weaves-world
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Latest Posts by weaves-world
2022 Faves ♥ It’s fun to look back and see all the seasons represented. Which one is your favorite?
Villa No. 12 in Iporanga, São Paulo
This album is packed full of "I survived and god damn it I am gonna choose to be happy if it kills me" vibes and I FUCKING love it
Sam didn't know how to apologize
I have always sustained, and keep saying, that Sam is not and has never been abusive, or a walking red flag, or any of the things some people like to call her. She acted like a d*ck and messed up a lot, but I can't point out any time where she was being an asshole where you can tell her intention was to be hurtful. Sam was clearly not socially well adjusted, her grandma didn't let her be herself, her sister told her to pretend, and her friends just went with it. So in many instances she didn't know how to react to things or what to do.
As the episodes progress we can see her getting better at it, and in my opinion nowhere it is most obvious that in her apologies.
The first time that she messes up with Mon, she tries to make amends by just bringing her food, no words and no other actions.
Mon, being the self respecting person she is, is obviously is having none of that. After that fails, it's Kirk who ends up apologizing for her and bringing Mon for dinner.
The next time she needs to make amends it's with Jim. Initially she suggests to Mon that she's going to call her the next day, and this time is Mon herself that gently steers her in the right direction. She tells her that she needs to apologize in person, which she does.
When she goes to Jim, she starts by giving her snacks, which seems to be the only thing she knows what to do. And then, she tries doing the exact same thing Mon did with her.
Sam obviously tries to learn a lot about what to do in social situations from TV, so she ends up apologizing to Jim in a "Lakhorn" way.
Later in the episode, when Mon is mad at her and she doesn't know what to do, she googles it and the first answer is "sincerely apologize".
Sam discards this and tries a social media dance instead. When it doesn't work she tries apologizing and is actually surprised that it works.
So the next time, after some puppy play, she does exactly that.
After her outburst at the end of episode 8, she needs to apologize, hard. So she takes what she has learnt. She didn't call, and instead she went to Mon in person, and waited for her to give her the chance.
And then, again after some play, she sincerely apologized.
Honestly, the Khun Sam from episode 1 and the one from episode 12 are like completely different people. But I don't think anything showcases more her evolution than this. She is constantly trying to do better, even when she still messes up.
Now this is powerful. Having felt bogged down all the time by thinking I had to be responsible for things that I didn't even have reason to know about was exhausting. Freeing is the feeling of just saying, "I'm not responsible for that," and actually clearing all of whatever it is out of your mind.
Source: Dr. Glenn Doyle
lessons in survival & innocence lost
I can turn it on be a good machine I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need I can do it- I'll get through it…
-human, christina perri
I knew GAP was smart. I knew the writers had an expert handle on the story they set out to tell, because they've been telling it exceptionally well.
I did not expect them to give us a scene that was almost brutal in how quietly and accurately it portrayed the lengths people will go to cope- to survive- living under abuse.
I wrote last week:
"when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice."
the writers had already given us enough to piece together why Sam is the way she is, but this scene really pulled back the curtain in heart-wrenching, crystal-clear fashion.
teenage Sam skips into the room, carefree & enjoying being with her sisters. she wistfully watches Nueng on the piano, playing with a borderline-terrifying smile on her face.
Nueng catches Sam smiling & asks:
Sam responds simply, innocently: because Nueng is, of course. if her sister is happy, so is she.
a quick note on Nueng's smile: Mind really going in with her facial expressions here felt so intentional. it's obvious to us that she's forcing it, but Sam in her youthful naivete has no idea. she still sees a smile for what it is, for what it should be: joyful, happy, and most importantly- honest.
it was such a smart move on the writer's part, adding to the weight of the moment that comes next.
Mind's expressions here are the definition of "a picture's worth a thousand words."
the smile fades away, replaced by a melancholy, world-weary expression. like she knows what she's about to do, and the effect that it'll have on Sam, but that it's for her own good.
right or wrong, cruel or kind- in her mind, it'll help Sam survive.
Song pipes in first, though: she knows why Nueng is smiling like that, and what it really means.
Nueng explains that it's a ruse: she's actually under a lot of stress, so she's tricking her own body by smiling.
Nueng’s explanation (understandably) isn't enough for Sam. she doesn't have any concept yet of faking emotions, let alone why anyone would do such a thing- so she questions Song about it, too.
