Latest Posts by shayandwildlifepack - Page 4

Rebloging our own post cause we really would love some more advice!

- Shay 🐾

Question for the systems/plurals (or whatever term that beings use for those types of things) that have intentionally created alter(s)/headmate(s) [or whatever term].

How do you actually go about doing that? We are interested in trying to make/create some packmates (our version of alters/headmates) but we don't really know how to go about that.

We hope that we have explained this in a very respectful way.

- Shay 🐾 & Mystery ❔️ (when we started writing this post, Mystery was also in front, but not when posting this)

Edit (we originally just had this in the comments, but it's worth adding to the actual post): Add on to our original post. We have seen tumblr posts of "make a headmate/alter," are those recommended? (Hope this makes at least some sense). We don't necessarily mean using one or asking for one to be made for us. We just mean how they are formatted and all that. But also, would beings recommend using one of those?

Question for the systems/plurals (or whatever term that beings use for those types of things) that have intentionally created alter(s)/headmate(s) [or whatever term].

How do you actually go about doing that? We are interested in trying to make/create some packmates (our version of alters/headmates) but we don't really know how to go about that.

We hope that we have explained this in a very respectful way.

- Shay 🐾 & Mystery ❔️ (when we started writing this post, Mystery was also in front, but not when posting this)

Edit (we originally just had this in the comments, but it's worth adding to the actual post): Add on to our original post. We have seen tumblr posts of "make a headmate/alter," are those recommended? (Hope this makes at least some sense). We don't necessarily mean using one or asking for one to be made for us. We just mean how they are formatted and all that. But also, would beings recommend using one of those?

Uh, we are not sure if frogs are good pets (we mean, like how a wild animal isn't a good pet, basically not sure if they should be kept as pets).

We have not had frog legs before. And we are not sure if we would ever want to have them.

- Shay 🐾

Hey, what are your opinions on frogs? We need strong opinions, it’s for a school project (lie). -Consensus

Frogs are cool!!!

We love all animals!!!

We don't know much about frogs, though.

Sorry, this probably isn't really what you want. But this is what we can give.

- Shay 🐾

Hey, what are your opinions on frogs? We need strong opinions, it’s for a school project (lie). -Consensus

Frogs are cool!!!

We love all animals!!!

We don't know much about frogs, though.

Sorry, this probably isn't really what you want. But this is what we can give.

- Shay 🐾

Literally me. I am always fronting.

Although the colors/flag hurts our eyes a bit, lol. Would we be able to make an "alt flag" (that's what they are called, right?) of this?

- Shay 🐾

LockHost

Ive been looking for a system term to describe myself for a while, and decided fuck it we ball and made one myself

A lockhost is an alter in a system that seems to be the 'main' host, and is almost always fronting. They may also decribe themself as 'front-locked' or 'front sticky,' but this may not always be the case. They may be able to leave front or the front area, but are usually aware of whats going on with front anyways, and they are quite often pulled back to front within a short period of time. Because of this, they usually become the bodies 'main identity' in a system.

Other alters may use the identity of the lockhost as a mask in the case that they do not want to show themself, and may also interact with or control the body via the lockhost. In the case of a lockhost being an introject, it would not be uncommon for several doubles of the lockhosts source to also be present in the system.

Lockhosts may also act similarly to 'Observers,' in that they are always aware of the body to some degree, and can quickly be pulled to front in the case that they happen to not be fronting in the traditional sense. The lockhost may also serve many other roles in the system, but not always.

In the case of a lockhost also being part of a subsystem or side system, they may or may not be a lockhost of those as well.

!!!THIS CREATOR OF THIS TERM IS PRO ENDO. I CANNOT STOP ANTI-ENDOS FROM USING IT BUT DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME OR MY POSTS OR I WILL BLOCK. ENDO NEURTALS ARE FINE TO INTERACT. PLEASE RESPECT OUR BOUNDARIES!!!

We are aware that there is a similar term to this that was made by an anti endo, however this term was coined without knowledge of the post existing. Do with that info what you will, keep us out of discourse. And like we said before, we don't care who uses this term, but we ask that anti endos not reblogged so we don't get dragged into discourse.

No real clue, lol.

How did we just notice the "wolfdog" because that's what I am, lol. But in terms of the dog part of me, I don't know my breed(s). [We had picked "something else" originally].

