Theodore (my cat): *meow*
Me, through my closed room door: You can't come in buddy
Theodore: *sad meow*
Me: I'm sorry but my room isn't clean and you're a little bastard
Theodore: *sadder meow*
Now I can just imagine one of the sides having this conversation with Remus (Remus as my cat, obviously)
Remus: When you pet a cat real good and it leans into your touch so hard it flops over? That's the shit.
Logan: Or when a cat kneads you with its little paws? Absolute heaven.
Janus: When a cat pushes away your book and flops down where it was so you pay attention to it instead of the book.
Patton, who just appeared to tell them it's dinnertime, eyes full of tears: Yeah that's the best haha anyway dinner is ready
Logan, fluffing Patton's hair: When you play with Pat's hair and he turns pink because he's adorable.
Patton, blushing: *incoherent stammers*
Janus, sliding his arms around Patton's waist from behind: Or when you hug Pat because he's so soft and cuddly.
Patton, blushing deeper: *more incoherent stammers*
Remus: When your boyfriend's holding Pat so you can do this:
Remus: *kisses Patton on the cheek*
Patton, bright red:
My father just showed me this and I feel like if Remus was a celebrity, this is exactly what he would do
Remus, proud of knowing something: Logan. I have a fact.
Logan, not looking up from his book: Proceed.
Remus: Male reindeers lose their antlers in the winter, while female reindeers don't. All of Santa's reindeers have antlers, meaning they're all female, but the media says they're men because they don't want a team of strong females depicted.
Logan: Or they aren't cis. Ever think about that?
Remus: Wait wha—
Logan: Maybe they're transgender. Don't be a bigot, Remus.
Remus: I'M NOT—
Remus: Wait—
Remus: Am I being a bigot???
Logan: I don't know, are you? You're assuming their gender aligns with their sex.
Remus: *now having a crisis*
Janus, walking past, unable to help it: So you could say they're... Transgendeer.
Logan, hopping up, beating Janus with a pillow: I'm trying to escape Patton's constant puns, goddamnit!
Bonus
Remus: *drinks straight out of the bottle*
Remus: So that's what that tastes like
Remus: *turns to Janus*
Remus: Can I compare it to the taste of yellow?
Janus: *blank look, not giving him the satisfaction*
Logan: *falls down, laughing harder*
Janus: *checks Limoncello bottle*
Janus: The only ingredient here is FD & C Yellow #5
Logan: They don't put alcohol on the ingredients list.
Janus: It doesn't even say there's lemon.
Logan: The lemon was likely brewed with the alcohol.
Janus: *sips Limoncello*
Janus: *wrinkles nose*
Janus: It certainly tastes like yellow.
Logan: *dies laughing*
Thomas: *peacefully drawing*
Remus: Hey haha what if you like... Violently jerked your pen to the side
Thomas: ...Why?
Remus: Idk man it'd be fun just whoosh y'know
Remus: Like you could do it right now nothing's stopping you
Thomas: ...
Thomas: *violently jerks pen to the side*
Drawing: *is ruined*
Thomas:
Remus:
Remus: Yikes that wasn't a good idea was it
Thomas: Nope.
(Source: I just did this, rip my drawing of Patton lmao)
Remus: Why do they call it the birds and the bees when talking about procreation between people? Birds and bees aren't mammals. They're nothing like people. Do you know how a bird or bee reproduces? I just know they both lay eggs. So like, what?
Logan: *scoff* They call it—
Logan: They call it...
Logan: WAIT HANG ON
'Daydream Mode' is when Roman has full creative control, right? So I'm just imagining like:
Remus, ranting to Janus: —as long as their beak fits through, the entire rest of them, because that's the only solid part, can squish through—
Remus: *suddenly collapses without warning*
Janus, flipping the page of his book unconcernedly: Someone must have turned on Daydream mode.