Parents - Blog Posts

Broken from the sart

"Tonight honey, I'm gonna break your heart, mine was broken from the start" sings Jon Foreman. I've always been wondering  what it really means. The most obvious and seemingly most at-hand answer was something about love and break-ups. I thought I had nothing to do with it because I live in a very merry relationship and I have no reason to actbroken.

This simple line, however, uncovers something I am born into. But not only me, I'm convinced it's the same with almost all of us. What I'm talking about here is a mere detection of a common state of life. In fact I've heard of this so much, that I've even grown accustomed to it. It's the cycle. The cycle of what my heritage is...

Recently I created a huge deficit to my family, unconsciously and unintended. To be able to pay for this, my father had to give up few of his plans for the summer. I understood, that he was mad at me, this is alright after the monetary loss. But you know, what he kept saying was somewhat misled and unjust. He said I'm not grown-up, I'm a child, I can't make good decisions and I need supervision. Well, I am an adult in every aspect, though I moved back in with my parents because they live close to the university I'm in... Anyway, I tried to reason with him and be generous, so I offered to pay it all back and then came thebest: he said I cannot give him money I didn't get from him and I won't have a salary at least in the coming five years. (Momentarily I don't have a paying job, that's true, but I put up my pricey bow for sale, for which I worked very ardently a couple of years ago) I told my dad (with the hint of sarcasm, I admit), that it's improbable, that I wouldn't get a job soon. Then he started shouting and I lost interest...

First thought: this man's a fool, it was a wrong decision to move in with them, when I get paid for my book, I'll leave. But you know, this is it. I know my father had a very narcistic and controlling father. I know he tries very hard to be a good parent, though he never had a grown-up son. He might've simply reacted so strangely because of his anger and pain, I don't know. And really, this whole thing, this fighting and hurting penetrates through my family-line. I am predestined to be broken. I am predestined by my father, and his father and his father and so on. I heard countless family stories, how the fathers hurt and betrayed their sons. All differently. My father tries to do good but it comes out all wrong because he was broken from the start, and he didn't even know it... But I do. I now know and understand it. The question is, whether I break the cycle, or simply try hard, like my dad does...

And then, isn't it somewhat universal? Aren't we all coming up with secret burdens? Why do we see faulted and wounded people everywhere? And ultimately: what does it mean to break this cycle? I'm not giving you answers because this is not an open argument, it's just a pile of questions...

Randomness rules!

"Oh honey, everyone does that"

I'm pretty sure everyone does not have daily panic attacks, but go off.

Thanks to.....

Let’s thank everyone who make my life amazingly beautiful.

Thanks for the love that both of you persist

That love forced me to exist.

Thanks for keeping me safe within you

Thanks for all the vomit, nausea, mood swing, weight gain, hair fall and all the pains for nine months

Thanks to take care of her during all these.

Thanks for all the cries you made to bring me as a life,

Thanks for all the love, pampering that both of you showered on me.

Thanks for understanding my needs before even I realize

Thanks for comprehending my early words that only you could

Thanks for holding my hands when I was trying to stand on my twos.

Thanks for letting me know what to keep inside mouth and what not to.

Thanks for sending me to an institution

Thanks to those caring hands, who held mine with pencil to begin writing.

Thanks to those beautiful souls, who danced with rhyme to make me understand those combination of letters.

Thanks to those enlightened people who exhibits my attributes to others

Thanks to those stumbles, who make me aware while on the way.

Thanks to those guys who never left me, even at the time when my shadow was not with me

Thanks to people who let me know I can win.

Thanks to the people who said to me, small dream is sin,

Thanks to people who led with example to me.

Thanks to all unsuccessful attempts to make me better

Thanks to those abodes of wisdom to let me know: sharing is caring, everyone deserve due respect, only action is in our hand, give your best in every situation, try to make your place happiest, trust is most valuable thing to earn, life is beautiful, be as you are…..

Thanks to you for being co-traveler in the journey of life.

Thanks for blessing me with best gift so far

Thanks for accepting me as I am in this whole cosmos of life.

Thanks to all those who came in my life even for a fraction of second. All of you have endowed me with lessons of life for life.

