Physical Illness - Blog Posts

The guilt after getting ill is consuming me away. I wish, I was able to change or heal.

When you suddenly realize that you need to do your lessons, but your whole body is hurting and also twitchy and a small activity could turn you into a shaking mess:

People are talking about how they understand you, how you are still you, even if you got sick. But when I get a combination of movement disorders, y'all are DAMNED.

Years will pass and I will never understand, why, just why, there's only 2 sides when it comes to my illness? Some of you immediately start to pity and pamper me, treat me as if I barely understand something, while the other consists of people who are almost the same as the 1st type, but these are trying to do it differently, trying to look caring and understandable, but in the end they are almost the same. And also, since when the phrase "I'm not letting my illness stop me." Became something ablestic? No, I don't want to treat myself as a snowflake. I don't want to do something less, because YOU think that I'll have a flare up. Flare ups are only MY and MINE DEAL, NOT YOURS. I don't want to sit and whine about how fragile my body is. This only makes me look WEAK. Since when I need to work less, just because I'm ill? Maybe I WANT to work?? Maybe I CAN work?? Maybe, it is YOU the one who sees only code in my med card?!

To be honest, after years of searching, trying to find my diagnosis, I just... Stopped caring about this. I even started to like this thing, I know, it harms me, but do I want to treat it? No. It's a part of me, that I like.

When the pain hits THAT hard that you need to work while laying down

No. My epilepsy is NOT a disability. Why though? Because it doesn't prevent me from doing ANYTHING. It doesn't affect me all the time. Yeah, someone could say "B-but seizures are a disability!!!" Yeah, they could be. But, have you read the criteria to get disability with epilepsy? No? Okay, I'll list.

– Frequency of seizures. If they are too intense and happening too often (for example a few times per day.)

– Decrease in intelligence.

– Mental issues.

– Impaired ability to move.

– Developmental disorders.

So, that's why epilepsy doesn't make you automatically disabled, it just makes you ill. So, I prefer to use the term "sick, but able-bodied." Instead of disabled. Y'all should accept that disability is a status given by law. So, if you're getting money for your disability, and you have this status in your documents – you're disabled. Or at least if your disease is affecting you most of the time like POTS, fibromyalgia, arthritis etc. you're disabled.

But even if chronically ill means being disabled... I still prefer to be called able-bodied. I'm not disabled. So I don't deserve to be called disabled. Leave space for someone else, not me.

I'm waiting to be hated for my opinion. I don't mind anymore. I don't want to call myself disabled and bury myself in my illness. If I'd be hated for that, but I'd still be able bodied, I don't mind. You can call me like you want, and call yourself a disabled if you have epilepsy, because I'm talking about MY CASE not YOURS.

Thanks for reading. Stay healthy.

I understand everything. But y'know what? I'm still able-bodied despite being chronically ill. Yeah, I have some diseases and yeah sometimes they affect me. BUT. I'm not like this for the whole time. I'M NOT THE PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BE CALLED DISABLED. I'm sick, but able-bodied.

The sudden urge to delete all my disability related posts, so people won't see and won't like it, so it won't remind me of being sick>>>>>

To be honest, I feel kinda remorseful for making posts with hashtags like "disabled" and others. Why? Because thinking about my diseases constantly only worsens my mental health. I literally was about to go back to cutting or mutilating my body. Plus, I don't really think that I'm like... Disabled? Like my symptoms aren't enough to be called disabled or something... So, I think that I won't be making posts like this anymore... Or do them rarely. Hope y'all will understand. Thanks for being with me in those times. Take care of yourself.

And yet again nobody cares about my hobbies or how I feel. I'm just an ICD code. Right. Just forgot.

People's honest reaction when there are MUCH more physical diseases than infections ones or breaking your limb

"But my ribs are hurting too, so help me!!" No, you're saying that just to force me to do something you don't, while I just want to curl up in my bed with this stinging pain in my ribs.