Suicde - Blog Posts

I feel like all my friends are tired from me, and praying for me committing suicide

It's funny to hear these "you matter" and other shit of this type from people, when you're literally a useless piece of muscles and organs, and can't go and commit su!c!de because it's too painful.

Okay, I got used to relapse after few days of school, but.... WHY THE F#CK I RELAPSED ON HOLIDAYS? I can't describe how much I wanna cut my arms in a bl!!dy mess, I can't describe how much I wanna make deep cuts, but... I'm still afraid of my self-h!!rm being discovered... Especially if it'll see my teachers, neurologist, parents, etc... I just don't get this feeling when I cut my legs:(. Also I'm self-h!!rm!ng about 7 months, lol

I don't wanna get help anymore.

I have no idea why, but everyone became so supportive out of blue... Literally, my parents started talking about that I need a psychologist, and that they'll bring me to them. My classmates let me vent out, and gave me support, but the problem is... I don't want help anymore. I already made my decision. But the worst thing is.... I relapsed. But, sometimes I think, what's happening with me? Why I feel like this and etc. But I just started to think that's just a phase, hormones or something... Even though I have it for 3 years, Lol

I'm afraid that I won't pass my exams... In 9 grade, I'll have exams, which will help me to go in 10 grade, but... I have serious issues with maths... I'm afraid that if I won't pass it, I'll go and commit suicide. Somewhere, deep, in my soul, I don't want die cuz of it. But I feel like I will and like I should.

But... Even if I'll commit suicide, people will just forget me, and I'll be just a random kid, that made grave for themselves. I... I have no idea what to do...

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I can't keep fighting with it anymore, I can't describe how much I wanna take out my kn!fe and cut my arms. I wanna make too many cut, to make them bl!!dy mess. I can't fight it. I already cut my legs, but it doesn't help. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE!! Someone, please help me. I can't fight this urge, one more hour and I'll turn my arms in a mess. Looks like I have an addiction...

I wish, when I commit suicide someone will write song about me, or become an example why you should give attention to your kid. Even few tribute groups will be enough.

I have Facebook acc, so maybe, one day I'll start livestream where I'll kms... But for now we'll just wait.

I wish, I could just die and don't suffer anymore, fuck my life

I'm feeling useless, maybe I'm just fooling myself, huh?

Take the hopes

I'll bring the ropes

I want revenge

To make you feel pain

Close the eyes

Open your mind

This isn't suicide

It's just a new life

Take the ropes

I'll bring the hopes

As my tears fall

Can we start?

Tie the knots

Make our bonds

Is this suicide

Or just a new life?

Anyway, I don't mind

Let's just save our words and say goodbye

I'm in love with death

But life can't let me go