Your Life Is Not Meaningless, You Just Haven't Seen The Sea In A While

Being misunderstood is difficult, but it’s okay. Let them misunderstand you. Be so unwavering in your commitment to yourself that no one can take that away from you. You know yourself better than anyone else does. They might never understand, and that sucks, but you can validate yourself even when they don’t. Give yourself the love and validation others won’t - you deserve it. The way you understand yourself is valid even if others see it differently <3.

2024 LESSONS

jan: being alone does not have to mean being lonely

One key part of relationships (platonic, romantic, etc) is communication. We all hear this. It’s said constantly. Communication.

But there’s a difference between proper communication and well… not proper communication.

There’s a difference between saying:

“I’m feeling insecure because my brain is being rude. It’s not your fault, but could you please give me some reassurance?”

And

“I’m so worthless. No one cares about me. Why do I even try?”

If you want someone to be there for you, please ask them. Don’t hint at it. Don’t guilt at it. I know asking directly can be scary but it is usually so much less draining for both of you than having to play a guessing game. The latter example is not proper communication. You may think the message is clear, but other people’s minds don’t work the same as yours. With that said, maybe the message is clear but the person feels really drained by the way you’re going about it and won’t engage because of that. And that’s super valid. 

If you have needs in a relationship, please communicate them clearly and don’t expect people to read your mind. 

🩷 Digital illustration of a black woman with curly hair holding up a sheet. There is a star garland and there’s text across the sheet that reads, “the tools you needed to survive are not the tools you need to thrive”

my favorite love language is trying, actually

Please stop saying things like "There are two types of people..." or "There are two options..." "It's either...or...". No! False. Wrong.

There are so many types of people, so many options, that you would need several giant books to write everything in. There are at least 8 billion types of humans, with more than one defining trait. Then, all the myriads of options for everything else that exists. After that, you just have to add all the options and types for everything you don't know and won't know in your lifetime about people, elements and life on Earth, the Solar System and the Universe.

How could there ever be two options/types/behaviors/ideas/elements of anything?

Life is naturally complex.

Stop trying to reduce it.

Stop trying to feel as if you understand it.

It's okay if you don't.

"why should I get invested in shows if they'll just get canceled" I was deeply invested in Heroes (2006) and it was not canceled, it just got really terrible. I also got really invested in the sandwich I had a few weeks ago despite it only lasting like 15 minutes. You must embrace the ephemeral. You must be willing to love things that may not love you back, that might betray you, or that may die an untimely death. As the great philosopher Mr. Mitchell Lee Hedberg said "I'm not gonna stop doing something because of what happens at the end."

Something my friend and I were talking about that I think is important is what can happen sometimes when abuse stops.

For my friend, she expressed that her mental health got worse when the abuse stopped. And we talk about that because for a lot of survivors, it’s what happens when we’re feel we’re safe now and our brains begin to process the trauma. But there can be other reasons, too. And for her, it was because she suddenly didn’t feel important anymore. Because while the cruelty sucked, it made her feel she mattered. After it was done, the person was indifferent to her and it felt worse to her.

And I asked her if it was okay if I talked about this because it isn’t something I’d thought of before and I imagine there’s a lot of people who could benefit from me sharing her experience so you know you aren’t alone.

If that’s how you feel, your feelings are valid. And it doesn’t mean you deserved the abuse. It’s okay if your feelings are complicated. You aren’t alone and you are still worthy. Always.