Depressing Shit - Blog Posts
The heart goes cold. The heart grows old. The repetition of moments be it trembling or joyous. The heart loses it all in the end.
Am being created in addiction. Driven by obsession’ tamed by love, blinded by free will. I live strictly by a dogma but a one I have set myself. I am obsessed I am addicted I am tamed …but I am free.
That feeling of self doubt when you think you've figured somthing out about yourself but you don't fit what's expected.
Th feeling of hiding in plain site from everyone. Those who would understand and the others that could never.
I tell myself it's fine if I'm wrong it can't hurt anyone. But itcan. If I lied you suffered the effort I'm putting abd have put to rebuild the unstable walls of our friendship will crumble again.
And I can't lose you.
Is it wrong to say I miss you. That I miss the way out bodies fit together like the puzzles my grandma tirelessly works on.
That I miss your little smiles when I said something stupid and made of fool of myself.
Your hair draping over my shoulder at lunch your stomach pressed against my back.
But that's not fair. You aren't mine and as much as I want to be I'm not yours. I told you I couldn't l9ve you. I told you I would never love anyone. I told you I was wrong. I don't want to do that again.
"just be yourself" small problem i don't know who that is
“it’s your choice” “you have options” “you know what to do” actually i am very much not well and giving me a ‘choice’ that has no outcome that makes everyone feel good is making me wanna kms!!!
being iced tf out by people who ‘care’ and ‘love me’ and ‘understand me’ even though they don’t care to see that i’m literally at the lowest point of my life!!!
fake ass mfs made a whole separate gc to chat shit about me when i’m currently sitting in my bathroom wondering how many cvts i deserve today
all these expectations. fuck you and fuck everyone else.
do what i want!!
no do what i want!!
nah bro what about what i fucking want. i can’t deal with this anymore. every outcome just ends up with me wanting to slice my wrists open, hang myself from the ceiling, jump from a bridge and EVEN THEN none of you would care.
“we didn’t even notice” man stfu i’m clearly losing my fucking mind and HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.
lord just let this end, please. i’m begging with everything i have. please.
will you notice my fat rolls if i split my wrists open and bleed out in the bathtub???
it’s fucking summer and here i am with my fat rolls hanging out in front of all these skinny people. i can’t stop staring. i wish that was me. someone just cut the fat off me i beg
i'm a disease. a lethal, deadly disease. everything i touch ends up ruined. i'm ruined and i'm ruining others. everyone would just be better off if i dropped dead.
“Feel it. The thing that you don’t want to feel. Feel it, be free and let it go.”
— (via officialaudreykitching)
