Anxienty - Blog Posts
The amount of stress I would live with daily if this was my bed would be astronomical.
GOOD MORNING LIFE 🌲🌴🌿☀️
Have a little reaction virge as a treat
Day 3 Self-Love Journal Prompts
3. When do you feel most confident?
Confidence is s difficult concept for me. For years I've struggled with confidence in social settings and I struggled with making and keeping friendships. But in this time period, I rarely struggled with any body insecurities. I was comfortable in how I looked for the most part, and where I wasn't I was at least neutral. In recent years my social confidence has grown a little bit, especially since moving away to college. I've been forced out of my shell a little and had to make an all new set of friends. with that though, my confidence in my appearance has dipped a bit. My weight has increased since COVID in 2020 and at first it didn't bother me, but last Summer and Fall were rough. I'm at a point now though where I've kind of found my own personal style, and that's made having to buy new clothes that fit a little easier on me. I'm at least neutral about my insecurities most days now, if not comfortable.
Because of the fluctuation of my self confidence, I've indulged a bit in some of the things that help me feel more confident. One way I've done this is by experimenting with my style! (pictures below lol) While I'm definitely not that edgy, I've been having a lot fun wearing jewelry, makeup, and clothing that in the past would have been out of my comfort zone. I'm still finding my style, but taking the time to stretch my personal taste and experiment has really helped me :)
You know what helps me when i'm anxious? Or to get me out of an anxiety attack? Painting a whole ass page full of one colour. For no reason what so ever. Am i going to paint or draw something over it? ....maybe in the future. But for now it's just one solid colour. I don't know why but just painting one page in one solid colour without an ulterior motive calms me more than any breathing exercises could ever do. Right now i have a whole sketchbook page painted black. Full black. With nothing on top and no plan to add anythig for the foreseeing future.
Just puting this here maybe it will help some other person out there.
Time for me to get personal, these past two months are some of the worst months in my four years of high-school. Hell not even that, all of my four years were shitty. Freshman year was trashy, I dont remember anything from Sophmore year (thx c0víd), Junior year was just... no, and now my Senior year is already off to a bad start. And on top of that, my urge to meet new ppl is hanuting me again. Like I definitely show signs of social anxiety (although I don't wanna self diagnose myself) and for my entire life, meeting new people is a struggle. And no not the "I hAtE tALkiNG tO lArGe CrOwDs" or "I HaTe pEoPLe" shit. I actually mean I physically cannot talk to people, whether it's a large or small group. Fuck I can't talk to another person unless they do it first, and even then I can't hold a convo for more than three seconds. And don't get me started with crushes. Never had a significant other. Ever. And the last time I caught feelings, he thought I was a creep. I'm literally months away from being legal and if I cannot talk to or ask people abt anything then this'll be the death of me.
I smoked too much today and I didn't sleep a night before... and now I got a headache? No way 😱
Some are young rocks, arrows, spears, barrettes and jackhammers cant penetrate throw them. Opposite, lies the intricates the roses of this world the fragiles. For people like these it needs not much, a word, a gaze or silence and everything is shuttered.
In this decorated room, my soul murmurs a prayer that at least this time, this manufactured happiness can last more than just a nights sleep and that I can forget all of myself without coming back the next day for another glassed antidote.
hey, come on, there is nothing more blissful than crossing the bridge instead of jumping off of it.
Art by @kmcvisuals
It's school time. My endorphins have swam off, my melatonin has become too mellow for its own good, and my dopamine is smoking dope in the corner.
- Me 2020