Cluster B - Blog Posts
hey guys, ive been trying to look for information on NPD and ASPD comorbidity but the only things i can find online are ableist "narc abuse" articles LMFAO...
i am questioning if i may have comorbid NPD and ASPD, but im not entirely sure how this comorbidity might look... so i figured id ask and see if anyone with the comorbidity could explain
The thin line between
Being emotionally so drained you can't feel shit anymore but you rationally know it will pass and you love them
And
Knowing you love them but not being able to feel it so the bordi tries to convince you that you never loved them and you should push them away
But
As soon as you meet up again you can feel the love and warmth again and realise you really love them so you get really scared again to loose them
Only to
Spiraling into this endless, toxic circle of "I hate you, please don't leave me"
This will probably cause some hate, but:
You aren't always the victim just because you are mentally ill.
You try to get better? I am proud of you, keep going, i don't adress you here because people who actively try to get better for the people around them are trying, and you can be proud at yourself for that.
But people who just say "i'm sorry its the mental illness!" and expect their friends/partners/familymembers to forgive them aren't.
It is okay to say "Hey, i'm really sorry, i didn't meant to at all. I wasn't myself." Because it often actually is the reason for our behaviour. But to say that, you HAVE to actually try and get better in my eyes.
I do NOT demonise mental illnesses.
But I am aware of what damage it can cause, and that there is no way around but pointing things out.
I did mistakes before, and I also needed time to realise that it was quite often actually my fault, that i need to work on myself to get better and i just know some of you are triggered at this point.
But sometimes that is needed to understand yourself. To understand your mistakes.
It is not okay to say "it's not my fault! I'm mentally ill! I can't help it!"
I know its easier to say that, but, if you continue to do that you are not only (accidently) hurting others but also yourself.
Also, it is not fair that there are healthy people saying "they all are the same." Because we're not.
Every one of us, no matter wich mental illness, is different.
Every one of us deserve a chance just like every other human.
Let me point out again: Its not your fault for being mentally ill and/or traumatised, but it is indeed your responsibility.
A little reminder: there are many healthy people who also hurt their partners, sometimes fully aware of their actions.
You are not your diagnose. (Greetings to my therapist.)
LASTLY: a mental illness doesn't mean your love is bad! You can love, you deserve love, you are still a good person.
That's it, take care of yourself <3
I felt the need to write this down since i am sick of people judging others because of their disorder, also I am sick of people who use their disorder as a sort of excuse.
Imagine the time I was six. I spent half an hour constructing my perfect fortress out of wooden blocks, carefully placing each piece. Every detail mattered, this wasn’t just playing, this was creating something. I looked at it, proud, knowing it was my work, my effort.
Then, some little shit walks by. I watch as his eyes narrow, and for a moment, he considers the easiest way to destroy what I’d just built. With one careless motion, he topples everything, scattering the blocks like they were nothing.
I don’t cry. I don’t scream for help. Instead, I get up, walk over, and grab him by the shoulder. A hard shove, and then I make sure he knows exactly what he’s done. He’s on the ground before he can even process it, his face swelling where I hit it. I don’t care about the blood or the broken tooth. All I care about is the fact that he destroyed something I created for no reason other than his amusement.
The teacher drags me away, gasping: "Look what you did! It’s just blocks, he’s a person!".
But it wasn’t just blocks. It was my time, my effort, and he threw it all away like it meant nothing. And he’s a person? Fine. So am I. And in that moment, his face wasn’t worth respecting.
Looking back at it as an adult, sure, maybe it was an overreaction. Maybe I was too harsh. But that moment wasn’t about rationality. It was about the principle of it. Yeah, I could’ve handled it differently. But I was a kid. That’s what kids do.. act on impulse.
No one cared about the fact that someone else’s selfish act destroyed what I valued. My retaliation was branded as aggression, while his provocation was dismissed as childish mischief. No one asked why I struck back. No one acknowledged that he’d destroyed something I built simply because he wanted to. I was the one who got punished.
At that time, the teacher’s failure was a clear lesson in injustice, that authority will side with the visible victim over the invisible violation, and proof that fairness is conditional, since his pain was 'real', while mine was 'just toys'.
