Arospec - Blog Posts
The struggles real, am I right?
Being polyamorous while also being aroace has been the most confusing shit of my life. I just wanna vibe in a polycule and I want to feel cared for. I feel cared for my friends at the moment, so I’m okay now, but it’d be nice in the future, cause I don’t wanna live alone. I really shoulda known I was aro though....like the signs were so obvious...and ace even more obvious. I am glad though that I basically embody chaos at this point.
Being aromantic, autistic person who enjoys books/show/movies/ect is so strange.
Especially when those forms of media have a romantic plot, which is most of them because amatonormativity.
‘Are they flirting or is this normal conversation for this type of relationship?’
‘Does that look me they’re in love or just a normal look?’
‘Is this how people are meant to act around each other or do they have a crush?’
And there’s so many more examples
I love that pancake day is in aro week
Omg I just found out what is happening in the aro community, and I think it's cool!
Who is to decide what makes someone queer? It's none of anyones buisness.
The ace and aro phobia, especially when it comes to cishet people is stupid.
And cishet aro men are super valid!
Happy Arospec Week!!
Fun Fact: Did you know my favorite OC currently. (Slate/Quill) is both frayromantic AND cupioromantic?
This is so cute I fucking love these two!!! 😭🥺🎪 Doodle my little fella
Still trying to figure out digital. Friends i colored this one three times 😭 😭 😭
Anyways this is Peter and Doodle (in the star jammies). They're a queer platonic nightmare duo. Doodle belongs to @bigangrybutch
Here's a colored version blagh. Digital coloring is a blight upon my existence
Not be a nasty mean disgusting aromantic on main but I hate the prevalence of puritanical anti-sex culture in queer spaces. Stop demonising casual sex or fucking your friends or in general just getting it on with whoever you want without wanting to pursue a romantic relationship as well. Stop calling people who don’t want romantic relationships but like sex ‘fuckbois’ or ‘afraid of commitment’. Stop treating all aromantic people like they’re not valid unless they’re also asexual. Aroallo people exist and deserve just as much respect as the rest of the community regardless of their views on sex. This involves cishet aroallo people as well because I know how weird yall on tumblr are about them. You don’t get to judge someone just because they don’t match up to your image of what a respectable queer looks like. Unless you’ve forgotten we’re all perverted dykes and faggots and trannies in the oppressors eyes and helping keep the myth of sex being something disgusting that should only ever happen between “two people who love each other very much” just helps them. Stop fucking putting your own head under the guillotine before the extermination has even started
*note: do not tag this as ace or aroace. This post is about the specific experiences aroallo people face and I will not suffer derailing.
so what if i just consensually kiss a bunch of my friends to figure out if i'm aromantic?
aros, please let me know if this is a good idea
Who even came up with the stereotype that aromantics are soulless and emotionless? Yes, people are different, and "bad" aromantics exist, but... My girlfriend is aromantic, my friend is aromantic and they are very nice and kind.
(they also say this about asexuals, btw 😭)
Am I Human?
Am I human?
I ask myself this question,
thoughts rushing around my head
What's wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
Why is my heart empty?
Why does my own community hate me?
Why do they exclude me?
I feel as if I am not human,
given that everyone else is focused on romance and sex
I wish I knew why,
what it feels to love someone like that
Maybe then I would feel human
Why am I pushed aside?
Ain't I as Queer as everyone else?
Am I even human to you?
I do not purely feel contempt inside,
Why do you think that?
I just wish I was like all of you,
maybe then I would be seen
Maybe then,
just maybe,
I'd feel human once again
But why do I have to change,
for you to include me
Ain't I human as well?
Ain't I as Queer as everyone else?
happy pride to all my aspecs and arospecs out there
happy pride to asexuals
happy pride to aromantics
happy pride to aplatonics
happy pride to aroaces
happy pride to alloaces
happy pride to alloaros
happy pride to het aces/aros
happy pride to demi romantics/sexuals
happy pride to grey romantics/sexuals
happy pride to ace/arospecs in platonic, romantic, and/or sexual relationships, or relationships that dont fit into any of those categories
happy pride to ace/arospecs who aren't in relationships and never want to be
happy pride to people who use microlables to describe their ace/arospec identity
we are all valid and we belong in this community no matter what anyone says. we deserve pride too.
