I Need To Follow More Ppl So Pls Reblog This If Ur Any Of These:

Worst part of trauma after abusive relationships is that you never see relationships the same way again. Never. Ever. Again.

The way i communicate with somebody i love or i like is different. It is never direct on what i'm supposed to ask for. And always scared of a bad reaction. I'm terrified of people i love. People who haven't done anything but treat me right.

Me: I want to get better:/

My ed: does that mean that you want to be fat?

Me:

To all girls who think ana can solve your problems:

Please, don't do it

To all my new anas

For the love of god please turn back now

This isn’t a quick fix to your weight problem

This won’t help the way you feel about yourself

It will literally only make it worse

This is dangerous as fuck

Like you can actually fucking die

And today I felt like I was dying

My heart was pounding, and I was shaking violently. I didn’t have enough energy to get out of bed and when I stood up I’d nearly pass out.

I was laying in bed fucking sobbing because I’d rather be dead than physically feel like this

This problem is easily fucking solvable if I just ate

But I couldn’t because I was going to have pizza tonight

And even though I didn’t eat yesterday, and had less than 200 calories the day before, I still couldn’t bare to eat anything today because I would be forced to eat pizza with my family

Fucking pizza, a food I used to love, gives me fucking anxiety if there’s even a chance I’ll have to eat it. A food i used to love ruined by this godawful disorder, because all I can think about is how many calories are in a slice (but I have to eat 2 to keep away suspicious) and how greasy it is makes me want to puke

This is not a quick fix

This will not help you “gain control”

This will not give you discipline

But

This will give you anxiety

This will make you lie to the ones you love

This will make you absolutely hate yourself

With every ounce of your being

And if you go far enough

This will fucking kill you

I'll see the psychiatrist on Saturday

I'll see the psychiatrist on Saturday

I'll see the psychiatrist on Saturday

He's not gonna believe me when I tell him how I feel like, he's just gonna ask about med school and how I possibly have ADD. Idk doci feel lost in class but I also feel lost in life, like, I didn't feel like myself, but who am I at the end of the they but my thoughts and worries, my past and future, the way I can't trust people, not even those who are supposed to be there for me. I'm broken and I know there's something wrong with me

Why do i get so annoyed by him using my stickers

hi it’s vik and here’s ur love letter ❤️ hey u, yeah u. i'm here to shower u with fake affection since u clearly need it more than i do. ur obsession with me is kinda cute but mostly pathetic. ur entire existence is a walking cringe compilation

Nena andate a dormir mejor, affection is the best !! Hope you get it soon, cause i surely do.

whoops, i've been told that "it is not abuse 'cause is for your own good", the harm my parents did to me for my own good turned me in a traumatized child, with fear. Nobody who was physically abused as a child turned out okay.

being spanked is abuse

being slapped is abuse

being physically harmed or hit in any way by a person in power over you is abuse

being intimidated and terrified into thinking that they’ll hit you is abuse

being forced into state where you flinch when their tone of voice changes is abuse

being sure that you’re dead when they lift their hand is heavy psychological abuse

being hit with your own hand is abuse (abuser forcing your hand to strike your body)

feeling like you have to keep a happy face and pretend that everything is okay is abuse

feeling like you haven’t been hit enough and like you deserve more is abuse

having a person with power want to cause physical harm to when you have no way to defend yourself is abuse

controlling your reactions is abuse

demanding a different reaction after physical harm is abuse

demanding no fear, no anger, no bitterness, no symptoms after being hit is abuse

forbidding expression of pain and fear and anger is abuse

subtly letting you know that you can’t tell anyone about what they did is abuse and silencing technique

shaming you for hitting you is abuse

demanding that it’s your fault if you get traumatized by physical harm is abuse

claiming that it’s you who is violent if you resist or try to escape or fight back is abuse

if any of this was done to you: you have been abused

if this was done to you and you don’t think it was harmful: you are wrong

if you dare to comment “i was hit and i turned out okay”: nobody who thinks any of this is alright to do to a child has turned out okay

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Losing my M I N D

Hey, I hope y'all been doing okay.

It's been a while since I wrote something, like¿¿ 1-2 months¿¿ I don't know, but the last time I wrote was the day ¿43? Of quarantine, and now is day 91.

I'm going to start writing because i'm sleepy and I have class today.

School

Pls end my suffering.

I don't fucking know ANYTHING about my grades, I could have failed everything without knowing.

Some teachers are asking for exercises I couldn't send, but they don't say WHAT sPECIFIC EXERCISEEEEEE. THEY JUST NEED TO SAY THE NAME OF THE EXERCISE, HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT?

Science is the worst, the teacher just can't realize that we have another 6 classes, not just science?????

I had a breakdown on monday, because one of my answers in spanish was wrong, and later the science teacher said my work was incomplete because I didn't add A FUCKING PERSONAL COMMENT I DIDN'T REMEMBER, FUCK.

Like, when I say it, it doesn't sounds so bad when I say it, but look, I spent my whole day doing my homeworks, I can't take a "it's not good enough" as something because i'll start crying.

I can't feel enough.

Now that we're talking about school, do you remember the last time I said I wanted to change school and that I was anxious about it??

My mum got me an opportunity in a girl's school, and I was so happy about it. Until I had to tell my dad.

He said no.

Because it doesn't have sense to change school if at the end of the year i'm gonna get expelled as always. I got expelled in 5th grade, in 6th grade I had to repeat, and leave. I was so sad to focus on my studies, I lost on purpouse and when I tried to win it wasn't enough. And it looks like he's the only one who can't just forget about it.

He said that I was doing okay in this school, and that shows how an uninterested parent he is. 'Cause in the last months I had 8384648373 breakdowns, my grades went down and I got that fucking insufficient in attitudes, please get me out of here.

The Guinea pig situation.

The last month I got O B S S E S E D with the hamsters, and I wanted one, but the only option I had was to get a guinea pig, so I started to investigate about them. I'm in love with the Guinea pigs. My mum was okay with getting me some, I just had to take care of them.

And here is when my dad enters to do NOTHING 'CAUSE HE SAID NO😎👌

He said no because "Guinea pigs make holes"?????? And because "they have a lot of babies" I even explained to him that they were gonna be inside my bedroom, and that I was gonna get two girls.

But he said "my word is the one that matters and is NO".

So I don't have a Guinea pig.

I told my girlfriend and she said "it's okay, calm down, it doesn't matter, is something that you want, not something you need".

I felt so bad, if they knew how much time I spent investigating just because I wanted them.

I want something to take care of, I want to feel needed, I want to feel useful, and I thought maybe an animal can fill that, it sounds selfish, but I feel so bad, I really wanted them. but nobody cares, as always.

Well, that's all i have to say now, have a good night/day/afternoon.

Day 91: june 12

Tf is that supposed to mEan likeeeeee ?????????? JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. We were kissing just now and-

I am not hiding anything. You're now welcome into my world, my vulnerabilities. I'm not trying to hide.