Enneagram4 - Blog Posts

The anxiety attack after you set a boundary is crazy. My hands are shaky. Palms are sweaty. I’m freaking livid! I just don’t understand it?! I’m cursed I swear. My grandmother would yell at me CONSTANTLY “Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble” little did she know how powerful such words were. People love me cuz I’m real and hate me cuz I’m too blunt! Or because I’m too moody or too “to myself” um why is it so wrong to keep to yourself? Why is it wrong to like to keep your circle small? Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to protect what’s mine or maybe it’s the only way I know how to protect my energy. Whatever it is. I DESPISE when people try to impose on me. Don’t push me to be social please. Don’t come over uninvited. These are triggers. I’m so sorry. I don’t like uncertainty or surprises unfortunately. I’ve been disappointed too many times. I have opened that door too many times. So now I leave it shut and protect me and my own. Ok so the boundary is set. Why am I freaking out? It’s the response! It’s me obsessing over if that person will talk to me again because I set a boundary! It’s me being mad I had to set one in the first place. But then again, High expectations are future disappointments. I’m tired of people having adult tantrums when another adult is clear on their wants/unwants. How dare you be mad at me for knowing what I want!?

-Illustratum Paradoxon

Illustratum Paradoxon

Ying & Yang

Illustratum Paradoxon

With a calming atmosphere, “Harmony” by Cestica finds a perfect balance of night and day. Where would you fall in the divide? Night or day?

Illustratum Paradoxon

Thank 👏🏼 you !

Illustratum Paradoxon

Don’t 👏 call 👏 people 👏 with 👏 mental 👏 illness 👏 crazy 👏

Take it day by day. It took years for them to screw you up, take time with your healing. Love yourself through the process. Give yourself grace! These are things I repeat to myself yet, even so still have those days that just seem like “Didn’t I just heal from this?” “Why am I resorting back?!” BUT it doesn’t always mean that! It’s ok to have a bad day. I have to accept that this is a process and some days triggers will just be harder to deflect. Some days our traumas come to taunt us, but I won’t stop the fight. I won’t keep allowing this battle in my mind keep me from healing and moving foreward. I will not hold on to shame and guilt for allowing myself to feel. It’s ok to feel. It’s ok not to be perfect. It’s ok to heal. It’s ok to be happy. And it’s ok NOT to be on the days that you just aren’t feeling your best. Stop beating yourself up!

-Illustratum Paradoxon

The world right now is an empath's nightmare.

Ain’t that the truth.

Well damn.

Stoned thoughts| Part I

as you reflect on life: “The devil is a liar...Liar Liar pants on fire...omg! Now I understand the reference. It wasn’t just because it rhymed, but literally! The devil= Liar his pants are DEFINITELY on fire”

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Ok I’m done. 😂

Today I made a promise. To keep my emotions in check. To watch what I say before I say it. To stop cursing like a sailor. Man that’s a lot to ask from me. BUT when my lack of skills of navigating through my emotions effects the ones I love, then it’s a must. It’s a lot to admit when I’m wrong because I NEVER EVER want to be the reason for someone’s pain. I know all of us are a villain in someone’s story, but as for my family. I will always strive to be the hero. Hey even Hero’s make mistakes I guess. Egos get in the way. Emotions are high. Shi-Stuff Happens. Most importantly I made a promise to STOP absorbing everyone’s feelings. Love them. Care for them. But you can’t save EVERYONE. What I will do is save myself and be the best version of myself to be able to help others and not leave myself on Empty. If I’m empty I can’t give as freely. My resources are limited. So instead of wasting my energy on anger and getting super riled up, I will focus on healing myself to heal others. 🙏🏼 It sounds so easy! But yea...here goes.

-Illustratum Paradoxon

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

Ryan Reynolds: ISTP + enneagram 4w5 sp/sx

Lol so accurate. 4s are deep thinkers and feelers.

Four: There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Two: Christ, Four. All I wanted to know is when your birthday was.