[image ID: Bernie Sanders meme with a small aromantic flag captioned “I am once again asking for you to include aromantics in your pride art/posts/merch” End ID]
Slooooowly moves Mystic Flour onto the aspec (ramble below)
Maybe she struggled with why she felt little attraction when she was uncorrupted, but ignored it in favor of her work, and then when she was spiraling it sort of added to the stress. (“Why do I care? I can’t even feel right.”)
Then later on she brings it up talking to Strawberry or someone and she’s just like “Oh you’re asexual :)”
I present to you something even better - Dark Cacao AND Mystic Flour being on the ace spectrum and sort of bonding over it.
Also this is now absolutely canon to the AU, THANK YOU
(Dark cacao’s whole colour pallet is just the asexual flag, all the signs are there)
I saw the tv glow and turned it’s brightness up.
I was happy to see that other people’s tv’s also glowed, but I noticed that my tv was a different shade than theirs. Soon after that, I noticed that my tv was a completely different colour. It was a deep green, turning into white, turning into grey, turning into black.
I turned the brightness of the tv down, but left it just enough to always play in the background, like a little song in the back of my brain that I can’t remember the words of.
I never saw a person whose tv had the same colour as mine and it made me feel like no one would appreciate it. It was quite an interesting colour; I did plenty of research on it, but the people who did have their tv that colour never really got to be a real part of society.
I turned the brightness up again this year—not by a lot, just a bit to make out the colours—and while looking at it, I realised something. If I were to let my tv glow, it would mean never truly feeling a part of this world.
Love was such a big part of a person’s life. So why didn’t I feel any of it? I loved my friends, I loved my family, I loved my pets. Why wasn’t I cable of loving on another level? Why didn’t romance strike me as this beautiful thing rather than this tedious chore? I wanted to rip my heart out—why wasn’t it feeling things like the other hearts felt them? Why didn’t it speed up at the sight of a pretty woman or handsome man? Why did it just pump my blood and not my feelings?
If I were to let my tv glow, it would mean embracing who I truly am. But I don’t know who I truly am. And I haven’t known for a really long time.
romance is overrated asf; we should all just have teacher attachment /j
I need people to understand the love I have for the manga series called “I want to be a wall” by Honami Shirono. The manga talks about the marriage between Yuriko (aroace woman) and Gakurouta(gay man) who try to adapt to societal norms and their families pressure and expectations through that marriage. In the end their goal is to find their own happy ever after. Not only do we learn about them as people but they also grow next to eachother as partners and friends, while learning how to be ‘married‘.
I cried multiple times throughout reading it all cuz of how they voice their feelings and how realistic some of these situations are. But also many happy tears. All in all I’m happy to have experienced their journey and that of the others whose story was shown <3
The need to share this came cuz I just got delivered the third part and finished reading it with too many feelings to really talk about it. I just felt really understood in Yuriko’s character and how she feels about love, marriage and relationships and think that in the end it talks very sensible on the queer themes in all of it.
Part of the story are queer relationships, discrimination and the feeling of otherness.
So happy pride month ppl and read “I want to be a wall” 🏳️🌈
what’s the point of the “aro and ace ppl aren’t oppressed!!” card to exclude us?
like first of all, aros and aces ARE oppressed in such an amatonormative world, but even if we weren’t, isn’t it the biggest goal of the lgbtq+ community to not be oppressed one day? we want a world where gay and lesbian people are no longer oppressed, which is a great thing, but when that happens, are we suddenly going to drop them from the community just because they “aren’t oppressed anymore”?
since when has oppression played a part in whether or not someone is queer?? trans women tend to get more shit than trans men even though both are severely oppressed, so are the former somehow more queer than the latter? last time i checked, the answer was, and still is, no...
