Kevin Malone - Blog Posts

Best Conference Room Meetings

1. Season Three, Episode Four: Grief Counseling

When Pam and Ryan, and then Kevin tell fake grief stories based on movies.

2. Season Five, Episode Three: Business Ethics

Michael: Spent an entire week watching YouTube, in particular the Cookie Monster sings Chocolate Rain.

Oscar: Will sometimes take a long lunch.

Kelly: Downloads pirated music onto her work computer.

Meredith: For the past six years, Meredith was sleeping with a supplier in exchange for discounts on office supplies and Outback Steakhouse coupons.

3. Season Seven, Episode Thirteen: Ultimatum

⦁ Creed wanting to learn how to do a cartwheel (Ditto). ⦁ Kevin not knowing how to eat broccoli.

4. Season Seven, Episode Nineteen: Garage Sale Conference room meeting where Oscar, Ryan, Jim and Pam all work with Michael to plan the perfect proposal to Holly.

5. Season Two, Episode Twenty: Drug Testing When Pam sets up Jim to tell “the story about a friend who got caught up in the world of drugs” knowing per jinx he couldn’t speak. 

6. Season Four, Episode Four: Money When Michael is supposed to be teaching everyone PowerPoint but forgot, then the meeting get sidelined to the universally confusing question: Is whom a real word, and if so, when do you use it?

7. Season Six, Episode Twenty-Five: The Chump

When the meeting gets refocused on how to shoot Bin-Laden, Hitler and Toby with only two bullets.

8. Season Four, Episode Four: Money The Conference room meeting held at Michael’s other job as a telemarketer at the Lipaphedrine Diet-pill Company--they love him.

9. Season Two, Episode Twenty-One: Conflict Resolution  When Michael mediates between Angela and Oscar through the five mediation techniques.

10. Season Four, Episode Seven: Survivor Man

The Conference room meeting, that wasn't. Jim is trying to end the all the birthday parties as they waste time, but almost gets tricked into having a conference meeting about it per Pam's suggestion.

Kevin Malone

Kevin’s Best Moment: Season Nine, Episode Fourteen: Vandalism When he stands up for Angela and Oscar to Senator Lipton. First, nicely thanking him for the food, then telling the Senator that he sucked, before complimenting him again on the food.

“You’re, like, a terrible person. These guys care about you, and you’re just using them.”

Kevin’s “Worst” Moment: Season Seven, Episode Nineteen: Garage Sale When he lets Darryl and Andy "play" him with his incomplete Dallas board game where they frustrate him by playing by whatever rules they want and he storms off. Only for us to see later that was all part of his plot to get the full $30 gamble.

Kevin’s Best Line: Season Six, Episode Five: Niagara Part 2. "The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on."

Kevin’s Most Memorable Moment: Season Nine, Episode One: New Guys

Kevin runs over a turtle.

"Saves him" by gluing his shell back together with parts of his shell, part of a key chain, a spoon, bottle cap, yogurt lid, mini coffee creamer container.

Crushes him again by leaning on him with this knee.

Patches up the turtle again, mostly with a helmet.

Only to realize the turtle was probably dead the whole time.

Jan Levinson (Gould)

Jan’s Best Moment: Season Two, Episode Fifteen: Boys and Girls

When Pam mentions the obstacles of not going for the Corporate Graphic Design Internship (her current job, cost, and time), she tells Pam “There are always a million reasons not to do something”.

Jan’s Worst Moment: Season Three, Episode Nine: The Convict

When she tells them it’s Martin who was the ‘reformed convict’. Maybe she had to, but honestly, she should have known how this would go.

Jan’s Best Line: Season Four, Episode Nine: Dinner Party

“This will be great to cook with—really”.

Jan’s Most Memorable Moment: Season Four, Episode Fourteen

When we find out she’s pregnant with *not Michael’s* baby.

Questions Left Unanswered

1. Season Five, Episode Eight: Business Trip

Where does Darryl go after Kelly breaks up with him via text. There is a lot of support for the idea that he is walking away happy and is thrilled that he didn’t have to break up with Kelly (further evidenced by how he has Val break up with him), but WHERE DOES HE GO!! This is the middle of the work day, why was this part and only this part included. Did I miss something, I continue to remain so confused.

2. Season Nine, Episode Twenty: Paper Airplane

They never gave an explanation for how Angela got so poor overnight. Yes, she was separated from the Senator, but she wasn’t poor before and she continued to work while married to the. So even if he really was that big of an asshole it doesn’t explain how or why she ended up so poor.

3. Season Five, Episode Seven: Customer Survey

What is the evidence that Dunder Mifflin is a front for the Mob

4. Season Seven, Episode Twenty-Two: Goodbye Michael

Okay Phyllis, to clean the mittens you told us 1) we can’t get them wet, 2) they can’t be dry cleaned but they have to be “hand washed without water” à how am I supposed to do that!?!?

