Tired - Blog Posts

why im so tired all the time?

Discipline is Hard but Weakness is not my Game

I’ve been feeling waves of regression washing over me recently but at the same time I’ve been leaning forward. My ambitions, exuberant and overwhelming, have been leading me. And, again, I’m arrested in a state of complete antinomy: I’m satisfied and dissatisfied, hopeful and disillusioned--I feel these over the same things.

Leaping toward the shimmering notion of how I think I ought to be is what I’m trying to do, yet there’s this unbearable inertia in my life. If I say I want to write, I find I should throw away people, or care considerably less. In my constant struggle for creating something noteworthy I encounter discouragement. Well, on the heartfelt occasions. Of course I get the you’re great and the it’ll be fine but what are those supposed to mean? Not even the ones closest to me think of my writing as a tangible thing with tangible effects. For my environment it’s no more than a dream I’m sometimes having. Certainly romantic but not to be pursued to the damage of even the smallest thing.

I often wonder if the world’s as small as some people see it. Do I need a small job in order to this and that? Well, I refuse the necessity of it and always have. The start of a career or a seed-like job is a different case but I’m regularly pressured toward being practical the ordinary way and I see that as derogatory. I do encourage some folks to master base skills and unromantic professions and I am not against the concept of these, only I feel they get the wrong animal with me. I can’t do all that other people can but I have a strong conviction that I can excel, even create new frontiers, where our race seldom goes: the abstract, the grand and often vain projects that frighten so many. I crave those paths but I get the feeling that with it I frighten those, who love me.

Yet, after all, on a few days I too wake up with doubt. I despise doubt and loathe it, along with cowardice and ignorance but, much like the next person, I’m susceptible to all of those. Sometimes I read back what I’ve written and I’m disappointed. Then, of course, I get down to the part of grinding and go over it once again, until I can accept it but the next day it’s exactly the same amount of disappointment over yesterday’s promising new words. The temptation is unceasing, the beating inside me is counter-driving my soul, into disbelief and the will to abandon my work. But then it’s the universal beating of all ages and if anyone ever amounted to greatness, it’s no more than walking without letting herself be broken. We don’t need anyone for that--to break us. We are very efficient at giving terrible advice to ourselves, although it’s true that the world around us lavishes it at us without limit.

Similarly, in my emotions I’m conflicted. There are things that I want and there are people I want. My desires are sharply defined, there’s no need there, but I regret to want them. There’s no smart way around this though. Truthfully I don’t even know the objects of my desires thoroughly, yet if I were made to choose I would throw away all I have to have those. I think it would be painful but it wouldn’t take me more than a moment of having to contain whatever is trying to get out through our throats, when we feel profound loss, then I’d be immersed in the crisp breeze. I am certain I have the capacity to be like that only I know it’s wrong. It’s immoral and unwise, yet the demands of the soul of a man, who’s otherwise consciously fighting to reach his other desires, called ambitions, are hard to put away.

My desires resist and pull me. Whichever is to be attained is painful, and the ones that I denounce, will not leave me. Everything’s hard--said the poet.

“The sun rises and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises. The wind blows to the south, and goes round to the north; round and round goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns. All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again. All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing. What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done; and there is nothing new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1,5-9

Querying

I finished my novel a couple months back and have been on and off the polishing business. But this week (ending today) I have finally arrived at the point of sending it to literary agents. It is an exhilarating and unnerving moment at the same time because I’m young, inexperienced and most of all, a terrible self-selling man. I hold it to be a huge injustice against artists, looking for representation, that they have to be able to promote themselves, market themselves because all through history it’s been common sense that they are the most shy, introverted people. Well, I’m not the typical introverted person but I still don’t like talking about what I’ve written. I like writing it fine, even discussing it but not like a used car salesman, who’s trying to point out why a wreck is still something to be wanted. Anyway, it’s beside the point--it would be if I had a point. I guess I’m just trying to get some feelings out of my system. I genuinely love the period of writing and creating but now I feel like an alien, who’s destined to fail, though I hope I’m destined to succeed but my emotions are hard to control. But now, off to bed, off to sweet dreams.

i hate being perceived. bro why are you lookign at me. why do i exist in a physical form. i just wanna sleep and make music. thats all i want please leave me alone i don't have the energy to interact in any way im so tired

Tired Af

Brooklyn Rivera

Age: 23

She/They

Always tired

[This user is tired of being tired.]

