Physical Disability - Blog Posts

about to guillotine my legs off ♡

i’m gonna gnaw my leg off someone kill me or chop off my leg

i used to love jokes about canes/crutches users referring to them as their additional legs. but THIS IS NO JOKE ANYMORE.

i almost feel every step of my cane. my wrist? i feel it's more of like my knee. what do you mean i have two legs? no, i have three. yes, third one starts at my shoulder, why?

oh, i need two free hands for something... *sarcastic thought* yeah let me just pull out my second arm. *realizing i actually do have a second arm* oh well...

sometimes i just don't realize i'm holding a cane. i don't realize i can stop holding it. my fingers are glued to the handle, thanks for asking.

today, i was sitting down and thought that i needed to re-tie my shoe laces. i made knots tighter on first shoe. second shoe. then i got puzzled because where's the third shoe.

yes it IS my third leg now. she's adopted.

I walk and my legs hurt. I sit down too long and my legs hurts. I lay down too long and my legs hurt. What do these things even want from me

its really hard to get the hang of at first, trust me. ive had mine for about ~5 months and sometimes i avoid taking them with me bc it feels awkward and i hate not having full use of my hands :/

i did watch some tiktoks from people who use forearm crutches and it helped a little with how i hold them and distribute weight? all i can really say is that it takes time and practice

bought forearm crutches. i have no idea how people use them it's so difficult??? they should provide more support than a cane but i can't take a step without overthinking my every move-

*stands up and knees and ankles hurt*

*sit down and hips hurt*

May Apollo bless this scorching hot bath and make my knees shut up and put out the buzzing fire in my joints.

The guilt after getting ill is consuming me away. I wish, I was able to change or heal.

When you suddenly realize that you need to do your lessons, but your whole body is hurting and also twitchy and a small activity could turn you into a shaking mess:

Sometimes it amuses me how if epileptic will have 6 seizures in one day, they will be hospitalised immediately and given treatment, while with dyskensias they just... Give the "Well, damn, but you're conscious during seizures." Yeah, I am, but why the fuck I had 6 in a row?? Sometimes, I think that tearing my ligament wouldn't be as hard as getting treatment, lol.

Speaking about dyskinesia always makes people assume that you're talking about FND. Errr....

When your illness is so rare, that you've 62% chance of being misdiagnosed and everyone who you find on YouTube is a random old guy and just a 18(?) years old guy:

Calling every chronic illness a "disability", is low-key stupid, don't y'all think like that? It is almost as if y'all tried to put a label on everything you don't understand. Sometimes, illnesses can, just... Not fit in your expectations. And y'all should accept it. Repeat after me, "Not every chronic illness is a disability!".

Not all seizures are epileptic, and not all non-epileptic seizures are PNES. Hope this helps!

Years will pass and I will never understand, why, just why, there's only 2 sides when it comes to my illness? Some of you immediately start to pity and pamper me, treat me as if I barely understand something, while the other consists of people who are almost the same as the 1st type, but these are trying to do it differently, trying to look caring and understandable, but in the end they are almost the same. And also, since when the phrase "I'm not letting my illness stop me." Became something ablestic? No, I don't want to treat myself as a snowflake. I don't want to do something less, because YOU think that I'll have a flare up. Flare ups are only MY and MINE DEAL, NOT YOURS. I don't want to sit and whine about how fragile my body is. This only makes me look WEAK. Since when I need to work less, just because I'm ill? Maybe I WANT to work?? Maybe I CAN work?? Maybe, it is YOU the one who sees only code in my med card?!

And still, I'm curious how an appointment which I used to go to every week a few months ago, turned into something I'm afraid of. Making me have flashbacks over and over when I just hear the word "neurologist. Made me have a whole panic attack just because I need to go to a doctor. No, please, I don't want to be treated anymore... Can't you just avoid me? Don't remember about my disease? Make me live a normal life?

