The last week was shitty in terms of starving myself. I plateaued at 73 and I haven't been gaining which is nice, but I haven't been losing either.
Because of the holidays, birthdays and other events I couldn't avoid eating normal amounts but sadly I have been craving things I haven't craved in a long time and it's making me crazy.
For example I really don't like white bread, yet I broke my 72 hour fast after the 27th hour because I had this instant need for it. I looked at the slice, conteplated only a little and bit into it. It was such a big slice too. I knew I can't eat it, that I shouldn't eat it, yet I still did.
Fucking other weight losing tactics haven't worked on me before only starving myself did. Only restricting my calorie intake to 800-400-200 did. What am I supposed to do? Stop because I failed even at something so simple like not fucking stuffing my mouth?
I even ate KFC like a pig. Ate the grander and the twist thing then drank the pumpkin spice shake. I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't stop. The craving and the hunger for it was too much.
God I wanna cry. I wanna tear everything out. They were so good, but for how long? Until I finished watching a moist critical video, which was 10 minutes long.
Why can't I wait? Why can't I control it? I hate it so much.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➀ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Monster energy zero - 14 cal
➀ Tortilla with with tuna, corn and light mayo - 211 cal
➀ Tortilla with tuna, corn, broccoli, cheese and tomato sauce - 386 cal
Water - 1.4l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 9482/10000 - 381 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➁ Green apple 309g - 180 cal
➀ Tortilla with with tuna and corn - 545 cal
Water - 1.6l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 8698/10000 - 353 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
I was so absent gah daym. I binge watched trigun again then watched trigun stampede and grrr the brainrot was so real and strong (curse you knives for being so crazy and yet so appealing for my brain) and quite honestly I just didn't bother to write logs.
The whole week been really chill, mostly spent my time at home mainly because I got kinda ill...for a day lmao. After that I was just kinda tired all day so I stayed in bed, only woke up to do my nails, which took me 4 days btw because Im not a professional and I wanted it to be perfect.
So yes, I only logged my food down in the tracker and wasted away. Makes me kinda sad, kinda guilty but at the same time it is what it is.
AlsonI noticed that now it's not as hot and warm outside so my body doesn't "crave" water so I forget to drink and that's not good. It makes me hungry and bored so I often catch myself wandering in the kitchen, opening and closing the fridge door to see if my stomach wants anything other than meat, veggies and fruits. Not too big on eating carbohydrates and if I can I will avoid it even tho my body supposedly needs it. (I was a hypocrite today tho I craved rice and gave)
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Pickwick green tea (lemon) 350ml - 0 cal
➁ Green apples 287g - 166 cal
➁ Eggs 106g - 152 cal
➁ Bowl of Basmati rice with tuna, corn and broccoli - 700 cal
Water - 1.6l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 10217/10000 - 410 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
Waking up early is never a pleasant thing, since family is home and they remind me to pack food. Fortunately my mom gives a lift to my brother who starts really early, so she wasn't be able to force me to bring food and my sister and father doesn't really care.
It was so cold today I could see my breath in the air. My dumbass also forgot to pack handcream into my bag because my hands dry out because of the chilly air, so much that it's starts to cut up or something. I could wear gloves sure, but it feels restricting.
Alsoo! I weighed myself in the morning and I was 73.5kg! When I was talking with my best friend I could see it on my face an neck how much thinner it is already so I am really happy.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Pickwick green tea (lemon) 300ml - 0 cal
➂ Green apples - 291 cal
➁ Homemade margherita pizza - 204 cal
Water - 1.7l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 8249/10000 - 330 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
Today was surprisingly really cold, but fortunately not as cold to have the winter coat out just yet.
Other than going to school and coming home, nothing really note worthy happened.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➁ Boiled eggs with hot sauce - 156 cal
➁ Green apples - 139 cal
➀ Tuna with hot sauce and light mayo 62g - 134 cal
Water - 1.4l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 8973/10000 - 359 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Green apple - 78 cal
➀ Boiled egg - 72 cal
Water - 1.5l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 10391/10000 - 419 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
Mom asked me to accompany her to give my sister a lift to uni and while driving back we stopped to pick up a package and to buy some ribbons for my halloween costume. I decided to look for cute plates, mainly heart shaped ones and although I did find two types, one was too deep and big -also had blood on it so I had go scrub and sanitise my hands raw because I felt icky - and the other was too shallow for me. Unfortunately I didn't buy a cute plate but a basic small ceramic one.
