Perfectionism - Blog Posts

I’ve been publishing some stories on AO3 for like a year now, and I’m having trouble updating them. Not updating them gives me pressure because there are many people who like it and I feel bad for not updating for so long. I’m going through school and it’s consuming all my time. Also, I have trouble writing because of my perfectionism and belief that I’m not a good enough writer. I constantly compare myself to others, such as how long my story is and how many likes there are. It’s annoying and unhealthy.

I want to stop these habits and have a healthier mindset. Can I have some advice on how to do that please?

Can I also have advice on:

-What to do when you have writer’s block

-How to write the beginning of chapters

-How to stop striving so hard for perfection

Thank you to anyone who answers or likes! 😁💕

4 Traits

Warnings: graphic gore, bad cuts, violence (?), fighting, the traits listed below, cleaning wounds without proper knowledge, unsafe cleaning, let me know if I missed anything!

Read on Ao3 :D

4 times Monoma showed his traits..

Perfectionism

Honesty

Determination

Pride

Perfectionism

Today was the day of the sports festival, it had to be good, great. This was the day that he could show how great his class was, not just to the A class but to everybody! He woke up with an excitement, going through his day with a smile, he hadn't even seen Class A yet, he had a feeling that his class were spending their time doing something actually important, like decorating. 

Currently they were setting the flags to go on the side of the building, the multiple colors going well with the cool gray; he picked them out obviously, and was currently telling Pony where to put them, making sure it was perfect. He stared at it for a few seconds before deciding that it was good, before turning around to look at the other side, where Ibara and Jurota were sitting the other string up.

“Wait” he hums, “a little up on the right side, Ibara.” She moves the string up a bit more with her vines before looking back to the self proclaimed class president, looking for clarification. Momoma then nods, “Yeah, that's fine.” The others walk back from the wall and turn off their quirks, intending to help with something else around, since they have quirks that help wonderfully from nature, or as Ibara puts it. “Thank you.” Monoma adds as he turns to walk away, the two smiling and saying ‘You're welcome’ as he walks away.

He walks to the opening of the building and finds Juzo and Tetsutetsu on ladders putting up the lanterns, that Monoma also picked out of course, and they were on the sides of the opening already having put up the one that goes in the middle. He keeps walking and when he gets out in the walk way before the opening, he turns around and puts his hands to his face, tilting his head and says, “Juzo, more to the left,” then after Juzo moves it, “Okay, more down” then that happens two more times before Netio says its fine. 

Juzo gets off the ladder with a ‘Geez’ and Tetsutetsu hears that and says, “You know he doesn't mean anything, He thinks we're great!” with one of his toothy smiles. Yes, the boy knows this, but yes he still thinks he’s a little pushy at things. The metal boy puts his arm around his shoulders, which makes him lean a bit forward, and then directs him to someplace else, leaving the ladders there. 

This keeps happening until the whole set-up is done, and yes his class does get a bit annoyed with it, but it's okay since they love him. Does he still stay up later than usual that night from not knowing it's absolutely perfect for the rest of the days? Yes, and he was still thinking about it the whole day, and kinda stressing about it. But, it's okay because he can fix it tomorrow. Or that's what he tries to tell himself.

Honesty

He was with Class-A, which by itself was just annoying. He was constantly telling them that they were wrong or that his class was better, in his opinion that was all true. They were testing out their new costumes together, since the teachers thought it would be easier. Did Momoma agree with them? Eh, kinda, he can wrap his head around it. Still didn't make it better that he had to be with Class-A. He could get over it with insults and manic laughter though, even better if it made the other class more attracted to his presence. He likes attention. 

They were doing costume tests by fighting and using their quirks on them, and asking each other whether or not their costumes were fine. It was mostly the more quiet people asking if it looked good on them, Monoma not going to say anything about that, but he will be honest when someone asks. He's not going to lie, they asked, they wanted his opinion. It was his opinion, he knows others don't have to care about his opinion, trust me he knows, so he doesn't have a problem with stating it.

