEANS JUDGEMENT DAMIAN PUT IT BACK-
Diana: should you be… checking on them?
Bruce, dead inside: what am i supposed to do about it?
Ollie: aren’t you in charge of them?
Bruce, completely seriously: i’m not in charge of anything anymore.
The kids: we listen and we don’t judge,
Damian: when I was a child I was forced to kill 183 people and I dream of their faces every night
Tim: Damian I don’t think you understand the game.
Bruce, getting up: I’m going to go-
The rest of the league, simultaneously:
Clark: see if the kids are-
Diana: we can handle this-
Barry: you got this buddy-
Ollie: yeah go- go take a break-
My favourite fan theory about anything is "Gandalf fucked a hobbit once", as an explanation as to why he's so invested in them. Like several generations ago, purely by happenstance he just happened to encounter a fearless Took lass who decided to Fuck That Old Man and by the powers of supreme hobbit reproduction skills, the natural happens.
So Gandalf just goes "ah well fuck, gotta fix this", somehow makes sure she's arranged an excellent marriage, and pays her future husband a visit like "just a heads-up you're going to have an early, unexpectedly large and supremely excellent child and you are going to be nothing but loving and proud of your firstborn, or she is going to become a very rich young widow whose husband tragically died of a mysterious case of Killed By A Wizard, ok?"
And after that he's been visiting here and there to discreetly keep track of which ones are his descendants, and then after keeping track of all of them becomes too much work, decides to narrow down to the ones he's deemed to take after him (the ones the other hobbits think are weird, mostly) until deciding that Bilbo was his favourite. Probably has zero wizard blood in him by now and Gandalf doesn't even consider the hobbits he's been keeping tabs on as his offspring in any way anymore, it's basically a hobby to him by now.
So any time other Maiar or other immortal races notice him keeping an eye on the hobbits and ask him what's his deal with the halflings anyway, he just shrugs and goes "idk I just think they're neat."
Chapter list: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / extra / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / The End
Tangled AU update
heyyy guys, idk If anyone was still waiting for it if yes, sorry, it took so long. it's back^^
I'm going to start reposting the old stuff as a single posts, so it's easier to read. And then, I'll be updating the new chapters:)
Ngl, this like the best thing I made but I cringed a lot while rereading it tooo soooo it’s gonna be fun, haha, it's a lot. It's probably going to be more chapters than 9, but we will see…
And don't be surprised; the art style varies a lot throughout the chapters. Some stuff is pretty old, and some are newer :D
original post: here
"Oh, he's cinnamon role coded! He's so soft boi!"
OK. Is he Jesus Coded?
Cut the yaoi and get back to God.
realistically i have a phone with tumblr in it but ideally i have a nokia brick and a accounting magazine subsribction