My packmate, Shirley, is multiple medium to big dog breeds. They can shift into any form they want to. Some of our other packmates are also wolfdogs, lol.

- Shay 🐾

Silly little poll cause we all love clicking on things and finding out percentages 😌

+ I'm curious

If you're dogkin, what is your dog 'type? (if you have several, pls select the one that's the strongest of your identities!)

I'm curious cause these are the breeds I see the most often, and I wanna know what kind of dogs y'all are 👀✨

Us when we've been using these terms already and then find this, lol.

We don't really like using alter/headmate for any of us, and we were talking to one of our friends [who is also plural], and packmate was suggested as an alternative.

So we used packmate instead of alter/headmate and we use pack instead of system (we also use plural/plurality instead of system).

- Shay 🐾

Pack / Pack Mate

[PT: Pack / Pack Mate]

Aaa, a system member who prefers Pack/Pack Mate instead of alter/headmate(s); a term for when you use Pack/Pack Mate instead of alter/headmate(s).

Template Used by @love-letterworm

[ID: in Alt text]

[Tags] @system-term-archive, @pluralitywords, @pluralterms, @radiomogai, @plurchive, @mates-friends-and-loves

I am Beta leaning. I have mentioned before that I am tridynamic, Alpha, Beta, and Omega, with Beta being my "main" one.

(This has been in our drafts for a while).

- Cyan 🩵 | RWBY "kin" of Shay

alpha leaning | beta leaning | omega leaning

Leaning flags based on our dynamic flags

a term for multidynamics (or anyone) who consider themself -leaning, or more of a/an then their other dynamics/any other dynamics.

Taglist: @omegarchive , @miscearchival , @radiomogai

It feels slightly weird to see others' "views" on the dynamics that are different from mine, lol.

Hope this makes sense.

It's just different and feels kinda weird, lol.

(We have had this in our drafts for a while now, lol. Finally, decided to post it).

- Cyan 🩵 | RWBY 'kin' of Shay (I really hate using "kin," although it is technically correct)

sorry but could you explain misceverse stuff to me? im curious to look into it more but when trying theres no guides or starting points, so any info on what it is, all the terms about orientations(?), scent stuff and how to know your scent stuff, and anything else you know? so sorry for the long ask but thank you for taking time if you do answer lmao

ill leave you some links here, the first one is a more general misce/omegaverse carrd but i personally find it a bit confusing, and the second one is @/omegai's personal misceverse which is my favourite one! :D

as for definitions, ill describe the main dynamics for you:

alpha: dominant, with instincts to care for and protect others. they are mistakenly seen as more masculine, though both males and females can be alphas. they experience ruts, and can get omegas pregnant no matter their agab. their scents are usually very strong (things like smoke, wood, saltwater...)

beta: neutral, with instincts to be mediators and help others. very social, usually seen as the middle man and the most clear-headed as they dont have mating cycles. their scents have a calming effect on every dynamic, and are usually more natural (i.e. pine, orange, mint...)

omega: submissive, with instincts to be cared for and protected, though they are also very good carers. they are mistakenly seen as more feminine, though both males and females can be omegas. they experience heats, and can get pregnant no matter their agab. their scents are usually very sweet (things like flowers, vanilla, coconut...)

all dynamics have nesting urges (though in omegas theyre stronger), and scenting instincts (though in alphas theyre stronger). all produce animalistic noises or "subvocals", though the sounds may vary between verses. the behaviours are set by the verse youre in: for example, i am a misceavian so my behaviours are based on birds, but a miscefelis will have more cat behaviours.

hope this helps, and sorry for the wait! i hope it was worth it :}

Genderqueer, trans masc enby (nonbinary), and novigender are all ones that we tend to use for all of us.

Novigender means a gender experience too hard to read/process/understand or too complex to pin down to one word.

- Shay

random poll time! i was curious about the gender distribution of the alterhuman community so i made this. please only answer if you are otherkin, therian, fictionkin, otherhearted, holothere, archetrope, plural, or any other label under the umbrella

(im very sorry about the lack of options, i hit the maximum which is 12. again, if you are not alterhuman please refrain from voting on the poll. thank you :])

This is so true!!

We don't believe we have DID or OSDD, but we are plural, and it does seem like our trauma affected our plurality.