if you aren’t allocishet, then you can consider yourself a member of the lgbtq+ community; not because of the oppression you face, but because you deviate from the allonormative, amatonormative, monormative, cisnormative, or heteronormative structures of society. period
every time i see the “aromantics are lucky cause they don’t go through heartbreak” i just laugh.
cause when my best friend moved away, when i failed that test i pulled four all-nighters studying for, when my awesome guy friend had to stop hanging out with me because his girlfriend felt jealous, when me or someone else is targeted because of my/their race or orientation or gender, when i realize that COVID won’t be leaving any time soon, when my parents expect me to get married to a man someday and i realize i can’t ever come out to them if i want them to love me, when other people in the aspec community shame me for being alloaro, when i look in the mirror and break down because i don’t feel like i belong in my body, when i don’t know where i’m going in life because i was always told it was supposed to have romance... among so many other things, i feel heartbreak. every. single. day.
but no, heartbreak has to be inherently romantic. because non-romantic pain is somehow inherently weaker or nonexistent. because romantic feelings are the only form of emotion. because losing a friend or a loved one is somehow inherently not as significant as losing a romantic partner, because apparently, aromantic = emotionless.
and honestly? having my struggles invalidated like that is more heartbreaking than ever.
why are people so scared of character being aromantic. like why does everyone have to end up with someone why can't someone literally just not feel romantically abt anybody bcuz they can't OR!!! don't want to??? and it's not about 'finding the right person' cuz it was cute or wtv the first five times but you're telling me that no matter what there is no way this character... doesnt end up 'alone'? why do you just consider people incomplete, a lone part??
its poetic or whatever but also just really.... excessive. like ur saying to me the only way this character who is commonly dumbed down to gay slut who falls in love easily n is a (h/b)imbo is if everyone dies... yeah okay. if you say so....
super duper random but I think the reason I'm not really head over heels for Sirius or super big on wolfstar like everyone else is because I kinda see him as aromatic. I don't think he's aroace, just aro. Or maybe at least on the arospec. His family was the first thing he knew, the first thing he loved, and he's traumatised from the shit he saw, had done to him, and was forced to do. I feel like that just really messed up his perception of love.
ABSOLUTELY NO HATE ON WOLFSTAR. They still hold my heart in their silly little clawed hands. But like. Idk.
I think another thing that kinda peeves me is the way that Sirius is portrayed as kind of.. emotionally dull. Like he's either too sexualised, or just really emotionally hurtful (I feel like abusive is too strong of a word) towards Remus and the people around him. He's about the only character we have a set personality on. He's used to the floodgate of emotions he feels, he's probably more emotionally aware than Lily even. He's childish, and quick to anger in the books, but after years of having your worst and lowest moments replayed over and over again while your teeth ache and rot, I think he's got a right to be. In school, he was better. Though still bad from the ongoing abuse from his parents.
I don't think he was unfixable, I think he just took a lot of time to heal from everything. He's able to form platonic relationships, of course, but he doesn't really have any desire for anything romantic. He used to think something was wrong with him and tried to force himself to do what everyone else was doing, dating and stuff, but he just never clicked with it. He can love, he isn't like incapable of it, but it's just not romantic. I think he's his own person who doesn't need a relationship to make his world round once more, I think he'd much rather have plenty of people around with whom he's formed bonds with that'll last long past his death. That's because he doesn't like doing one thing for too long, and because he feels like the idea of having to love someone is too specific for it to be for him.
