Addiction - Blog Posts
Today, I found myself heading to a Buddhist temple for an addiction recovery meeting and meditation session. Initially, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, my mind racing with all the ways things could go wrong. Why? Because the mind, though a powerful tool, is just that—a tool. It should be used only when needed; otherwise, it will create problems simply to justify its own activity, becoming an addiction in itself. As I made my way there, I became aware of the vibrations of the music resonating in my ears, the wind brushing against my face, the comfort of my seat—each moment was rich with joy. Yet, we so rarely tap into the immediate joy available to us in the present.
-Griff
TW: Alcoholic tendencies, Nicotine addiction, Self-harm, Disordered Eating, Implied cycle of abuse.
I’ve always been hypocritical. Quite frankly its one of my most consistent traits, thinking myself immune to the rules i hold for others. It’s kind of funny honestly, becuase hypocrites run rampant everywhere and never seem to like their own kind. I can’t say i’ve avoided this either, i despise hypocrites myself which in turn makes me even more of one i suppose. Normally my hypocrisy shows most when discussing bad habits, when i urge my friends to eat despite having been starving for days at my own volition, when I say to put down the blade while my wrists are still painted red, when i indulge in hate for my parents while black out drunk with a cig nested between my fingers. I guess thats more excusable then other kinds of hypocrisy at least, as it comes from care for others and a lack of care for oneself. But that always feels flimsy to me, a rose tinted hue over my actions. Besides justifying my actions encourages me even more right? It doesn’t really matter what you answer there because at the end of the day i will still be starving. I will still be in a pool of blood. I will still have cigarettes for breakfast and whiskey for dinner. Maybe theres still hope for change but i won’t persue it. I’d rather die like this then risk being worse for the chance of being better. Thats my biggest crime - being to set in my ways to get better.
the stars were all aligned, and i found comfort in you instead of the self destruction i knew so well. it was like you had moved the stars into alignment, you were so heavenly to me. but as soon as you left, the stars began to fall from the skies. my constellations broke, and stars began to fade. i returned back to the self destruction. sharp blades found their home on my ghostly skin, drugs that people my age shouldn’t even be aware of were my closest friends, i found security in the arms of naked strangers. you were my safety, and now all i crave is danger so that maybe i could feel safe again.
y’all social media is crazyyy
Tumblr is the first one I used. I always hear this is addicting and can be harmful for people my age and stuff but my smart ass thought I was better then that. nawh im addicted lmao I’m outta here. And it’s not like these platforms are coincidentally. Tumblr seems watered down a bit in that way, but again it’s the only one I’ve used.
I’ve gotten so many memes tho I’m not regretting that but I’ve seen to much that pissed me off in multiple ways and my mood has been declining even faster, and with all this crazy stuff going on, it’s gonna make my mood even more shitty.
To anyone who reads this, I’m pretty sure I’m better off without it lmao. I lowkey never thought I’d be saying this ;-;
also social media is just another way for companies that have too much power in capitalism to harvest money from us. We are the sort of gears in their system. Wether we knew it or not.
Tumblr is a funny place tho so that’s chill
We NEED to talk about the stuff Alfred has done.
I love Alfred ok he is the only one in the Batfam with a brain cell but really people gloss over what he did that efected Bruce and Jason's relationship. Is it all his falt? HELL NO there is so much in there that needed to be unpacked but I want ONE fanfic where Jason finds out some of the thing he is angry at Bruce about is not his falt. Like the "Good Soldier" plaque that ALFRED put up. Granted it was for a sweet moment in the comics that was between them but still "Good Soldier" really?
And about Bruce moving on to fast from Jason's death. Yes, Tim was trying to help. Yes Alfred was also trying to help but Tim is a 11 year old child that ran after Batman starting at 8 years old and had barily any idea of what a normal childhood should look like. Alfred is the adult in this situation. Dick is also to blame for why Tim was robin. Like Bruce was STILL RECOVERING from his SON'S DEATH and they give ANOTHER child the idea that "Yes you can be robin the exact thing his son died with" to a stubern CHILD that is Batman did not train would go out and get himself killed in the same suit as his child.
I see people tend to also not agnolge Jason trama from his parents yes some talk about Wilis abuse of Jason but what about Cathrean. The comic book writers make Jason drink and be intoxicated but I feel like Jason would sparingly drink or not drink at all becuase he saw first hand how it drugs effects adults. In versions of Jason mothers death she died of overdose on drug's and Jason finds her dead at 10(?). Drugs and aocahol tramatised his in more ways then one and people should agnolige that.
i relapsed.
i smoked 🍃 for the first time since november of 2024.
everything got too much; the world swallowing me whole; my gut emptying to hollow; my heart beating frantically at the trapping of a vice.
so i succumbed to the relief. erased months of perseverance, strength, growth.
at least now I’ve got more to write about.
- the dangers of romanticising pain as a poet
places i vape:
in public bathrooms
in airport corners
under my desk at work
beneath my hoodie
on mountaintops
on backyard chairs;
in my sleep, in my waking, in my dreams. beneath the clouds and the shadows. on the horizon and the stars and my aching soul.
(addiction presents as poetry, just ask bukowski)
Admit the simulation has been hitting different lately
If you surround yourself with 9 ‘losers’ yoh will eventually become the 10th… if you surround yourself with 9 ‘winners’, you will eventually be the 10th.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down. People who are positive and offer solutions in tough times and in good times!