So when he was in a group of people who were trying to test out how their new costumes do against certain quirks, and someone brought Jiro into it, he didn't mind telling them how he thought when she asked. She had asked the group of Class-B students and some Class-A students how they thought her costume looked and everyone mostly responded with positive things, a few with some constructive criticism. He had said, “You look like a ripoff Y2K Roblox character.” with the whole looking the outfit up and down. 

Everyone who had heard him turned to look at him, when he looked up from the outfit, mainly from the boots if you had asked, he just saw everyone's faces looking with pure astonishment of what he just said. He stood up straighter and turned a bit, looking at them. He didn’t think he said anything wrong, It's not like what he said mattered. He looks back to Jiro and sees a kind of hurt in his eyes, one that shouldn't be there, and Jiro knows because why should she care? But it still gets to them. 

“Monoma?” less of a question, more of a demand of an explanation of why he said that, it came from Setsuna, he looked to face her, un-crossing his arms to extend a hand in the air questionably. 

“What?” He really didn't see what he said that made her feel so emotional. “She asked, I told her.” he paused for a second; looking back to Jiro then to Setsuna “I told her my opinion” hes shrugged and then re-crossed his arms and then walked away, feeling the presence that he wasn't wanted there anymore. That's okay, he thought this would be like middle school anyway, maybe it just took longer.

Everyone started comforting Jiro, they weren't crying or anything, but still were telling her that he just had different thoughts. He walked away and went to another building, deciding to sit by himself since he really didn't want to have to confront another person about that. He didn't mean too. He was just telling the truth.

Determination

Okay, this time. He took a spin to kick at the punching bag again, this time almost falling. It seemed like he was getting worse at this. No, he was definitely getting worse. He was alone in the gym, since it was already dinner time and even if the UA gym is still open people like to eat. He did eat about an hour ago, so he could sneak off here to do some training on his kicks. He wasn't good at kicking and he knew that, though he didn't really know how to get better by himself he was going to try.

Okay, he can do it. He touched Tetsutetsu on his side before he put his arms up to block him with his own quirk, he could do this. The other that had naturally had the quirk, kicked at his legs. Momoma fumbled but didn't fall, gaining back what advantage he could when Tetsu pushed him back to try and make him fall. They were doing balance training or something like that, where they could see how long they could hold off while defended against each other. They were split into groups and he got put with Tetsutetsu as a sort of place for Kirishima. Tetsu kicked at his leg again, this time catching the back of his knee and pulling him down.. Next time.

Okay, this is easy. He was jumping around pipes and in between buildings, he knew how to do this. Or he thought he knew how to do this. The pipes were slippy and Monoma was not prepared for that. He kept falling, and falling, and falling. He was going to have so many bruises.. It's alright, he's a hero, heroes don't care about bruises. But it does hurt. He's pretty sure he sprained his ankle.. As he tries to jump another big gap, he feels his ankle crack. He falls forward, heading straight for the ground. As a split second decision he tucks and rolls, he does land more softly than he would if he would've just fell, and he's proud of himself for the quick thinking. It still hurts.

Okay, it's nothing. He’s fighting Pony, and he has to constantly dodge all of her horns, and if you didn’t know, it takes a lot of energy to jump around and dodge while trying to get close. Especially when it's the end of the day and he's tired. He only got a few hours of sleep last night since he was up doing english work, and he's so exhausted. You can only put him through so much before he's done, and even if he thinks he isn't done his body is. As the horns are still coming at him, he feels one slice his leg and when he moves toward the right he feels one go by there too. He is panting, and his vision is getting blurry, he's dizzy and his class can tell. He’s falling, oh he's falling.. He hits the ground falling backwards and a little to the right. He might've hit his head on the ground, all he for sure knows is that his vision is black and that Vlad King is calling the fight.

Pride

He didn't need help. He never needed help. He was a grown person that could help himself. Even if he had no real knowledge on it… He was fixing where he got cut up earlier. It was pretty bad, it was 5 inches long; but it didn't really have any depth to it. It wouldn't be too bad to fix if he had any idea of what he was doing, but no. he doesn't. It was the start of the year and they weren't taught this yet, and he couldn't be bothered looking it up because it hurt and he didn't even know if that stuff would be true or not. He has to settle with what basic knowledge he knows about cleaning, wrapping, and all that stuff with wounds because he's not going to ask for help, because he hates even the idea of that.