We won't argue with anyone trying to say that we actually have DID/OSDD. It doesn't even really matter to us that much whether we do or do not. All that really matters is that we are plural.

We have had our moments of thinking that our trauma wasn't "bad enough" and shit like that. So, this post definitely helps a bit.

Remember, comparing trauma is not good for anyone.

- Shay 🐾

"my trauma wasn't bad enough i can't be a system"

whenever I hear people say this I always wonder, what metric are you using? your tolerance for how things affect you now as a teenager, or adult?

something that you experienced as a child is going to use a completely different metric! a child's brain is much less developed than an adult's and what they're able to handle is much less. for instance maybe you like horror movies? you probably can watch them without even getting scared! but if you watched the same film at 7 years old it would likely be a lot different!!

you don't need extreme trauma in order to have DID. it just needed to be extreme enough to YOU as a child, that's all. You got bullied at school? that's enough to develop DID! you had a disorder from an early age that made life hard? that's enough to develop DID! your parents were neglectful? that's enough to develop DID!

there's no such thing as gold star DID you don't need to have gone through the worst of the worst. there's no need for trauma olympics, if you have DID you have DID and that's all!

We are both transgender (specifically genderqueer/enby) and nonhuman (and we actually would love to use the term transspecies more for ourselves, honestly [more so me than my fellow packmates]).

Transspecies beings are not taking anything away from (other) trans people.

People are gonna hate what they hate. If people really try to use transspecies beings as a reason to hate on transgender people, then they were never really supportive of trans people in the first place.

Remember, be yourself/yourselves as long as you're not hurting anyone!

- Shay 🐾 | The host, who always fronts, of the Wildlife Pack

I'm starting to realize my past views about the term "transpecies" don't align with my current morals and I'm kinda playing with the term. To anyone who uses the term, what are your thoughts about it? Why do you think it's an okay term to use or why not?

I've heard people call it offensive to trans people before but ive also heard that take is pitting two communities against eachother for no reason/one identity doesn't discredit another. I can't think of any actually good reasons against the term tbh. It feels like one of those things I heard about through people being like "have you heard some people call themselves trans species and want to become animals??" And out of fear of being ostracized myself agreed with other peoples views of it. Now I think that's a nothing argument and discredits peoples identities because they are "weird". To be honest, I think the only difference between being a therian/otherkin and transpecies is the label and people only disagree with the label because they are worried about trangender people being ostracized or seen as "just as weird" and transpecies people.

Hey random question, does anyone know if there is a word for romantic attraction that's not "sexuality"?

Cause there should be. Cause not everyone's sexual attraction and romantic attraction "line up" (someone could asexual and biromantic, someone could be bisexual and aromantic, etc).

- Shay 🐾

Picked nuance because of multiple reasons.

Firstly, we don't really use system for us [we use plural or pack mostly, lol].

Secondly, a lot of our sources (I am also gonna include my kins in this because yes) may seem "human" at first glance, but none of us have ever been human.

We all are nonhumans.

- Shay 🐾 | The host of the Wildlife Pack [which we commonly will just refer to as the Wild Pack]

survey!!

*if you have multiple fictives in your system answer for either whoever is fronting or whoever wants to answer

*if your source doesn't neatly fit into the nonhuman and human binary pick either what's closest or pick nuance

alterhuman = anyone who identifies as/is not entirely human, whether in full or in part

feel free to share your sources & identities in the replies/tags!!

Thinking about the fact that we need to see a therapist, but we want more that is supportive of alterhumanity and nonhumanity and also the LGBTQ+ community. And so many other things probably.

And we don't really know how to go about looking for a therapist that would fit this category while also being one that our dad would approve of as he is anti-lgbtq+ and shit and he would definitely prefer we get a Christian therapist but no thank you. [We live with our dad and older brother as we are 19 and disabled and shit and don't yet have a job].

- Shay 🐾

Hello!! Thanks for answering our ask!!

Also, except for the exam thing, mood. We got very little sleep last night, mostly cause we are

Dragon is very happy that you said hello!

Thanks for the suggestion for name inspiration!!

Sorry for the very, very late reblog/reply. This has been sitting in our drafts since we first saw the post (so a long time really, lol)

- Shay (They/it)

Hello!!!! How are you?

We decided to come say hello, lol.

We are plural and have an alter/headmate (we wanna find a different term so badly) that is a dragon, and it wanted to basically have us say hello to a fellow dragon, lol.

