BEEP

Collection

i've never dropped a phone in my life all these screen abrasions are from clawing at the images and articles that displease me

they’re changing the desktop background on all government workers computers to a picture of my bright smiling happy face to increase productivity

"guy who carries a lighter" should be a legitimately recognized and honored role in society

Cigarettes were unhealthy as shit but at least they made you look fuckable. people looked fuckable. now everytime someone takes a hit from their vape, we lose more of our eroticism

alright i’ll bite. what is morbious

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself lying in a familiar ballpit

SCARY INMATE: welcome to the warriors prison what are you in for?

ME: flowing water, still rock. a sunlit meadow and a gentle breeze

GRUFF INMATE: she's one o' them poets! get 'er, lads!

[I swiftly dispatch them with a flurry of blows]

ME: even a delicate rose has thorns..

The post: They should invent a robot that feel pain so that we can make it feel pain forever and thus absolve humanity of sins like some sort of horrible mechanized Jesus

The comments: This happened to my buddy Brian once

Deep sea fish: Today I will eat a shrimp