Oh no, not again. Annoying! It still takes him by surprise. And gets harder, almost making him wonder if it's worth it. Dragging his barefooted soul up. Again. But if he doesn't, his soul will freeze and might wander off, find a random pair of shoes, no matter how he'll then look and be looked upon. Not that he cares much, and less for each time. With a tired sigh he starts. Only three steps, but each one making the soles of his feet bleed. Why is it so important? To stand on top of something, pretending to be at the top of something. United body and soul; a fictional construction anyway. Just looking the part. And to be able to overlook whatever: He lost interest in that whatever many steps ago. But, and with boredom, he, his soul and bare feet, will get there. Out of breath, he'll squeeze into those shoes. And will again be firmly rooted. Unable to move, but an example of achievement. He's quite disgusted with himself. Careful! That could make him misjudge, stumble, slip... He really can't cope with just one additional step. But he'll get there. And the shoes might not be too uncomfortable: He'll fit the expected posture. Again. #mantelmomento #danielmantel #udenfilter (As always, somehow:) #laurieandthestoryof & #primeiroproximopasso #steps #shoes #reality #fiction #postures #soul #fuckedup #tired #pretending #iftheshoefits #stupidity #meandmymind #ladder #seeingthrough #sotiredofthewaysinthecirclesimovearoundinandtheeverongoingattempttobethenewestofthenewestorsomethingonthetopoftherankingthateveryonedeniesexistbutisafactsoobviousthatitsalmostfunny (Usual one-off hashtag...) (her: 22below)

Now it is enough! I can't stop posting those "cute" clouds, sun, sky... It's embarrassing! It is SO not me! I should be posting all kinds of destructive, depressing, dark things. PLEASE MAKE ME! Not this kinda 'nice' neutral stuff... Ok and anyway: I'll be gone from this horrible town (NOT city...) in a very few days. THEN I can post nice photos. Because I then will be in a nice place! There's a helluva difference! REAL pictures from a REAL paradise! Lisbon and Castelo de Vide. Instead of "Aarhus2017". Can you assasinate a cultural capital? Well, at least I can try... My God, (not that I have any), how I long to be gone from this horrible town and this horrible life... Am I making fun? Well, what do you think? Sorry, I forgot: You don't think at all. Just like I try not to. End of not-much. Here's those clouds... #getoutofmyway #cloudscape #idontcare #wasteoftime #wannago #leaving #leavemealone #tired #pretending #phony #laurieandthestoryof (It WILL be part of that...) #meandmystory #notcaring #notreallymakingmydayworthanotherday #annoying #life #lifewithoutlife #soonillbeinacompletelydifferentplaceandisimplycantwaitbecauselifeandthiscountryandmostofitspeoplereallysucksandtheresnoexcuse (...Yeah, yeah, usual one-off hashtag...) #udenfilter #mantelmomento (her: FAR AWAY)

I have been feeling like this a lot lately.  (Except not the drawing part; I can’t draw at all.)  Sigh.

Pigeon Comic 56 - Sometimes I’m Just Tired

Drew this today in the bakery to waste time ... ._. i came a bit TOO early for class ... 😂

Otters Coloured By Me On My iPad! Sharing Cause I’m Bored & Anxious Lying Awake Thinking About Several Upcoming Events, Plus I Can’t Think Of Anything Else To Post But I Just Wanted To Post Something… ❤️🦦

Hope You’re All Well - Ana

Hi!

First of all: your blog is lovely and I'm so happy that I found it!

Second of all: That image for "tired" looks so creepy?? I know you didn't mean to but it looks like the chin is a huge, evil smirk.

Hope you have a lovely day!!

Thank you so much!

Maybe I'll try the sign for creepy sometime, but I'm worried nothing I make intentionally creepy would be as creepy as unintentionally creepy art lol

Tired

Sources: SigningSavvy, Lifeprint, ASLDeafined

[Image ID:

Tired in American Sign Language. Fingertips of both hands in bent open B handshape touch the chest and hands droop down so the sides of the hands rest on the chest with palms facing up. Face outline and arms are white. Background is black.

End ID]

Sorry for all the non art/ reblog content. I've been a bit under the weather, not quite sick but still feeling bad, and I'm trying to get some art done, but it's been a bit of a slow go.

But I'm getting over it, and I should have some more stuff out soon. Im getting my hands on some old wips, and I just got my screen recorder and editing software reinstalled. :>

.🛌💤🛌.

