Consuming - Blog Posts

THE WHITE DOE

The white doe, surrounded only by the darkness. It's not even darkness, it's just the stark contrast of difference her skin makes to the naked eye. A pure being, probably being watched by the shadows lurking in the darkness. She wouldn't bat an eye. She knew it all too well, that when you shine so bright envy will strike.

She didn't protect herself. She knew it would be pointless. Instead she lied down into the cold comfort of the ground beneath her hooves.

Her old friend, the ground, the dirt and the grass. The only thing she long knew. She knew the sounds the ground would make when she walked, trotted or ran. The way the sound would bounce off between her hooves and the solid ground.

The sound that let her determine weather she was going in the right way or not.

For she was blind.

The only purity in the whole forest and she couldn't see it herself. It only made sense to me as I observed her. She wasn't scared.

She was used to this life. Being blind, being pure yet untouchable.

But we both knew it wouldn't last long. I could see them, she could hear them. No matter how fast she would be she didn't have the energy to run.

I sat there and watched as her head softly rested on the ground. She gave up. It was a long run. I've watched her for awhile and I've noticed she was aware of my presence.

We never spoke yet we went on so many advantures together. I could say I learned from her. Watching her graceful, fast steps. Her purity and kindness. She inspired me.

Because of her I'm kind today, kinder to myself.

Now I have to watch her die.

Could I save her? No, I couldn't.

Because I am one of them. The one she gave up from.

She changed my mind, I was hesitant to do anything to her. She was so beautiful.

On the other hand, my kind striked the moment her head laid down. It was over for her.

I saw her pale white skin turn to a nice shade of black as each one of them bit into her, consuming her, changing her. She became something I am, something I was always afraid of and something I secretly disliked.

Her eyes gained color and she gained sight. It was painful, but only for a short while, I promise.

I heard her screams no matter how much she tried to stay silent and not care about the pain. I saw those beautiful tears that quickly changed their color to a darker shade.

She was consumed completely.

I stepped out of my shadow, in shame, walking to her. It was time to meet my hero. I knew it was her. She changed but it's still her, I hoped.

That hope died quickly. She wasn't herself anymore. We ruined her. I ruined her.

She stood up and took a good look at us. Dark skin, short white tails and antlers as big as the sky.

I could see the confusion on her face.

Why would her own kind consume her?

I had no idea of thirst until I met you.

The true longing of just your taste.

I grasp a fraction of your scent, I feel my skin flushing, crimson spreading.

Heart beating so hard, I feel It will inevitably break through my ribs.

How can my mind have so many thoughts, flying so dangerously fast, yet with razor precision my focus is on you.

I ache.

I lay erect, lost in worlds sleep and wake.

No matter my status, I see you, want you.

Oh do I want.....

Love....

Love isn't just holding hands, soft caresses or love letters.

Sometimes you have to cut, bruise the ones you love to see their self worth.

Love is painful.

Love can hurt, if it doesn't maybe you don't really love.

A constant ache, a thought that slides through all other thoughts.

Love can be irrational, love can be dark, love can taste like tears.

I love you my moon.

Solar eclipse by Gallery 360

I need you to be the last thing I taste, your salt drying on my lips, the final drops of your sliding deeper into me.

I need your heartbeat to be the last vibrational sound my ears enjoy as my ear presses into your warm flesh.

I crave the feeling you give... My heart beating faster and harder with every thought of you that slides through me, my blood pumping, muscles filling and straining, my erection aching harder for your energy, seeking your release.

I need to breathe you into my lungs... no matter the emotion shared.

I'd rather inhale the fires of pain and tough love, than to never know your flame.

I shake

Awake

And cannot sleep.

I try

But why

Can’t I count sheep?

My heart burns with distant agony

And the truth is all too clear:

I’m burning all alone again

And no one holds me dear.

I want to roar this dragons’ flame out of my chest

I want to breathe in peace

I want my skin to cool again

Will this pain ever cease?

In this din

With the might of ten

My strength billows like a sail

But all alone

An unearthed stone

My heart feels deathly frail.

My blood a deadly poison

Like a fire in the night

Is burning up my insides

And sets my mind alight.

I long so very dreadfully

For rest and for some peace

Unfortunately to achieve this end

I may have to be deceased.

A terrible conclusion

My heart cannot allow

But while I live,

What I wouldn’t give

For cool hands to soothe my brow.

i think i've loved you

in every lifetime

on every planet

in every universe

that i have ever lived in.

it's like it's hardwired into me.

i think that's why

i can't move on,

why i can't stop loving you

no matter how hard i try.

it's impossible.

you're in my brain chemistry.

you're in my bones.

-mars

happiness doesn't have to be loud, regular days are so pretty 🤍

Today is my birthday, I didn't do anything special, I made up a pretty set to blew my candles at midnight and I took some cute pictures, only my mom and 2 of my siblings were there but it was a really sweet and happy moment. This morning I ate cake for breakfast, I did a birthday cake face mask, received a cute plant from my dad , found a beautiful forgotten chandelier at home and my mom made me a special dinner with pink napkins.

it was a peaceful day, calm and pretty I would say, not the mainstream type of fun we consume everyday on social media, and I found myself thinking about how 3/4 years ago I wouldn't have been happy about it, I would have been there sad and frustrated because that was not what my birthday should have looked like at this age, but now I can see that would have been so so wrong.

Happiness or fun don't have to look a certain way to be legit, the media want us to think that there's only one aesthetic type of fun, that you need a certain setting to be happy. A lot of times you wouldn't even actually enjoy those things if you had them but they show to you that type of life so persistently and violently that it becomes almost impossible for you to believe something else.

Your type of fun, your type of beauty, your vision of what a perfect day should look like, your aspirations and dreams......everything gets roughly replaced by some empty ideas that don't belong to you at all and that wouldn't have crossed your mind in a thousand years if you had not been fed them every second of every hour.

All of this will probably sound obvious for some of you, and I'm really happy about it, but I know that a couple years ago these words would have helped me a lot and sometimes I still need to hear them. Mindlessly consuming perfect feeds and endless loops of tiktoks can make us think that our life is too empty, we see people younger than us "living the dream" and we feel behind, we feel left out, we begin to hate our regular days because they feel muted in comparison.

But all our days are beautiful and important, don't spend your time wondering if you are actually "living life to its fullest", just do what makes you feel good (as long as you're not harming anyone lol), and if you can't do it yet enjoy everything you can and live your days to their max potential, even when the max potential is good weather, enjoy the process as much as you will enjoy the outcome and be grateful for your imperfect little life.

🤍