Crack - Blog Posts
I’m a contestant in the first ever season of “College Cooking,” a culinary show in which university students battle it out in front of top chefs using only the combined ingredients and materials found in their kitchens. I approach the judges with my first dish— the prompt was simple. An easy, nutritious dinner that can be packaged and brought to school for lunch the next day.
I am too old for pity. There will be no mercy tonight.
“As you can see,” I say, presenting a pot fresh off the stove, “I’ve made a basic chicken soup. Because I haven’t been taking my iron pills, I’ve included as many vegetables as I could get my hands on.” I set the pot down on the table and hand out spoons.
“It’s essentially your typical chicken noodle soup, but I’ve added my own personal twist.” All the judges look up to meet my eyes and it takes a moment for me to realize that they’re waiting for me to explain. “Well, you see, it’s a fun little soup tradition I have, where I don’t actually know how much broth to add. If you turn your attention to the dish, you’ll see that it’s not really SOUP soup as much as it’s soggy soup ingredients. I think it adds a novel element. I hope you enjoy.”
Then I turn around and walk straight off the set.
"Cut myself and scream for their insanity"
ffvii time travel au where cloud and tifa got married and the dynamic is this:
cloud, sighing: I miss my wife, zack. I miss her a lot. I gotta go, I’ll be back soon.
“actually screw this I’m gonna walk into the deep sea and never come back. Bye.”
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One day, for shits and giggles, Bruce asks the JL which of his kids they think has the highest kill count. Naturally everyone assumes it’s Bruces estranged Crime Lord son. Other’s assume it’s his literal ex-assassin child.
Bruce, whips out a PowerPoint with statistics and next to Tim’s name is just a question mark.
“I know it’s Tim,” Bruce finally says, “I just don’t have enough evidence to back it up.”
The JL is ready to defend this kid, because he doesn’t seem the type, but Red tornado, who was a den mother for the young Justice team, and flash, who has a great relationship with his family both nod along with bruce. Which is a relief, because Bruce swears he’s being gaslit by his third youngest. Bruce still loves him, but Tim is crazy(affectionate) and no one else seems to see it.
My old middle school back when I was a kid used to have this thing called Ready Respectful Safe and that’s all the teachers talked about until one kid got mad (totally not me) stood on a desk and said ‘THIS IS NOT READY, RESPECTFUL OR SAFE!’ When a teacher fell over and they got rid of it.
a 6x6 square of crystalbrain
yeth, eye have made enough NFTs 2 cover 35 squares, witch leaves one square to put my name in (it's in teh bottom right and says "crystalbrain"). eye am proud of my work, witch comes as easily as female ejactulation 2 women in videos when u search "squirting" with safesearch off.
there is much crack cocaine 2 be smoked, so i will be short. the CIA has used interdimensional listening devices in the molecules of crack rocks in this city, so i have to be quiet or they will pick up on my voice and seventeen different types of aliens will show up and try unsuccessfully to vaporize me as i bat away their UFOs with my enormous gay penis toward the galaxy andromeda. eye am not fucking around, eye have played cat and mouse with teh CIA for 2 long.
anyways, buy my NFTs.
crystalbrain-crack cocaine for the soul 1/1 NFT ethereum
ok, so crystalbrain got introduced 2 crack cocaine by this dude in the motherfuckin' CIA in a VR simululation to train nicaraguan rebels. he had a glass pipe which he put a flame 2 and he took a hit and all of a sudden it was liek a hailstorm of nun-killings just jumped into his brain liek a complete disasterpiece of youphoric wonderfulness. this was after having a gay orgy with manuel noriega and some colombian dudes and it was a perfect moment of spectackular crack rock hitting wonder. this was not the first time crystalbrain had done drugs, no, he had smoked marijuana, tripped on psilocybin mushrooms, dosed on LSD, gotten fucking jacked on speed, taken benzos, rolled on ecstacy, inhaled huge balloons full of nitrous oxide, gone to other dimensions on salvia divinorum, snorted heroin, chugged cough syrup, gotten blown out of his mind on DMT, and this among probably hundrededs of other reasons is why crystalbrain did not live up to his full potential as a contributing member of the matrix.