In reality, yes he knows he sucks at this, and yes, he knows he should get help, and yes he still won't. He doesn't even know if he could walk right now, since it's his shin that got cut. It burns though, and as soon as he pours the rubbing alcohol on it he grips at the counter in left hand as tight as he possibly could, it does hurt his hand a bit but not more than the alcohol on his cut. He has a rag in his mouth too so he could be quiet, and good thing because he almost screams, it muffles the sound a bit making it a lot less louder than it would've been. He would have woken up someone if it wasn't there. 

After the burning calms down, he looks down to see it cleaning the wound, so that's good. Even though there's still blood pouring down his leg; he’s got this. He wont die from something like this. Well, actually you could die from something like this. He's not going to think about that though, because he won’t. He knows what he's doing. Once all the bubbling stopped, he began wiping it with a rag, making sure that most of the blood is off, even though there is still some trailing down his leg, he probably should’ve stopped the bleeding first.. Too late for that.

He grabs the bandages that he has to reach for, making the wound move and causing more pain and more blood. When did stuff like this become so annoying?? He winces as he gets them in his hand and pulls back, he can tell that he's getting fuzzier. That's really not good. Just has to make it until he wraps the bandages around it, that's what he tells himself. He knows it'll be bad if he passes out. He knew that he was already low on energy to deal with this because he got it near the end of training, he hasn't showered or anything obviously, and he really does not want anyone to see him like this.

He manages to wrap them around his leg and closes them off before he can tell his vision is going black, he doesn't try to stand, does not try to yell, does not try to call for help. He lets himself fade off into the black, and yes that was a bad idea. But better than anyone else seeing him like this.

Credits to @/strangergraphics for the dividers

hope it was good :P!

what my parents told me: you can do anything if you set your mind to it

what I wish my parents had told me: sometimes you will fail, and it will be scary and it will suck, but you will probably not die

“Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them…or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.”

Holy SHIT

i would waste every wish in my life on you if i knew they would come true.

Can't wait until summer so I can procrastinate without the normal excuses.

LOL, True but the devil called 'perfectionism' always comes barreling in🤣

It's fanfiction it doesn't have to be perfect it doesn't have to be accurate this is a hobby you're doing this for fun it's okay if it isn't perfect and polished you're doing it for fun [talking to myself in the mirror]

Me trying to write stories ROMAN SANDERS EDITION

(Now including drawn picture also made by me ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` ))

Me trying to write stories ROMAN SANDERS EDITION

1193 words and counting. Trigger-Warning slight alluding to self-harm +negative thoughts.

That wasn’t that bad Roman tried to convince himself. He’d been through way worse right . . .? Wait was that considered a good thing. He brought his hands to his head. It had begun agonizingly pounding earlier in the day and he could feel the pressure in his ears akin to something like a buzzing sound had begun making its presence known. He felt sluggish and lethargicness crept upon him. Surely they hadn’t meant it that way. Not like their intend was hurting him. So why did he feel so . . so hurt. It was like a piece inside of him was broken off. The piece that carried all his confidence. His admittedly now feeling false bravery. The bravado that helped him conquer his less then awesome feelings. He heard creaking footsteps up the stairs and some soft whispered goodnights.

The mind palace fell empty on sound as its residents started heading to their respective beds. I should probably get some shut eye too thought Roman as he looked around his room. He hadn’t had the time or to be honest motivation to clean it up for a while now. His energy seemed to have wounded down a lot lately. He would put it down to the amount of videos they had been making. But truthfully he wasn’t very much present in them at all let alone having his ideas represented as anything less than annoying. He twirled his messy hair in between his fingers, twiddling his thumbs while rocking back and forth a bit. The silence that now protruded the vacant mind surroundings made the whining in his ears stand out all the more. He grabbed his temple and began rubbing circles on his forehead. He didn’t want things to be this way. It all felt so complicated. And like his incompetence was already making everybody uncomfortable enough. Without highlighting all his other flaws. Normally he loved the spotlight but now it made him itch.