Sam’s still processing Song’s response when Nueng walks up, placing a gentle hand on her head. the weariness is back as she tells Sam she can do this, too.
the look of wide-eyed, innocent worry on Sam’s face when she asks “how?” nearly broke my heart in two.
this is all new to Sam, but she trusts her sisters. this must be an important thing that she learn to do, right? and these behaviors have to be learned- either out of necessity or through loving, misguided instruction, like we're witnessing here.
it was like watching a slow-motion car crash: you know the impact is coming and it’s going to be awful, but you can’t look away.
I desperately wanted to shield Sam in this moment- to keep her from learning how to twist and contort herself into something she isn’t to survive the environment she was born into.
Sam parrots back Nueng’s advice at first before confusedly asking, “what if I’m happy? can I smile then?”
Nueng doesn’t hesitate: “if you smile, you lose.” and I’m on my knees, thoroughly gut-punched.
the final nail in the coffin: Nueng telling Sam that she wants her to do that.
Freen then gives us a masterclass in loss of innocence via expression alone. we can see Sam’s light diminishing right in front of our eyes, fading into the schooled, emotionally numb look we know so well for the first time.
it’s equal parts brilliant and unbearably awful.
I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask give you all I am…
this scene was one of the most powerful illustrations of the lengths victims will go to survive that I’ve ever seen in a show, Asian or otherwise.
there was zero expository dialogue here. witnessing Sam being brought into the warped, broken fold 'for her own good' was plenty.
it was paradise lost; it was the twilight of innocence; it was the continuation of the cycle. and it made Sam’s openly-expressive, incandescently emotional vows in the wedding scene all the more meaningful.
love, in the end, finally broke the wheel.
side note- not to nitpick but I'm gonna: I really wished they went with the actress who played young Sam for this scene rather than Freen. Sam clearly knew how to force an expression much earlier, so have Freen play this scene felt like a continuity error, even though she knocked it out of the park.
exhibit a ⬇️
👁️ ✨
breaking the cycle of generational abuse takes time.
the truth of that cannot be overstated. for a child, it warps and reshapes everything: their understanding of themselves, what their place is in the world and how they engage with it.
when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice.
Sam learned from a young age that love and acceptance were contingent upon her compliance. it was transactional- to be earned by meeting her grandmother's expectations, never freely given with no conditions. she took the one thing a child needs the most and dangled it like a prize over Sam’s head, making her work for it.
and if Sam needed any further motivation not to stray from path she was placed on, all she had to do was look to her sisters- both of their lives a tragic example of the consequences of disobeying. imagine how afraid she had to be, and for so, so long. it's heartbreaking.
then Mon came along- letting light and so much love in with her.
with that in mind, next week's preview wasn't a big shock to me. painful, yes- but mainly because it rings so terribly true. the roots of abuse run deep and are long-reaching- often much further than we expect.
I can count on one hand the amount of times I've actually liked high-tension or conflict in a finale. it usually feels like a cheap emotional ploy- lazy writing in an attempt to keep the audience coming back. in my opinion, that's absolutely not what we're seeing here.
the end still remains to be seen, but I have no doubt Sam will finally, permanently end the cycle. it's just that a little more work, a little more struggle, unfortunately- has to happen first.
a toxic foundation laid over a lifetime has finally been cracked, fractured. thanks to love, the biggest work is done. for me, next week doesn't seem like a step back at all.
it's just the last breaking of the wheel.
a note on Nueng, my beloved: sometimes, tough love is incredibly necessary, especially when you're so far gone in a situation that you can't see it for what it is. I was thrilled Nueng was there to provide an equally-strong opposing voice to their grandmother's authority. the one point I strongly disagreed with her on is calling Sam "soft" for continuing to bend to her grandmother's will.
Sam's reluctance to leave even when it's killing her has everything to do with a lifetime of conditioning and love for her grandmother (which she doesn't deserve)- she's not weak; she's a victim. she did find her strength when she walked away, and I fully believe she's going to realize just how strong, capable and worthy of love she is by the end.
Pardon the terrible quality, but this, right here, when Sam says, "I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you.", it is so, so, so chilling. It makes absolutely clear without being descriptive how terrible Sam's grandmother is, and how much she dominated and mistreated Sam her whole life.
We see that with her estranged sister, one of the first things Sam says to Neung (who she hasn't seen or talked to in years!) is an accusation filled with all her old hurt and anger that Neung abandoned her and Song with their grandmother, who got worse after she left.
Which is terrible because we already know that the Honorable Grandmother got even worse than that again after Song died!
