Sad Thoughts - Blog Posts

TW/CW: SU!C!DE

Can't describe how much I want to commit su!c!de. Just the thought of my body laying in the snow, which soaked with my bl00d, while my phone recording me and thousands of people could see how I struggled makes my desire only bigger. Looks like I'll end up jumping off the roof... Anyways who cares...

TW: CW: SU!C!DE PLAN.

Okay, okay... I think I've suffered enough, so... This is how I wanna end my life.

Firstly, I've decided that I wanna jump off the roof, because this seems the best way to do it. I already found a high-rise building, so I just need to come in, and when I wait for people to open the door for me, I'll start a livestream. Before I jump, I'll cvt myself, and I'll cvt so much that I'll be a piece of meat. After that I'll jump off the roof, hoping that someone will remember me. I'll also wear my favorite clothes, because if die I'd prefer to die only in it.

I love the fact that with this thing I could cut myself at school and nobody will care!!♡♡

♡♡♡

I feel like all my friends are tired from me, and praying for me committing suicide

Maybe, my weight is a dream for someone, but I think that I'm fat. I weigh only 46, but I still think that I'm fat. I want to lose 6 kg, and I don't really care that these workouts are exhausting. I wanna be skinny, and I'll do it, and I don't care if it's unhealthy. I want to eat only 500 calories a day, or at least 800, because 1000 is too much. I wanna do 5 workouts today and I already did two. I want to be skinny – I will be skinny.

I have no idea what's happening with me. I don't know why but I started to want to lose some weight, and be skinner, even though my weight is 46 kg with a height of 160 cm. And I'll try to do it, I wanna weigh 43 kg or 40... I also will try to do exercises and eat not too much... I hate my body.

It's funny to hear these "you matter" and other shit of this type from people, when you're literally a useless piece of muscles and organs, and can't go and commit su!c!de because it's too painful.

I hate the fact that I'm a woman and always will be. I hate the fact that I have reproductive organs. I hate that almost all male friends see only vagina and boobs in me. I wish, I was born genderless, but unfortunately it wouldn't happen, due to biology. I can only go cry about it.

I hate being in the manic phase, because depression always will come when it ends. It's like waiting for a disaster, you know that it'll happen, but you can do nothing about it.

Okay, I got used to relapse after few days of school, but.... WHY THE F#CK I RELAPSED ON HOLIDAYS? I can't describe how much I wanna cut my arms in a bl!!dy mess, I can't describe how much I wanna make deep cuts, but... I'm still afraid of my self-h!!rm being discovered... Especially if it'll see my teachers, neurologist, parents, etc... I just don't get this feeling when I cut my legs:(. Also I'm self-h!!rm!ng about 7 months, lol

I'm alive. But a part of me, doesn't want to be

I don't wanna get help anymore.

I have no idea why, but everyone became so supportive out of blue... Literally, my parents started talking about that I need a psychologist, and that they'll bring me to them. My classmates let me vent out, and gave me support, but the problem is... I don't want help anymore. I already made my decision. But the worst thing is.... I relapsed. But, sometimes I think, what's happening with me? Why I feel like this and etc. But I just started to think that's just a phase, hormones or something... Even though I have it for 3 years, Lol

I talked with my parents about that I wanna die, but they started to judge me. Today I understood that nobody needs me, and I'm not need to stay here in this world. I want to commit suicide, and I will commit suicide, maybe on my funerals they will understand that I wasn't okay?:)

Hey guys, I've a question. What do you think about cutting cuz of grades? Does 3 cuts compensate 3 (if we're talking about USA It'll be C)? And does 5 cuts compensate 2 (F if we're talking about USA system)?

Or I shouldn't cut at all? Anyway, I'm gonna do it now...

I'm afraid that I won't pass my exams... In 9 grade, I'll have exams, which will help me to go in 10 grade, but... I have serious issues with maths... I'm afraid that if I won't pass it, I'll go and commit suicide. Somewhere, deep, in my soul, I don't want die cuz of it. But I feel like I will and like I should.

But... Even if I'll commit suicide, people will just forget me, and I'll be just a random kid, that made grave for themselves. I... I have no idea what to do...

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I can't keep fighting with it anymore, I can't describe how much I wanna take out my kn!fe and cut my arms. I wanna make too many cut, to make them bl!!dy mess. I can't fight it. I already cut my legs, but it doesn't help. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE!! Someone, please help me. I can't fight this urge, one more hour and I'll turn my arms in a mess. Looks like I have an addiction...

I wish, when I commit suicide someone will write song about me, or become an example why you should give attention to your kid. Even few tribute groups will be enough.

I have Facebook acc, so maybe, one day I'll start livestream where I'll kms... But for now we'll just wait.

I wish, I could just die and don't suffer anymore, fuck my life

I'm feeling useless, maybe I'm just fooling myself, huh?

I hate tremor, just... why does my hand shaking without a reason for month? Plus people start to think that I'm nervous, and some of them don't care that it can be connected with another reason, and that it's an disease... Btw, I'm a bit scared of what might it be. It can be problems with nervous system, mental health or even brain! This makes me a bit sad, I guess I'll stop here:(

Why can’t black women suffer prettily?

The only time a black woman is shown suffering is when there slaves or being beaten, why can’t we sit pretty while crying and puffing on a cig?, why’s it only our white counterparts that get to do this?, all of the gifts that said Tumblr girls use are white woman?. I can’t find any black women who get to bed sad and depressed and gorgeous while doing it, we can be pretty and sad!, we can sit and swallow pills in our pretty white dresses with our gorgeous tears streaming down our faces. We can be pretty and crying in our beds about our older boyfriends being dicks, please remember that black women can and will always be just as beautiful as white women especially in the “sad girl” way

💗

this and a quiet life with a girl in the future 🩷

there will never not be a time when i don't relate to

AND I WAS SO YOUNG WHEN I BEHAVED TWENTY FIVE

YET NOW I FIND IVE GROWN INTO A TALL CHILD

im so tired of never being the first choice. im so tired of craving intimacy so desperately and never having it within arms reach. im so tired of keeping all this anger and sadness and confusion as well as joy and happiness and love inside of myself, never with someone to share. im so tired of reaching out and caring for others and never receiving anything back. im so tired of smiling and nodding and shaking hands while my back hurts and my waist feels empty. im so tired of crying myself to sleep, wrapping my arms around myself because i dont have anyone to share my bed with. im so tired.

approach me slowly and carefully: i think everything in this world is out to get me

and so far that hypothesis has been proven correct

Atarashii Gakko "新しい学校 驚くべきダンス ♥️😁❤️

I'm not feeling it today I'm very hurt and had no other outlet

Me when I ... yea me ´when when you You ehh no when It no that's whh Yea you you know Yea

(For a friend who deactivated).

Don't pull off your skin,

It's not late to go and sleep.

Your eyes seem crushed,tired;

I don't want them to break me.

Don't go and dance alone

your ghost is chasing you home.

Pick your body up with middle finger out,

don't close the curtains, don't fall out.

When I listen to you my throat aches,

my fingers bleed, too cold to take;

Where's your home now?

What time is your NOW?

Open the door ,

wishing to see you

but your body is unstable.

Where are you?

Don't lose your soul!

Take another day, lay on!

-t.f.s.

Insane.

Empty bed reminding me the screams that fill my head,feels like a dream,but i can't let go of it's reality. The thread of it,slowly becomes thin. Hitting the point where i lost my voice,can't be capable of screaming anymore.

The sheets cover my insanity,there are my fears hiding,hugging me cause they don't want me to go outside in this repeating society.

With these emotions i became insane.