Currently, it is just going by a placeholder name of Dragon. Honestly, if you have any name ideas for them, we would have to hear the ideas!

Don't know what else to say, lol.

- Shay (They/it) | Host

- Dragon (It/they) | Dragon doesn't really type/talk very much outside of noises

hi!! i know you! im fine, pretty tired (i only got 5 hours of sleep cause i had an exam earlier today). im going home for the weekend so im gonna try and take a nap on the bus to make up for it.

oh, say hello to Dragon for me! i dont have any name ideas (i mean, my name is Talon which isnt precisely the most exciting name for a dragon), but you could look at Wings of Fire characters for inspiration methinks. theres many cool dragon names in that series, so you could probably find something for your headmate there!

have a great day/night!

Love this post!!!

We ourselves don't have DID or OSDD [at least not diagnosed, and we won't argue with anyone on if we do or do not actually have either of these]. We think that those disorders don't fit us because of reasons related to our own experiences, and arguing with us isn't gonna change shit.

However, we do think our plurality relates at least a little to our trauma, so in that way, we are both under the "endogenic" label and "traumagenic". The origin we describe ourselves as is specifically "quoitraumagenic" which is a mix of "quoigenic" and "traumagenic". We have a post with the definition from a website about plurality.

We don't typically want to talk about our origin(s?) for our plurality. We are plural, and that's all that actually matters.

- Shay 🐾

hey, i saw a post on here saying you guys support non "traumagenic" systems and I was wanting to know if thats true.

You guys are so amazing and have helped me with my identity a lot, but this information is really important to me as a trauma survivor with severe PTSD. If you are pro endos but are open to listening to trauma survivors and phycology sources, I absolutely will provide them. I want you guys to be a safe space for people with PTSD and dissociative disorders so bad, as people who has OSDDDID tend to have more "contradictory" labels in the first place, due to the complex relationship all the different alters identities make combined.

I'm hoping so much that you'll be open to listening if this is true.

hello! i'm good, i don't need any!

if you only have severe PTSD and not a dissociative disorder and do not identify as plural, you should NOT be commenting on plurality at all. like i hate to break it to you, but if you do not deal with plurality, you do not know what the experience is like. reading papers about it will not give you insight into how people actually live.

i'm an inclusive Dissociative Identity Disorder system who is 100% pro endo, and any other type of system. i support ALL plurals, i don't cherry pick. you're correct, this blog is a safe space, especially for people with "contradictory" identities or ones that "don't make sense." why wouldn't i be here for endogenic and non traumagenic systems?

that would go against everything i stand for.

i am a trauma survivor as well. i *have* DID, i don't really need any resources on the matter- before I was diagnosed i spent years researching, and i still do keep up with research. i am aware that DID and OSDD are caused by trauma! generally it's severe, repeated trauma and/or neglect. i have no memories of my life before the age of 10. i too have severe PTSD, i have a diagnosis for C-PTSD in specific. i live with this every day of my life. i still have a lot of trauma and triggers. i black out and lose time and regularly forget who i am or where i'm at.

something to keep in mind is research on DID has literally 0 bearing on other types of plurality. just because there is a lot of research into DID, OSDD, etc. does not mean that other plural experiences do not exist. when ONLY siting medical sources and saying that because there's no other "proof" or "evidence" that other types of plurality "can't" exist, it's an appeal to authority. there is no research data to point toward because studies on DID and OSDD and other dissociative disorders have really only gained traction within the last 10 - 20 years maximum. this is an extremely recent phenomenon! just because there are no (paid, keep in mind that studies have to find funding, and investors are picky) medical papers or studies to point toward doesn't mean something isn't happening.

someone identifying as plural without trauma is not an affront to plurals who do have trauma. someone identifying as a system who doesn't have or know of any childhood trauma is not spitting in your face. i've seen this take around and it's just not it. don't take someone else's mental health as an attack on yours. it's not hurting you at all for people to identify as plural if they don't have trauma. it's not spitting in *my* face, so it's not spitting in yours, either. it's okay to let non traumagenic systems exist. it's not exacerbating your trauma or re-traumatizing you or subjecting you to new trauma.

they're not saying that your trauma is invalid just because they don't have any. i don't like people who get on a high horse because they have a dissociative disorder and act like they get to police how other people's brains work. you only know how your brain works. you do not know how any other type of system works.