I think even after Azkaban he feels this way, maybe even more so, but he's more appreciative of the people around him. Just a little ramble
It's so weird that I finally realized I'm quoiromantic. I always knew, but I didn't know. I've never really been able to tell the difference in romantic and platonic feelings, but I sort of thought it was normal. I've always just said I like a random friend and convinced myself that it was true. In my whole life I have only actually liked 4 people, one of them I didn't realize was a crush until way after, 2 of them I started liking after we started dating, and the other one is my current boyfriend, he's the only one I've actually been sure about since I met them. It's weird though, I've never felt this way before, but when I told him about it all he said was "oh sweetie, I know." He seems to know before anybody else does, even me, he just lets me figure it out on my own time, and honestly, I'm so grateful for it. I've told so many people that I love them, but I think I really mean it when I tell him I love him. I feel weird about it though, it seems like we're too young to actually know what love is, but I feel like after so long of not knowing if I feel love in that way at all, I think I'm pretty sure. Which means I'm just somewhere on the spectrum, I'm not sure if I actually like people in that way, but there's occasionally one person that I'm sure about, and I'm so glad that I happened to fall in love with my boyfriend, because I wouldn't trade him for anything.
"I want to love you to the best of my abilities, but I don't even know if I can love people in that way"
Sam Martinez (me!!), 07/21/24
Another awesome thing about her is that she’s bisexual and non-binary. She has a hoodie she routinely wears that says “I’m not a boy or girl I’m dead” with a skull wearing a crown theory the colors of the nonbinary flag in it. I once found nonbinary colored yarn at Joann’s and her reaction was “oh that one’s my favorite” (referring to the flag) and today while she was shopping she said
“Oh by the way I’m telling you this because the internet told me to but I’m sure you already know, I don’t care what gender you are, especially because I don’t technically have one”
She often makes jokes about threesomes with her friends, she has a “girlfriend” from her old job and refers to one of their friends that has the same name as my dad as her “second husband”
On my first day of cross country my dad said “don’t flirt with any boys” and my reply was ew and my mom immediately followed up with “don’t flirt with any girls”. I never had to come out to this woman she just went of vibes and has bought my pride stuff in the past.
We went to a pride fest thing because it was happening in the same city as a concert we were going to, she also took me to a pride march my partner at the time was holding and flipped off MULTIPLE people that were being dicks.
She’s literally amazing and I love her so fucking much
The sad part about my mom not posting on social media or really doing anything on it is that so many people are missing out on the absolute CUNT the woman serves on the daily.
Not like in the way she dresses but in like the way she ACTS. She is so sassy and it’s is so amazing. I’ll add more to this post as time goes on but right now there is one main thing in my mind that I just HAVE to put out there.
So I have a job. Which mean I make money. And my parents singed me up for a debit card. The plan was originally gonne be getting me a card with a limit of how much I can put on it, like a refillable visa gift card or something along those lines but they singed me up for a debit card instead because they didn’t really communicate beforehand.
So I have bad spending habits because of impulsivity and the fact that I have access to online shopping now. So over the span of three days I received 4 packages. I was in the car with my mom when we stopped at the mailbox and pulled one of them out and my response was very quickly “I don’t even remember what I bought” because I genuinely didn’t remember.
My mother reaction, no hesitation, was “you aren’t allowed to go online after taking your meds anymore” (referring to the very high power sleep meds I take because of chronic insomnia). I know reading it over text might not be as impactful to you guys but I was absolutely DYING laughing.
It got even better when the next day I got another package that I once again didn’t remember ordering and I SAID “yeah no I’m gonna start turning off my phone when I take my meds”
(Again you guys might not find this funny but I think it’s absolutely hilarious)
My girlfriend doesn’t remember this but the way we started dating is quite literally an enamies to friend to lovers pipeline.
Said pipeline goes as follows
In 6th grade math class we had to do an assignment with a partner and my favorite person happened to be in that class so obviously I was gonna pair up with her, but she had decided to do it with somebody else instead. My autistic 11 year old self thought of this as a rejection and so I didn’t bother trying to find somebody else to partner up with.
Well doing the assignment myself wasn’t an option for some reason so the teacher tried to pair me up with the only other kid that didn’t have a partner. But because this person wasn’t me favorite person I couldn’t work with them. So I threw a fit and was sent to the little side room that the classroom had to fill out a “green sheet” (basically a behavior sheet).