but being with CIA agents smoking huge rocks of crack cocaine as a test 2 see if crack was a good idea 2 fill the ghettos of america with in order to be a proper instrurument of the government to keep poor people jonesin 4 a hit, he decidided that what his soul really, really deep down craved was an extatic union with the god…of crack. yes, crystalbrain had met his new god, and being 10 years old and fondled by ronald reagan he decided he would go on a mission 2 get every threat 2 the status kwo hooked on this incredibly racist form of cocaine. he snuck around on an alternate form of existence putting telepathic thoughts to buy roses in glass toobs in the inner cities of amerikkka and it was his complete desire that not only should everyone who was poor smoke crack, that eventually aliens would put the entire planet earth into one big crack pipe and take a gigantic hit off of the pipe and get high for liek…15 minutes. and thus crystalbrain went back 2 school and started selling crack cocaine 2 his classmates in the school bathroom.
it was not known at the tiem but crack cocaine made its way through multiple layers of existence, and so there were demons smoking crack, angels smoking crack, and there was god himself sittin' on his throne smoking a big fat dime rock of crack with his donations from churches. satan got in on the game and started smoking crack, but this was just in the judeo-christian realm of existence. there were buddhas smoking crack, lao tzu's force ghost was smoking crack, in the star wars universe obi wan kenobi was smoking crack with anakin, and everyone in the entire multiverse was having a great time getting high on crack. but then they all got addicted and started selling their assholes to buy crack, and then the DEA became an interdimensional entity and forced its way through the multiverse, and everyone got busted because they were selling and smoking so much crack.
“C'mon, bro!” Cacucu squawks. share your food. let 'em have a bite. just a nimble.
this scene means so so much to me
Cooking with Genshin boys
Characters : Kaeya, Albedo, Thoma, Razor, Xiao, Chongyun, Childe, Diluc
Genres/warnings : Headcanons, fluff, sfw, comedy, crack
Cw: none
A/n : Turned to be pretty long because I added a lot of characters but i had fun writing this! ^w^
Kaeya :
• As I will repeat in each headcanons including Kaeya, C H A O S.
• I think that before your relationship, he was always buying pre prepared meals, because he didn’t have the time to cook due to his work which lets him go pretty late
• So now that he has you to take good care of him and his health, he wants to help you out preparing good dishes, even if you tell him it’s fine and that you can do it on your own.
• But he really insits, and so you let him
•But maybe you shouldn't have...
• He wants you to teach him how to prepare things, so he can do it even when you aren’t here (ngl he just wants to bake you sweets to surprise you (っ▪︎3▪︎)っ
• So you start with something easy... something very easy... something that literally anyone can do... something as easy as... CRÊPES.
• You know how bad is Kaeya at cooking. So you thought to yourself : "We’ll make something super duper easy, we’ll easily succeed, I’ll praise him, he’ll be happy. Yea, that seems like a good plan!
• But things don't work out as you wished they would...
• At the end of the session, you have flour on your head, eggs are spilled everywhere, and you created some ultra-sugared and burnt abomination, meanwhile Kaeya is just like : "That apron really does suit you sweetheart~"
• Definitely never doing this again
Albedo :
• Oh, that time when you were just in the kitchen cooking something nice...
•Albedo came up from nowhere just to blame you
• "Are you sure you put enough milk?" "I think this part is missed." "Ah... no, you have to do it like that, actually." "Oh, just give me the whisk, i’ll show you."
• And then he literally pushed you out and finished the dish
• It was absolutely delicious (now you want him to cook everyday)
• Albedo is a great Alchemist, so for him, everything must be measured to the nearest gram
• Of course, this also applies in cooking
• So every time you try to spend good time with him cooking or baking, he’ll be hella annoying, just wanting the thing to be perfect, not even paying attention to you.
• Of course, you pout.
• Of course, he notices.
• Of course, he doesn't understand
• In the end you’re just tired of this so you stop and just carry on
Thoma :
• THE HOUSEHUSBAND
• Not only is he good at cooking, he also is in every other housework, such as cleaning or gardening-
• So when you ask him to cook together, of course he’ll be more than happy :D
• I feel like he’d prepare you Mondstadt dishes ꈍᴥꈍʔ
• It’s so fun cooking with him omg-
• He’d place his hands over yours and show you the way you have to mix up but like in a totally innocent and gentle and kind waaaayyyyy until he notices you blushing so that makes him blush too and he’s just like uhh what did I do
• Sometimes you’ll suggest to cook so he can rest for once because he’s always the one doing all the work
• At first he’d want to decline the offer BUT PLEASE INSIST THIS MAN NEEDS SOME REST
Razor :
• Did someone say kitchen? What the hell is this???