Note: I could not find an individual who taught me the lesson of life. Since my inception there are so many people, at different stages of life have played their role amazingly and thus I am here in this cosmos of life. I am very grateful to all of them with depth of my heart. And it is not only my case, I think everyone has almost the same story. There is huge responsibility on our shoulders to pay back for all of those and the ultimate way to do this is always bring positive change in the life of others who came across you.

you wish to have children so that they may stay by your side when you are old, so that they may bury you. but i? i don't want them to see me when i lay dying or dead. they are not allowed to.

i want to forever live on in their memory as the image of when they last saw me.

you want them to speak of your best qualities when you are gone? i want them to remember my worsts so they will never repeat them.

to me it is not so much about being remembered but about being a lesson. a cautionary tale. i will live for them, make the mistakes so they do not, i will love them. why? because that is what it means to love; to give those after a brighter, easier future.

The kids scurried into class and settled down. Except a few who fell victim to their nerves and jitters, the children were quite excited. Oh this day would be the best! They'd be able to brag and boast about their parents.. Be able to show off how qualified and rich they are. And boy did Brianna love the thought of getting all the attention.

The boy she sat next to was quite happy too. He was smiling a bit too much for her liking though. Putting his pearly whites on full display, he made no effort in hiding his exhilaration.

Must've found a lone penny somewhere.. Why else would he be so happy?

It was true. The boy was ecstatic but not because of some lone penny.. But because he'd finally get to tell his friends about his father... His dear old man... His Poppa

Turn by turn the kids stood in front of the class and bragged about their parent's achievements and their bank balances. They spoke with a proud glint in their eyes and all but exclaimed about wealthy fathers and beautiful mothers till their voice went hoarse.

".. And that's how we ended up living in our humble 23 million dollar home." Brianna's little speech received a round of applause.. But her eyes held irritation and her fists balled up as her jaw clenched. He's STILL smiling!

Little Julio's smile had not diminished one bit.. If anything it had grown wider... Why?

Well because he was up next.

Brianna huffed and sat in her seat as she waited for him to start speaking. She wanted to be known for having the best. The best of the luxuries, style and standard of living.. The best parents would've been a good addition to the list. But judging from the smile little Julio was sporting, she was afraid he'd have it better than he-

"I live in the suburbs.." Brianna bit back a scoff. Suburbs?! I was a fool to think he'd have anything better.

"When I grow up I want to be like my Poppa." A low laugh resonated in the class. "Poppa?really?"

He was mocked but Julio wouldn't bother himself with that now. He was too happy. He had finally said something about his dad. His father who bought him his favourite ice cream and then gave him a piggy back ride home. His poppa was just the best, wasn't he?

"Um.. Julio? What does your father do?" the teacher asked. "You left that part out, sweetie."

"Oh. Um.. My father.. He roams around happily... Yeah. That's what he does." The class burst into laughter, unable to control themselves at his answer.

Roam around happily? Ha! Brianna couldn't help but snicker along.

The teacher, heaving a nervous laugh and shushing the class questioned again, "No, Julio. I meant to ask what your father's profession is. What is your father?"

"Yes Julio! Tell us what your father is!" A boy hollered from the back.

"He is um... He is a d-"

"A doctor?!"

"No"

"A dentist?"

"No"

"... A dog walker?"

This time Julio just shook his head in the negative.

Oh if only Brianna had brought some popcorn. She was enjoying the show oh-so-much!

This is good..Very good.

"Darn it Julio.. Just tell us! We are very eager to know." A girl in the back said, mock and sarcasm lacing her voice.

"My father is a very happy spirit"

"We know Julio. We all kno-"

"He's dead."

"My Poppa is finally happy because he's dead."

And that was the first time his smile faltered. And the first time that all but eight words had silenced the rowdy class.

I remember...

...the time I sat in my class. The topic of our conversation was our future, jobs, etc. Suddenly I was asked by my teacher if I had a goal for the future. I just said yes, because I didn’t want to say anything irrelevant to those people. But on the inside this question broke like the last holding piece of a war I had going on inside myself. Constantly asking myself whether it’s even worth living, since I had no ambitions, goals or dreams. I spent the rest of the lesson sitting in my seat, head lowered and tears in my eyes.