The trauma her grandmother has been responsible for in Sam's life has always been palpable, but it was made especially so in this episode, in this scene, and in this line.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you."
From the moment Mon tells her, "Today Lady Grandmother came to your place," Sam immediately knows what happened. We see her heart break, but we also see her fight back her devastation so she can pull Mon closer to her and comfort her. We see how angry she is at herself and horrified that she let Mon face the Honorable Grandmother alone, and we see that as soon as Sam can speak, all she can say is, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Because Sam is sorry; sorry that she allowed her grandmother to inflict violence and trauma on Mon, because that is what her grandmother does.
...
Sam is very, very clear.
The Honorable Grandmother needs to be protected from.
Like Sam never was after her sisters were gone.
The Curse of the Yiling Patriarch
When the Wen Remnants were farming I imagine they had to clear the land of corpses and things like that, maybe they quietly gathered the remains in a area WWX warded. The corpses had died with various trappings such as small jewels and finery that were completely saturated with resentment that genius WWX would never ever touch with the longest barge pole ever.
Post siege the Jins think the Cursed treasure is WWXs wealth and take it for themselves, the curse spreads rapidly.
WWX is ressurected partly to bring down JGY and partly to break what is assumed to be his anti-theft curse on the cultivation world. The curse that turns people into living skeletons by moonlight removes any satisfaction via food or drink as well as rendering them immortal... And spreads with every time a piece of Cursed Treasure is sold.
(It's basically the Cursed Aztek gold from Pirate of the Caribbean The Curse of the Black Pearl. Because cursed living skeletons seems right up there in Yiling Patriarch aesthetic and he'd probably think it very ironic and get a good long laugh out of greedy Jins getting cursed by gold.)
The first time Wei Wuxian uncovered the gold, he warned the Wens to never touch the damn thing. There was a curse so heavily entwined with the treasure that Wei Wuxian didn't want to know what would happen if someone touched it.
He made sure to leave warnings and a barrier around the damn stuff so that none of the Wens would accidentally stumble upon it.
He would have never imagined the implications of what would happen after he and the Wens died.
.................................................
The Jins has struck gold.
And quite literally at that.
After Wei Wuxian had offed himself for them, the Jins took it upon themselves to help clear the Burial Mounds of any dangerous materials. And of course seal them away! I mean, why would they take away the Yiling Patriarch’s items if not to make sure they were properly taken care of?
So of course, seeing the gold - regardless of the fact that it was saturated in resentment and had a whole barrier and warnings to STAY AWAY from it - the Jins pocketed all that wealth and decided to make sure it stayed away from the wrong hands.
As they turned away, unbeknownst to them, several red, glowing eyes glared at them viciously.
..................................................
The Jins returned to Koi Tower, their greed satisfied by the amount of gold they carried. Jin Guangshan grinned gleefully as he examined the gold that had been collected by his men.
They held a banquet under the moonlight, celebrating in the riches plundered from the Mounds. but not even half a shichen after the sun sank, resentment curled around the people who had touched the gold, turning them into skeletons. At first, chaos reigned in the room before people found out that they hadn’t turned into mindless beasts. They still had their rationality. They even discovered that once they took shelter from the moon, their skin would return to normal.
But in any case, all those who had touched the gold were cursed. And they had no idea how to fix it.
At once, they figured that the Yiling Patriarch had placed a curse on them and everyone damned him a thousand deaths. They’d figure this out and make sure that that demonic cultivator’s soul would never reincarnate.
.
.
But that wasn’t the end of the curse. In an attempt to rid themselves of the cursed treasure, the Jins spent the money on food and supplies, on pleasure and wine.
However.....they soon found out that they could not taste their food and drink, that they could not feel pleasure. They could never feel satisfied no matter how much wine they drank, their food turned to ash in their mouths, and their lust could never be slaked.
This could have been enough to kill a cultivator but they found that they couldn’t die. They had thrown themselves into an eternal hell of their own making. And had consequently affected everyone else with this curse in their attempt to rid themselves of it.
At first, they could tolerate being immortal but never sated. But as the years went by, as more and more people touched the gold and were cursed, they began to lose their sanity.
No one was safe.
The Lans, Jins, Nies, Jiangs. Common folk, cultivator. Everyone who had deigned to touch the gold had been cursed.
Years passed and the curse continued to wreck havoc among people.
.
.
.
Ten years later.....
Wei Wuxian gasped back to life, his mind in disarray. He took stock of his surroundings, his body, and sighed.
