Paradoxon - Blog Posts
Sometimes my empathy turns to apathy.
At times my rage is hard to contain.
Why must I feel so intensely.
When I’m sad my world is crumbling.
When I’m mad you’ll feel my wrath.
I’m loving and kind.
I’m mean and moody.
I’m tired guys.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
Physically.
Tired.
-Illustratum Paradoxon
👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼
𝙽̷̧̣̣̇̄̆ͪ͜𝙾̷ 0N
“Responsibility is not blame. Responsibility doesn’t mean that you did something “wrong”. It doesn’t mean that you caused something. It means that you can respond *in the present moment* to whatever is happening. It’s response-ability. It’s the ability to respond in the present moment. To say that we are wounded is one thing. To say that we are inevitably stuck that way because of what happened to us a long time ago is to abdicate responsibility, because it means “I’m simply a victim, and I can’t respond in any creative, powerful fashion, to what happened to me.”” -Gabor Maté
"If terrible things have happened to you, you are to have grown wiser. If the worst possible events have befallen you, you should be the wisest of the lot, but instead of going wise, most people become wounded. In a state of conscious response, it is possible to use any life situation, however ugly, as an opportunity for growth. But if you habitually think, I am the way I am because of someone else, you're using life situations merely as an opportunity for self-destruction or stagnation. The most horrific things in life, can be a source of nourishment if you accept, I am responsible for the way I am now. It is possible to transform the greatest adversity into a stepping stone for personal growth. If you take 100% responsibility for the way you are now, a brighter tomorrow is possible. But if you take no responsibility for the present, if you blame your parents, your friend, your husband, your girlfriend, your colleagues for the way you are, you have forsaken your future even before it comes." - Sadhguru
“If you aren’t dead you’ve got time.”
youth is a social contruct
They are literally talking about me. 😂 Also I AM a special snowflake. We ALL are! So I don’t feel bad for wanting to be treated like one! 💕 😛
-Illustratum Paradoxon
Little Enneagram 4 things
• car rides through the mountains with music. Don’t talk to me. I’m going to listen to music the entire time. Probably imagining and daydreaming.
• movie soundtracks
• Pinterest. Boards for stories you’re writing. Aesthetic boards for favorite book series. Boards for adaptations of your favorite books. Aesthetic boards in general. Boards for certain moods. Boards for certain memories. Boards for nostalgia. Boards that feed your interal daydreamings. Boards for quotes. And all of them are secret.
• I can’t do X until the atmosphere is right. Aka: I can’t do work on my computer until my room is picture-perfect. I can’t read until I have some hot drink and a blanket with me. Maybe a candle, too.
• “Does hot chocolate go with the book I’m reading? No, tea would be better.”
• rescuers. It’s not that I’m incapable, it’s just that I long for companionship carrying all this emotion and deep thinking. If you have a strong, confident, caring, CALMING personality I’m going to stick to you like glue because I NEED that in my life.
• keeping track of favorite quotes from books, movies, etc.
• did I mention daydreaming
• being extremely interested in Enneagram and other personality stuff partially because it’s talks about what makes you unique
• having so many thoughts that you have to write them down somehow to not lose them, and also having anxiety that you’re going to lose them because they’re important
• nostalgia
• being ashamed that your personality type is characterized by a need to feel like a special snowflake but also recognizing that it’s exactly true and hating yourself a little for it
• things have aesthetics. Vacations have aesthetics. Months have aesthetics. Music has aesthetics. Movies have them. Books have them. Friends have them. You don’t need to make a mood board or anything for them. They just have them. They exist in your brain attached to an aesthetic.
• I need. Time to be alone. Please give it to me, I promise it will be better for both of us
• if I trust you with my problems, prepare yourself for an emotional, deeply thought out deluge of personal history from the depths of my being
Written: 1•30•19
Soul Connected
I was looking for me But I found you While soul searching I found truth That everything was in my head I was so used to past abuse Little did I know How my soul searching Would bring me to you I searched for my soul But my soul searched for yours Soul searching opened so many doors It’s like we vibe better We know we can weather any storm Sex was always amazing But now it’s more than our flesh Our souls make love Why should they get second best So many walls broken through I’m so glad my soul found you In the process of it all We learned the true meaning of This union Has nothing to do with rings, Vows, papers, or the fate of Divorce loomin’
-Illustratum Paradoxon
Never feel like you’re doing nothing. You can never know where you’ve sown a seed. Keep going ♥
“Some people are neither friends nor foes. They are simply another follower on your timeline of life” -Illustratum Paradoxon
7•27•17 | Self Reminder|
Stop trying to make people understand you. This is your journey. As long as YOU understand you and your heart is in the right place, no one else matters. They will just have opinions. Ideas of you. But never a true understanding of YOU. Don’t feel sad over it. Feel confident knowing yourself, loving yourself & being true to yourself.
-Illustratum Paradoxon
The anxiety attack after you set a boundary is crazy. My hands are shaky. Palms are sweaty. I’m freaking livid! I just don’t understand it?! I’m cursed I swear. My grandmother would yell at me CONSTANTLY “Your mouth is gonna get you in trouble” little did she know how powerful such words were. People love me cuz I’m real and hate me cuz I’m too blunt! Or because I’m too moody or too “to myself” um why is it so wrong to keep to yourself? Why is it wrong to like to keep your circle small? Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to protect what’s mine or maybe it’s the only way I know how to protect my energy. Whatever it is. I DESPISE when people try to impose on me. Don’t push me to be social please. Don’t come over uninvited. These are triggers. I’m so sorry. I don’t like uncertainty or surprises unfortunately. I’ve been disappointed too many times. I have opened that door too many times. So now I leave it shut and protect me and my own. Ok so the boundary is set. Why am I freaking out? It’s the response! It’s me obsessing over if that person will talk to me again because I set a boundary! It’s me being mad I had to set one in the first place. But then again, High expectations are future disappointments. I’m tired of people having adult tantrums when another adult is clear on their wants/unwants. How dare you be mad at me for knowing what I want!?
-Illustratum Paradoxon
Illustratum Paradoxon
With a calming atmosphere, “Harmony” by Cestica finds a perfect balance of night and day. Where would you fall in the divide? Night or day?
Ecclesiastes 1:9 (NLT) History merely repeats itself. Nothing under the sun is truly new.
paradoxon végre készen állok egy új kapcsolatra, de ha bárkinél érzem, hogy idővel lehetne több köztünk, késztetést érzek arra, hogy lekoptassam, mielőtt úgy igazán megkedvelném.