endogenic systems are not identifying as endogenic to spite you or dissociative systems. they're not doing it to hurt you. they're doing it because they identify as multiple people. that is not being done with the intention to hurt anyone. this is about THEM, not you. nobody is the protagonist of the plural community. no one.

as a plural, myself, i get to choose who i support. and i choose to support people who aren't hurting anyone or doing anything wrong. i really don't care how offensive some people find non traumagenic systems, but they're not hurting you, me, or anyone else. live and let live. you don't know how someone else's brain works. you will never be able to know how someone else's brain works. accepting that will make your life easier.

being angry at other people for not having trauma will not make yours go away or undo what was done to you. you should never take out your frustrations on people who haven't hurt you. endos haven't hurt you, you just don't agree with them. these are 2 separate things. also you really don't have the right to comment on the nature of how complex non traumagenic plurality is or is not- endogenic systems can have just as many nuanced and complex identities regardless of whether or not they're dissociating. they're still multiple people whether or not you see them that way. they also have complex identities, why wouldn't they? being different people leads to a lot of complexity. you should still see them as multiple people even if you don't think it's legit. that's basic respect for another person who, again, literally hasn't hurt you.

also endogenic and non dissociative systems are still people, and we should still care about them. they're still people even if you don't agree with them, and again: they have not hurt you by virtue of existing.

hope that helps and makes sense. i am not open to changing my mind on this, but i appreciate you giving me a good reason to explain my stance on the matter. i don't have the right to police other people and tell them how their own brains work. you don't have that right, either. i'm not here to police anyone. that goes against everything i stand for. i don't gatekeep.

i'm not a cop.

:3c

- Shay 🐾

rb to have a super gay 2023

Once again, we haven't posted in a while, lol.

Honestly, just posting this so that people know that we are still alive, lol.

- Shay 🐾

We haven't posted in a while, lol.

Pretty sure there's also some posts in our drafts that may or may not get posted at any point.

This is just the whole post, lol.

- Shay 🐾

Same here!!

If people are respectful and shit, they are more than welcome on our account/blog!

- Shay 🐾

putting this out there preemptively, my account is for sure a safe place for any alterhumans coming over from tiktok.

We haven't posted in a while, lol.

Pretty sure there's also some posts in our drafts that may or may not get posted at any point.

This is just the whole post, lol.

- Shay 🐾

LOL

So far, we don't have a specific little alter, but I do age regress sometimes.

Although we don't have a job yet, we will be looking for one in January, though.

- Shay 🐾

If the little fronts on the clock can you sue for child labor

Well, in this current body/life, we don't have an SD [service dog] yet (we need to work on getting one).

But from some of our past lifes, we loved having our service dogs help with grabbing things that we had issues getting.

- Shay 🐾

What is your in-depth opinion of fire?

Depends on who is being asked.

There's Den and Moonfire who love fire, lol!

Most of the rest of us mostly just like looking at fire but not being too close, lol.

Not sure what else to say here.

- Shay 🐾

Thinking about going back and deleting some older posts, we might end up reposting some that we delete, but fixing things but not sure yet.

Some that aren't being deleted are being updated with tags.

- Shay 🐾

Guess we are answering from main account/blog now.

Our hyperfixations tend to be more related to our sources and other games, movies, and shows, lol.

Also, animal related things, especially service dogs.

[Some of these could also be special interests, we aren't entirely sure of the difference for us]

- Shay 🐾

What is your in-depth opinion of fire?

Depends on who is being asked.

There's Den and Moonfire who love fire, lol!

Most of the rest of us mostly just like looking at fire but not being too close, lol.

Not sure what else to say here.

- Shay 🐾

We decided to make some flags just for our plurality. While these flags are technically free to use, credit is actually required for these, as these flags are specifically made for us really.

We used browns and green-blues as those are colors that a lot of us have connections and stuff to.

- Shay 🐾

Made some nonhuman related flag(s).

We don't have a name for them as a term or anything. If anyone can think of a good name for it, then feel free to reblog with said name/term.

We do have a definition for what we want the flag(s) to mean.

The definition is: Beings that are nonhuman/not human fully, even when the body they are in is human. (This can be described in different ways).

We tried to kind of make it based a bit off of nature (greens and browns mainly).