A few months later and I dropped out of highschool, because my depression wasn‘t going easy on me and my parents still didn‘t wanna acknowledge that I was suffering a lot. It’s been 4 years since I’ve started distancing myself from everyone and everything and they still view it as a joke. I was in a mental hospital for over a month (which is not a lot, but I acted as normal a possible,,cuz a) that’s how I act in public with other people,, b) that’s how I felt like I had to act or else I would get punished and forced to continue my das as THEY want me to and c) as long as you smile they were satisfied and I could leave as fast as possible). Times and times did I tell them that I want to die (don’t worry I’m not suicidal, rather just absolutely exhausted of the stupidity from others and of existing) but they started saying stuff like “you should be more positive”, “you don’t feel this way”, “god put you here for a reason”. I mean how many times do I have to say it. There are a lot of depressive people suffering, because they can’t open up to anyone, but I suffer because I did and it doesn’t bring me nowhere. That’s life I guess. You’re just being somewhat of a good person and this is what I get in return. Tell me did I really do something this awful to deserve all of this? I really hate this.

Too true. Parents look to their children for flaws, not to themselves. They watch their kids never ask for help, not knowing how to, and get scolded for it, when the parents either don't ask for help themselves, or never actually need to, so the kids never learn to ask for help.

im so done with seeing articles about kids and screen time that doesnt mention parent behaviors even once. “kids are always on their phones” so are the parents! which the kids look to for how they should behave! ipad babies didn’t chose to only play on their ipads, thats what their parents gave them!

an anecdotal example: when i was a kid, all my parents would do in their minimal free time was watch tv and then they would be surprised when in my sister and i’s minimal free time we would also only watch tv/play video games. they scolded us for not reading books, but they never read books. they scolded us for not going outside but they never went outside.

“kids are always on their damn phones” my mom is in her 60s and opens up candy crush anytime she’s sitting — it isnt just the kids

*gay screaming in the distance* NOOO THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

yes & no // natalie wee

One of my friends mentioned the other day that she vents to her parents and me and the rest of our friend groups were in disbelief like “HOW DO YOU VENT TO THEM?!?!?!?!” but the again my friend group is 90% Alphabet Mafia members who are still in the closet and picking out their wardrobe lol

My parents don’t understand what privacy means.

They think that if they knock on my door they can open it to come in, they don’t wait for a reply or anything they just knock and then come in. Then they get mad if I lock my door for fucking privacy. Like, really? But they also get mad if I knock and then immediately come in.

All amazing points and so important to take in. I think I have done a couple of these, but not habitually or intensely. But it’s good awareness for me.

“One of the biggest problems with religion is that people stubbornly, insistently reduce God to their own size; they imagine that God loves the same people they love, and that God hates the people they hate. This is not just insidious theology; it’s actually idolatry, because people are just worshiping a blown up version of themselves. So let me say it simply: God’s love transcends all of that. When your parents reject you, God loves you; when your friends or classmates make fun of you, God loves you; when your priest, minister, imam, or rabbi tells you that you are an abomination, God loves you; when politicians cater to people’s basest prejudices, God loves you. No matter how many times and in how many ways people make you feel less than human, God knows otherwise, and God loves you. When you feel frightened, or abandoned, or humiliated, I hope the unshakeable conviction that God loves you can help hold you and enable you to persevere.”

— From a Rabbi, An Open Letter To People Who Are LGBTQ by Rabbai Shai Held (via jewishtransition)

I am so tired of being jealous of my friends. I shouldn’t be. I’m happy they are getting the help that they need but what can’t it be me? Why won’t my mom believe me! Why won’t she book me an appointment to figure out my joints instead of just saying it my diet? Why won’t she book an appointment to figure out what’s going on with how tired I feel all the time but can’t ever sleep instead of just saying it depression? Why can’t she accommodate my needs? Why won’t she buy me the supports I need? Why won’t she buy me my comfort food? Why won’t she support my accommodations? Why won’t she care about me?

All my friends have loving parents. One of my friends mom takes them to all the appointments that they need to get the help they need. But my mom won’t even make an effort to call an online therapist so I don’t have to struggle with no support and my old therapist was not working for me. My friends mom will support how they need to live to have a good life and my mom won’t even let me eat the food I like and know I like without getting on my ass. My friends mom takes care of them and mine doesn’t and it feels horrible.