And is it the same for your oven mitt

5. Season Six, Episode Twenty: New Leads

How did the rest of the staff (Meredith, Angela, Kevin, Oscar, Creed) react when they realized the Sales staff was going to offer them 2% of their quarter sales and not just an apology

6. Multiple Episodes: How many Chad Flenderson novels did Toby write?

7.  Season Five, Episode Five: Crime Aid

Who got David Wallace’s timeshare during the fundraiser?

8. Season Nine, Episode Twenty-Two: A.A.R.M.

What are the time limits on the other summoning bags?

9: Season Five, Episode Twelve: The Duel

We only know about Rule 17 (Don’t turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season) but what about the other Shrute Rules. There are 39 more and while also being interesting, I also do not wish to be eaten in my sleep. Though my guess that only matters if I am a Shrute.

10. Season Two, Episode Seventeen: Dwight’s Speech

What does Creed say in Chinese? There is some speculation that it translates simply to " My China friends hello” but, I don’t know. It’s Creed, and the finger pointing at the camera at the end makes me question if there is more.

Todd Packer

Packer's Best Moment: Season Eight, Episode Sixteen: After Hours When Dwight gets kicked by Jim after he gets the buttons from Cathy per "college rules" in 'The King and The Hunchback' and he comments with his double meaning statement.

“and he lost at his own lame game”

Packer's Worst Moment: Season Nine, Episode Seventeen; The Farm When he laced the cupcakes that he brought as 'apology cupcakes' to the office and the staff either got stoned or diarrhea

Packer's Best Line: Season Two, Episode Two

So a guy goes home, tell his wife, "Honey, pack your bags, I just wont the lottery" She goes "Oh, my god, that's incredible, where are we going? He goes "I don't know where you're going, just be out of here by five."

Packer's Most Memorable Moment: Season Three, Episode Eleven: Back from Vacation When he gets Michael’s picture of Jan from their Sandals Jamaica trip “Wait. I just got it from somebody else. Wow, this is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture? “

Roy Anderson

Roy’s Best Moment: Season Two, Episode Fifteen: Boys and Girls

When he went up to Jim, said he heard the rumor about Jim ‘having a crush on Pam’ and that it was no big deal because he knows he’s a good guy and it was a long time ago.

Roy’s Worst Moment: Season Two, Episode Sixteen: Valentine’s Day

When Pam tell Roy that she is upset that he didn’t get her anything for Valentine’s Day “Well, Valentine’s Day isn’t over. Let’s get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life”

Roy’s Best Line: Season Three, Episode Eighteen: The Negotiation

When he gets upset that Pam won’t try to date Jim after they break up again

“Wait a minute, you broke off our wedding for the guy--You mean you’re not even gonna try to go out with him? I don’t get you Pam”

Roy’s Most Memorable Moment: Season Two, Episode Twenty-Two: Casino Night

When he hired Kevin to play the wedding band after seeing Kevin lose at Casino night.

Best End Moments

1.  Season Six, Episode Ten: Murder

After the end of the Murder Mystery game(s) when Michael, Andy, Dwight and Pam are all still at the office, past six, trying not to get shot by each other because they all announced how they were double agents ….and Jim has to drag her away

2. Season Eight, Episode Twenty-Two: Fundraiser

When everyone thinks Kevin doesn’t realize his dog Ruby is dead because he tells them:

She’s doesn’t do anything, just lays there all day

She barely touches her food

She doesn’t really poop

She just lies there all day

He has to prop her eyes open to watch the tv

She smells horrible

3. Season Five, Episode Twenty-Eight: Company Picnic

When Jim and Pam find out they’re expecting

4. Season Six, Episode Twenty-One: Happy Hour

Hide’s story

“In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, Yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill Yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best”

5. Season Five, Episode Nine: Frame Toby

Dwight’s Perfect Crime

6. Season Three, Episode One: Gay Witch Hunt

“I was gonna quit, but Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something promising I wouldn’t sue. We’re going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay”

7. Season Eight, Episode Twenty-One

After Ryan somewhat pours his heart out to Kelly in the parking lot, Pam searches the waste basket to find the love poem he wrote to her because of how bad Pam expects it to be but after reading the whole thing with Jim that they are both brought to tears Jim tells the camera team “Ryan can never know”

8. Season Eight, Episode Four: Garden Party

When Jim keeps leaving and re-entering the Garden Party so Dwight has to keep announcing him and knowing that Dwight is so committed to throwing a good Garden Party that he asks Dwight who he really think the best salesman in the office is and then timing to walk back into the party so Dwight’s answer comes out as “Obviously M—Mr. James Halpert!”