- Shay (They/it) 🐾

Edit: These are free to use! Credit is appreciated but not required! Also, feel free to make alternative versions of these flags!

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, and trauma/ptsd. All from past lifes and not explicit.

Talking about this once again, mainly cause I want to mention that it's from both of my "kin" lifes [Zuki and Cyan]. And it was likely more than once in both.

It sucks having to deal with the trauma even when in this body/life I/we have never experienced anything like that.

Anyway, just wanted to slightly vent again.

- Shay 🐾

Tw: sexual assault mentioned, trauma/ptsd, I think that's it? All of this is pretty much just past life, and it's not explicit, just mentioned by name.

Anyone else who experienced trauma in a past life that they haven't experienced in your current life, how do you deal with it?

I haven't ever been SAed in this life but I am pretty sure that I was at least once in a past life [maybe multiple past lifes, Zuki is the one that I am meaning rn]. And I have no real idea of how to go about dealing with this.

I feel shitty cause, like I've said, I have never been through that in this life, but it still affects me about as much as if I had. And I don't really know how to talk about this shit with people cause idk how they would react, even those that support and love me as I am [alterhuman/nonhuman stuff included] but having trauma from my past life that I haven't experienced here is kinda different.

Idk, I just want to know if anyone has any advice or anything for this situation.

Sorry for this type of post, I try not to bring too much stuff like this into my account, but I feel like I need to. I'll try and keep my posts more light-hearted or, at least of course, give trigger warnings or content warnings when they're not light-hearted.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)

This is actually very important!

Also, for our account/blog, we are fine with minors interacting with most of our posts [only posts we wouldn't want them interacting with are more nsfw posts, which is just kinda common sense and shit] but we aren't wanting to talk to minors in dms, this is just a specific thing that we have that we are allow to say.

If you are a minor interacting with our posts, that's 100% fine, and if you want to chat in replies or asks or reblogs, that's also 100% fine with us. Just no dms with minors. That's one of our only "rules" for our account/blog when it comes to minors interacting and shit.

- Shay 🐾

Saw a tiktok of a guy saying he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to minors because he’s 19. And it’s just. I’m so fucking tired of this.

And like to be clear, I’m speaking as a victim of pedophilia when I say: We need to get over this collective fear of endangering children. Because holy shit, this stuff is getting out of hand.

The average person is not a threat to a child.

And also!!! It is actually really really good for kids to have friendships with adults that aren’t their family.

Having friendships with adults when you’re younger prepares you for adult life in a better way then only interacting with adults that are family members or teacher as well.

And also if there’s any sort of weird behavior happening with adults or teachers, it’s very helpful to have unrelated adults, you can go to, and also have a model for what normal adults are supposed to look like.

And also! You’re just making it way easier for pedophiles to prey on children when you completely avoid interacting with them as an adult. Because kids are naturally inquisitive and curious. They are going to want to interact with adults and they are going to want to ask questions. And if the only adult adults that are willing to interact and speak with them or adults who have ulterior motivations. Guess what’s gonna happen.

Also on a more general note. Having a model for what a normal healthy adult is supposed to look like makes it way easier for kids to be able to recognize and identify when adults in their personal life are being weird.

This body may be human but we aren't.

- Shay 🐾

PSEUDOHUMAN

a term used to describe a being who may appear as human, but is not.

a symbol i made for this term.

note that i did not come up with the term, just the symbol.

using the greek letter for H (heta) and P (pi) i combined the two. the symbol is called heta-pi and is written as ͰΠ

i came across this term, and i find it describes me as a physical nonhuman perfectly, as how my human appearance is a deceiving illusion to myself and others.

Absolutely feel this!!!

Although we ourselves aren't "physically" nonhuman. Sadly, this body is human, no matter how much we wish it weren't. Though we are fully nonhuman.

Many people probably wouldn't get the difference between the two, but for us, there is a difference no matter how small it might be. Honesty, the main difference is that we feel we aren't allowed to call ourselves one because of the fact that this body is human.

Physical nonhumans are very safe here, and they don't have to call themselves delusional or anything like that. If you are physically nonhuman, you are safe to fully be yourself on our blog. We would love to see more physical nonhumans around!!

It's sad that this is something we actually have to mention because, honestly, it should just be known and shit. It's sad that the distrust and fear of people who hurt others makes this required to be said so that people can know that they are safe here.