Why meeeeeee????
...............................................
“Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!” Wei Wuxian nearly toppled over in laughter. “Hahahahaha, oh my god--ohhh, this is so great!”
“Wei Ying.”
“Aiya, Lan Zhan, let me relish in this joy for a bit, okay? Anti-theft--” He giggled. “Anti-theft curse? Me? Lan Zhan, oh, I’m not that powerful, hahahahaha.”
“You are.” Lan Wangji said stubbornly.
Wei Wuxian blushed a little, “Lan Zhaaaan, you can’t just say something like that with a straight face!”
“....Can.”
The two of them were currently sitting in the inn room after confronting Nie Huaisang about the Man-eating Tomb. Lan Wangji had just finished telling Wei Wuxian about his supposed curse on the cultivation world for stealing the gold he had hidden away.
Wei Wuxian cleared his throat, “Anyway, it was not me who did that, er-gege. It was the spirits of the Burial Mounds.” He made a face. “Well, the more ancient ones. The Burial Mounds used to be a simple cemetery, from what the spirits had told me, but because the spirits of the deceased were often unappeased, their resentment just stewed for centuries on end.
People tried to appease them with gold and food and wine and it did work at first, but as more unappeased spirits - who didn’t want all that - appeared, gradually people just left them alone and Burial Mounds became what it is today.”
“I see. Will they still want to be appeased now?”
“You’re thinking of helping them?”
“Mm.”
“Hmmm, well, some could. Not all. I did my best to listen to them and give them some comforting advice but it didn’t always work. Some were just too angry.”
“Could playing Rest or listening to them through Inquiry lessen the resentment in Burial Mounds?”
“Oh, for sure. Which reminds me, there were a few Lan spirits there in the Mounds. I’m sure they would love to hear you play! But anyways, about the cursed gold that turned people into skeletons - which, by the way is totally deserved. Did they not see the ‘STAY AWAY ’ signs I made? Honestly, the stupidity of the Jins.
But umm, you just have to return all the gold to where you found it. I believe there was also a payment of blood that was needed too? Not entirely sure what the requirements for that are, but I think having everyone who had touched the gold spill a little blood after returning it would do. It'll satisfy the ghosts' bloodlust. They're pretty possessive of their treasure.”
“I see. Do you recall how many pieces there were?”
“Eight hundred eighty-something. I can ask the spirits for specific numbers but it should be around there.”
"Mn. How will we transport the gold without getting cursed?"
"I think it might be easier to let the cursed return the gold. We can just inform them of the cure."
"Okay. I know a few locations where they are. On the way to collecting the body parts of the corpse hand, we can tell those people to return the gold and return them to the Mounds."
"Sounds like a plan!"
______________________________________
Sooooo I ran out of steam and didn't know what else to write.
But here's a summary of how it might go from there: the gold eventually is returned and everyone is cured. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji bring JGY down and get together. It's pretty much canon aside from Wei Wuxian being a little more feared than normal since people thought he cursed them. WWX' tries to convince them it was j's name is cleared and sentiment towards him is a little better because they've been cured.
Hope you all enjoyed this!
And sorry for taking so long to post. My grandpa recently died so I was sad for quite some time.
As a parent, you don’t get privacy until you are on your own. My house, my rules, my money, my decision.
Don’t like it?
Too bad.
I am the parent here. I’m not your friend. I’m your father.
People will tell you that emotional abuse isn’t real and what you’re dealing with isn’t that big a deal and you’re just exaggerating, but let me tell you something.
If you’ve ever been wary of everyone you know, even people you trust, because you’re expecting them to get angry with you over literally anything, make fun of you, or start making threats, something’s wrong.
If you’ve ever had to plan things in anticipation of a potential tantrum that you fear will be taken out on you, something’s wrong.
If you succumb to someone’s demands because you’re never sure if their threats are empty or legit and you just want to play it on the safe side, something’s wrong.
If you find yourself jumping at smaller noises in anticipation that they’re a warning sign for a tantrum, something’s wrong.
If you hide things - especially things that make you happy - because you’re so afraid that they’ll make fun of you for liking them, scold you for liking something they don’t, take them away, destroy them, or that they’ll defile them and ruin that love you have for them, something’s wrong.
If you find yourself being silent in the face of mild disagreements or thinly-veiled insults, rather than standing up for yourself because you just don’t want to start an argument and make things worse, something’s wrong.