And that’s just the stuff with my physical health and neurodivergency. She also ignores my anxiety unless she uses it to justify something else. It hurts so bad to see your best friend have a wonderful mother who supports them and helps them get the supports they need and the best my mom will do is get me on testosterone then saying that if I have an attitude she’ll take me off it.

She does that with so many things. If I have an attitude or get mad or have normal human emotions she threatens to take away my restorative or take away my ability to see my friend.

She once booked an appointment with my doctor just for the doctor to say “yeah, that’s normal human emotions”. But when I tell her that I am struggling to be a human in a productive way because I think I have autism after hours and hours of reaserch she says that the waiting list is too long. It stead of making that call when I’m still a minor she is making me do it once I am an adult. I have to do it for myself with no support from my mom.

And I live my dad but he also doesn’t stand up for me. How am I supposed to get through this shit with parents who blame my constant pain on diet and won’t book appointments I need.

I’m so tired of being put in a bad mood when my best friend talks about their mental health and neurodivergency. It’s not FUCKING fair!

I told my parents that I was vomiting and my dad reacted with the 🤮

I hate love my family

StepMom

Today is the third Women’s March and with a weekend of protests and discussions looking at the complexity of the issues in the United States, certain films handle them well. As it is the Women’s March, that deals with the complexity of all issues related to those marginalized, a movie that brilliantly strokes the complications of life, is Stepmom.

I don’t know how well-known this film is for sure, but I don’t believe it is. Stepmom ranks as a great film about women and life not because of the large issues of life and death and new family, but the smaller, nuanced issues that blanket the film. Susan Sarandon’s character and Julia Roberts’ both represent women at opposite ends of the spectrum in the bigger understandings of how they act and their priorities but also in how they react, how they communicate, how they think things out and how they adapt. The film reminds viewers that there is a spectrum to people and our relationships with one another. Men and women, parents, children and grandchildren.

PS-- Thou, Julia Roberts’ line about how she's afraid the daughter will want her mother with her on her wedding day is fucking ridiculous, if she’s nothing thinking about her mother, she’s psychotic. 

The Lion King

The Lion King is a big deal for me. The Lion King was both the first movie I saw in theatre and the first play I saw on Broadway and Lion King II: Simba’s pride was my first “new movie”. Similar to how the first Harry Potter book is my home of film, the Lion King story and series is my home of film. 

While the story is home for me and has a lot of great moments, there isn’t a particular connection to the story except for enjoyment. The opening scenes are what I remember most, the music and the visuals that the film received accurate praise on. 

The story is also good, you see Simba grow up and the characters of Rafiki, Timon and Pumbaa are original and home themselves. Rafiki, a somewhat sarcastic but also caring character, how people will choose not to listen and that it’s okay to not be seriously serious all the time. Timon and Pumbaa show that true friendship encompasses risking your life and how it’s okay to be different from your friends and also a little silly. 

The Lion King is also a movie/story that I’ve been able to look at differently as I’ve aged. While the opening sequence of music, artistical beauty and family resonate the same with me about 25 years later, I was able to have a deeper appreciation for the Broadway show when I saw it as an adult than when I was younger and my relationship and understanding with the characters has changed because while I remember the story, enough time has gone by where I don’t remember all the details and I am in some ways meeting the characters for the first time. 

Similar to The Lion King, The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride was also a film that I related to differently as I watched it. While at first Simba was just an annoying dad who didn’t understand, an older me appreciated the true fear he had for his daughter (while also wondering how he would have reacted about his son in the same situations). The biggest change for me occurs with Naku and the relationship with his mother, who learned too late how she should love all her children and how one can become broken when being considered less than by all sides and how much a sibling being there can help, as his sister Vitani was--even though she also teased him. 

