Via @swatercolor [insta]

Maturity is not seeking revenge. It's healing and moving on, so you don’t become like the people who traumatized you.

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”What’s it like?” Perpetual confusion. A simulation of what it’s like to be a chameleon if emotions and personality traits were colors. Periods of suspecting people close to you are plotting to hurt you or have hurt you on purpose. Being aware of everything around you at all times. Remembering what you’d rather not. Torching the wrong relationships in spectacular fashion by lashing out and falling back into isolation despite wanting to escape it. Not knowing what emotion you’re experiencing or how to process it, and sometimes it’s like roulette. Assuming others’ intentions and meanings to be hostile or unkind because why would someone be nice to you? The persistent sensation of “otherness” no matter where you’re at or who you’re with. Disconnection with the world around you.

There is no enjoyment.

the "feeling like something is wrong with you that you have to hide" background noise is often a result of childhood trauma because an abused or neglected child who doesn't rationalize their mistreatment runs the risk of alienating themselves from what little shelter and care is actually being provided. it's theorized that blaming yourself at that age is a way to survive by coming up with a justification for why you're being abused so you don't blame your caregivers for your own suffering, thereby alienating them to the point that you are fed or sheltered or protected even less than you are currently. believing you may be able to "change" so that you're worthy of love also prevents despair/giving up. it's of utmost importance to the survival of very small children to develop a worldview that keeps them alive, even if it's by totally magical thinking and at the cost of their ability to perceive reality or navigate normal human relationships. the same thing can happen to adults in abusive domestic situations.

anyway once you're out of that situation it's time to get really pissed off

You are not a product. You are a person. This means that regardless of whatever they did to you, you are not damaged goods. You are still whole, worthy and enough as you are.

Is your soul okay?

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Having a senior dog with cancer is so hard. 😢I made this to help me cope — and if you’re going through anticipatory grief of any kind, I hope it helps you, too!

Being misunderstood is difficult, but it’s okay. Let them misunderstand you. Be so unwavering in your commitment to yourself that no one can take that away from you. You know yourself better than anyone else does. They might never understand, and that sucks, but you can validate yourself even when they don’t. Give yourself the love and validation others won’t - you deserve it. The way you understand yourself is valid even if others see it differently <3.