Latest Posts by pistachiophobia - Page 5

Jake: You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?

Isa: That’s your common sense leaving your body.

Isa: I'm bringing sexy back!

Jake: You’re the reason sexy left!

Isa: Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

Isa, giving Kaylee relationship advice: When you're looking for your future spouse, don't just think "who do I want to love for the rest of my life", think "who do I want to argue with about the best way to load a dishwasher for the rest of my life?"

Kai: You say that like you’re capable of loving.

Isa: Dear life, when I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

Jake, texting Isa: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…

Isa′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.

*Later*

Isa, texting back: Fuck you.

Jake: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.

Isa: Unless you're home alone.

yvette may. 23. hot cocoa addict. currently in uni. catch me outside with my two cats.

i might turn this into a fic account!

*not a bot just currently on break! indefinite hiatus*

masterlist: nothing yet <3

｡˚𓆟 all upcoming works:

Jake: Good morning!

Isa: Is it? Is it really?

Jake: Why do hurricanes get such lame names, like Sandy? Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.

Isa: Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

Isa: As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

what’s it called when you just wanna lay down but you have to get up.

Jake: We had fun! Didn’t we, Isa?

Isa: I have never been more stressed in my life.

Isa: What's a mixed feeling?

Jake: When you see your mother backing off a cliff in your new car.

Isa: Jake, what is it called when you can’t sleep at night?

Jake: Depression, obviously.

Isa: Was it not Insomnia?

Jake: They changed it this year.

Jake: Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

i need to update my pfp or else ppl might think I’m a bot or smth. (autocorrect changed this to math).

Jake: The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop...

Isa: Jake, do you think I gained weight?

Jake: No, I think the living room got smaller.

Isa: I just got my boyfriend a 'get better soon' card. He isn't sick, I just think he can get better.

Did you know that majority of Americans fear public speaking more than death? Crazy huh lol

I’m a part of the majority then. 😊 (seriously public speaking feels like a nightmare)

Isa: I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.

Isa: The sad moment when you return to your ordinary life after watching an awesome movie.

just learned that you can't have a happy ending without beginnings, so rest assured i will pour my heart out in sad scenes and write dumb comedy shit for funny scenes.

Isa: Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork.

Isa: Why do people say "tuna fish" when they don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird"?

*watching a scary movie*

Jake: hey um Isa?

Isa: hm?

Jake, shyly: do you wanna cuddle?

Isa: why? are you scared?

Jake: …no but you look like you are.

Isa: I’m no-

Jake, softly: *snuggling closer to Isa* Please just hold me.

i refuse to believe there are people born after 2010.

Jake: So I’m thinking a spring wedding or maybe summer. I don’t want it to be too cold.

Isa: Jake, we’re not even engaged.

Jake:

Jake: thAT’S WHAT I FORGOT TO DO LAST NIGHT.