So I did that and then sulked under the table because what else was I to do. About half way through the class the teacher being the kid in with the paper and leaves us to it. Despite how much I hated it I worked with my now mortal enemy (at least in my mind) to complete the paper. At the end of class we leave and go about our lives (and the teacher ripped up the green sheet so like what was even the point of having me do it wtf miss Gardner)
I ignore the kid in the halls because I am incapable of letting go of anything and for some reason I saw the fact that the teacher forced us to work together as their fault. Covid hits, school closes, Covid more or less ends, school reopens and the kid is in my choir class.
Time has passed so I’m more or less Indifferent to their existence in my space. My friends become friends with them tho so over the course of a month or so I become friends with them. Then in November my boyfriend at the time tells me that my now girlfriend has a crush on me. My bf was poly and so our relationship was kind of an open deal so after class I decided to ask the person about it.
WELL APPARENTLY WHILE I HAD MY HEADPHONES IN BEFORE TALKING TO THEM ABOUT IT THEY STRAIGHT CONFESSED TO ME AND I JUST DIDNT HEAR IT. SO HERE I AM LIKE AN ASSHOLE LIKE A MINUTE AFTERWARDS GOING “hey so, Kodi said you have a crush on me. Is that true?” AND THIS ABSOLUTE SAINT JUST GOES “yeah. I just told you that”
So anyways like the idiot who didn’t know I was aromantic yet I was at the time I asked them if they wanted to date. They say yes, we start dating, a year later she tells me she’s trans, nada bing bada boom I have a girlfriend with a gorgeous flower name (Dahlia), she has a fucking idiot as a partner and life’s all good.
Then I decided to tell my best friend (the favorite person from 6th grade the worked with somebody else forcing me to work with my now gf [thanks Janie couldn’t have done it without you]) about the whole story and this mf says “oh so like real life enemies to lovers. Your love story is a fanfic trope”.
And oh my god.
I both hate and love that fact with all my heart
(Dahlia my love if you see this I’m sorry I was such a cunt in 6th grade)
I’m aromantic but I’ve been dating this girl for 2 1/2 years because I didn’t realize that I was aro until after we started dating but I didn’t break up with her after I realized because our relationship was kinda just like a friendship but with extra kissing and being affectionate anyways and we’re both ace so we don’t gotta worry about “that”.
And I’ve asked her if she’s okay with that. If it hurts her feeling when I say I don’t love her the same way she loves me and she’s said it’s cool and she doesn’t care. And the other day in ceramics class we quite literally planned how we were gonna get married.
Like I’m gonne pull up to her house on her 18th birthday, we’re gonne go down to the courthouse and get married+have her name legally changed, and then 3 years later when we’re 21 we’re gonne have a small forest wedding that kinda has a cult vibe, and then a few years later when we have the money we have a more “traditional” wedding with a bunch of differences.
Me and this girl have matching bracelets, we’ve kissed in front of her parents after a concert “for the bit”, she’s let me just kinda chew on her finger for a whole class period because I was bored. She bought me a pink 3D printed sword but it broke in the mail so she gave me a PLASTIC SWITCHBLADE.
All this to say aromantic people can be in loving relationships that work for them and nobody should have a say on if your love is “correct” or not. You’re not any less aromantic for being in relationship. All that matters is that all parties involved care for each other and communicate. If you and somebody vibe and you put the label of dating onto the relationship that’s cool and if you don’t that’s cool to. As long as Yall are happy that’s ok that matters
There no “right way” to love somebody (as long as it’s all legal and consensual) whether the love is romantic or not, the connection, care, and your happiness is all that really matters.
My new design for Elliot <33
[Image description: The "two buttons" meme. In panel one, a gloved hand is reaching out to a panel with two red buttons on it. The buttons are labeled "Make aro memes" and "Disappear into the abyss until the 15th." In panel two, a superhero with a distressed expression labeled "Aros on Valentine's Day" is wiping sweat from his face as he looks down at the buttons. End ID]
REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR AROMANTIC PEOPLE AND IF YOU THINK THEY ARE VALID
I want to see how many people actually are willing to say this and not just act like it