"It's your voice, it's your face, it's even your clumsiness All of it... Now I know I hate them all"
- εͺι Dried Flower, Yuuri
Dear friend, dont try to explain me why you think he likes me secretly, beacause I know that he doesn't. I love him, which is the reason I know you dont treat someone you love like the way he treat me.
I'm tired of your nice guy act. What I need is a GOOD MAN! And maybe that you'll never be...
I know my live isn't a manga shojo. Its not like when he kiss you unexpectedly and the tension is high and you know they are going to get together at the end. But I was just at that page where the tension was high but you run away from my story like if death was chasing after you. That kiss was life chaging for me but you decided it to be your biggest mistake. I was your biggest mistake.
My heart don't fall again, we promised we won't. Didn't we learn through the pain? Was that not enough? My heart we just come back from heaven and hell. We need to make a decision. One that willl hurt a life time.
You wanna know why I won't come back to you? Because today I'm the adult that needs to protect the little girl that cried yesterday 'cause you broke her heart.
Even when it's bad when you are here, it's worst when you are not.
I don't know what to do.
Talk about my feelings, ask you for space, try to ignore you and forgive and heal myself. Or make as this doesn't matter, like I'm crazy for no reason and get with it for the rest of the year.
I only have this year left with you and I feel if I choose myself, I'll regret no choosing you. Maybe for the fact I know you won't fight for me nor try to stop me of leaving, just like the way you are, the way you feel safe. You said that you don't know what I'm talking about when I try to talk this situation with you, that it's just my anxiety again, that it's all in my head, but we are losing each other...
We both know this has to happen but deep down ww don't want it to end, we prefer to be uncomfortable with each other than to be alone, we are the same. But hating, blaming, hurting myself, makes a lot of people I love worry and you are not what I remember, like if last year was a lie. And I think when I grow up I will try to remember those sweet touches, kisses, hugs and wispers as what we were and not what we have become. I don't want you to blame me for leaving, I want you to stop me and change, but that just a foolish girl dream, it's not like those romantic dramas where they do what they can to be together, reality it's complicated, relationship are complicated, we are so complicated. And I want to make whats better for us withot hurting each other. I just don't know whats that answer yet
Even if somebody else have said o written this already, It's the first time I feel this words very deeply.
"I'm not over him, I'm over our situation".
I try to swallow up my words but they hurt so much, but telling you how much I loved you that I can't never do
even if you're are the reason I cry, I still want you to dried them, please.
i know what I did.
I Want You to hug me, touch me, kiss me, caress me one last time, but my greedy self will ask for more. How does anyone controls this desired to be loved when they aren't for you?
i'm sorry I know you are trying to be nice but if you hug me or pat my head, I didn't care your hands were cold, I know I will fall for you all over again. I just want to save myself from more suffering.
ππ'π πππππ‘πππ πππ πππππππππππ ππ ππ ππ πππππ π ππππ ππ'π πππππππ. πΈπ πππππ ππ’ ππππππ πππππ ππ πππππ πππ ππ’ πππ’πππ
What's between you and I, it's just a comfortable lie.
I hope you be happy with her even if I dont mean it. I want to see you cry and suffer as much as I do. That its what I meant to say. I'm sorry...
I thinks its the last time I will fall for you. You did really meet another girl. I hate to be the one to keep your secret safe. It would be better if you didnt trust me, like friends. Cause its what we are, just friends. I'm trying to cope with a broken heart and looking at you knowing that you are kissing her cheeks, sniffing her hair and hugging her from behind, just like you did to me but I promise you, she will never shiver at your touch nor smile or love you the way I did.
Like its okay to quit being in love and try to fall in love with some that its wothy of my heart the next time? But every time I feel like quitting because of rejection I use the same excuse to say I don't like/love this person anymore cause he is't worth it. So in that case who is really worthy it if every one is the same?
I feel so betrayed by my friends, by the guy I love. They make me feel like I am crazy and I am overreacting EVERYTHING.
Also another friend told me that she talked to another friend. He said to her that he told to the guy I like that indeed, I had a crush on him. And that was like almost a year ago. So yeah I don't know how to feel.
It was so time along but to think they knew about all this and I was you know so stupid kind in love and so hecking blind, by God, it make me so frustrated I can't be mad at anyone of them even if it mean they hurt me. Ignorance is bliss indeed. I can't express neither tell anyone cause for them this happend a year ago but this is just happen today. I want to cry with someone.
NEVER AGAIN YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS WITH THE GUY YOU LIKE, YOU'LL REGRET IT LATER ON. 21 years old/2023
I don't who should I talk to...Cause I always have this conversation with the same person.
I regret again, my eyes hurt, I can't breath, I can't scream even when it's the middle of the night and there is no one around.
I shouldn't have told you what the person I think you would date, And my word agh : "She would be thin, with dark straight hair, more small than you are", and I don't look like that.
I don't even know why I say that. I am regretting every second you sounded happy for someone it's not me.
I want to move on, but I'm afraid there is not gonna be anyone like you...
Here I'm again in the void of my deep and darkest thoughts. No, like really.
Now situation at hand
I am getting bullied by all my classmates and closest friends, cause our PDA is way too strong, like its not that intimate or so he says, but he said we are just friends, doing friends things, like what?? I thought we were getting out of the friend zone. I am now worriend about his definition of friendly skinship and friendly touch.
Oh boy, oh boy, I want to get rid of any feelings for you. Cause you like someonelse and it's not me so I'm feeling like my heart is being wasted on you. What sould I do? Cause even if I tried is difficult if your sweet, but I also don't want to stop you from giving me attention. It's normal feeling this way? Wanting to give up on you and at the same time I don't want to.
I just love the way you hold me, you sometimes treat me coldly but you'r arms say otherwise, is like being in the warmest blanket at the coldest day of my life. I love you'r scent is a weird but comfortable smell between laundry soap and your natural scent. I love the way you kiss my temple when I'm felling blue. I hate myself for loving those things. Which lend me guessing if loving you for those things makes me hate my self, then should I stop loving you?
My friends always tell me that you look like you like me, but they also are confused as I am, cause sometimes you look comfortable enough to be a couple and sometimes I am headache to you
So we can't hold hands cause thats couples do, but you can kiss my cheeks sweetly and hug me from behind, touching me carefully like if you were looking for the sweetest spot to rest your hands and face. OK LOL
Struggling with my heart, cause sometimes you don't want my affection and hugs, but when I am really don't in the mood you want my every inch of body, lips and soul.
Trying to do thing i would never do just to forget you, seems like a shitty Twilight movie scene we saw together
We said I love you like it was a obligation not a declaration
Love was a law enforced out of a sense of duty
3 words, sometimes 2, said at the end of phone calls and before closing our eyes
Maybe it could've been more than a rule...
But giving our hearts was a liability neither was willing to risk
So sue me for ending the legal monotony in the political game of being "the love of your life"
fuck you for abandoning me when i needed you the most. fuck you for throwing me away like an old toy you got tired of. fuck you for throwing away years of my loyalty and love. fuck you for destroying me mentally and making me suicidal and not wanting to live anymore. fuck you for trying to immediately replace me with someone else to feed your ego. fuck you for being heartless. fuck you for never even checking if i was still alive. fuck you.
- Dreaming of Wolves//Poems