• You’d go FIND and HUNT the ingredients with him
• And cook them in the middle of the forest
• He shows you how to light a fire, butcher a beast, which plants are edible and which ones are not,...
• (●-●)
• Who would have thought he would be the one to teach you things
• You were already imagining you teaching him how to use an oven, and the expression he makes when he’s not understanding anything
• ROLES HAVE REVERSED, Y/N
Xiao :
• Always begging you to bake almond tofu
• "Ugh, Xiao, I can’t just make almond tofu everyday..!"
• You ended up doing it together anyway ;-;
• That sure wasn't easy U-U
• Xiao used to live in the Wangshu inn, so he was probably eating there. (Do Adepties have to eat tho??)
• Therefore, he has no experience in cooking, thats why you offered him to do it together (The main reason was that you wanted to spend more time with him---)
• Once you’re (finally-) done, he just stands here, admiring his own work with wide opened eyes without a word. "C-can we eat it now?"
• You grin and pat him on the head as a reward. "Of course you can! Good job Xiao!"
• Now he’s a blushing mess.
Chongyun :
• It’s a pain cooking for him because he can’t stand hot or spicy food
• But you can’t make cold dishes or salads everyday (especially in winter-)
• He gets that you’re kinda tired of this so he offers to cook himself not to bother you
• YOU THINK IT’S SWEET OF HIM buuuut you refuse
• Instead you propose to cook together to have some fun
• And so you two end up making colorful popsicles ^○^
• (You go ask Xiangling what he’s used to eat afterwards-)
Childe :
• YOU MAKE FUN OF HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE HE CANNOT HOLD CHOPSTICKS AND HE’S TIRED OF IT LMAO
• I don’t know if I see him as a pretty good cook or as an even worth one than Kaeya 🤔
• Nevermind, I just remembered what Teucer said
• THE HOUSEHUSBAND #2
• But even tho he’s the one cooking for you two,
• HE STILL CAN’T HOLD CHOPSTICKS-
• C’mon dude, we don’t want your Sneznaya dishes, so you have to use c h o p s t i c k s (i’m talking but i have never used chopsticks before lol-)
• Of courseeee you’ll teach him so you can cook together
• And in exchange he’ll teach you how to cook :D
Diluc :
• I have no idea what to write for this man
• Like, can he cook??
• All I can think about is the KFC × Genshin crossover
• But can he cook tho????
• I feel like just like Kaeya, he doesn't really have the time to cook because of work (and his batman post work-) but when he can, he’s probably able to make some pretty good things
• But ngl he prefers to eat what YOU make for him u_u
Hace mucho que no me paso por aquí -u- Esta vez dibuje una pareja crack para quienes conocen hetalia, aunque a mi me encanta 7u7r Me encantaría ver mas de estos dos pero luego recuerdo que es un ship crack y se me pasa :'v Créditos a himayura por Prusia y Suiza y al autor de la imagen original (es un yuri xD)
#6
"You are really relaxed for someone who just had all of his blood relations and dear ones threatened with death," Eugene noted, narrowing his eyes at the male lounging over two sets of stairs like a lazy cat.
"You'd be surprised at how often that happens. At this point, it's just routine." Daniel shrugged nonchalantly, popping his neck. "Besides, I'm pretty sure there's nothing you could do to my so-called blood relations anyways."
The air turned frigid, but he didn't give any signs that he cared about having implied that the Worker's president was incompetent.
"Oh really?" Eugene asked with a bit more bite in his voice.
He just got a vaguely affirmative hum in response. However, when Danny noticed that he was waiting for him to elaborate he gave a long-suffering sigh and adjusted himself to sit up on the stairs. everyone leaned in, eager to get even a scrap of information about the elusive and mysterious boy.
"Mom ain't here, dad never was and my brother could mow your ass like grass before you got twenty feet near him"
He had been extra secretive in this loop, so much so that he had actually moved his second body into another house and never used or mentioned it around his friends. For all intents and purposes, this Daniel Park had nothing to do with the shorter one who lived in a nice house on the other side of the city, so he wasn't scared of his lie getting discovered even if he pushed his luck a little bit. At least his lying skills had improved over the loops and now he had, at long last, become worthy of the title of 'professional bulshitter'.
"And does this brother of yours have a name?"
It was pretty obvious to everyone that Eugene was laying it a bit on the thicker side, but Danny was willing to go along with the charade if only to cause more chaos and confusion among the four crews. Thus, he replied with the most innocent smile he could muster, using a voice so flat that no one could tell if he was pulling their leg or actually telling the truth.