Need a safe space to talk all things sobriety? Join my discord chat room called road-to-recovery!
Check out my recovery blog @livingsober
It’s not too late for you to start recovery! You have a whole community waiting to help you thrive. Reach out, you deserve to get better.
Some of you never destroyed your brain with years of drug abuse and it really shows.
It had only been 5-6 days since I’ve been obsessed with transformers
I’ve never been this addicted to something so quick in my life before😭
Thoughts on Serial Experiments Lain
The show exists for me in a very nostalgic place. It makes me think about what the meaning of Nostalgia is to begin with. When I looked up the definition on Merrium Webster it was something to the effect of melancoly and overly sentimental longing for the past. More bizzare the American Heritage Foundation said it may be fatal in one of their definitons. Apparently it used to be an actual diagnosis. It's interesting to me to distinguish what i think a word means, and then learn what it really means through its history. Lain longs for a home in her humanity, though it never really existed at all. What was once an illusive almost supernatural world full of meaning lost its meaning as she drove herself deeper and deeper into the wired. Her connection to home grew more and more painful as reality dissappeared and she still hung onto what reality used to mean. It's a lot like how we today become dissallusioned with life as we spend all day online, constantly connected to dozens of platforms and screens of different kinds. The technology might look more obviously bizzare and disturbing in Lain with the tubes and wires and buzzing but our own world I think provokes the same emotion if you ground yourself to reality. The problem is i think searching for something that was never real. I think for a moment Lain let those walls down with that final hug.
28-November 2023: The First Underwear Haul
I went a bit crazy with underwear purchases over the Black Friday weekend. Here is the first batch from C-in2. I am expecting more from Todd Sanfield and Jack Adams. I spent just over $500! Tell me I don't have a problem with underwear addiction?!? Oh boy!
What did you buy? Show me your undies!
In this decorated room, my soul murmurs a prayer that at least this time, this manufactured happiness can last more than just a nights sleep and that I can forget all of myself without coming back the next day for another glassed antidote.
National Technology Day - 11th May 2025 Tech Tok: The Short Attention Span
Instagram: ABC just sent you a reel. Instagram: XYZ just made a post. Snapchat: DSH sent a snap. Do you also see similar notifications pop up on your screen right after you keep your phone aside after hours of doom scrolling? And what do you do? Subconsciously pick up that phone again, reply and get lost in the world of videos and content again! If you think I spied on you, nah. Most of us are on the same boat, credits to the new favourite on the internet, the short-form content. What probably began as TikTok went ahead with Instagram Reels and Youtube shorts, and now, this short-form content greets us good morning before the people around us do. Constant notifications throughout the day disturb our focus and multitasking while watching these videos ruins the concentration of an individual. Though these videos cover more information in less time and are efficient, they affect the human brain and can be dangerous in the longer run. This micro habit develops overtime and subconsciously, we tend to check our phone in void times, as our brain is addicted that it unknowingly switches from one app to another where you spend hours endlessly scrolling videos and double tapping them to like. The human brain is tricked by features like infinite scroll and auto play, making the user spend more and more time on videos. These videos are smartly shot and scripted to grab the attention of the user in the least amount of time and keep them engaged with hooks or infinite loops, smooth transitions etc. Your social media feeds are tailored according to your interests with the help of cookies, and exploring videos on social media platforms is so easy that all you need to do is scroll to move to the next video. Does short form content have a bright side? Oh, yes. Educational videos have been able to perform well, with the aim to share maximum information in the least amount of time. But, not this doesn’t serve as the most efficient method. There is a difference between learning the information and consuming it. Educational reels do not serve their purpose unless the students are able to learn something rather than just watching it for fun. Though we’re advancing in the field of technology and finding new ways to reduce human work, somewhere in the background, these technological advancements are decreasing human efficiency. Our attention span has decreased over time and the ones who once watched a movie for 3 hours or had study sessions for long hours are now easily distracted within an hour. Learning through short form content is superficial and often lacks the core concepts and understanding, as perfection takes time and is not something that can be covered in less than a couple of minutes. Hours and hours of aimless scrolling through social media increases our mental fatigue and decreases our capacity to think critically. Though technology is a historical invention, it is our responsibility that we don’t get lost in the sea of reels and shorts!
got too deep in the silliness of tumblr i forgot some people use this app to be downright disturbing
honestly glad i’m so far into recovery that i can see harmful behavior and know it’s self destructive and not trigger a relapse
everyday I’m reminded to stick with my blorbos
Shit be tough out here
#kulwicasaoyate #alcoholic #addiction
I’ll never stop
Cried on my way to work today
Screaming empowering songs in the car but not feeling them
Yesterday was one of the harder days
I lost you...again
And no matter how many times we’ve already been through this, the pain never lessened
24 hours, from “Hey we should be spending more time together” to “We should end things here, I can’t do this no more”
World? Crushed
Heart? Broken
Again and again and again
Loving you ruins me
But
I
Just
Can’t
Stop
~ excerpts of me moving on ~
Addicted
I don’t know how we reached the point that your apartment feels like home
Your bed sheets smell like me
There are shirts specifically chosen for me to put on at night when I’m coming over
Your fridge stores my favorite foods
Your shower gel is the one I once left there
I’m laying in your bed right now,
You’re at work already, your alarm always wakes me up first, but I rarely stay awake until you’re out the door
I feel at home here
You’re my home
But we don’t even consider each other dating
We’re just us
Complicated
But nevertheless addicted