I love how the trees are colorful, how chilly yet somehow warm it is in autumn. I could wear my current favourite sweater and pants that are now big on me a bit. Mom always tells me that I am getting really skinny and I love the attention I get from other people.
Oh! Also I am finally at my lowest weight in 5 years! Still high, but it is going down surely and I am addicted.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Basmati rice with tuna, broccoli and peas 200g - 466 cal
➀ Banana - 62 cal
Water - 1.4l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 6394/10000 - 259 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
I went to school today, but didn't have the best day, because I got angry at my classmate for some silly reason, so I feel like I need to apologise. Maybe it was the hunger in me, maybe I just didn't sleep well.
Also I took a walk on the treadmill again to get to 10k steps. Dunno if I mentioned or not but whenever I don't get to at least 6k steps I feel guilt and I feel like I don't put in the work I should.
Once again didn't exercise. I could blame it on the absence of a watch that would note the calories I burnt, but I would be lying. Well half lying. I may be just too lazy.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Pickwick green tea 250ml (strawberry & lemongrass) - 0 cal
➁ Green apples 140g - 81 cal
➂ Eggs with light mayo 83g - 119 + 24 cal
Water - 1,2l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 10499/10000 - 422 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
I stayed home, just like yesterday and this pressure of not putting in enough steps for me to feel comfortable was getting too much so I decided go use the treadmill and walk on it for an hour and 50 minutes. It was so good honestly, in the confinement of my own home, comfortable and quiet while I can do whatever as I walk and I don't need to look out for people I would bump into or cars that could hit me.
Sadly as much as I promised myself to eat as little as possible when mom came home, saying she bought some cookies and sweets I caved. I may have mentioned this, I am not one to crave sweet things, especially if it's sticky, full of cream and sugar. Yeah, well to my misfortune everything she brought home was notjing of sort, so I indulged. Lavender cookies, snow crescents, small piece of bundt cake and gingerbread macaroons. I could look for a basic recipe but I doupt I could calculate the correct estimate of calories.
I try not to dwell, thoughts of simply not listing these down had ran through my mind but I would be only lying to my own self.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➀ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➁ Pickwick green tea 250ml (strawberry & lemongrass) - 0 cal
➀ Hell energy drink 250ml (lemon & ginger) - 118 cal
➁ Green apples 326g - 189 cal
➂ Eggs 130g - 186 cal
Water - 1,6l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 11781/10000 - 476 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
Broke my 60 hour fast with some tuna today. (To be honest I don't remember what exactly I wanted to note down, because I am writing this on the 13th so im sorry)
I really want to restrain myself from snacking on things while I cook and/or bake, because I ate so many seedless cherries, what wouldn't be a problem, but they were kept in a sugary water that preserves the cherries for longer and ugh. I don't even know how I should estimate that.
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Plain black coffee 200ml - 0 cal
➀ Pickwick green tea 250ml (strawberry & lemongrass) - 0 cal
➀ Tuna with tomatoes - 157 cal
➅ Shrimp chips 13g - 45 cal
➀ Cinnamon roll - 199 cal
➃ Choco-coconut balls - 431 cal
Water - 1,7l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 6953/10000 - 281 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
I ate only this morning and fasted the whole day. Tomorrow is another sucky one because I accompany mom to her work place then go to school so she will ask me to bring something and knowing myself I will eat it probably, but let's hope for the best!
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
➁ Apples (211g) - 110 cal
➀ Black coffee with ice - 0 cal
➀ Tuna-egg-mayo sandwich - 280** cal
➀ Pickwick green tea (strawberry & lemongrass) - 0cal
Water - 3l/2l
✧ ° ｡ʚ 🍓 ɞ ｡° ✧
Steps - 8510/10000 - 346 cal
Exercise - No - 0 cal
*edit - math is not my strong suit and i added the tomorrow's sandwich's stats too...
**edit 2 - I forgot that I need to count in percentage when I multiply (my last math lesson was 2 years ago)
Since September wasn't my month I decided that in october i would track all my intake and everything else here.
I did fail myself and today on top of that I ate like a pig because I was consume with this hunger. So many unnecessary calories, so many things I don't even like and yet I still ate it.
I could cry, but I'm no bitch. Sure I failed and I have these silly little downs and thoughts that just push me to eat, I know in the end it will be okay. I just need to be better and forgive myself when I slip.
Therefore, october will be my month.