The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Blog Posts
Kit: Cancelling plans is okay. Staying home to watch a film is okay. Moving to another country to avoid the love of your life is okay.
Kit: It’s called self-care
The Merry Thieves: [searching the beach]
James: Sorry guys, looks like there’s no sand dollars left
Christopher: Can’t the ocean just make more of them?
Matthew: And cause inflation? Destroy the sand economy? By the angel, Christopher, use your head.
Will: [Pulls out a knife]
Jem: Oh no.
Will: [Opens a box with it]
Jem: Oh, okay.
Will: [Pulls another knife out of the box]
Jem: Oh no!
I am very proud to announce that I am officially a lost cause. Thank you all for your continued support. Unfortunately, it was all for nothing.
- Matthew Fairchild, probably
Cordelia: He is probably thinking about other girls…
Lucie: You never know what’s going through a guys mind.
[Meanwhile]
James: If you sat on a voodoo doll of yourself would you ever be able to stand up?
Matthew: Holy shit, bro
Thomas: I have a boyfriend now
Matthew, encouragingly: A boyfriend?
Thomas: [reflexively gives a panicked peace sign]
Matthew: TWO boyfriends?!
*When Gabriel and Cecily first meet*
Cecily: You have no idea what I’m capable of.
Gabriel: Don’t take it personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.
[Later]
Gabriel: You’re the scariest cupcake I’ve ever met.
Will and Gabriel: *running up to each other* *doing a really long complicated handshake*
Will, deadpan: I’ve never met someone weaker or uglier than you.
Gabriel: You’re so annoying. I hate you so much.
Pillow Talk
James: Sometimes, Cordelia sleep talks
Cordelia, sleeping: KILL THE BITCH
James: I didn’t say I enjoyed it.
Cordelia, in the background: DIE
Will: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Will: *aggressively throws water bottles*
James: …
Matthew: Uh…
Lucie: He’s trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Matthew, crying: It’s working
Kidnapper: I have one of your group members
Thomas: Oh, really?
Matthew, drunk in the background: IT’S ME, MATTHEW!
Thomas: You have the wrong number
Henry: So, I heard you like bad boys?
Charlotte: Umm, no, not really-
Henry: Not to get you excited, but I don’t look both ways before I cross the street.
Charlotte: That’s very dangerous.
Henry: I know. I don’t really do that…
Will: Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing or highjacking?
Gabriel: No, it’s called weedwhacking.
Jem: No, it’s called disappointing your mother.
Cecily: *loses Gabriel in a crowd*
Cecily: This calls for drastic-
Will: SHUT THE FUCK UP and keep walking
Playing Twister
Lucie: James, right hand red
James: [ends up on top of Cordelia]
James: Okay, you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?
Lucie: I stopped spinning like 15 turns ago. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner.
Charlotte: So, what do you think?
Will: I wasn’t even listening but I heavily disagree with Gabriel.
Charlotte: Gabriel isn’t even here
Matthew: Welcome to the “I Hate Matthew Fairchild”-Club
Matthew: and I, of course, am the president.
Matthew: *looks over at James* Poke
James: *without looking up from his book* Poke
Matthew: Poke *pokes James on his cheek*
James: Poke *pokes Matthew on the arm*
Matthew: Poke!
James: Poke!
Matthew: POKE
James: POKE
*a poke war ensues that somehow ends up on the floor with Christopher on top thinking it was a hug party*
Thomas:
Thomas: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???
Tessa: Can I please stay in your room?
Jem: Why?
Tessa: Will and I played with a Ouija board and we cursed mine
Tessa: and Will isn’t much help. He doesn’t know how to banish spirits, so he just throws salt at them and yells: “Does this look like a hotel to you?!”
Will: If anyone gives you any trouble, just tell them the fish don’t come knocking twice.
Jem: What does that even mean?
Will: They’ll know.
Jem: I highly doubt that.
Will: [tapping on the table]
Gabriel: [tapping back furiously]
Cecily: What’s going on?
Tessa: They learned morse code so they could talk to each other secretly.
Will: .-.. .. --. .... - .-- --- .-. –
Gabriel: [slams fists on table] YOU TAKE THAT BACK
Gabriel: [faints]
Will: He’s not responding to painful stimuli.
Tessa: Stabbing someone in the foot over and over doesn’t make you a doctor.
Will: You don’t understand, it’s my destiny to sacrifice myself, I deserve to die here if it means even the slimmest chance of stopping Mortmain from hurting anyone else.
Jem: If you live I’ll let you kiss me on the mouth.
Will: … on the mouth?
Jem, staring at his phone: Kit, I have a question.
Kit: What’s up?
Jem: What does “thicc” mean? It has to c’s.
Kit: Uh, well, I- it kind of means, uh, like… I guess it kind of means you have a nice butt.
Jem: …
Kit: …
Jem, squinting intently at his phone, whispers: What the fuck, Lily
First day at the Shadowhunter Academy
Matthew: Hey. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Matthew.
James: Hi. I’m disgusted.
Alexander: I’m moving in to the attic.
Thomas: The attic?!
Alexander: Hey, at least it’s big. Dad said you used to live in a closet.
Will: I think I found a way to make money
Gabriel: You'd make a decent stripper
Will: I'd make an AMAZING stripper, but that's not what I'm talking about...
Alastair: Damn right, I'm pretty
Matthew: I said "petty"