I don't get emotionally attached to people. I don't ever need that. I recently told someone this, and instead of taking it at face value, they asked if I still felt something for them. As if they were the exception, as if a relationship without emotional involvement is impossible. They seem to think their so-called "special" love can fix me, as if I'm broken. It's laughable. I'm not in need of fixing, and I don't crave any dependency or emotional attachment. If you think you’re special enough to change that, you're wasting your time.
I don’t get why I should care about someone's feelings when mine are rarely considered.
Relationships are exhausting. The effort, the expectations, the unspoken rules I never fully understand or care to follow. It’s either too much or never enough. People say they want honesty, but they flinch when I give it to them. They say they value independence, but resent it when I don’t need them.
I never chose this mind, this way of being, but if I could strip it all away, would there be anything left of me?
I just realized I’ve never actually experienced peer pressure. Like, people really do things just because others expect them to? They change their opinions, follow trends, or do shit they don’t even want to do just to fit in? That’s so weird to me. If I don’t want to do something, I just... don’t. The idea of someone guilting or pressuring me into something is almost funny.
Sometimes I think I’d be a great actor because I’m already used to pretending and adapting to whatever people expect. But at the same time, having to do it constantly, on command, and according to someone else’s script? Sounds draining. And what if I don’t even get the roles I want? That's even worse. Pretending is easy when it benefits me, but following orders just for the sake of it? No, thanks.
People always disappoint me the moment they seem to finally understand me. Maybe for a second, I think they get it, but they never really do. And that’s fine. I don’t want them too close anyway. I don’t fear abandonment, if anything, I’m always the first to cut people off when they become useless, irritating, or start thinking they have some kind of hold on me. Every time, it just proves what I already know: being alone is better. No expectations, no attachments, no one slowing me down. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s a mistake. But it’s the only thing that seems to work for me.
I hate this constant feeling of emptiness and boredom, so I mess with people’s emotions just to get some kind of reaction. Starting arguments or pushing buttons doesn’t bother me because at least it gives me something to feel. If people end up blocking me, I get it, but honestly, they’re just too sensitive. I’m not trying to hurt anyone, but I’m not going to apologize for stirring things up either. Sometimes I probably take things too far, but they’re the ones overreacting. It’s entertaining to me, and if they can’t handle it, that’s on them. Sure, there are healthier ways to deal with this boredom, but this one’s just the easiest and most entertaining way, in my opinion.
People with Cluster B Disorders. I am sorry about the world. People with Psychotic Disorders. I am sorry about the world. People with OCD. I am sorry about the world.
So many people say they're allies, sometimes even specifically to you, but oftentimes they're lying. They refuse to accommodate on even the most basic level and then treat you like a monster. It's fucked up. It's not your fault. You are not uniquely evil or fucked up. They're just Ableist, and you're just naturally struggling in a world that makes itself completely hostile to you.
I know online PD quizzies ain’t shit. But some of the questions for this test are fucking weird. Like what does being interested in art for a magazine cover have anything to do with personality disorders? Lmao
Rivi is 22 years old. they use He/Him & She/Her pronouns.
they have been professionally diagnosed with:
panic disorder
depression
PTSD
they are currently questioning if they have aspd, bpd, ppd & stpd. They might also be on the schizospec.
they do see a therapist & psychiatrist.
also pls don’t hesitate to message him if ur curious about anything or just wanna strike up a convo!!
also, feel free to reblog. i don’t mind.
messages for those with NPD, BPD, ASPD, or HPD
you are loved, valued, and important.
the people in your life care about you, even if sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
i'm glad you're here today.
your needs matter. your feelings matter. your limits matter.
Saw a post on IG reels recently that said “what to do when narcissistic people attack!” And the comments were just a fucking mess. Apparently anyone who has slightly criticized you is a narcissistic person. 🤔 Also anyone who has narcissism that is trying to critique your art is just trying to manipulate you. 🤔 like huh?!
>"cluster b demonization isn't real! you're just making that up because you're attention seeking and wanna be a victim!!!"
>open internet browser
>"how to defeat narcissists" article is on the front page in the health tab
I just got clinically diagnosed with NPD. Everything suddenly feels… ‘right’, like it’s all coming into place as it should! Huh.
“empaths” are THE stupidest fucks on the planet. not to mention the ableism lol