Finally, The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride, I remember watching it. I’m sitting on this plastic crappy desk in the tv room, I had just gotten the movie from a video store (woah), its playing a few feet away from me on this BIG tv that weighed more than I did and I got annoyed because we were leaving to go see a friend but I HAD to keep watching because I didn’t know how it ended!!! In that moment, I realized that I didn’t know how it ended. Prior to that movie every movie I had seen, I remembered seeing before and mostly remembered what happened (something I wish wasn’t the case as rewatching tv shows isn’t the same--but not important here). This was huge for me, so thank you Lion King, Lion Kin on Broadway and Lion King II: Simba’s Pride for being a great series reference points in my life so far

Severus Snape

This picture, of this expression, is perfect for him because I am still so unsure of him. I remember reading the 6th book and becoming even more uncertain (thou, of course, a large part of that was probably confusion from reading it within 48 hours while travelling cross-country) and still am to this day. But as the biggest contradictory and confusion, he has a lot to teach us.

Bullying is horrendous. I remember that Lily separately both (1) ended her friendship with Snape because of the whispers/rumours of him and his friends that were all related to pre-Death Eater activities and (2) later dated, fell in love, and married James Potter (which is a whole different thing that I need more information on because he really was privileged asswipe). But while they both hurt Snape tremendously, this was just on top of the years of torment James, Lupin, Sirius and Peter bullied him. In the flashbacks and history, we know that Snape had a terrible home (unlike James) and then, with this hatred of the world, goes to a school where he thought things would get better and this guy just beats down on him for being poor and odd. Dumbledore’s statement that “maybe we sort too early” was accurate, and came a bit too late. As later expressed Snape was courageous in the moment and whom you are housed with matters and maybe had Snape been in a different house he would have had more time with positive and loving peer influencers like Lily and less with future Death Eaters. So yeah, things could have all been very different. That picture of Daniel Radcliffe probably not, but could have been an outcome for Harry with his parents being Lily and Snape but the things that happen to us when we’re young may not break us but do define us. 

This one is also tricky and not one I 100% agree with but see accurately represented in the books. Albus always insisted Harry call him Professor Snape. While I don’t believe in “respecting your elders” and, yeah, Dumbledore could’ve done more to ease this relationship he was overall right. Snape had a very traumatic life and while he was selfish and only came thru when it came to Lily, he still did with great harm to himself and was someone who should be respected because there were things he could teach Harry, thou not easily as both were incredibly stubborn. But on the other side, while Snape really needed to grow up when it came to Harry personally, there are teachers who are truly terrible and because of tenure stick around and should be fired and looked at to more by parents and teachers. On the other hand, especially in the states, teachers do so much more than parents and students and outsiders who don’t listen to the teachers they know realize. In one of the best funded and elite public-school districts we have, there are still young teachers I know who shell out a minimum of $400.00 a semester for thing their students NEED, let alone extra things they think can help their students progress. So before we whine and moan, remember that in most cases our teachers (and most people in public service) do more than we realize and are human; but there is a chance they might not be and if after a bit of reflection see that a teacher is either lazy or a bully report them, and parents, please listen. 

Touched on by both parts above, we are reminded by Snape that (1) Bullying is bad, and (2) People are Human, both of these combine and remind us about the terrible cycles that people and generations can get involved in. The bullied become the bullies, the abused become the abusers. You never know what someone is going thru. Like the Dementors, Snape (which I feel weird referring to him now from writing our passage two) represented a lot of rough and upsettings things that can happen in life. But as with most clouds, there is a silver lining. If given another chance Snape would have tried to have been a better person, hold his temper more, see evil for what it truly was earlier on. If not able to change a thing, then I have no doubt he would have relived his life again in order to save Harry for Lily, all in the name of love. Always. 

Side note: As contradictory and confusing as Snape is, and why with no one really knowing him, Harry felt he and those like him should be honoured. I get that part. But I will never accept that a child was named after him instead of Hagrid. Never! (But that’s a different issue of course). 

“mothers and daughters existing as wretched mirrors of each other: i am all you could've been and you are all i might be.”

quote by honeytuesday

Unrelated but my dad just told me my friend who can drive can just show up unannounced after school anytime she wants and I think I may throw up from happiness

How do I even express this

My emotionally constipated new England-ness is getting to me.

