Cassie Clare - Blog Posts
Matthew: Hey, do you know anybody that can teach me how to play the trumpet?
Thomas: Why do you need to learn how to play the trumpet?
Matthew: I wanna wander around and annoy Charles by playing it.
Thomas, thinking about how Charles mistreated Alastair: Technically you don’t need to know how to play it to do that.
Matthew: You have opened my eyes, Thomas
Jem: Your stupidity simply goes too far
Will: THEN BUCKLE UP CAUSE I’M ABOUT TO GO FURTHER
Any main TSC couple:
Magnus:
Alastair, a guest: Can I ask about the menu, please?
Matthew, a waiter: The men I please are none of your business.
Anna: Please peer pressure me into getting this report done
Matthew: Do it or you’re straight
Anna: I said peer pressure, not threaten.
TSC books: A summary
Will: I don’t think we thought this through very well…
Jem: I could’ve told you that ten fuck-ups ago.
Kit: Not to brag
Kit: but I solved a puzzle in 2 weeks
Kit: and the box said 2-4 years
Ty:
Matthew: My computer is broken
Thomas: Just give it to the IT guy
Matthew: Okay
Matthew, walking outside and tossing the computer into a sewer: Good luck
Gabriel: Has anyone seen my wife?
Stranger: What does she look like?
Gabriel: Well, she has black ha-
Cecily, from a tree: BEAUTIFUL
Will: I don’t play favorites
[at the dinner table]
Tessa: Jem, can you pass the salt-
Will: Seriously, Tess! What the hell? You really have the audacity to doubt my beloved Jem’s ability to pass the salt? Let me tell you, James Carstairs is a GOD and he can do everything he sets his beautiful mind to, okay? Never let me hear you say such things again!
Tessa:
Jem:
Charlotte:
Church:
Will, sighing: I’m really sorry you had to go through that, Jem. Just so you know I’m here for you and I love you
Officer: I heard you got pot
Matthew: *holds up flower pot* You mean this?
Officer: Oh, ok. What you growing?
Matthew: Weed
James: Hey, uh, so I’ve been reviewing this itinerary and I don’t really get it.
James: Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors? Won’t that get kind of messy?
Matthew: That’s why we feed them glitter, Jamie.
*after a few dates with Cecily*
Gabriel: Gid, what do you think of Cecily?
Gideon: I think you should marry her, brother!
*later that day*
Gabriel: Well, I don’t know if I’ll regret this sooner or later, but I followed your advice and now I’m engaged to Will.
Emma: I’m fine.
Julian: No, you’re not fine. How could you possibly be fine? You’ve been STABBED!
Emma: But I’ve been stabbed before, so it’s fine.
Julian: You don’t just develop an immunity to stab wounds!
Christopher: I can’t believe that Britain is 1903 years old!
Matthew: You idiot, that’s how old Earth is
James: No way! :O
Matthew: I can’t believe you two didn’t know that!
Thomas, about to cry: They’re so fucking stupid
Raziel: Did you give Johnny Rook the bison as I told?
Angel: Wait, what?
Raziel: The bison, so that he can shoot it and get his anger issues out...?
Angel: The bi son...
Raziel: The bison...
Angel: Bi son
Raziel: B i s o n
Angel: B i - S o n
Christopher: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday
Thomas: What?
Matthew: He almost got kidnapped
Thomas: Oh, okay
Thomas: WAIT WHAT
Tessa: Happy Birthday, Will! I got you a present!
*Jem walks through the door*
Will: OHMYGOD you got me JEM?
Tessa: No, no. It’s this book-
Will, through tears: HE’S PERFECT, TESSA, I LOVE HIM! Thank you!
Kit: Please, don't do this to me!
Ghost!Will: *eating a Kit Kat bar in bites instead of in bar*
Kit, crying: Please, stop-
Cordelia: I made a marshmallow Alastair, see? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?
Alastair, clearly emotional: It’s okay
Will: I’d like to phone a friend
Game show host: I haven’t asked you the questions yet-
Will: I know, I just miss Jem already
Kit: Hello 911? My hands are both stuck in Pringles tubes… both hands, yes…
Kit: Look, it’s not important how I dialed the number, just send help... STOP LAUGHING
Cordelia: So, tell me about yourself
Matthew:
Gideon at 2 am: Sophie, wake up so we can discuss our love for each other
Sophie: By the angel, I love you so much!
vs.
Tessa at 2 am: Will, if you want to discuss how to exterminate all ducks on earth for good I’m leaving you.
Belial: I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!
Thomas:
Matthew:
James:
Christopher, disturbed: … you eat pieces of shit?
Cordelia: Why are you lying on the floor?
Alastair: I have depression
Cordelia: Oh-
Alastair: I have also been stabbed three times
Cordelia: oH-
Airport security: No liquids allowed
Matthew: oh, ok
Matthew: *starts gulping it down*
James: Uhh, Matthew, you don’t have to drink-
Matthew: *dedicated to finishing bottle*
Airport security: You know, usually people just leave the shampoo behind but what do I know…
Jem: Netflix lied to me
Jem: I’ve never seen bad boy types protecting stray kittens revealing to me their soft side
Jem: It’s always me picking up the kittens.
Jem:
Jem:
Jem: Maybe I’m the bad boy
Sophie: I keep a portrait of Gid in my purse.
Gideon: Really? I have a portrait of you in my wallet!
Tessa: Aww, that’s cute. Will keeps a portrait of Jem.
Will: He’s just so damn beautiful.