If that very lack of standing up for yourself eventually leads to you never offering your opinion in any sort of discussion out of fear of ridicule or being scolded because that’s what you’re so used to, something’s wrong.
If you end up spending a lot of your time in your room keeping to yourself and keeping any trip outside of your room to an absolute minimum because you don’t want to risk putting one toe out of line and setting off a tantrum, yet you’re also aware that hiding out will also cause an issue and you’re probably just minimizing the risk instead of erasing it entirely, something’s wrong.
If you ever habitually glance outside the window to keep watch for your supposed abuser’s car to return from their work, errand or trip, and then heading to your room or other hiding place to keep out of their way, erasing any obvious signs that you’ve been out and about in the rest of your living space, something’s wrong.
If one of your greatest fantasies involves not a dream career or winning the lottery but instead an escape plan succeeding, something’s wrong.
If you could basically summarize your life as living in constant, subtle fear, Something. Is. Wrong.
Emotional abuse is very, very real, and it has lasting consequences that can affect people’s relationships, their jobs, and their lives all-around.
Don’t you dare tell me it isn’t real.
✨✨EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION✨✨
(or at least, how I experience it)
when your brain is a car that won’t start, it’s pretty annoying.
to the detriment of daughters
Do you know what's an extreme sport? Trying to get as many things done before my depression comes back
“When a child’s primary caregiver delivers both praise and brutality, it is a virtual coin toss as to which will attach itself to the child’s identity. Terribly unhealthy families damage children in many ways, but one of the saddest is the destruction of the child’s belief that he has purpose and value. Without that belief, it is difficult to succeed, difficult to take risks. Perhaps more to the point, it may seem foolish to take risks, “knowing,” as such people do, that they are not up to the task.The way circus elephants are trained demonstrates this dynamic well: When young, they are attached by heavy chains to large stakes driven into the ground. They pull and yank and strain and struggle, but the chain is too strong, the stake too rooted. One day they give up, having learned that they cannot pull free, and from that day forward they can be “chained” with a slender rope. When this enormous animal feels any resistance, though it has the strength to pull the whole circus tent over, it stops trying. Because it believes it cannot, it cannot.“You’ll never amount to anything”; “You can’t sing”; “You’re not smart enough”; “Without money, you’re nothing”; “Who’d want you?”; “You’re just a loser”; “You should have more realistic goals”; “You’re the reason our marriage broke up”; “Without you kids I’d have had a chance”; “You’re worthless”–this opera is being sung in homes all over America right now, the stakes driven into the ground, the heavy chains attached, the children reaching the point they believe they cannot pull free. And at that point, they cannot.”
— Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear
RAMADAN KAREEM TO ALL MY DEAR MUSLIM FOLLOWERS!
😭 Jungkook as Hua Cheng from HOB such PERFECTION!
Just read TGCF again and couldn't stop imagining long hair Jungkook from BTS as Hua Cheng. Anyone else see it?
If you have irritability/rage/sensory overload issues like I do, I HIGHLY recommend the netflix show Moving Art when you need something soothing to block out the world.
The only sound to it is an orchestra (so if you watch on mute you’re not missing anything), and it’s literally just high quality footage of beautiful, remote places on the planet. Definitely one of my new favorites, and it’s nice to have a quick option to calm down right at my fingertips.
What symptoms of depression actually look like
Increased irritability and/or anger when you don’t know why
Feeling numb or having muted emotions in response to upsetting or exciting situations
Lack of interest or passion, in general, for things you once loved
Inability to concentrate or stay focused
Change in sleep patterns, be it not getting enough sleep, having trouble falling asleep, or sleeping far too much and not feeling rested
Exhaustion overall, even for “no reason”
Missing deadlines for projects or assignments
Withdrawing from social activities
Feeling guilty for missing deadlines or withdrawing from social activities
Needing “the rest” because you’re so exhausted, but feeling worse because you stay in bed or on the couch most of the day
No motivation to actually get up and do basic tasks
Hating yourself for not responding to your friends or to important emails on time, but not being able to force yourself to do it
A passing desire to die or just not exist, but not being full-blown suicidal
Not an exhaustive list by any means. What other ways does depression manifest?
If someone gives you everything, don’t you dare throw it all away like it’s nothing. If you do not want it, then give it back but don’t you ever take something that does not belong to you and ruin it. Don’t pull flowers out of their beds just for the hell of it.
Ming D. Liu (via mingdliu)
You can protect me from everything, but you can't protect me from you.