The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Blog Posts

Will: A ghost slapped my ass.

Jem: What? Did I hear that right?

Will: You heard me right. A. Ghost. Slapped. My. Ass.

Christopher: People tell me I have a unique way to lighting up a room.

Thomas: That's called arson and those people are witnesses.

Lucie: I'm going into the kitchen, want anything?

Matthew: Vodka

Lucie: It's 7 in the morning??

Matthew: ...

Matthew: with toast.

Will: Family, I want you to meet my falcon. I'm a falconer now.

James: And yet for Christmas I got a wrapped scrambled egg.

Gabriel: Please. Don't try to act like you guys care!

Will: Oh, thank God.

Alastair: Thomas, can you forgive me? Matthew forgave me.

Matthew, angry: Yeah, I can't wait for you to fall asleep tonight.

Tessa: I make it policy never to date a peasant!

Cecily: Same

Tessa: Aren't you engaged to Gabriel?

Cecily: Aren't you married to my brother?

Tessa: ...

Cecily: ...

James (internally): I won't be awkward today.

Cordelia: Hey.

James: Good, thanks.

Will: How about have a seat? Maybe you'd like a glass of water?

Matthew: Anything with a little more kick?

Will: Seriously, Matthew, you're in my office.

Matthew: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking-

Will, pouring whisky in two glasses: You want ice, you're out of luck.

James: But I can't go outside. I'm allergic to pollen and social situations.

*at the mall*

Lucie: Dad, look! Santa's here! I want to sit on his lap!

Will: Jeez, Lucie, come on. You're too old for that.

Lucie: I'm gonna ask him for a family trampoline.

Will: Holy crap, GET YOUR ASS UP THERE!

James: For the millionth time, Cordelia and I are just friends.

Lucie: *sneezes*

Lucie: Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Christopher and Thomas: *sing together*

Christopher: Wow, we sound amazing!

Thomas: I know. That was incredible. You know, we should do something with this.

Christopher: Yeah, maybe we could open up a mattress store!

Thomas: ...

Thomas: Or we could try singing?

Matthew: Jamie, what's that note?

Christopher: Bet it's from a girl in the lunchroom who wants a taste of corn dog.

Thomas: Was that a sex joke?

Christopher: It's...

Christopher: ...

Christopher: I don't know, shut up.

Will: I don't always make great decisions under pressure.

*a few weeks ago*

Tessa: What the fucking hell is this?!

Will: An Alpaca! I got the last one!

Will: If you had food on your face, would you want me to tell you?

Gabriel, wiping over his face: Where? Did I get it?

Will: Oh, no, not now. It was last week.

Will: I didn't know whether or not to tell you, but everyone was staring.

Will: Sucks to be you, I guess.

Lucie: He's vanished into thin air. Why is it always the great-looking ones who do that?

Matthew: I'm making an effort not to be insulted.

Lucie: I mean... men.

Matthew: Okay, thanks, that really helped...

Matthew: I hope I can be as cool as you guys in 30 years.

Will, whispering: Does he think we're 50?

Gabriel, whispering back: No, no, he's just really bad at math.

Christopher, holding two pairs of shoes: Ok, gun to your head: which pair should I bring?

Matthew: Gun to my head? I'd say pull the trigger.

Benedict Lightworm: I was able to raise three fully functional kids!

Charlotte: You have three kids I don't know about?!

Alastair: Something tells me Matthew isn't crazy about me.

Thomas: Something tells me that too and it was him.

Lucie: What's that smell?

Matthew: Everyone has their own theory.

Matthew: Charles thinks it's mold.

Matthew: I think it's Charles.

Matthew: Alastair, what do you do?

Alastair: I just travel a bit... I'm a tourist, I suppose.

Matthew: So, you're unemployed?

Alastair: No...

Matthew: Have you got a job?

Alastair: Wha- no, not really, no...

Matthew: So, you ARE unemployed.

Matthew: But yet you still have enough money to dye your hair.

Henry: Do you want a cup of tea? Milk is in the fridge.

Henry: Where else to put your milk?

Henry: But there's a windowsill outside.

Henry: I always thought if I invented the windowsill with special compartments - you know, one for milk, one for yoghurt - I could get a lot of money.

Henry: I probably should write that down...

Everyone else:

Will, on the phone: We just kinda bonked James' head. It wasn't really very hard and he's not acting differently. I'm just worried-

Cecily: Relax, it happens. Christopher used to bang his head all the time and he's fine.

Will: OK, alright. Thanks, it helps. OK.

Will, whispering to Tessa: We gotta take him to the doctor.

Lucie: There was a guy I liked...

Matthew: I'm the guy.

Lucie: You're not the guy.

Matthew: You call me "sweety" all the time.

Lucie: I call everyone sweety.

Matthew: ...

Lucie: ...

Matthew: You tramp!

Gabriel: I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers.

Gabriel: It turns out I'm one of them.

Gabriel: It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper.

Tessa to James: You don't "take a run" at a woman. You "woo" her. Make her feel special!

Will: *enters the room*

Will: Hey, hon. Take a look at this. It's a picture of my butt!

Tessa: ...

Tessa to James: And then, when you get her, you can tell her whatever you want.

Alastair: It's Thomas' turn to be out in the world, interact with other grown-ups. While I get to stay home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer...

Alastair: ... fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into the Candy Cane River.