To be honest, after years of searching, trying to find my diagnosis, I just... Stopped caring about this. I even started to like this thing, I know, it harms me, but do I want to treat it? No. It's a part of me, that I like.

When the pain hits THAT hard that you need to work while laying down

The doctors had been neglecting me for more than a year, and the day after yesterday I casually had tremors, though I needed to stand up. It wasn't too hard, though I walked like a soldier, cuz my legs were too stiff. And yesterday and today, I noticed a glue-like feeling in my joints, as if some liquid was there, plus it's SO FUCKING PAINFUL to bend it... It starts to hurt, burn and the glue feeling gets worse.... I don't know what to do... Looks like I ended up damaged due to the malpractice of doctors!

I hate how expensive genetic tests are. Like what do you mean I should pay 1000-2000$ and wait for half a year to get a proper diagnosis? And if only my disease was simple to see on MRI or EEG... This thing is only seen on a few scans and mostly you need to take a genetic test. BUT THEY'RE SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE... Please, someone, buy me this test, and I'll kiss your legs

Am I disabled if I have to be homeschooled because of my chronic illness? Asking out of curiosity.

No. My epilepsy is NOT a disability. Why though? Because it doesn't prevent me from doing ANYTHING. It doesn't affect me all the time. Yeah, someone could say "B-but seizures are a disability!!!" Yeah, they could be. But, have you read the criteria to get disability with epilepsy? No? Okay, I'll list.

– Frequency of seizures. If they are too intense and happening too often (for example a few times per day.)

– Decrease in intelligence.

– Mental issues.

– Impaired ability to move.

– Developmental disorders.

So, that's why epilepsy doesn't make you automatically disabled, it just makes you ill. So, I prefer to use the term "sick, but able-bodied." Instead of disabled. Y'all should accept that disability is a status given by law. So, if you're getting money for your disability, and you have this status in your documents – you're disabled. Or at least if your disease is affecting you most of the time like POTS, fibromyalgia, arthritis etc. you're disabled.

But even if chronically ill means being disabled... I still prefer to be called able-bodied. I'm not disabled. So I don't deserve to be called disabled. Leave space for someone else, not me.

I'm waiting to be hated for my opinion. I don't mind anymore. I don't want to call myself disabled and bury myself in my illness. If I'd be hated for that, but I'd still be able bodied, I don't mind. You can call me like you want, and call yourself a disabled if you have epilepsy, because I'm talking about MY CASE not YOURS.

Thanks for reading. Stay healthy.

The sudden urge to delete all my disability related posts, so people won't see and won't like it, so it won't remind me of being sick>>>>>

To be honest, I feel kinda remorseful for making posts with hashtags like "disabled" and others. Why? Because thinking about my diseases constantly only worsens my mental health. I literally was about to go back to cutting or mutilating my body. Plus, I don't really think that I'm like... Disabled? Like my symptoms aren't enough to be called disabled or something... So, I think that I won't be making posts like this anymore... Or do them rarely. Hope y'all will understand. Thanks for being with me in those times. Take care of yourself.

And yet again nobody cares about my hobbies or how I feel. I'm just an ICD code. Right. Just forgot.

Invisible disability is still a disability. Even if you don't see it.

I want to kill myself because of being disabled. I'm a fucking mess right now. I feel grief, frustration and hopelessness. I wish I could cut myself again.

Trying to dump my sufferings to feel healthy again. I can't bear it anymore.

People's honest reaction when there are MUCH more physical diseases than infections ones or breaking your limb

I'm so fucked up with these diseases thing. Everyone is taking in my disability first instead of my personality. Everyone wants only to discuss my disease instead of my new hobby. Maybe I'm really just a code in ICD... Ehh... Why can't I throw away my feelings and just accept the fact of me being a living movement disorder.

"But my ribs are hurting too, so help me!!" No, you're saying that just to force me to do something you don't, while I just want to curl up in my bed with this stinging pain in my ribs.