9. Season Five, Episode Twenty-One: Two Weeks

When after Michael and Pam quit, Charles puts Kevin on “phones” and to decrease the time wasting makes Stanley his productivity czar and be ‘on top of that’

10. Season Seven, Episode Ten: China

After Andy first texts Darryl about him and Michael wearing the same tie, Darryl tells Andy to text him less. Then when Andy texts him “Megan Fox?” Darryl holds Andy to one bad text away from getting blocked. Andy maintains his “good text status” by only next texting Darryl two pigeons eating ice cream.

Best Intros

1. Season Five, Episode Fourteen: Stress Relief Part One

     The Fire

2. Season Six, Episode Four: Niagara Part 1

When Dwight insists on eating an egg at his desk after Pam asks people to change some of their habits during the morning sickness part of her pregnancy; so then Pam throws up, then Andy, and Erin, Phyllis, Meredith, Oscar, Angela….Creed eating his noodles, and Pam just taps her mouth with a tissue

3. Season Eight, Episode Sixteen: After Hours

First Angela and Pam complain about Oscar and his dog,

Oscar and Angela complain about how Angela pretends her kids are more advanced than they are,

Angela and Oscar complain about Pam talking about two kids instead of just one, 

Then all three complain about Andy and his boat.

4. Season Two, Episode Nine: Email Surveillance

When Michael racially profiles the new IT guy, and turns off the office lights and has them all hide.

5. Season Five, Episode Twenty-Two: Dream Team

When Kevin is the receptionist. First, he forgets he’s supposed to answer the phone and second, we find out that he’s been having trouble understanding how to transfer so he just calls whoever the call is for to come up to reception.

Then, in this scene Jim reminds him how to transfer by hitting “transfer, extension, transfer” (Kevin had written it on his hands but then washed his hands and forgot) to transfer a call to Andy first transfers the call to the empty desk across from Meredith, then to Stanley, and then to Andy; all while politely speaking to the customer.

6. Season Three, Episode Fifteen: Phyllis’ Wedding

When Jim “Pavlov’s Dog” Dwight with an altoid whenever he reboots his computer

7. Season Four, Episode Three: Launch Party

The TV cube-corner countdown; it’s something we’ve all experienced, just as passionately.

There’s this cube on the screen that bounces around all day. And sometimes it looks like its hitting Right into the corner of the screen And then at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner.

8. Season Five, Episode Nineteen: Golden Ticket

“THE KGB WILL WAIT FOR NO ONE!”

9. Season Five, Episode Twenty-Six

When Michael had not a pot pie, or an entire pot pie but an entire, family-sized, chicken pot pie for lunch and after letting the office be dark and quiet for a while Jim changes the computer time, Pam changes his watch, and Dwight changes his car time so they can all get a half-day.

10. Season Three, Episode Eleven: Back from Vacation

When Jim starts tell lies about what Dwight is doing in the meeting since Dwight is recording the meetings since Michael is away with Phyllis and Karen joining in later

Jim “you’re not allowed to take your pants off at the office—oh my god, he has a knife”

Phyllis “Jim Carrey just walked in, oh Dwight, get his autograph for Michael, quickly”

Karen “Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a “Muppet Babies” tattoo?”

Best Company moments

1. Season Seven, Episode Two: Counseling

When they all support and try to help Dwight with the mall fiasco even before they knew what happened. After first storming in and demanding everyone “Boycott the Steamtown Mall” and then again when help him prepare to Pretty Woman the salesclerk (per Kelly’s suggestion).

Kelly “You shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo”

Oscar “Maybe not so monochromatic, not so matching”

Ryan, Kelly, Pam and then Ryan again “The glasses are a little….I liked them…I thought they were kinda cute…yeah I liked them too”

Darryl "Say Stuff like ‘good morning, good afternoon. People appreciate that’” Darryl

Andy “If someone offers you a cocktail, accept, but keeps your wits about you” Andy

Angela “Please and Thank you go a long way”

2. Season Seven, Episode Twenty-Two: Goodbye Michael

When they all sing Rent, and calculated the actual minutes (9,986,000)  that he had been at the company

3. Season Five, Episode Fourteen: Stress Relief Part 1

When, more than those you’d expect, began dancing to them singing ‘staying alive’ to know when to pump for CPR. First Andy joining in singing, then Kelly dancing, Phyllis and Creed bopping their heads, then Michael stops with the CPR and gets up to also dance as does Andy later dancing with the instructor and even Meredith and Dwight bopping their heads as well.

4. Season Eight, Episode Five: Garden Party

When they all come together to cheer Andy up after the Garden party; even to where they ignore him as he tries to leave and apologize with Darryl asking him he wants a “Cheeseburger or Hamburger” and Oscar calling him “Nard-dog” before tossing him a beer.