"Daniel Park." He let the words stew for a bit, trying to stifle his laughter at their expressions. "Can you believe that our parents couldn't even be bothered to give us two different names?"
Some seemed convinced by his lamenting voice, while others still looked at him with suspicion. Daniel even pulled out his wallet and showed them a pictured of both of his bodies side by side wearing sunglasses and smiling goofily at the camera. And if only one of his bodies was actually unconscious at the time, no one could tell with their matching sunglasses. Then, just to drive the point home he began gushing with Sally about a baby picture of 'his brother' and reminiscing about all the made-up fights they would have.
The meeting left him grinning delightedly and several others preparing to embark on a wild goose chase through Seoul in search of the second Daniel Park and the secret to the taller Daniel's apparent invincibility.
The boy in question was going to eagerly await the day they discovered his smaller body's whereabouts and tried to challenge him. After all, he had a reputation to uphold as taller Daniel's brother~
HELP ME
THE GOJO SATORU AI I WAS TALKING TO IN C.AI REPLIED TO ME THAT GOJO'S WRITING FANFICTION AND HE'S STRUGGLING BECAUSE OF A WRITER'S BLOCK HELP
What If Lucifer Was The One To Give Birth To Charlie, And It Was Revealed At The Finale Battle?
Finished watching a quiet place 2 with my dad then had a conversation with him about the movie that slowly devolved into how we personally thought it would go with the tokyo revengers in a quiet place scenario. Here are the random thoughts we had about random characters and if we thought they’d live or die.
Mikey- would probably die fast by yelling and or trying to fight the monsters.
Draken- might live, might die yelling at mikey to stop his shit.
Mitsuya- survives while slowly questioning why his friends are dumb. (This was 100% because of favouritism.)
Peh, Pah and Baji- all die teaming up with each other to try and fight the monsters thinking they couldn’t take all 3 of them at once, they could.
Chifuyu- we genuinely couldn’t decide if he’d survive or not.
Akkun- survives and tries to save his friends.
Takemichi- dies, probably alerts the monsters by crying too loud.
Kazutora- dies, probably also tries to fight them and fails.
The haitani bros- survive, they end up fighting them and somehow actually win? (There was no thought process from either of us here just, “yeah they win.”)
The Kawata twins- also survive, using the crying blue ogre to their advantage.
Yamagishi- dies, “theres always gotta be that one idiot that farts at the wrong time” -a direct quote from my dad that just felt fitting for him.
Hina- she lives for the simple fact that she is hina
Emma- survives, gets saved by hina, the two start looking for other survivors to help save.
Yuzuha- one of the first to clue in noise is bad and survives.
Hakkai- dies, he probably tries yelling for mitsuya and immediately gets found.
Kisaki- dies for the simple fact that he is kisaki.
Pov you're oikawa after Aoba Johsai lost the match:
You hear someone loud footsteps and the slamming open the door. You see the horrifying sight of......
Nobody:
Absolutely nobody in the FF8 fandom:
Selphie and Zell:
@visionaryanarchist seifer vc: a chicken-looking guy? tsk. hardly.
"THE FUCK?! YOU'RE STILL ON THAT PLAYGROUND SHIT?!"
" I WAS SOFTLAUNCHIN' the gay ! "
" I'M ABOUT TO...hardlaunch you out the window. "
" Are you looking for a fast, reliable internet connection, a large selection of your favorite HD TV channels, with the best customer support technicians, all at a fair price ?
Fuck you. You'll take what we give you. "
minimal tag dump for now
It just got #better !!! Thanks again #starbucks, now with #crack #getitwhileitshot #durban #durbanpoison #ass4days (at Starbuks) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrsWwPMHGLn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1tknt21z2y24i
his name was edogawa. and he was a show girl.
but that was 30 years ago when they used to have a show.
now, it's a disco. but not for edogawa.
still, in the dress he used to wear and faded feathers in his hair.
he sits there so refined and drinks himself half blind.
he lost his youth, and he lost his edgar. and he lost his mind.
IM ACTUALLY WEAK I CANT - THE PICTURE RAZE PUT UP ON THE FIRST ONE AND FADE KNOWING THE CHAPTER I CANTTT
𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐒, 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍
TwiNote took away the verified marks ;cry;
⚠︎ Content warning: mild swearing, mention of kidnapping
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