The thought alone made him have trouble breathing. He should be more put together. How could he dream of having a grand live on the stage if he couldn’t even stand a meager spotlight. He felt woozy had his room always been this of kilter, this . . dizzying. His vision blurred had he been crying this whole time. How long . . . he tried wiping away his tears as new ones grew in their places. The clock face on his nightstand was barely legible through mist his eyes produced. It read 02:10 AM. Had he really been rummaging through his hair and been sat thinking here for this long. SHIT- Logan had a schedule he wanted to keep and he didn’t want to be tired and late for the morning meetings. Ouch . . .his head stung if it wasn’t for him feeling immobile he would have moved to pick up some painkillers for his worsening headache. Then again he didn’t wanna wake up the others by making too much sound going to find it in the cabinets below. He’d been warned before about being too noisy and off-putting when trying to practice his favorite musical songs. Keep it down Logan had yelled. Yeah will you can it with your sappy bullshit his mustachy brother had added. He’d tried whisper singing ever since. It didn’t have that much flare to it, but if it made them happier he’d be glad to be of their backs.

The inside of his head felt as if someone had knocked his brain around quite a few times. Cut all its supports out and the remaining short-circuiting heap had been set on fire as some sort of twisted fun added bonus. He sniffled rubbing the underside of his nose and eye sockets. He probably deserved it. The way he’d been performing lately was about as garbage as he felt. The clock face blinked 03:00 AM it read. No, no NO . . . this had to stop. He wasn’t even supposed to stay up again. He was exhausted it took longer than he wanted to admit to come up with his sup-par ideas as it was. He didn’t need to create more problems for himself and everyone around him. He slammed down his fist against his carpet and then recoiled in shock as he remembered he shouldn’t produce sounds this late into the night. Frustrated he dug his nails into his palm and bit on his knuckles as he closed his arms around himself. His knees seemed to tremble a bit, he noticed as he looked down. Was this the self-soothing Virgil had talked about. It didn’t seem that soothing to him.

He looked at his fingers they were cold and absent of colour apart from the stained ink and the numerous papercuts on them. He’d really been trying. It might have looked easy from the outside but ‘’It was all a Ruse’’. As Deceit would so say. More and more often he felt that it was all just too much and that balancing it was getting more impossible as it became harder to smile to himself in the mirror. What had been the last time he’d truly felt accomplished. Like he got his stuff together or at least made it look presentable enough to fool everyone. His heavy eyelids started to droop over his glossy dry red tear stained eyes until they shot up to look at his calendar.

Crap.

He’d forgot. He was so busy being fucking sorry for himself that he’d missed the big red circled due date of the upcoming script. If something had to pull him over the edge this was it he’d reached his limits. And felt surrounded. He started drawing panicked breaths heaving over on himself. He didn’t know what pounded harder his head or his chest. They were gonna be so mad at him or worse they'd be staring on in drooping disappointment as he would stand there ashamed in the corner , uneasy shuffling his feet. Patton would throw out a halfhearted it’s okay kiddo. With Thomas sighing looking away as Logan crumpled his paper up and muttered something about no respect for a proper schedule in the background, again having to adjust each and every detail in his already busily packed important planning scheme. If this was only a mild version of a so called panic attack that he’d had explained to him by Virgil. He couldn’t imagine what a full blown one must have actually felt like. He felt so sorry for the dude. How could he ever manage to put on any sense of composure if he had to have these on an at least a monthly basis. the walls felt like the were eerily closing in on him. He wanted to scream to cry out for help but only a meekly weak sob would be forced out of his throat that as the shadows in the corners of his narrowed eyes started to crop up and he lost his already faltering vision to the black surrounding his corneas. His body sunk to the ground like a melted puddle.

A loud Thud-was heard as his head slammed against the floor.

Gifted burnout and perfectionism

At first, I couldn’t relate to all the other people with gifted burnout when they talked about perfectionism. My academic perfectionism had died already...but then I started working and good freaking grief. It happened. I made my first mistake on the first day and almost cried. It was something so small that I couldn’t have known better because I’d never worked retail, but it messed me up. Then, I made  more mistakes and felt even worse. I might quit soon

perfectionism is a disease

Don't chase perfection but do strive for excellence.

Excellence is a virtue.

Punch above your weight.

Obsession beats talent every time.