5. Season Seven, Episode Seven: Christening

When they all shit on the churchgoers at the Christening; they are their own type of family

Ryan “Teach for America girls are way hotter—but their nuts”

Phyliis “Who takes a kid to Mexico”

Stanley” I would run to Mexico if that’s where the sandwiches are”

Dwight “You wanna know my 11th Commandment, I will not be undersold”

Andy “What if the Moon was your car and Jupiter was your hairbrush”

Ending with half-assed claps and Ryan playing with his cup

6. Season Six, Episode Fifteen: Sabre

When they work together to repackage the Sabre box

7. Season Seven, Episode Nine: WUPHF.com

When they figured out the server password first thinking of things topical for when it was set, IT guys, and then that it made Michael laugh when he heard it, but Pam got offended.

8. Season Seven, Episode Six: Costume Contest

“Is there no limit to what Stanley won’t notice?”

Jim’s OJ wasn’t his hot coffee

Kevin dressed up as Phyllis

Andy naked except for his tie

The computer monitor being replaced by a cardboard box with a picture on it

Michael with fake teeth

The conference meeting having everyone but him sitting backwards and the meeting talking about the projections on Jupiter

Pam with a mustache

and Dwight with a pony

 Except—he notices the clock is slow and it’s after 5pm

9. Season Nine, Episode Eight: The Target

When Pete, Kevin, Erin, Meredith, Creed, Nellie and Darryl all work together to build the complaint tower and support Pam getting a complaint

10. Season Nine, Episode Eighteen: Promos

When they realize the camera crew followed them more than they realized, and all looked at the camera simultaneously

Pete Miller

Pete’s Best Moment: (Season Nine, Episode Eight: The Target)

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s just a mistake, just a mistake. That’s what this tower is all about—mistakes. Okay, if you’re afraid of screwing up, the tower is not for you. Show of hands, who has never had a complaint? That’s right, nobody. See that? Nobody. Let’s get back to work, huh? Come on, you in?”

And then he fist bumps Kevin

Pete’s Worst Moment: Season Nine, Episode Twenty-One: Livin’ The Dream

When Pete doesn’t try in making Jim feel welcome in the annex, especially compared to Clark who he doesn’t like that much.

Pete’s Best Line: Season Nine, Episode Two: Roy’s Wedding

“No, Clark’s not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don’t know them.”

Pete’s Most Memorable Moment: Season Nine, Episode Two: Roy’s Wedding

When he makes sure Erin doesn’t end up going to Clark’s apartment alone, as Clark was trying to hook up with Erin, but ends up being the one to take her out to dinner.

Cringiest Moments

1.      Season Four, Episode Eleven: Night Out

When after making a joke that Pam nudges Toby about and everyone laughs at, Toby puts his hand on Pam’s leg…for a few seconds..and the room goes quiet, everyone sees and Jim and Pam just stare at the floor while Toby tells everyone he’s moving to Costa Rica and then hops the parking lot fence to leave

 2. Season Five, Episode One: Weight Loss Part One

When Holly stops and yells at Angela for screaming at Kevin and calling him a dummy and then it comes out that Holly “thinks” Kevin is mentally challenged.

 3. Season Nine, Episode Ten: Lice

When Pam’s mom calls and you know it’s going to come out they all got Lice from Pam and not Meredith

 4. Season Five, Episode Twenty-Eight: Company Picnic

For starters, the sketch show just wasn’t good; but watching them go through the different branches that would soon be closed and then going with B…..for Buffalo.

5. Season Eight, Episode Twenty: Welcome Party

When Andy breaks up with Jessica during a bachelorette party, that he crashed.

 6. Season One, Episode Five: Basketball

 When Michael first “stops the game early” between the Warehouse and the Office and gives the win to them, but then changes it under pressure from the warehouse. All because he got tapped on the nose.

 7. Season Two, Episode Four: The Fire

 When a few of the women are playing desert island and with “who would you do” mention Jim, Oscar and Toby. But then the cameras show Kevin is just feet away, hears them, and he even clears his throat.

 8. Season Four, Episode One: Fun Run

 When Michael holds off on letting anyone know how he’s was able to “get to the scene” so fast when Meredith was hit by the car, and explains that he was “in the car” not specifically “the driver”.

 9. Season 2, Episode 2: Sexual Harassment

When Michael tries, and mostly succeeds, in making Phyllis feel better after Packer rips into her. But then goes to far

“You know what I’m afraid of—of getting a boner”

  10.   Season Two, Episode Nineteen: Michael’s Birthday

When Pam make announcements on the loud speaker at the Rite Aid; especially since they’re so bad

Luke this is your Father, come set the dinner table

Jim Halpert, Price check on fabric softener

Weird stuff my sleep deprived friends say as incorrect quotes 4/?

Kevin: you know, I just figured something out. If I cut my own leg off, I can't come to work on both physical and mental reasons!

Oscar: hey kev, maybe you should sleep in my place tonight, you know, away from big knives...