We aren't hurting anyone, so why can't we be ourselves?

Hopefully, one day, we can be free to be yourselves.

- Shay 🐾

The Struggle of Misanthropy

I find myself often struggling with feelings of Misanthropy, they are to me not feelings I particularly like. I know where they come from and why they exist, and even though I do not like them, I understand where they come from and that it is not unreasonable for me to have them. (Continued below the break - Length: 2078 words)

I find that often the community has this push against misanthropy and for particular positivity of humans and humanity, even to the point of shaming those of us who have those feelings including from trauma and hurt. I have a couple friends on here who have expressed either in general or to me that feeling that they have to hide those feelings or worry I will react badly to it. I feel it myself worrying about expressing particular anger for things done to me.

I do think there are multiple types and levels of misanthropy, and it seems likely we are using the same word for different experiences, and perhaps I am using this word wrong. I had discussed this topic after some back and forth with Rani on the subject and determined that we were more or less talking about different aspects of the same word but maybe there is another word that better describes my own relationship with humanity.

There is that misanthropy that seems to take the form of ecofascism, of humans being a virus or particularly evil or destructive. There is misanthropy that takes the form mainly of a belief in superiority in themselves over the humans for various justifications. There is the misanthropy that stems largely from hurt from the actions of humans to the individual themselves that seems to come as fear and distrust and discontentment towards them. I am certain there is a lot of other varieties and there can be crossover between them.

I do not think humans are inherently evil or even uniquely destructive beyond their numbers and intelligence. Heck the penis worm may have ended the Ediacaran. Nor do I think the bad things humans have done to myself, and others, is something inherent to them. Humans are a very communal species who only survived off their collaboration between each other and other animals, but now live in a very stressful environment that encourages individuality and often rewards cruelty. Painted Dogs similarly are very communal and cooperative animals in their packs but confined to captivity can kill each other. A similar story exists for orca as well especially during the earlier days of captivity. Nor do I believe myself superior to the humans. I do find these first two types of misanthropy rather frustrating, but still like my own experience, it seems mostly to come from hurt people, people who have been abused by humans with power over them, people who have been isolated from their communities. I do not think most people come to hating humans just from the blue. My companion for instance does often echo the humans are a cancer idea from their own pain. It is at times frustrating, but I understand at least where it comes from, all the pain within them.

For myself I experience the third type. I do not hate the humans, but I do not particularly like them. I fear them. I distrust them. For me, the humans are in charge, and I have to obey them. They control the food; they control where I live; they control what happens to me and how much I hurt. If I obey them then things will be better for me. I am allowed to live outside of a hospital because I have been good and obedient. I am allowed to have my own life because I have been good and obedient. The humans have hurt me, and they continue to hurt me.

One of the common retorts to this is that it isn't fair to humans to judge them all for the actions of a few. The problem is it is not just a few, and it is not something in the past, it is something ongoing still. I still have to take pills I do not want that keep my body in this human form to be able to live outside a hospital, and if I did not take them I would be put away again and forced still to take the pills, and every step I refused to comply would only result in greater restriction until I complied or could no longer resist. It is true though only a few humans hurt me directly, only a few humans twisted my body into this shape and only a few humans did everything that was done to me in hospitals. But how many humans work in those hospitals supporting those doctors? How many humans enforce the will of those doctors and hospitals? How many people support what was done to myself and others, think that it is right and best for us, or sometimes even a gift? How many people think that what was done to me was necessary? How many think it is just how things are, maybe it isn't great but it cannot be changed? Not all of these people are equally culpable certainly, but the number of people who support this system which hurts us is really very high and I see it constantly all the time, even in just the small jokes people make. While only a few humans hold immediate power over me, in every human, or creature that fills the role of a human, for me is fear, is a need that I must obey, for they have an incredible power over me to hurt me if I do not give them what they want, and that if they do hurt me, even if they broke the rules of their society, no human would ever help me. For me, complete submission to the demands of the humans (at least externally) is the only way for my continued existence and my presence to be tolerated, and the pain I am given to be minimised.

Do not think therians are excused or immune from this; many therians do the same to us as well. I do find many therians extremely human. I find often their concerns, their desires, and their biases are often very human just with a little bit more. I know a number of people have described therianthropy as essentially human+. Therianthropy is a pretty wide spectrum of experience, and it is not inherently wrong to be on the more human side of that experience, I am simply unable to relate to it, but because of the biases many of them carry, they often hurt those like me, and you reading this may perpetuate things that do hurt those like me.