Day Twelve - Relationships with My Parents

"Bloody parents - they're worse than children" ~Me

My relationship with my parents hasn't always been perfect, like all children I started off seeing them as opponents - everything was a struggle, everything was a contest, but thankfully as I grew up I began to realise that they were actually there to help and that between us we could get far more done by pulling in the same direction than in opposites and I can safely say now that while we don't always see eye to eye, we're always there for each other.

My parents have always been fantastically supportive of everything I've tried to do and always been there with advice and gentle guidance to help me find the right path.

"Just because you know how it's done, doesn't make it any less magical"

I've always been somewhat in awe of my dad; his musical talent (and his humility when anyone comments on it) and his ability to do DIY tasks that almost seemed mystical to me, when I was growing up he always had a little story or a joke for every situation and it was always him that made me feel better when I'd fallen over, he's also always protected me as best he can (an example that springs to mind is him making a particularly draconian English teacher of mine actually cry infront of me) I think it's because of this that I've always strived to make him proud of me (though I have occasionally missed the mark considerably).

"Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease." ~ Lisa Alther

My mother has always been the organiser from my experience; while she insists that she doesn't hold the power in our household, in truth she does (our house operates on a fully democratic system: myself and my father get one vote each, my mother gets four votes) Again really, I've been in awe of my mother for a long time, she works very hard for our family, keeping up fairly long hours in a job that was the only thing that kept us afloat for the last few years, in that time she's had to cope with a lot of stress and while I would hope that we've helped her through that as best as we can, she's mostly coped by herself and for this reason it is my firm belief that my mum is truly the strongest person I know.

If either of you are reading this (which I don't doubt will happen) I love you both so very much and am truly grateful for everything you've done for me over the last 22 years.

Nik.

My mom, who doesn’t hear excellently, calls out “WHAT?” every time I’m on the phone in another room, but never hears me when I yell to her from that same room

Moms can hear you mumble something under your breath from 20 ft away but suddenly can’t hear you yelling “WHAT?” from the next room over.

I hate exploitive parents so much. You can’t have any sort of money without them taking it away from you. I’m so tired ;-;

having siblings is knowing the best places to hide your snacks because you dont want to share it with that gremlin

It's kind of rude but as a daughter, don't you just sometimes look at your dad and think 'how did this man hook up my mom'

Possibly the best and worst kind of karma is watching yourself be reflected in your descendants. Now let’s hope this hc cast are ok parents-

Hi, I hope you have a great day!

Can I request mini headcanons for Main 6 reacting to their kid being inspired by them to do something stupidly dangerous? For example: something like trying to open magical gate and contact major arcana for Asra's kid, getting lost in secret passages of Vesuvia palace for Portia's kid, or being like "screw it I'm running from home and becoming mercenary so I have as many cool battle stories as my dad does" for Lucio's kid.

The Arcana Mini-HCs: M6 when their kid does the same dangerous stuff they did

Julian: getting so many gray hairs because his (noble, bighearted) kid keeps putting themself in harm's way for other people's sake when all they have to do is stop to ask him for help - yes, this is poetic justice

Asra: caught between further enabling their kid's adventurous spirit and trying to help them understand when curious becomes stupid. tries to help them learn from experience before it gets painful

Nadia: tearing her hair out because watching her six-year-old boldly claim that they can ride around town unsupervised is both nerve-wracking (because they will attempt it) and humbling (she did it too)

Muriel: his kid is convinced that all animals are kind spirited if they're appealing enough. this is the third time this week Muriel's yanked them out of reach of a bear because they doused themself in honey

Portia: currently keeps her map of all the Palace's shortcuts hidden behind a bookshelf, to limit the amount of portals and secret doors she'll have to check next time her precious little gremlin gets lost

Lucio: surprised at how much happier his kid is than he remembers being, simply because of how generous he is with basic affection. still gets frustrated when they refuse to admit to being in the wrong

r u capable of telling both of your parents that u love them?

i'm half way there

Stop telling children to, “just ignore it.” It makes excuses for bullies and it doesn’t work. It never has. All it does is teach kids that it’s okay for them to walk all over people, and it teaches the kids being bullied that it’s okay for people to treat them that way. Stop it.

My Parents: She’s probably doing drugs right now

Me: *completely sober, jamming out to the Mickey Mouse Club House theme song*