Anger - Blog Posts
I need more angry Merlin! I need Merlin to accidentally reveal his magic, expecting Arthur to lash out and feel betrayed. I need Arthur to tell Merlin he knew the whole time. I need Merlin to pause, to process what he just said. I need Merlin to realize what he's sacrificed to keep his secret while Arthur let him. I need Merlin to be the one to lash out and tell him this. I need Merlin to be the one to feel betrayed. Arthur knew and he let Merlin continue to lie to him and believe that Arthur hated him. Arthur didn't tell him he knew all in the name of "trust" and "letting Merlin decide when it was best to tell him". I need Merlin to break down at this. How could Arthur not realize how much it hurt Merlin to lie!? How could he be okay with the betrayal while not processing the consequences of that betrayal!? For a good cause or not!? I need Merlin to scream.
Sometimes I wonder if people even realize how cruel they can be without saying a word. The way they look at me—cold, dismissive, like I’m something to laugh at or pity. It’s not always about what they say; sometimes it’s just the way they carry themselves around me, like I’m less. I feel overlooked all the time, like I’m just floating in the background, waiting for someone to actually see me. And I hate how much I want to be seen, especially by him. I hate how I catch myself hoping for even a glance from him. It makes me feel pathetic, like I’m betraying myself just to feel worthy for a moment. These past few days, I’ve been so angry. Just simmering beneath the surface. I keep snapping in my head, getting irritated at everything. I’m starting to feel like the angry little girl I worked so hard to bury, the one who, for years, carried the weight of her father’s rage. I hate how deeply I feel things, how sensitive I am. Lately, I’ve been drowning. Not in a river, but under the weight of never feeling satisfied with life.
—A lady and Her Quill, Letters to Dead Children: Ophelia's Journal Entries
hnnfmsha whqt if i dont WANNA put in the effort to make a quality post.
i CANNOT VISUAL8ZENSHIT i am a MACHINE who can THEORIZE on what something would look like but i cannot physically fucking COMPREHEND a GODDAMN VISUALIZATION
STOP being FUCKING AUTISTIC you LITTLE CUNT it makes it IMPOSSOBLE for you to be good at anything that ISNT ARTSY i was not BORN TO BE AN ARTIST i was born to CALCULATE and COMPREHEND THE FOURTH DIMENSION.
mm I love feeling things. love when something makes me want to run face first into it. i don't care if its love, grief, anger, happiness or dread even. i love when them to engulf me. i love people who make me feel things. i really just want to hold them in my palm and like swallow them whole. i love running my hands through things like grass, hold it against the wind, hold water in them and so much more. gosh there's so much feeling in me i want to tear my hair out and run into a wall.
-kalika
crush it.
i hold violence in my hands so i can crush it.
like citrus in a damn Sunkist,
i love it.
rinds of benevolence just can’t cut it.
can’t quit this;
can’t rise above it,
cause the juice is worth the squeeze.
poisoned orange intravenously,
fruit of the poisonous tree;
peel back what’s inevitably
flowing cold inside of me.
my anger chills righteously—
hellish from the seventh to ninth zone.
so-da freeze’s frigid to the depths
of my spinal bones
close to my heart;
can i kill the bicarbonate spark?
so-di-um salt tears can’t boil over
as acid starts to depart,
leaving a mark.
like angry chem-trails grieving the sky;
sickening all
that can’t bear to say goodbye.
pop another top, squash it with a sigh.
addicted to the misery, to the high—
to sugary sweet trickery,
and i don’t know why.
-kalika
A. Scarlet Heart
my heart’s now made of darkness,
I’ll play your game.
on my chest; draw a scarlet A;
I’ll take all the blame.
if you’re gonna brand me a villain,
I’ll light up this flame.
I’ll spark a match just to watch the
world burn in your name.
speak of the mighty devil, and she shall appear.
she’ll take everything from ya since you volunteered.
they say money’s the root of all evil,
but they’ve never met me.
I play with the devil’s advocate;
don’t dare bet against me.
get ready and heed my warning;
you ought to expect me.
a necessary evil, I had to become;
you will never forget me.
I will take you down with me to face hellish frontiers.
we’ll go to hell in a hand-basket to find what you fear.
I’ll summon my rebellious hellions,
and zip up my Reaper jacket.
I’ll melt and mix up magic to place
poison in your brass cup.
with threads of molten hot malevolence,
I’ll weave a flower basket.
rafflesias, wolfsbane, and monkey orchids,
I’ll lay them in your casket.
speak of the mighty devil, and I shall appear.
I’ll take everything from ya; for you volunteered.
you’ll go to hell in a hand-basket; I’ll learn what you fear.
you’re coming down with me to face hellish frontiers.
-kalika
there is this rage that runs deep under my skin and it is entirely mine.