I have never really felt welcome in the therian community despite being here for near a decade now. It was not until around two or three years ago I felt comfortable to call myself a therian. I have schizophrenia and clinical zoanthropy (often shortened to CLCZ here), or those are at least the humans’ explanations of what I experience/d. The community has for a long time not been good to zoanthropes. I have been unwelcome in a lot of communities and it was often made clear to me over and over my experience was not the same as theirs. In order to be tolerated generally it had to be a fairly accepting community, normally of older therians, but with the caveat that if I ever described my experience I would have to play down my experience. I would have to always reassure everyone that I knew I was experiencing a delusion, and that none of it was real, not like their experiences were. I have been continuously isolated from what is ostensibly my own community, and in a community of outsiders, still an outsider, at best merely tolerated at the edge, but still an interloper in -their- space. In an almost mirror of a phrase I see often from therians of “too human to be with animals, to animal to be among human,” I am too human to be among my kind, but still too animal for many therians.

Things have gotten a bit better in the past decade, and particularly so on tumblr of people becoming more open with things like physical non-humanity. I am happy to have joined here, for one the relative anonymity means I can sometimes talk back, sometimes try to fight just a little bit and be heard, but also for the connections I have made, particularly with Dune, Sonar, Xem and Ike. I am very happy to have met other CLCZs. I do not feel so alone, there are others like me out there, and there are others like me on here, others I can connect with finally.

Still despite this, discussions of us not being welcome come up often. Anytime physical non-humanity comes up it does often come to demonising CLCZs as insane, dangerous, or needing serious help. Similarly, too many therians seem very eager to throw CLCZs under the bus when it comes to justifying their existence, particularly to the broader public and anti-kin. For the most part I can avoid it, but still, it keeps popping up. Even among those who do defend us and accept us, there is still a price for us to be tolerated. Many times, the justification why CLCZs are acceptable (particularly in the context of discussions of P-shifters) is that we acknowledge our experiences as delusion and that it is important that we tag our posts with unreality and delusion. Some people will say that those tags do not mean that the experiences are not real they just do not occur in -Reality-. For me at least I read it that the price of being tolerated is still to say my experiences are not real, my past and the things done to me and others is not real. I am tired of having to deny my own experiences as genuine for the comfort of others, I am tired of having to double bookkeep in every aspect of my life, including the places that are supposed to be safe and an outlet for me. I know what the humans think of my condition, and for that matter many therians, but I think I will stop tagging my experience with unreality and delusion, because they are not. I often think to drop the label for myself for feeling unwelcome and instead just use zoanthrope, even if that does not accurately capture myself either as it is still a word given to us by the humans for a delusion, but at least it is my community where I am welcome.

The truth is though, I do not hate the humans. I desire very much reconciliation. Still, as I am being actively hurt by the humans how -can- there be any reconciliation? I am very fortunate to have a few therians and even a couple of humans in my life I can be pretty open with about my experience. I know reconciliation is possible, but even with these close humans and therians (who for me fill the role of a human), I feel that I must obey them to be tolerated, not for their own actions, but for the scars on me from the actions of many humans.

Someday I will return to the water – I cannot survive in the wild – and likely I will go into a tank. I hope, when I do, I will be with my other cetacean friends. The humans did do me a number of kindnesses and made me clever enough that I can more or less fix my body and return to the water. I think only once there can reconciliation begin, with the main point of obedience removed and the cruellest damage the humans did to me, that of being forced to be human. I know that life as a captive cetacean would not be perfect and would carry with it many struggles and pain, and I have no doubt the humans will still hurt me some, I do not expect that others will never hurt me again – I will still often have to obey the humans, but now more as a cetacean than a human. But at least back in the water I could be myself, from the water I could look up at the humans on the edge of the tank and know that I survived and I persisted and I am free. Perhaps I may even bond with some kind trainers. In time those deep scars across me will start to fade – and with it that anger, that fear, that distrust. Though those scars will never fully heal, they will begin to look like the scars on many other captive cetaceans and we -can- reconcile at last.

Zwem ver, zwem vrij, kleine walvis, zwem voor altijd

~Kala