.🌙🪻.

6/29/19

2am

3lbs down in a week

300c for dinner

Half a bowl smoked,

played saints row for hours to numb my mind

So tired, but slept over 12 hours

So tired. Gonna attempt a 24 hour fast today

I feel alone no matter what I do

Update.

Thanks for all the kind words.. I’m alright. Nothing too bad happened and im recovering. Im just.. really tired. Life is.. not so great right now. And it doesn’t look like im going to be getting the help i need anytime soon so.. I just have to try and stay alive until something goes right i guess.

I’m so achy and tired. I didn’t realize until recently just how much pain I am in on a daily basis. Especially lately, I have had this horrible pain flare up in my entire body. It leaves me so exhausted. I go to my Primary on Monday. I’ll be talking to her about everything, especially some suspicions for other things. Eh. I’m so tired.

Welp

Today is a “ If it exists on/in my body, It 100% hurts” .

Fun. I want to do absolutely nothing, but I have to smile and pretend my body isnt aching like its been hit by several buses at high speeds since I have things to do today. My mother doesn’t believe me or seem to care about my pain, so.

Yay..

Daily Check-in - July 26 2023 🎀

I am so exhausted right now. This heat and my job are making me worn out, but I need the 5 I need to push through these next few days. I woke up late this morning, so I didn't have much for my morning routine besides making my bed and a cup of coffee. I got off work today and have been on the verge of sleep ever since, so my night routine was also incomplete tonight. I apologize for the inconsistencies in my habits these first few days. I'm just trying to get a hang of my work days and my routines. Finding a balance is difficult but necessary right now. I got this though, I believe in myself!!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Breakfast - One slice of toast with mashed avocado, a sprinkle of paprika, a fried egg on 5 a side of watermelon. Of course, I had my usual morning cup of coffee!

Lunch - A small serving of spaghetti with marinara, grated parmesean cheese, a small bag of grapes given to me by a friend, and one babybel cheese.

Dinner - Ten boiled chicken potstickers with some potsticker sauce and three babybel cheeses.

Other - I drank one bottle of water containing a dissolved electrolyte tablet to rehydrate while at work, and had a second cup of coffee after work

Snacks - a quesadilla on a low carb tortilla

It was not the best day for me food wise, but the exhaustion is getting me to the point where I'm trying to eat to gain some energy, but it's only working against me right now. I think I'm going to eat yogurt for lunch tomorrow since I'll get off work early due to a weekly therapy appointment.

🩷 Workout - INCOMPLETE

Today was supposed to be a fun kpop dance cardio morning but due to waking up late and the constant and persistent fatigue, that did not happen. I will get back on track tomorrow with my scheduled workout routine.

🩷 Habits I Completed Today:

I made my bed today, and that is about it for the goals I wanted to achieve. Some days are going to be harder than others, and I expect that, so I am not going to beat myself up over one bad day. I was only capable of existing today, and sometimes existing is all we need to do until the next day comes.

🩷 Song of The Day: I Am - Baby Tate ft. Flo Milli

Thos song (and a lot of water) is the only thing that got me through work today. For me this is my ultimate manifestation song. I love the lyrics the music, the meaning. This is a new daily morning song for me!

Today was a bit underwhelming, but as I said before, all I was able to do was exist today. My energy was not there. The brain fog was intense, and even as I type this, I am fighting the urge to fall asleep. Tomorrow will be a better day for me. I found two meditation videos for morning and night that I plan to incorporate, and I will continue with my journey as planned, adapting to the situations I face as they come up.

Also, my skincare came in!! I'm so excited!!!

Thank you, lovelies!!! I believe in myself and I believe in you all! Let continue on the path to our higher selves, in whatever way that is for us, and continue to be compassionate and flexible with our constantly changing circumstances!

Til next time!!!

you ever just get in bed and ur like yep this is where i’m meant to be

Interacting with me must be such a disappointment

What empties you?

The way I hold my tongue around my maga father as we watch movies in silence, and I wonder why I’m so forgiving of his alcoholism and not my mother’s toxic positivity.

The way I point out the birds eating peanuts my grandmother put out for them, when all I want to do is scream in my grandparent’s faces and shake their shoulders to turn Fox News off and wake up from their stupor.

I want to wake up too. I don’t want to know their hatred so intimately. I don’t want to love monsters, anymore.