Mom, please
I want to stop holding back
I want to stop biting my lip
Unleash me like the beast this house has created
I don’t want to tell myself no, just not to escalate it, just not to add more to your plate
I want to strike
Mom, please
His words are killing you
Catherine Gildiner, Good Morning, Monster: Five Heroic Journeys to Emotional Recovery
glass, irony and good, anne carson // margaret atwood // enough, suzanne buffam // linnea paskow // in conversation: kathleen turner, david marchese // haunted womanhood, heather havrilesky // where to begin, sue zhao // the stream of life, clarice lisepector
MATH
Fuck math that is all thank you for you time
Two Dead Space x Destiny crossover commissions
Whats you favorite fairy tale? (Essay)
My favorite fairy tale or the fairy tale that means the most to me is the Three Followers. The story of of one master and three followers who were the best of friends, until ambition, envy, loneliness, and duty took hold of the friendship they had and destroyed it. Destroying themselves in the process. This story is supposed to teach children that although these feeling do not have to be evil if you let them take a hold of you and emotions get the best of you, whatever you were trying to achieve will be beyond you reach. Something we should have thought of when the arguments began. Thought I will not go into details, this happened to my friends and I. These emotions turned our friendship that we once thought as hard as steel into tatters and shreds. We fought and blamed one another because of a desicion that was not in our control. In the end all that has left was anger, guilt, and memories of a happier time. A lot of time has passed since then, and for all that my friends did to me from verbally and physically, to the scars they gave me both literally and emotionally, I can say I have forgiven them for it. Some might think me a fool for it but if I were to stay with the anger and guilt they would have taken over me until nothing was left. I didn't want that. "The past doesn't define who you are, it just a starting point for who are going to be." I wasn't going to become a person who held grudges, never forgetting what had divided us but one who always remembers the good memories that united us. I hope that one day in the long future we will meet again, though we might not be the best of friends ever again. I hope when our eyes meet and I see not hatred or anger but nostalgia and forgiveness. I hope that day will come.
You ever stub your toe on something and you get really mad so you kick that something, and it really doesn’t do anything except make your toe hurt more yet the act of kicking it brings a certain sense of satisfaction so you kick is as hard as humanly possible and the harder you kick it the better the feeling?
People will never look like flowers.
Death is all I want to test now. I have had a glimpse at everything possible. Death, can you find me please?
Birds flying out of there nests, the sun unwrapping itself for the day some geniuses are being born and some are breathing there last. In the same chaos the fearful are sneaking into the world as if they can do a thing or two in it. Others fearfully in defeat escape it, they have lived it all not as they wanted but as fear mapped it out for them.
Birds flying out of there nests, the sun unwrapping itself for the day some geniuses are being born and some are breathing there last. In the same chaos the fearful are sneaking into the world as if they can do a thing or two in it. Others fearfully in defeat escape it, they have lived it all not as they wanted but as fear mapped it out for them.
Villainification of Perfectly Reasonable Anger; A Queer Feminist's Rant.
I am so tired of the entire 'man hating' feminist narrative and everything surrounding it, honestly. Yes, I am angry, Kevin. And this anger is here to stay. I am angry because you are quite literally making me debate if I deserve human rights or not? If my gender deserves healthcare or not?
I was watching a video (Essayist: Contrapoints) today where the woman perfectly articulates the immense emotional disdain and burden felt by the person of minority when they are asked to sit and 'debate'/explain why they deserve the bare freaking minimum, why their existence is valid, to their 'oppressor'-- and it almost made me tear up, because I have been put into that position to explain/debate so so many times. Topics like abortion, equal pay, LGBTQ rights-- that I have had to discuss 'rationally' with people in my life, because they simply have differing 'opinions'. I could never put that terrible feeling into words.
My dear, you are putting people in the position where their entire existence is put to question and placed up for debate like a simple small political issue-- and then you ask them to not be angry? When they argue back, why is it an 'overly emotional' and 'irrational' response? Is their pain, sadness and fury not warranted? Is it really an overreaction, or simply the most natural fucking response?
Is feeling hurt and angry because people who I am surrounded with, live with, frequent places with, talk daily with, cannot-- forget accepting my identity--even wrap their head around it sometimes, that unreasonable? I would say.. it isn't. So my rage is here to stay. And whilst it won't be directed at you, it will stay until we have fixed this accursed state of society.
Or nevermind that.
Which brings me to my second point.
The Romanticisation of Cold Logic and Neutral Stance
Why have we started romanticizing 'neutral cold hard logic' or 'detached stance' so much? A person who remains emotionless in the argument is not the winner. They simply do not have enough leverage in the topics being discussed (especially in cases of gender issues).
You say 'let's discuss why women shouldn't be allowed body autonomy' and you expect me to be like 'oh dear Jared, of course, let's have a calm and collected "debate" about our body rights. Do you want a tea while we discuss this little measly political issue?'
Jared, the only reason you aren't loosing your shit right now is because this thing won't ever affect you the way it does the person opposite to you. So don't ask me to 'chill out'.
We are angry and it's fucking valid.
Peace.
5 Stages of Good Omens
Season 2 Episode 6
Denial
“No. Good Omens season 2 ended at episode 5.”
Anger
“WHY?! They were perfect together! It doesn’t make sense!”
Bargaining
“If only they had gone off to Alpha Centauri together. They would’ve been together forever.”
Depression
“(ugly sobbing) They were too perfect for everything, for all the other angels and demons, for this world and cruel heaven and hell. They were so perfect for each other, but now they are no longer together! (ugly sobbing continues)”
Acceptance
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i just fucked up 3 good painting with line art... im at my limit.
I don't believe in heaven or hell but if there's a hell, I'll meet you there.
A Burning Love
Left with a bleeding heart,
An undying urge to crawl back to you.
All the shirts left behind burning in the hearth.
Was it really us that matter?
Or the ego you bring to the table?
All those flowers left at the doorstep,
I'll decorate your grave with them,
If not on your arrogance I will bury.
Don't beg for me in the evening,
When in morning you'll leave again,
Forget all the promises made,
Under the influence of my love.
You like to see me cry,
I like to see you bleed.
Your words, my feelings
My knife, your heart
A tragedy I will happily write
If you promise a last dance
Before we burn this house called love.
Not mcyt related but I needed an emoji to encompass how I felt tonight and couldn’t find one, so I made my own. Use as you wish.