Pretending - Blog Posts

i have a hard time eating in any other place but my home ,such as restaurants or other peoples houses ,to combat that i'v started pretending i'm in a mukbang video so that I actually eat ,it helps me a lot especially when i'm traveling because i'm not home so I don't eat and then I get sick from not eating and I end up feeling miserable ,so yeah ,i'v just started pretending I'm in a mukbang video to help myself actually be able to eat(I wouldn't say I have any eating disorders I just have anxiety(not diagnosed but I think that's what it is)when it comes to eating anywhere but at home

~ Yeah, sadly I got used to being left and ghosted. I mean it still hurts, but I am not suprised by it. But honestly, you can still go and fuck yourselves!^^

/ One of the ugliest action a person can do! /

whole life convincing yourself that you’re emotionless, cold and unbothered only to realise many years later that you created that version of yourself because in reality you couldn’t bare the thought of being vulnerable in any way

and when you finally realise that it’s not something to be proud of you also realise that it’s too late to re-learn everything

you feel great shame because you finally see that you weren’t actually strong - all of it was a weakness. the thing you hated the most. you couldn’t embrace it

and worst of all - you realise that you’ve become exactly like the person who hurt you in the beginning

Pretending

They say, "what are you good at?"

I say, "oh, I'm good at-" I give them a paper and they read it,

-pretending being Happy

-pretending to be fine

-pretending to be strong

-pretending a smile

-pretending I could do it

-pretending I don't cry.

Help me.........

His eyes where in shock.......but for me, I'm fine with it,

Oh no, not again. Annoying! It still takes him by surprise. And gets harder, almost making him wonder if it's worth it. Dragging his barefooted soul up. Again. But if he doesn't, his soul will freeze and might wander off, find a random pair of shoes, no matter how he'll then look and be looked upon. Not that he cares much, and less for each time. With a tired sigh he starts. Only three steps, but each one making the soles of his feet bleed. Why is it so important? To stand on top of something, pretending to be at the top of something. United body and soul; a fictional construction anyway. Just looking the part. And to be able to overlook whatever: He lost interest in that whatever many steps ago. But, and with boredom, he, his soul and bare feet, will get there. Out of breath, he'll squeeze into those shoes. And will again be firmly rooted. Unable to move, but an example of achievement. He's quite disgusted with himself. Careful! That could make him misjudge, stumble, slip... He really can't cope with just one additional step. But he'll get there. And the shoes might not be too uncomfortable: He'll fit the expected posture. Again. #mantelmomento #danielmantel #udenfilter (As always, somehow:) #laurieandthestoryof & #primeiroproximopasso #steps #shoes #reality #fiction #postures #soul #fuckedup #tired #pretending #iftheshoefits #stupidity #meandmymind #ladder #seeingthrough #sotiredofthewaysinthecirclesimovearoundinandtheeverongoingattempttobethenewestofthenewestorsomethingonthetopoftherankingthateveryonedeniesexistbutisafactsoobviousthatitsalmostfunny (Usual one-off hashtag...) (her: 22below)

I love barbed wire. I hate the sun. I love being kept in the dark. I hate knowing things. I love barbed wire in my eyes. I hate seeing words crawl back into themselves, but I love the blankness of innocent eyes, pretending not to understand anything. And so on. Oh, I forgot: I love lack of response. I hate being part of anything. All in all; life is almost too easy. Yeah! #love #sun #barbedwire #surface #blank #blankness #lifeisgood #laughingitoff #hugs #pretending #caring #easylife #nousualoneoffhashtagseenoreasonwhywheneverythingisjustsoniceandeasy (Usual one-off...) #laurieandthestoryof (At least less fictive than life) #danielmantel (Loving everybody) #mantelmomento #udenfilter (Of any kind! Straight and honest!) #primeiroproximopasso (Will end up loving life as I do; I can make him! Just like me...) (her: Denmark)

Now it is enough! I can't stop posting those "cute" clouds, sun, sky... It's embarrassing! It is SO not me! I should be posting all kinds of destructive, depressing, dark things. PLEASE MAKE ME! Not this kinda 'nice' neutral stuff... Ok and anyway: I'll be gone from this horrible town (NOT city...) in a very few days. THEN I can post nice photos. Because I then will be in a nice place! There's a helluva difference! REAL pictures from a REAL paradise! Lisbon and Castelo de Vide. Instead of "Aarhus2017". Can you assasinate a cultural capital? Well, at least I can try... My God, (not that I have any), how I long to be gone from this horrible town and this horrible life... Am I making fun? Well, what do you think? Sorry, I forgot: You don't think at all. Just like I try not to. End of not-much. Here's those clouds... #getoutofmyway #cloudscape #idontcare #wasteoftime #wannago #leaving #leavemealone #tired #pretending #phony #laurieandthestoryof (It WILL be part of that...) #meandmystory #notcaring #notreallymakingmydayworthanotherday #annoying #life #lifewithoutlife #soonillbeinacompletelydifferentplaceandisimplycantwaitbecauselifeandthiscountryandmostofitspeoplereallysucksandtheresnoexcuse (...Yeah, yeah, usual one-off hashtag...) #udenfilter #mantelmomento (her: FAR AWAY)

Just another sunset... Nothing special. Just another day ending. Nothing special. But hey, this day WAS special! Maybe not for the world. I really don't care anyway. Not today, at least, if at all. Because I found out, that I don't give a damn. Too many stupid people, too many disappointments through the years, too many still unsolved or unspoken of problems after SO many years, too many people that pretends and nothing else, too much WASTE of my time. SO: I cut the crap. Being it humans and socalled "friends" (not!), or "things to do" just because it is what I use to do... GO AWAY! Let me be... Me and my Laurie. A less fictive character than most of my (socalled) "colleagues". SO: Just another day... #laurieandthestoryof #lifechanging #socalledfriends #colleagues #aarhus2017 #atlasoveraarhus #dinbyminby #eyeopener #friendship #wasteoftime #anotherlife #pretending #egoism #notcaring #false #change #whenyourealizethatmostofthepeoplearoundyouarefakingbeinghumanandreallydontcareaboutyouanditactuallysurprisesyouwellthenitsyourturntosaygofuckyourself (Usual one-off hashtag... A bit long?) #udenfilter #mantelmomento (her: Gellerup, Arhus, Denmark)